And They're Off Again...AGAIN!
When Jennifer Aniston got back from Europe where she was promoting that dead dog movie, John Mayer greeted her with a big fat "It's fucking over." Jenny has been here a trillion times before, so she shrugged her shoulders, went home, pulled out her custom-made flavor of Ben & Jerry's "Everything But The...Babies and Husband" (specifically made for her), cuddled with her boyfriend arm pillow and watched a doctored copy of Mr. & Mrs. Smith (with her head digitally replacing Angie's).
E!'s Marc Malkin is hearing that John Mayer dumped her ass sometime this week, because they're contract was up or something like that. John's final mission as Jenny's whore was to hold her hand at the Oscars so her imaginary boyfriend could have the night off.
But one friend of Jenny's rolled their eyes at this rumor since these two twats are known for their on-and-off fakery.
I would ask John Mayer about this on Twitter, since he has practically moved in there full-time, but he would just make some crack about Carl Mayer and I don't want to see it.
And by the end of the day, they'll be back together, married and she'll be knocked up with ten litters or something.
• 
Oh come on guys. It took Cleo 11 days to come up with that drivel. Give her a little credit. Not that I read it, but it looked, um, long.
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Great comment Cleo. I agree with every word.
Submitted by Cleo on Sun, 03/15/2009 - 6:24am
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Holy shit Cleo! Did Aniston cause your insomnia last night? You probably did a rough draft of that rant before you even typed it. That's how pathetic you are. You can't stand Jen but yet you put alot of energy into her. Sounds like psychological issues to me.
p.s. when you attack someones physical appearance like you did it only proves two things: 1) you're shallow and you can't think of a legitimate reason to not like her 2) you're ugly as sin and are jealous of her.
Cleo, you just wrote a novel on Aniston, and you are calling HER pathetic?
that is fucking funny.
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"I think she's an ass...I think she's ugly. And I think she's a disgusting human being..."
-Anne McCourt, 81 years old, re: Paris Hilton (was filmed and is now pissed she will be on a reality show )
Submitted by Cleo on Sun, 03/15/2009 - 6:24am.
STFU Cleo !!!
I wonder if Brangelina pray to themselves every night that Maniston will find a man. Because it seems every time Maniston gets dumped, they come in for all kinds of fresh abuse from her fellow middle-aged homely dumpees on sites like D-listed.
Then what happens next is, the Insanistons usual blather continues with:
1) The 'Find another greek TV hack so she can make beautiful sit-com music with (John Stamos),' committee...who are joined by the
2)John Mayer is such a douche brigade, and lastly the
3)'My husband/boyfriend, who I am unaware is a closet queen even though his favorited sites are celeb gossip and fashion blogs like mine, thinks Jen is 'hot,' and thinks Jolie, Megan Fox, and Charlize Theron are ugly whore,' types. It must be true because even though I suspect he is not a good example of a heterosexual male, he has a peen and MIGHT be.
I think that last group is my favorite. These same sad old tragic jealous angry whores sometimes post as if they are guys with hard peens for Jen who like wanking off to a 1995 VHS boxed set of Friends (or Dustin Hoffman's Tootsie, which doubles as substitute wanking material).
Reality is everyone knows Maniston's got as much sex appeal as Barbara Bush (actually Babs has more - her name's sexier) - most everyone but Maniston's so-called fans KNOW this, but the women who have faces that look like hers (UGLY), and who are middle-aged, like rallying around their hair and rhinoplastied restylaned role model, pretending that men are interested.
Most REAL men will tell you, that thought they appreciate teh large marshmellow size nips she showed on every episode back in the 90's...what straight guy is NOT gonna look at female stripping constantly, talking about stripping, or suing photogs for taking pics of her stripping - they STILL are more than aware that she was the UGLIEST of the female 'Friends.' All of you know you'd take looking like Cox or Kudrow - or hell, even LeBlanc, before you'd get stuck with Maniston's face - which looks like if Dustin Hoffman, Joy Behar and Babs Streisand had a 45 yr old love child together. Only with NONE of the talent they posess. LOL
Brad Pitt was was known to have been rebounding, in therapy and wounded from the Fishsticks Paltrow relationship when he hooked up with the sit-com hack 'through their agents.' Sound familiar? LOL. The woman was dumped by Tate Donovan AND Adama Duritz, and Vince Vaughn..and on and on.
If anything the fact that Brad was nice enough to hook up with an average to ugly TV actress with no personality, just tells you what a great guy he is.
HE IS, along with Angelina, afterall, the only reason why any of you buggers CARE at all. THEY are why you are here. I think Maniston and her reject groupies should all be writing checks to the Jolie Pitt foundation, considering that dumb TV lame wannabe loser has coattailed for the last decade or more on Pitt's fame. Who would she be, if she wasn't Pitt's reject kicked to the curb loser woman scorned, whining and crying that people should feel sorry for her that Pitt wanted a divorce. She's so the first woman to ever have a relationship bite the dust, you know.
Without Pitt, she'd be Ray Romano's Patricia Heaton - only not as attractive, and not as talented. LOLOL
They are both media ho...BOTH. Jen get what she deserves... with or without Mayer.
Funny how stupid jen's fans try to match her!!!!lol
That ugly chin cant act. Shes not a serious actress, all matter to her is her tan, her hair, her look, her hair, her clothes, her hair, her friends, her hair... ( soooo much money on her ugly face and ok body!!)
Stamos wasnt dating Rebecca somethnig!!?? SOOOOOOOOOOO much hotter than Chiniston!!!!
Okay, Aniston - NOW is the time to follow in the footsteps of your should-be role model Salma Hayek and find an unattractive-but-grateful civilian billionaire! Then you wouldn't have to jostle around for those rapidly diminishing movie roles and just relax and buy 10,000 babies (and the nannies to go with them). DO IT.
She'll look younger away from him. It made sence when he was with Jessica Simpson but if Jenn would hook up with someone really good looking it would bring out her looks that she has spent so much money to get. This Jon Mayer thing has got to close now. If she is too dumb to notice he's a tool. We here at D-Listed will have to tell her. You know she reads our shit.
Well, when Jen's movie Management comes out, I'm sure she'll start promoting it by doing interviews and shit - we're bound to hear what happened from her own mouth when the time comes.
As for Mayer, whatever. He seems like no big loss. If it worked, great. If not, oh well, bigger and better fish out there. She needs to stay away from these womanizers though. The ex husband couldn't keep it in his pants, and this one is too young to commit. But that's right this isn't about shitty men with no character, it's about how imperfect Jen is. She just drives these assholes right out of her bed. PLEASE SPARE ME. She picks some winners that's for sure, but I think she just tries to give the people she loves the benefit of the doubt. She can't help it that she's a SHIT magnet.
It's been said that water seeps its own level, so eventually she'll find someone who is as committed, deep, warm hearted and funny as herself.
Uncle will ALWAYS be 'Team Aniston' FOREVER!
================================================
"...Soon we'll be away from here. Step on the gas and wipe that tear away...."
I'm so pissed I missed an entire thread! I had so much to say on this subject and now everyone's gone and said it for me! damn.
Jenny is too good for this loser. Go on, girl, enjoy your single self.
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“I went through several "therapy" sessions with Dr. Jack Daniels to forget that horrific memory."
OR, if she's going for young musicians. Dare I suggest PAOLO NUTINI? Sooo much hotter than JM.
He's taken but Aniston should go for a man like Vincent Perez. He's the hotness, an actor but not a fame whore (to the degree of Pitt or Mayer), and has even shown love for the older woman (he dated Jacqueline Bisset, AJ's godmother).
Submitted by Hysteria on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 9:33am.
Submitted by Clarisse on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 9:09am.
Hysteria,
No, I was talking about John Stamos. Yum.
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oops! lol, that makes more sense. Never mind! *$10 to any olden-heimer who remembers where "never mind!" comes from!
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oh, this is alittle sad! no one even care! boowoo!
Anywho, for the record, "Never mind!" was a catch phrase from early SNL. It was said by Gilda Radner's character Emily Latilla, an elderly woman who, because of hearing problems, always screwed up in rants. When told of her error, the piece always ended with her saying "never mind". ...
never mind!
.
Submitted by idiots drive me loco on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 12:12pm.
her and Jouhn Stamos would be the hotness--he looks good, doesn'thave plugs, and doesn't act like a total douchebag.
are you saying JM has plugs????
Great! Now hopefully JA will hook up with a straighht man for a change. You'd think after being with dudes who like it in the ass *cough Brad Pitt and John Mayer cough* she'd learn a thing or two.
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Let me dirty up your mind.
Again?
Poor, poor Jen.
The eternal victim.
My little Jennifer was so over John Mayer before the Oscars...
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Shadow was the best doggie boy ever...10/08/08
Desire chip from AA...................01/17/08
One month chip........................02/17/08
About time John woke up and smelled Perez. Perez and John forever. Jen was just rebound. Vince dumping her was the icing on his ass.
Spanks missy:)
(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)
2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.
"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"
Submitted by iHeartHaters on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:23pm.
hahaha!
SWEET AVIE!!
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
I care so little I can barely finish this sent.....
(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)
2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.
"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"
Because of COURSE Maniston couldn't attend the Oscars with a nobody as Brangelina watched nearby in the audience...
but she did anyway.
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The line between sex and society is so fine and blurred... even Amy Winehouse wouldn't snort it.
http://www.myspace.com/triston
Good. I think Mayer is a ugly bastard who looks like he sleeps underground and smells of damp laundry that's been in the machine too long.
I had never heard of John Stamos, however, a quick google and I approve. Please add my name to the campaign and let me know when to start looking for a hat.
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The streets of hell are paved with good intentions.
~ Twain
Maybe John got tired of Jenn requesting he play "Daughters" everytime they did the nastay. That song is a mood killer.
MK, i know you're busy, but seriously, you messed up a "Their". ..."because they're contract was up" english ftl. but i love you anyway because you're too busy bein sassy to get your grammar right.
I love reading the last few comments on the Brange/Jen threads. That's when the Loons invade.
Hey there, crazies! Hope you're having an excellent day worshiping at your Tomb Raider shrine!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
You're a rebel? You think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel, you're fucking psychotic! ~ Veronica Sawyer
the house frau don't like JA. They Like Jolie. Jolie is a mother, and there is no other purpose for a woman than that.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Interviewer: You're playing one of the most famous characters in movie history. How come we don't see you in all the tabloids?
Daniel Craig: Because I don't want to be in them.
Jen! Fuck, are you going through the trash collecting sperm from used condoms and getting caught? What the fuck is going on here?
Submitted by Deb on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 10:40am.
Keep up the good work. I've been tobacco free for 3 years now. Its tough but worth it.
Deb: Just wanted to chime in with the support. It's the hardest thing to kick, but you can do it! Fuck the tobacco companies and the government who take your money with every pack you buy!
Calculate the money you would have spent on smokes and buy yourself a treat you really want.
You can do it!
GL with the surgery, too...
she pays $50K for that stringy overprocessed hairdo? Imagine how much she pays to maintain that man chin. Brad got the hell out of dodge city for a reason.
her and Jouhn Stamos would be the hotness--he looks good, doesn'thave plugs, and doesn't act like a total douchebag.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Interviewer: You're playing one of the most famous characters in movie history. How come we don't see you in all the tabloids?
Daniel Craig: Because I don't want to be in them.
Oh who fucking cares lol! They are both dumb asses. Both are egotistical, overrated, money/fame hungry Ho's. Jenny is a desperate, fugly, pug-nosed, youth obsessed trainwreck. John is a pretty boy, airhead who like to throw his wang (dick) around.
Fuck them both!
Thanks, grapedrink:
I needed that:) *smooch!*
♥ ThreadKilla!
No one likes a black nerd, Darnell.
A DListed Youtube Gallery
Submitted by Team KFed on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 10:17am.
I'm two months smoke free thanks to the patch. If you can ride out the crazy Terrintinoesque dreams, you'll be fine.
Good luck bitches!!! Healthy lungs for all!!!
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Yay for quitters!
♥ ThreadKilla!
No one likes a black nerd, Darnell.
A DListed Youtube Gallery
Now that she is free and single again I think that she should get with "billy-bob" (thornton) and they can adopt Brad and Chris Klein together.... Tie up all those loose ends. IT IS WHAT ANY SENSIBLE PERSON WOULD DO IN THIS SITUATION.
I want to do a Poo at Paul's
2005: Re 2005 Vanity Fair Interview
...Media reports speculated that the split was due to Aniston's refusal to have children; t-shirts were sold after their separation with the phrase "I'll Have Your Baby, Brad!". Aniston denied that this was the cause of their split in an August 2005 Vanity Fair interview, stating, "I've never in my life said I didn't want to have children... I've always wanted to have children, and I would never give up that experience for a career.
2009: US Magazine
I was just surprised that Vogue would go so tabloid," she tells the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly (via E! News), adding that the quotes were taken out of context. "I was bummed. But you almost expect it. Big deal. Done. Next."...Aniston also addresses constant tabloid speculation that she is carrying beau John Mayer's baby. "Oh my God, it's hysterical," she says. "It's almost going to take away the fun from actually being able to say one day, 'I'm pregnant!'" She adds, "Stop stealing my thunder, motherf--kers!"
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ukpress/article/ALeqM5jwf_JSpdm3jZIaDRm...
Jennifer said: "I want to have children. That's my plan."
http://www.sponkit.com/jennifer-aniston-on-pregnancy-rumors-her-vogue-qu...
On motherhood being in her future: “I’m on the verge of it in some way–or it’s something I long for.”
Submitted by FilthyBitch on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 9:59am.
Submitted by reality check
It's Aniston's business how she lives her life but if she doesn't want kids then she should just admit it
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When exactly was the last time you heard her crying about wanting a baby?????
And why should she be required to "admit" this?
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These two are a BIG FUCKING YAWN fest! I wish they would make up their fucking minds already!
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Gerbil + Purple Hat w/ Cheetah Print Trim = GERBIL PIMP!!
uh, not finding aniston attractive doesn't make me a "loon" ... i dont care for anyone in this tired party of three
Submitted by LOVEANGELINA is... on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 9:42am.
Submitted by anonymous7643 on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 9:38am.
stamos is too hot for maniston
I take it the loons have invaded.
Submitted by EastEndGirl on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 10:37am.
Thanks, love! You can do it. My mom was a heavy smoker for 50 years before she had an aortal aneurysm in fall '07. She quit cold turkey and hasn't gone back. If she can do it, there's hope for us all!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Deb,
My thoughts will be with you for the surgery.
(If I can stop thinking of smoking for longer than 30 seconds)!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mrs. K. squeezed my ass. I can die happy.
Chinnifer has got to be the most pitiful celeb out there. I thought she was desperate when she was porking that fatty Vince Vaughn. But then came this uber-tool John Mayer. Now he's dumped her AGAIN. Her pussy must be made of sandpaper and smell like rotten eggs.
Submitted by grapedrinkbaby on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 10:09am.
Submitted by dramaqueen365247 on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 10:04am.
I'd like to say how truly shocked I was that Bristol & Numbnuts broke up. I really thought those 2 crazy kids could make it.
HHAHAHAAH
He Dicho! caso cerrado!!
Thanks, missy! On topic: being dumped by John Mayer has to be a low-point in Jen's love-life.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Deb, thats awesome, keep up the good work!!!
_____________________________________________
Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Submitted by missy on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 10:17am.
Occasionally there is that dichotomy, especially while enjoying a cocktail. But mostly, your mind doesn't want one. Or you light one up, and it tastes like poo, so you put it out.
I'm getting ready for back surgery on Monday, and I'll be in the hospital for 2 days. I'm hoping to completely kick the habit then.
I've already cut down so much that I'm breathing better and food tastes better.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Deb - so far its working out for you? does it have that same mind/body separation like I described with the patch? Like your mind wants to smoke but your body doesnt?
_____________________________________________
Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius