American Idol: The One Where Paula Abdul Declares Everybody The Winner!
I missed many of the slaughters (they call them performances) on American Idle last night, because I was in my kitchen madly trying to recreate the secret nectar that fills Paula Abdul's Coke cup. I'm guessing it's a mixture of NyQuil, an entire Vicodin bottle, venom from a cold hearted snake, a drop of Skat Kat's jizz and a spoonful of leche from Simon's fur titties. Whatever it is, it had that ho riding high above the stage on a bright purple winged pony. This bitch was seeing magical doves flying through the studio. That would explain her outfit. I think one of those doves dived into her chest to try to stop her madness!
Paula was in HIGH form last night. Bitch declared every whore with a mic the winner. She had no idea what the hell kind of words were coming out of her mouth. The Skat Kat in her head was talking too damn fast and it was confusing her. When Adam Lambert performed, she totally saw him as a glittery giant Adderall pill. Actually, I think every did, because whores left and right were foaming at the asshole over him. I'm trying so hard to love him, but it's not working out for me. I sniff a bottle of Urban Decay nail polish and force myself to bust nuts over him, but it doesn't work. He's a little too Wentzy for me. But I wouldn't be mad if he won. He's a million times better than a lot of those other weepy ass skanks.
Where did the producers do most of their scouting this season? In a damn broccoli patch? Every contestant is more boring than the last. Half of those dudes are the same person. Gokey Allen Giraud Sarver! Throw them in a pot, put a lid over it, set it and then FORGET IT.
Since my brain has already zapped out most of last night's performance, let's go over the whores who will probably go back to working at Hot Dog on a Stick (delicious). Two fools are going home tonight, so I'm guessing there will be a bottom 4. These are my guesses:
Jasmine: She seems like a nice girl. I'd eat a bowl of Lucky Charms with her, but unless you've got a Bratz doll fetish, she's just all sorts of MEH.
Jorge: Even Jorge knows he's being sent to the irrelevant factory. This gives me the sads inside, because think of what his eyebrows could be. I just want to jump on his chest and go to pluck city.
Scott: I picked him, because I really can't remember who the hell he is.
Kris: Bitch needs to give us what we want already! We want fully nude performances! And Simon's right, drop the wife. It's not a good look.
I'm probably totally wrong with the bottom 4, because I do believe that the two Js (Jorge and Jasmine) will be shuffling off tonight.
But seriously, we need to quit delaying the inevitable and declare the true American Idol: Jasmine's mother's wig. Come to terms with that fact! I voted for it at least 300 times yesterday. It's funny that each call I made for Lisa Murray's wig ended with a happy ending. That's a sign.
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"I sniff a bottle of Urban Decay nail polish and force myself to bust nuts over him, but it doesn't work."
OMG! I spit coffee out of my mouth, all over my desk at work while reading that!
Funny
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Michael K should really be an AI judge. It would make things SOOOO much more interesting.
Did Paula have some work done on her eyes and mouth? She looked like Joan Rivers. Too much Botox?
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 03/11/2009 - 3:58pm.
G'Nite Snowy!
Bye Snowy
where has Ricki lake been?
ok, I 'm going home, be good whores! ♥
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"You are the most beautiful troll in the world. I want to stick you on my pencil and carry you around forever."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWFGkdUre-Q
idiots: :P LOL
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"You are the most beautiful troll in the world. I want to stick you on my pencil and carry you around forever."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWFGkdUre-Q
no worries snowpiece, I like Lambert as a potential Vote forthe worst candiate..and only for that. That, and I want to put makeup on him. As a singer, I want to staple his lips together.
With scott, I squint a bit and its like he's singing me and juio with Paul...sigh :)☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Interviewer: You're playing one of the most famous characters in movie history. How come we don't see you in all the tabloids?
Daniel Craig: Because I don't want to be in them.
idiots drive me loco THANK YOU, now I know why I can't stand Scott! I loathe AG, LOL nothing personal, I'm just glad you cleared up my unreasonable hatred for the poor blind dude
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"You are the most beautiful troll in the world. I want to stick you on my pencil and carry you around forever."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWFGkdUre-Q
Glittery giant adderall pill. LMAO! Wentz is a fugly douche. This guy is much better looking.
the judges control nearly every aspect of that show, including song choice--they have a clear agenda. They clearly give more hype to weak singers (like Glitterboy who fuckng yells, instead of sings, CawCaw girl and others) while throwing uncommerical singers under the bus. They are sure to show sobstories of people they like like deadwife and blind guy (who, reminds me of art garfunkel. I love art garfunkel, therefore I like him) Why not have them pick who's going home each week and be honest about it?
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Interviewer: You're playing one of the most famous characters in movie history. How come we don't see you in all the tabloids?
Daniel Craig: Because I don't want to be in them.
Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 03/11/2009 - 1:47pm.
Yeah seriously, simon hit the nail on the head
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Gaycrest keeps hoping!!
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Say no to men who wear barrettes!--KD
Not unless you're walking around like a crab naked.--LCT
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 03/11/2009 - 3:05pm.
LOL Jiggy I was refering to Gordon Ramsey!
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That works, too. :-) Woof!
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Say no to men who wear barrettes!--KD
Not unless you're walking around like a crab naked.--LCT
LOL Jiggy I was refering to Gordon Ramsey!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"You are the most beautiful troll in the world. I want to stick you on my pencil and carry you around forever."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWFGkdUre-Q
Michael K is correct. Jasmine is a Bratz doll for real!
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 03/11/2009 - 1:46pm.
OMG DRAMA !! what did you think about you Shar Pei being there last night???
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Earnest Borgnine was on tv last night and I missed it??
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Say no to men who wear barrettes!--KD
Not unless you're walking around like a crab naked.--LCT
Why does AI tell these kids never to sing Mariah, Whitney, Michael, Christina, and then THEY do a Michael Jackson week? The bigger question is, why do I even care?
Adam was the best of the night. The end.
C'mon, we gotta give a shout-out to the roughneck's mama's craptastic comb-over.
awww drama, I'd like to have a beer with those two, LOL
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"You are the most beautiful troll in the world. I want to stick you on my pencil and carry you around forever."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWFGkdUre-Q
LOL!! "venom from a cold hearted snake"
Too funny!
Snowy: I thought this was interesting, from http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2009/03/idol-top-13-per.html
"At the ad break, Hell's Kitchen's Gordon Ramsay entered with a flourish (and, I believe, for the first time that night), and greeted the judges and the crowd with nary a whiff of his make-the-bad-man's-pulsating-neck-vein-stop-scaring-the-crap-out-of-me temper. (It would seem he and Simon are pals; the two talked incessantly, during intro packages and ad breaks, for the rest of the show.)"
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
I can't believe there isn't more Gordon Ramsay love here from MK.. you know Gordons feet are so large (over size 15) that his shoes are specially made?? :P
"You DONKEY!"
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xx
LOL drama, great minds think alike!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"You are the most beautiful troll in the world. I want to stick you on my pencil and carry you around forever."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWFGkdUre-Q
Snowy: I KNOW! I rewound & looked at my shar pei a few times. Who did Randy ask his opinion about? I turned to Mr. DQ & said, "How awesome would it be if he just yelled, 'Shut it down!'?"
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
agreed
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xx
Yeah seriously, simon hit the nail on the head when he said "I just wish we knew what you did for a living." LOL
Oil rig guy needs to GO. And take Megan with him.
Also, did I see Hasselbitch in the audience last night?!
OMG DRAMA !! what did you think about you Shar Pei being there last night??? I thought you must be squeeeee~ing. I wanted him to say "RYAN, YOU MUPPET, SHUT IT DOWN!"
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"You are the most beautiful troll in the world. I want to stick you on my pencil and carry you around forever."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWFGkdUre-Q
Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 03/11/2009 - 1:40pm.
Is Michael the oil rig dude? He sings through his teeth. Damn redneck.
Yeah, he's the redneck dude. I was trying to be polite, and then I remembered this is dlisted!
I thought AI was a little bit about talent and not a charit event. Michael was only chosen because Simon mentioned that he could use a break. And Scott is the same bs. I'm sorry but he's around just because of his condition.As a singer, he's just like the dude singing outside my office. Without the piano, of course.
Doc: you can see adam's performance in the link in my siggy. I'm sure you'll hate it, LOL ;P
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"You are the most beautiful troll in the world. I want to stick you on my pencil and carry you around forever."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWFGkdUre-Q
The highlight of my night was GORDON RAMSAY!! Raawwwrr!♥
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xx
This garbage is STILL on?????
if I have to hear one more time about his damn oil rig job....
he IS a freaking redneck and I thought he sounded and looked real stupid last night.
And the VI guy too, lame!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"You are the most beautiful troll in the world. I want to stick you on my pencil and carry you around forever."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWFGkdUre-Q
I wish I could see "the best of" clips chosen by MK because I never watch the show. I know those Idol people are worse than Nazis when it comes to their show clips on YouTube or something.
My neice says Adam Lambert has singlehandedly killed.. then committed necrophilia on everything "EMO" in the teen world with his:
Jazz fingers-wannabe-skinny-Meatloaf-channeling-Judy Garland performance last night!
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xx
Is Michael the oil rig dude? He sings through his teeth. Damn redneck.
Adam is so, so, but so annoying! I really don't understand Idol-ogy, cause I thought his performance was like a cat cremation.
He needs more glitter. And maybe a desert in the background.
I honestly thought that Paula's head was about to explode after he finished singing. She was on another dimension last nite. And I wish I was there with her. It would be the only way to make that shart enjoyable.
I also don't get it why the heck Michael is still around. The guy is plain boring, and Scott is just as blah.
The whole show is a yawn fest.
Ok. I'm done now.
Actually, I take that back. No one in America wants to be told to give back right now.
Why didn't the blind guy sing and play We Are the World? I think that would have been better than that song nobody knew. Plus, it has a political peace message, which is current. Meh, what do I know?
Adam was awesome, there's no denying it! Love him! At this point, all the others are just meh to me. Hope that changes.
And why the hell did some of them choose the songs that they did? "Rockin Robin" is cute for a child to sing, that's it. I understand why no one wanted to touch "Billie Jean," but Michael Jackson has soooo many more good songs. At this point in the show, they should be picking songs that people know. Most Americans only remember performances of songs they already know.
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dial idol claims Anoop is safe....
No, stoney, I think you are right and there is another "big shocker" change that they have not told us about yet, I agree that I think they're going to choose the winner and I agree that America will not like it at all!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"You are the most beautiful troll in the world. I want to stick you on my pencil and carry you around forever."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWFGkdUre-Q
oh god, please let them save anooop! i promise he'll do better next time! seriously, he was the only reason i sat through the show yesterday, and even then i left the room during the judges' comments.
Bender: Hey. What kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker.
No, Paula is a high maintenance cunt. Didn't you guys see those shows where she abused her assistants, was emotionally selfish, completely unbalanced and basically exists in an alternate reality?
The girl that sang "Rockin' Robin" should go home, she was fucking awful.
Jasmine sucks and she is one fake bitch. I hope she gets kicked off tonight. No one fucks with "Reflection." NO ONE!
Her performing that song pisses me off as much as Disney trying to market Mulan under the "Disney Princess" brand. UGH!
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Making Al Pastor Burritos for M.E.
P.S.: Fuck you, Sarah Palin:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFdijgMytUA
Need some "Chocolate Thunder?" Click here:
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Submitted by Falkor on Wed, 03/11/2009 - 12:28pm.
Where did you get a pic of Samantha Ronson a Blohan kissing?
That is good paparazzo money right there!
He Dicho! caso cerrado!!
As much as everyone makes fun of Paula, she seems like a person that would be great to hang with. When you go shopping, with her, she will sweet as pie tell you those tweed pants, you're trying on, makes your ass look like a BroyHill sofa, and stroke your hair while she picks the caraway seed out of your front toof.I can't help it I like her!
As for who is going home tonight on AI
Jorge and Allison because I couldn't understand a word they sang.
Bananas are yellow, teeth should white!
So they're making a huge deal out of the fact that they are eliminating two tonight? Pfff. Everyone already knows that, and no one gives an eff. I love how Simon acted like it was some shocking breaking the rulebooks hurricanic earthquake kind of news or some shit.
They are voting off 2. They announced it last night.
& to answer someone else's q, I firmly believe the Fantasia year was the worst. That's when I pretty much stopped watching.
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."