When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go
If you ever find yourself about to have a Natty Ice party in Johnnie Ed Roberts's pick-up truck, make sure you bring a case of Pampers, a roll of Brawny, some baby wipes or at least a Go Girl with you. This bitch is a pisser in every single way.
50-year-old Johnnie Boy was driving down the street in Fort Pierce, FL with a can of the always elegant Natty Ice in his hand and another one on top of his truck when he was pulled over. The fun was killed by THE MAN!
The police were alerted by a 911 caller who witnessed Johnnie's truck doing the mambo all over the road. When the officer strolled up to Johnnie's window, he noticed there was a piss pool in ole' boys' lap. When the officer ordered Johnnie out of the truck, bitch was a stumbling ass drunk. When asked to perform several sobreity tests, Johnnie, responded, “You a motherfucker and ain’t all that.”
And that's the code phrase for a luxurious night in the click! Johnnie was immediately arrested. On the car ride to the jail house, Johnnie got pissed again. Literally. Right there in the car. When they finally got to the station, guess what happened? Johnnie went pee times all over himself yet again. Homeboy is giving Fuggie Fug a run for her money in the Pissy Pants Olympics.
Johnnie was charged with DUI and for saying "fuck no" to a breath test. Because when officers asked him to take blow into a breathalyzer, he sucked instead. That right there, is how it's done. You know, so many drunk whores have blown into that shit that I'm sure there's some booze up in there. Johnnie was sucking it out. Natty Ice makes your brains smart.
Let this be a warning to all you whores who like to enjoy the sophistication of a Naughty Ice while on the run. Bring your Go Girl along, because the piss will be a flowin'. And as my friend Yasmine pointed out, a Go Girl can also double as a portable beer bong! Perfection!
Source: TCPalm (Thanks Nacha)
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(^_^)(^_^)(^_^) May every Jack has his Jill. Still Don't have a date?Check out______Mixed Friends. C o m ______There are Over millions of profiles from all over the world!Everything is FREE! Don't forget to tell your friends! (^_^)(^_^)(^_^)
Who is this man?
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I recommend you a very interesting place ___C e l e b m i n g l e. C 0 M ____ It 's where you have the opportunity dreaming about dating a millionaire and make it true!
I'm sitting in a boring ass, all day training. And I knew before I even typed in this website, I was gonna be laughing out loud...literally! OMG, MK, you're killing me.
Such as ____SugarBabyMeet.com____
Is it wrong for a man to have a sugar baby or a woman have sugar daddy?? It is an absolutely extramarital relationship.but more and more services come out on Internet focusing on this kind of relationship.
LOOOSER!
xoxoxoxox
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Why is Florida full of such fucked up people?
what a poor unfortunate creature.
i'm now ashamed to say i was born in florida *covering my head and running away*
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I am with the person who said they don't like this family(the knowles). They are the type that think they are high class just because they have money. there's lots of rich people with no class out there (Ex: paris hilton) and lots of
Hey, I think I know this guy. How old is he and what does he drink?
Submitted by EvilShoe on Tue, 02/24/2009 - 9:04pm.
Anyone remember this post MK made?
http://www.dlisted.com/node/17843
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thanks for pulling that out of the archives!...that was before my time...HA-larious!
well played, Johnnie!
oh hell my dui in 88 was much worse than that...
especially the shotgun they confiscated from my
volvo wagon ;p fifty cent shot nights of double chivas
regal at the riverside municipal airport'll do that to you..
and then I broke my hand on the cell wall...dang...
but riverside general took care of all my pain...
the 80s...I miss em ;p
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006718/
is
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1125351/
God... What a stud.
Nastay!
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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Please, PLEASE tell me you all have seen my father, Mr. Turner, go off on the "Man" during a sobriety test on Youtube?!?!?!?! PLEASE, PLEASE do a search for him if not and watch his video! MY DADDY IS AMAZING! It's oscar-worthy, I swear... Check it out!
*** Truly, truly, truly outrageous ***
(^_^)(^_^)(^_^) May every Jack has his Jill. Still Don't have a date?Check out______SugarBabyMeet. C o m ______There are Over millions of profiles from all over the world!Everything is FREE! Don't forget to tell your friends! (^_^)(^_^)(^_^)
This line is right up there with the catalogue of classics from the original L.A gangster grandma Sybi!
Coherent, pre-meditated one liners don't count!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGolb5tE8jw
Submitted by EvilShoe on Tue, 02/24/2009 - 9:04pm.
Anyone remember this post MK made?
http://www.dlisted.com/node/17843
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I love this hot mess. She got me addicted to DListed originally.
The cops are calling her "Sybill." THAT'S funny.
I feel tender toward this poor bitch. They need to get the h$#@ out of her mofo house and let her have her party.
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You don't want whores sniffing at your goods.--MK
Is this the guy that shoved that spoiled bitch Nicky Hilton to the pavement? I hope so!
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 02/24/2009 - 9:26pm.
Everybody askeeerd of the dentist? Yeah, my dentist's office is up my ass about reminding me of my appointments. I shit you not, they send me emails text messages and call my ass to remind me. I ain't afraid of the dentist cuz my dentist will mumb my entire body if necessary so it ain't no thang, but yeah, I think lotsa peeps be hatin' on they dentist...:-(, so be a good ho and love on yo' dentist...Not DListed love, you horny bastards! Put those sex toys away! Damn pervs!
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But Tiiiigerrrr. That chair! That CHAIR!!
It's just made for sex!!!
Right down to the protective plastic covering.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
A false eyelash should be like a secret abortion: discrete, so as not to attract Christian rage. - Ziggy S
So, can we add this to the list?
“You a motherfucker and ain’t all that.”
I think this may be the correct rebuttal to "I'm a business woman".
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
A false eyelash should be like a secret abortion: discrete, so as not to attract Christian rage. - Ziggy S
Submitted by EvilShoe on Tue, 02/24/2009 - 9:08pm.
Oh shit, I just watched that video again. Her falling down is priceless along with the picture of the gay guys on the wall.
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Oh my lordy HAHAHAHAHAH!!! Thanks for that (hadn't seen it)!. I love that she's drinking Colt 45 with ice in it.
"Can you do me a favor?"
"NO! I DON'T DO FAVORS!!"
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Anger, hatred and bitterness are the three things my doctor told me I was full of after getting my blood test results. -MK
@EvilShoe
That video is too fucking funny!
Call me weird but I get totally relaxed at dentist. Like drowsy, nodding off. Maybe from having so much orthodonture work as a kid. Ain't no big thing. That sumbitch can jackhammer in my head and I will be sawin' logs.
Wait...that sounded nasty. Nevermind.
Carry on.
Submitted by coiled-n-hissing on Tue, 02/24/2009 - 9:20pm.
Johnnie's mouf and teefs is perfect example of why suicide rate among dentist is so high.
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Everybody askeeerd of the dentist? Yeah, my dentist's office is up my ass about reminding me of my appointments. I shit you not, they send me emails text messages and call my ass to remind me. I ain't afraid of the dentist cuz my dentist will mumb my entire body if necessary so it ain't no thang, but yeah, I think lotsa peeps be hatin' on they dentist...:-(, so be a good ho and love on yo' dentist...Not DListed love, you horny bastards! Put those sex toys away! Damn pervs!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Johnnie's mouf and teefs is perfect example of why suicide rate among dentist is so high.
The new catchphrase of the year:
“You a motherfucker and ain’t all that.”
I have a list going of who I'm going to test that phrase out on tomorrow.
Oh shit, I just watched that video again. Her falling down is priceless along with the picture of the gay guys on the wall.
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Dick happens! - MK
@EvilShoe: Ahhh, thanks for the memories. That old hot mess mama was a DListed classic I forgot about. Cheers!
MK, I think it's about time to give Freakshow Florida its own tag.
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Dick happens! - MK
Anyone remember this post MK made?
http://www.dlisted.com/node/17843
Can you imagine these two shacking up together? Holy fuck.
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Dick happens! - MK
hypno toad, Jerome Romy Rome in da house, and the flattest ass ever under the title "Good soul, good karma, GREAT ASS"....my eyes can't handle all this tonight...
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puppy side eye.
Submitted by NaNoop on Tue, 02/24/2009 - 8:38pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 02/24/2009 - 8:08pm.
Wow, I bet those cops were pissed...*snort*...Get it? Get it? Tiger made a funny! Cops...Pissed...cuz he pissed in the.... *sound of crickets* What? You whores can't spare a pity giggle? Rough crowd, rough crowd....
You get more than a pity laugh- here's a chin rub and behind the ear rub.
Just don't eat me for dinner!
“You a motherfucker and ain’t all that.”
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AHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOUR SIGGIE! *pisses self*...What? What? This is the appropriate thread to piss oneself in! What? Oh, don't even whores! You knew how bad tiger piss smelled long before you entered this thread so just deal with it bitches...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 02/24/2009 - 8:08pm.
Wow, I bet those cops were pissed...*snort*...Get it? Get it? Tiger made a funny! Cops...Pissed...cuz he pissed in the.... *sound of crickets* What? You whores can't spare a pity giggle? Rough crowd, rough crowd....
You get more than a pity laugh- here's a chin rub and behind the ear rub.
Just don't eat me for dinner!
“You a motherfucker and ain’t all that.”
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 02/24/2009 - 8:08pm.
Sorry. We're mesmerized by Hypno-Toad.
You're right. The Florida Pee-lice were pissed.
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My avatar is my 27-pound Maine Coon furkid named Mozart. Lying next to him is a standard-sized cat.
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Wow, I bet those cops were pissed...*snort*...Get it? Get it? Tiger made a funny! Cops...Pissed...cuz he pissed in the.... *sound of crickets* What? You whores can't spare a pity giggle? Rough crowd, rough crowd....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
His arrest site will show up in the latest edition of the Eccentric Florida map.
http://eccentricflorida.com/
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My avatar is my 27-pound Maine Coon furkid named Mozart. Lying next to him is a standard-sized cat.
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We're at the point where there needs to be a book:
What the Fuck is Up with Florida?
♥ ThreadKilla!
OCTOMOMMY STRIKES AGAIN!!!
Finally! February Highlights #1!
FUCK YOU, WMG!!!
When asked to perform several sobreity tests, Johnnie, responded, “You a motherfucker and ain’t all that.”
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Love it! LOL
"I wanna rock I wanna rock I wanna rock I I I I wanna rock right now" Doo Doo Brown
Submitted by NaNoop on Tue, 02/24/2009 - 7:44pm.
Yuuuck- can you imagine the rude surprise?
{{Hops on into seat- SPLASH- WTF!!!???}}
Would NOT fill me with Serenity!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouqx7YX4tPU
Submitted by jiggywiddit on Tue, 02/24/2009 - 7:55pm.
Submitted by letinstar on Tue, 02/24/2009 - 7:53pm.
first of all, this thing is only 50?..
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yes, 50 ounces. Supersized. (He's canned of a big deal around here...)
well i'm sure old johnnie smells like pee, but he looks like a freshly laid turd...i wonder who he belongs to? om second thought, no i don't...
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i broke my cunt...lisa lampanelli
Submitted by jiggywiddit on Tue, 02/24/2009 - 7:54pm.
"You're in" luck, guys, I'm out of pee puns.
Sorry to be a wet blanket.
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Me, too. LOL.
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My avatar is my 27-pound Maine Coon furkid named Mozart. Lying next to him is a standard-sized cat.
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Submitted by letinstar on Tue, 02/24/2009 - 7:53pm.
first of all, this thing is only 50?..
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yes, 50 ounces. Supersized. (He's canned of a big deal around here...)
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You don't want whores sniffing at your goods.--MK
"You're in" luck, guys, I'm out of pee puns.
Sorry to be a wet blanket.
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You don't want whores sniffing at your goods.--MK
first of all, this thing is only 50?..
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i broke my cunt...lisa lampanelli
Submitted by Sheeps on Tue, 02/24/2009 - 7:41pm.
A couple of the arresting cops hung around giggling just to watch the tow-truck driver get in to put Johnnie's pickup in neutral.
Yuuuck- can you imagine the rude surprise?
{{Hops on into seat- SPLASH- WTF!!!???}}
Would NOT fill me with Serenity!
“You a motherfucker and ain’t all that.”
A couple of the arresting cops hung around giggling just to watch the tow-truck driver get in to put Johnnie's pickup in neutral.
OMFG!!!
BWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!! AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
*tries to breath*
HHHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHHAAA!!!! *snorts*
BWAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAA!!
You bitches are killing me!
Tampax Florida!
*dies*
Hahahahaha! This thread is priceless!
I am pissed that I can not add anything to it!
Submitted by jiggywiddit on Tue, 02/24/2009 - 7:31pm.
He was fun and CareFree till the cops showed up...
and his wife called the OB.
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Now he has to Playtex with the inmates for awhile ...
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My avatar is my 27-pound Maine Coon furkid named Mozart. Lying next to him is a standard-sized cat.
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Again, Florida???????
I am sure there has to be some fucked up people in the rest of the country!