Jessica's Back In Her Coochie Cutters

Wow. The Strawberry Festival...
I live about 20 minutes from Plant City and have been to the festival many a time. The usual performers are a bunch of no names or has been country singers.
I can't believe she played it. She has totally fallen from her Newlywed days...

Can't believe that I live about 30 mins from Booneville and if this bitch shows up at the new Super Walmart then that would be something to talk about. Piggly Wiggly is more suiting though, she could wear the costume too, I'm sure Papa Simpson would like the chase that piggy down too. OinkOink

chunky = fat!!!!!!!!!!!! fat short legs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She is looking a little chunky but still not fat.She can not be that poor alreay to resort to these low end gigs.She should retire or take a long break and save some face.

xoxoxoxox
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

She's hardly what I would call fat, but that outfit...
Bitch...PLEASE!

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Um, um, Look to the cookie Elaine. Look to the cookie.

I could care less if Jess is fat or thin, she sucks, and if she jerks her neck while blowing like she does when she sings, that football player's junk is in danger!

I showed this picture to my husband and he said in Jamaica they call those shorts pussy printas. I like it.

Not to be outdone by Britney...Jessica began shouting "My stomach blubber is hanging out"...not quite the same effect.

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Pick up your socks and drop your slots, we're going to a party.

fat or not that corset is SCREAMING! "I DONT FIT YOU!!"

that whole outfit is from fashion bug and that makes me laugh. pretty much all their pants/shorts come with fugly overexaggerated belts. i used to have piles of those hideous things in my closet when i was 15.

I think her body is in great shape, she just needs to wear the right clothes. i cant name a dude who wouldnt pay to at least motorboat. Kelly Clarkson is soft in the belly too but u dont see her sporting fuckery like this.
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I dont think, I drink.

fat or not that corset is SCREAMING! "I DONT FIT YOU!!"

that whole outfit is from fashion bug and that makes me laugh. pretty much all their pants/shorts come with fugly overexaggerated belts. i used to have piles of those hideous things in my closet when i was 15.

I think her body is in great shape, she just needs to wear the right clothes. i cant name a dude who wouldnt pay to at least motorboat. Kelly Clarkson is soft in the belly too but u dont see her sporting fuckery like this.
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I dont think, I drink.

Submitted by Deb on Mon, 03/09/2009 - 9:27pm.

So true Deb. So true!

Scuttlebutt on the street is that Ken is VERY possesive about Jess. He fears that someone who can honestly style hair will take his place! James Haven does have a license in cosmetology you know!

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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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Karma is one hot bitch to desperate hoors who bait talented AND gorgeous ex-girlfriends of their current paid fuck.

Wanna tell us again that "real women eat meat", Jessucka?

JFC! Jessica is working the same KFC truck stop parking lot as Britney.

Is it just me or is not so fat Jessica boobs getting even bigger?

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Pick up your socks and drop your slots, we're going to a party.

Submitted by James Haven on Mon, 03/09/2009 - 9:21pm.

Oh, James Haven! It's a shame that Papa Joe didn't seek out your advice 2-3 years ago. Things could have been different for Jess....
I think there would have been some conflicts between you and Ken Paves, though. He would have been stricken with jealousy, I'm sure!

"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson

James Haven was at that Strawberry Festival. What a ripoff. There was nothing there but strawberries. Strawberry pie, strawberry jam, strawberry drinks, strawberry stew. James Haven HATES strawberries not too mention it makes him break out in hives.

The highlight of the evening was when Jessica dedicated "Boots" to James Haven. That fat man with tooth decay was pea green with envy as Jess looked into James Haven's eyes and said: "One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you"

Later that night Papa Joe asked James Haven if he would take Jess out on the town. He said he doesn't like that Romo guy. He thinks that Romo tries to get Jess to do things no self respecting woman should do.

Papa Joe should talk. He had his baby girl wearing shorts so short that James Haven could see Honolulu from where he was sittin'!

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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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OH MY GOD!!! My hometown was mentioned in DLISTED!!!!! I can die a happy whore! MK, Booneville? Really? How????

Oh yeah, Booneville already has a Piggly Wiggly and it's a paved parking lot. What we need now is a Payless.

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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.

Sorry, I would motor boat it, I like a girl with meat...I would then use that ugly fuckin' flannel to wipe her clean.
(too graphic???)

xoxoxoxo
hugs y'all.

This ain't my first rodeo, cowboy.

She needs someone besides daddy dressing her. She looks cheap.

This fat drunken bitch is so pathetic, so FIVE YEARS AGO she lost weight, hiked up her implants, got butt pads and a head of plastic hair and because some people thought she looked good she made it her life. I swear when she's 80 she will still be waddling around in those shorts with all the cellulite hanging out screaming look at me, I'm hot, I was in a video!

@Chrisantemus, I agree that Chestica isn't fat. She's average looking. And dressing like a whore at an I-95 truck-stop isn't helping.

I'll bet that fugly flannel shirt belongs to her boyfriend, Tony Roma. Or whatever his name is.

Inside Chestica's head: *SQUEAL* "Daddy, do you think my BOYFRIEND saw me wearing his shirt?! That's means we're engaged, right?!"

The issue isn't so much if she is fat or not. The problem is SHE'S WEARING THE WRONG CLOTHES! Those clothes MAKE HER LOOK FAT because they are too tight and she doesn't have the body to be on stage wearing short shorts. Jessica Simpson will continue to be judged by a tougher scale because she has enough money to hire a personal trainer and a chef that only cooks healthy foods; and she spends a lot of time on camera, so heck yes, WE EXPECT her to have a better shape than the average American woman (btw, the average American woman is F-A-T). A non celebrity looking exactly like Jessica Simpson would look super-cute walking into a supermarket in that outfit. A millionaire celebrity on stage: NOT CUTE.

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Waiting for Britney's next meltdown...

look at how far jessica's "talent" has gotten her...
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nice ass...when does it open?

What makes me cringe about this pic is that her legs look so damned short. She needs to consult a stylist to figure out how to make her legs look longer and her middle look narrower. I'm a Queen Latifah fan, so I don't care what size Jess is, just that her stubby legs make me wince in pain. Oh, yeah - her singing voice does, too. Get help, Jess.

I know it's easy to make fun of something called a Strawberry Festival but most country musicians, including the top stars, do a lot of festivals and fairs on tour. As previously mentioned Taylor Swift performed at the same festival and she's the current it girl in music. Although I do think Jessica's music career is falling apart and she will be touring supermarket parking lots soon, doing fairs and festivals is not an indication of a failing career.

again, there are a million things you can mock her for. Valuing women solely upon arbitrary standards set by the "fashion" community seems rather stupid, imho, and really is no different than us mocking the brangeloonies who rank woman on whether or not they had a kid, or if they have a mans

agree or disagree, I don't care. This talentless bag of crap should be mocked for playing stupid and asking, out loud, if chicken of the sea was fucking chicken or tuna. Bitch should have been smothered for that, not whether or not her thighs are big or not.
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Interviewer: You're playing one of the most famous characters in movie history. How come we don't see you in all the tabloids?
Daniel Craig: Because I don't want to be in them.

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson

Submitted by foosrock on Mon, 03/09/2009 - 4:43pm.
If she was a black female many of you would be calling her fat. So, Jessica's FAT!. Either we have one standard or I'm labelling too!.

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Huh?!
That isn't fat whether it's black or white. I also think you've got that whole issue reveresed?
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Rush Limbaugh is a big fat idiot.

If she was a black female many of you would be calling her fat. So, Jessica's FAT!. Either we have one standard or I'm labelling too!.

She looks like she's getting ready to give a blow-job.

And look at the thumbnails!

*rubs eyes*

I don't know what you guys are smoking, but she clearly weighs at LEAST 140. Fuck, I don't care if she is fat or not, but she is, so stop pretending she's some tiny little bitch. Please. Betray my gender! So I have to defend this whore because she's a woman now?! I just call a spade a spade when I see it. Thought that's what dlisted was for? Oh yeah, and she's fat.

wow i guess she can't afford a stylist? i mean, daisy dukes with a corset and a flannel shirt, wtf?

Okay, Plant City is the biggest fucking HICK town in FL. They fucking close down the SCHOOLS for this shitfest every year.

Oh God, I hate being from FL!

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Dick happens! - MK

Amazing how many people are saying she's fat, sad actually. I think she looks pretty good and would kill to have legs like hers.

gmrjr59 PAPPA JOE? On dlisted!!?!?!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"HOLD YOUR HORSES, BONSAI!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGjFSYuJ8xM&feature=related

So now she's a "WalMart petite"?

Hey thanks all you all for passing up yet another beautiful woman just to get your satistic jollys off. I will gladly take Jessica, her great breast, fantastic legs, kissable lips. Yea, you guys can sit there mocking her but I would be having all kinds of sex with any girl who looks that good. What morons.

Don't ever defend the Strawberry Festival. They might as well call it the Hick Parade. I went about 3 years ago; I should have known not to go to Plant City...I have never seen so many people who resemble Cletus, the "Slack Jawed Yokel" from The Simpsons.

i cant get past how pained she looks when she sings.

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i dunno, it sells itself TEAM VINCE!

because most people have crazy ass standards of what "fat" and "beautiful" are. We are deluged with size zeros, so any woman that has a little meat on her is now a fat cow. However, you can't be TOO skinny either. We've talked about how myopic the loons are in regards to defining the worth of a woman. Why is it still okay for women to tear each other down and "rank" their worth against what size jean they wear? Its the women on this thread calling her fat. So what if she has a curvier figure? There are different types of bodies--and usually there isn't much you can do about it. I have muscular legs, and am quite short. I trained for many years as a world class skier. I pwn people half my age down the hill. According to some on this post, they'd kill themselves if they had my cut, muscular thighs.

My long rambling point is: why not rag of Simpson for something worth mocking or judging, like her desperate famewhoring, desperate "need of a mans to be complete" horrid singing, or thinking it's cute to play dumb. Women shouldn't make value judgements on other women over weight or body type. Women who do betray their gender.
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Interviewer: You're playing one of the most famous characters in movie history. How come we don't see you in all the tabloids?
Daniel Craig: Because I don't want to be in them.

At this point it has become obvious that Jessica Simpson is just doing everything possible to be talked about. The ill-fitting clothes, the low-rent venues... it's obvious that she has gotten really desperate for the attention.

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Waiting for Britney's next meltdown...

seriously some of the comments here are disgusting.
First off, I am not a Jessica Simpson fan at all....but.......

she is NOT fat. and NO, she is not "medically overweight" or whatever that person said. this is actually ridiculous
Sure her legs are bigger than before, that doesn't make you overweight. She's around 5'2, somebody that height would have to be 140 lbs before they would be overweight according to the BMI.
And somebody early in this thread said she looked about 160 lbs that is RIDICULOUS. She may be 125, 130 tops. I'm 5'11 and had a baby 3 months ago, similar shaped to her (large thigh muscles, small waist, big boobs), still have a bit of weight to lose to get back to normal, little flab on the lower belly, and I weigh 160 lbs. no way that little 5'2 lil snicker there weighs anymore than 130. and she is probably a size 8 which is what I am as well....considering the average woman is a what, size 14, that is far from being considered fat.

I hate to drag race into this, but it's so ridiculous that because you're a white girl with blonde hair (which I am), you have to be underweight and have chicken legs to be considered normal and beautiful, yet think of all the black women who get praised for their bigger bottom halves and strong legs....Beyonce and Rihanna are the first ones to come to mind . These are gorgeous women and nobody ever says they have to lose weight, so why do white girls get beat to death over it??

rant over.

She seems to have that look that was so common in the 'Delete Bin' years ago when music was recorded on vinyl. I can't get past the image of her face on some album cover with a hole drilled in the corner or the edge sliced off. Poor girl.

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" . . . this is what we call the floating world . . .” (Ryoi, c.1661)

Oh, how the mighty have fallen!

She most definitely needs a new manager.

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"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
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is that smell her skank crotch, or the smell of desperation Simpson women seem to carry?

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Interviewer: You're playing one of the most famous characters in movie history. How come we don't see you in all the tabloids?
Daniel Craig: Because I don't want to be in them.

That outfit is all sorts of bad. Paticularly wearing those two tops together. That's all I'm going to say.

I don't know, but I been told... big legged woman ain't got no soul...

So what exactly IS the "Strawberry Festival"? Anyone?

Submitted by Clarisse on Mon, 03/09/2009 - 11:49am.

Thanks! TO is always entertaining. I guess he now has 6.5 million reasons to be happy.