This Will Hold Me Over Until The Broke Hos Of Atlanta Come Back
Nothing compares to the broke down hos of Atlanta, but hopefully this fuckery right here will come close. Bravo has rolled out the new skanks of The Real Housewives of New Jersey premiering on May 12th. They could have also titled this The Real Pre-Ops Of Trannytown, because four of these tricks look like they've got excellent dick tucking skills. The fake ginge on the right just looks like she's just going to whine like a toddler on speed through the whole season.
My Tivo is really ready to quit this bitch, but I will have to force this mess upon it. Based on these hags' bios alone, this is going to be a pile of Aquanet vomit. I bolded the bestest parts:
Jacqueline Laurita: A former cosmetologist, she is now a stay-at-home mom, but still loves to pamper herself. She has a teenage daughter from her previous marriage and a 6-year-old son with her husband Chris, who owns wholesale apparel businesses and is brother to Caroline and Dina.
Teresa Giudice: Born and raised in New Jersey, her husband Joe owns a successful construction company. Together they have three young daughters, who take up much of her time. A friend of Dina and Caroline, she also loves to shop, get spa treatments and spend time at her beach house on the Jersey Shore.
Danielle Staub: “You either love me or you hate me, there is no in between,” says the single mom of two daughters. She prides herself as one of the first female American Express Black card members in New Jersey. She is also active in her local parish and regularly attends mass. She and Jacqueline are friends.
Dina Manzo: Founder of the nonprofit Project Ladybug, which helps children with cancer, she’s also an interior designer, an event planner, mother and best friends with her sister Caroline. Her husband Tommy works with his brother (Caroline’s husband) at their family’s catering business.
Caroline Manzo: She’s a mother of three and owns a real estate firm and a line of children’s accessories. Described as a “feisty spitfire,” she’s Dina’s sister and is on the board of Project Ladybug. She’s married to Albert Manzo, brother of Dina’s husband Tommy. Dina and Caroline’s brother is Jacqueline’s husband Chris.
Survey says? TRASH!!!!! Bravo better have shot this shit in HD, because how else would they get all the big hair and fake nails in one shot?
And if you haven't seen the brilliance below, please watch it. You will definitely agree with me that every bitch in this video needs to make at least a 30-second cameo in The Really Trashy Housetrannies of Jersey.
• 
Oh these bitches are the real life sopranos
check this shit out one of the husbands even cheats on the wife and he admits to it
http://www.realfauxhousewives.com/?p=2037
Pass.
An hour ago I set the timer (because I need tough love) and gave myself that time to do 4 chores. In that time I have done exactly 2,3, ..5, 9...hmm..exactly NOTHING..except chat with you delightful folks.
It's been fun.
See y'all down the shore.
***********************
I'm with you. Nothing accomplished but one lousy load of laundry. It's time to step it up.
I'll look for you guys on other threads.
p.s. remember : NO comforters, bed sheets or socks with sandals.... it's a dead give away and I'll be lookin' for you on the beach! lol
An hour ago I set the timer (because I need tough love) and gave myself that time to do 4 chores. In that time I have done exactly 2,3, ..5, 9...hmm..exactly NOTHING..except chat with you delightful folks.
It's been fun.
See y'all down the shore.
I'm going to write a book "How to Drive Drunk Down the Shore"
That's why my older Brother always told me 'As long as you stay on route 35, no matter how drunk you are, you can always find the beach'
**************
You also can't go wrong when taking Route 36 all the way.... just a heads up for anyone else who is driving from up north.
Well snowp, I don't laugh out loud usually (but when I do, it's more of a scream) And when someone throws me great material, how can I resist? The facial expression is part of the delivery.
Zappy hahahahahah how did you keep a straight face when he said that! OMG too funny!
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"I think you will know what I mean when I say this, is that Adam Lambert makes me feel like a young girl who has just discovered gay boys, and wants more" TWOP
Submitted by kdracofan on Thu, 03/19/2009 - 10:36am.
K2: thanks for the new name, I couldn't stop laughing when I read the definition...
"Bennies don't know what's a Benny"
bawahhahahahahhahahaha
********************
I have to admit that I did chuckle when you asked what a benny was. LOL! peace.
Offish topic (speaking of Nude Beaches).
In Florida I had a boss who was marrying one of the gals we worked with (they were both friends of mine). She was a devout Nudist. They were going to be married in a small Nudist ceremony in Marathon, FLA. One day he calls me in the office, shuts the door, look of concern on his face. I'm thinking WTF did I do now. He goes...'Zappy, I'm really nervous about this nudist wedding ceremony. What if I get a Hard On?' I told him 'Wear a top hat and take it off and cover your scrotie so it looks like yer a gentleman'
Well anyway, after he got married he told me that all was well. All the bridesmaids were ugly so it made his peen go flaccid and they lived happily ever after.
True story.
K2 oh yeah it's always the old people, hahahahaha. I even went to a nude beach in Greece and it was the same thing, that old guy you desribed is always there, sunning his balls on a rock or something! there's one at every nude beach.
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"I think you will know what I mean when I say this, is that Adam Lambert makes me feel like a young girl who has just discovered gay boys, and wants more" TWOP
LMAO @ kdra
WTF am I laughing at? I'm a friggen Bennie.
*blinkblinkblink..sniffle..ah wtf*
That's why my older Brother always told me 'As long as you stay on route 35, no matter how drunk you are, you can always find the beach'
He never wanted me to be mistaken for a Bennie prolly.
Why is it that the people at the nude beaches are never the ones you want to see nude in the first place? I was a bit shocked that people had their kids there but I figured they were prolly European! ha
***************************
LOL! I was introduced to that beach when I was very young and it was by accident. You're right though, it's never the people you want to see. Hate to say it but I'm not sure why a 65 year old man, with a beer gut and saggy balls feels the need to advertise his shit!LMAO. I found it was alot of OLD people. You know you get to a certain age and just don't give a shit anymore.
LOL
2. bennies 219 up, 103 down
the tourist scum that comes from north jersey and new york and completely ruins the entire jersey shore during the summer. they are usually greaseball italians and don't know how to drive. they pollute our beaches, congest our roads, and trash our towns.
if you do not live at the jersey shore, stay the fuck out. we hate you and you are not welcome.
also see gohomebennies.com
You fucking bennies need to leave our towns. NOW!!!!
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"I think you will know what I mean when I say this, is that Adam Lambert makes me feel like a young girl who has just discovered gay boys, and wants more" TWOP
K2: thanks for the new name, I couldn't stop laughing when I read the definition...
"Bennies don't know what's a Benny"
bawahhahahahahhahahaha.
Submitted by kdracofan on Thu, 03/19/2009 - 10:20am.
K2: what the hell is a benny?
**************************
You've never heard of bennies? They're tourists. People that are not locales. They usually show up on the beaches wearing the socks & sandals, toting the flat sheet from their bed to lay on. LOL! They jam up the parkway for 3 months out of the year because they are usually driving to our beaches from another state.
Zappy: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bennies
I had to laugh.
"which way is the beach" bawahahahahhahahahaaaaahhaaaaaaa
Delicious Orgasms is always mobbed. Great place.
LMAO @ snowp
I would have started crying.
Oh My Gawd! Delicious Orchards ! it's right by my house! It's heaven in there!
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"I think you will know what I mean when I say this, is that Adam Lambert makes me feel like a young girl who has just discovered gay boys, and wants more" TWOP
@ kdra
Bennies are us Northerners.
K2! LMAO last year one day my bf and I couldn't find any parking at any of the beaches at Sandy Hook cuz we got there late.. so I am sure you already know how this story ends. we kept going until we finally found a lot with some space, we walked a MILLION miles across the blazing hot sand to the beach and we were kind of mad at each other too so I wan't really paying attention but the closer we got the more disturbed I became. All of a sudden we looked at each other and said "Um, I think this is the nude beach!" hahahahahahahah we laughed so hard we forgot what we were mad about.
Why is it that the people at the nude beaches are never the ones you want to see nude in the first place? I was a bit shocked that people had their kids there but I figured they were prolly European! ha !
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"I think you will know what I mean when I say this, is that Adam Lambert makes me feel like a young girl who has just discovered gay boys, and wants more" TWOP
Don't know where you live, but you really need to go to Delicious Orchards (I call it Delicious Orgasms). The store is ALWAYS BUSY. The have much local produce and excellent orgasmic pies and pastries. I believe it's on route 33 in Colts Neck.
**************
That place is the bomb! love it. You can't go wrong when getting a dessert from that place. Actually it's on Route 34 in Colts Neck.
LOL @ snowp
NUDE BEACH omg..(covers eyes) which reminds me of a story..
:S
*STFU Zappy*
I'm sorry i'm sorry imsorry
@ kdra
Another favorite place in Cape May is 'Good Scents'. They even have a website where you can order stuff. It's a small little store with candlrs and girly stuff, soaps, incense, jewelry, books.
I have enough incense for like fiddy years:S
LOL @ snowp
We used to go to Wildwood and many Pennsy folk were there too.
My best impersonation is the newspaper boy on the beach.
PHILLLLLLLLADELLLLLLLPHIA DAILY NEWWWWWWS..DAAAAILY NEWWWWWS HEA!
How was that?
Zappy: I completely forgot about Cape May! It is lovely there indeed.
Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 03/19/2009 - 10:12am.
K2 & Zappy, OMG the farm stands are the best!! I can't wait till they all open up again. summer is really the only time I'm glad I moved to NJ,
********************
I love the farm markets - I look forward to June when they open! Fresh fruit and veggies. Love it. Summer is my favorite season. I don't think I could ever NOT live by water. I usually divide up the summer by going to the Hook (you know they have the nude beach at the end - only visited it with my bathing suit on!), Sea Bright and Long Branch... and take one trip to Cape May as well.
@ snowp
Don't know where you live, but you really need to go to Delicious Orchards (I call it Delicious Orgasms). The store is ALWAYS BUSY. The have much local produce and excellent orgasmic pies and pastries. I believe it's on route 33 in Colts Neck.
As a kid, I used to stay with my cousins for a few weeks in Neptune. We would ride our bikes to the local produce stands and this wonderful General Store that had great candy.
Zappy: I grew up outside Philadelphia and we used to say "down the shore" there too.
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"I think you will know what I mean when I say this, is that Adam Lambert makes me feel like a young girl who has just discovered gay boys, and wants more" TWOP
K2: what the hell is a benny?
WTFOMGLOL! I just watched the end of that!
I'm stunned! Stunned, I say!
♥ ThreadKilla!
With my super lawyer powers, I can rid our town of cats so our kids can NEVER get high again! Mr. Broflovski, South Park
A DListed Youtube Gallery
@ snowp
The shore areas off season are the best. I love LOVE the autumn and winter down the shore when no one is around!
New Jerseyans are the only people who call it 'Down the Shore'
I never heard of 'whaaaaat exxxxxxxxit' til someone was trying to make a joke with me about it. I was like WTF are you tawkin about uh?
Zappy- thank you!! I will sincerely take your advice to heart like it came from my doctors lips. :)
"Landing in Newark or driving on the parkway with that stench, has nothing to do with the rest of NJ." word! I always try and tell people that, it's absolutely beautiful out where I live.
if a little dead, LOL
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"I think you will know what I mean when I say this, is that Adam Lambert makes me feel like a young girl who has just discovered gay boys, and wants more" TWOP
LOL @ KD
Well my husband is an avid fisherman. Although there was this one time....
I was 7 months pregnant and he came home with this look of fear in his eyes. He had a hook through his finger. Telling him he needed to go to the hospital and get a tetanus shot. He wanted to try getting it out first. Calling him a dumbass and a few other choice words, he finally complied.
We walked into the ER (small hospital in Union) and they thought it was me going into labor. Blah blah blah, to make a long story longer, the Dr. told him that not only did he need a tetanus shot, but antiobiotics. When getting something like that stuck in your body part, it can cause an arthritic type condition, with infection, that never goes away.
So just go sit on the beach with a six pack.
LOL!@the guy who says he works out! Ha!
♥ ThreadKilla!
With my super lawyer powers, I can rid our town of cats so our kids can NEVER get high again! Mr. Broflovski, South Park
A DListed Youtube Gallery
Submitted by Zappy on Thu, 03/19/2009 - 10:06am.
*blink blink..blink blink..sniffle..WAAAAAAAAAAA*
I'm a Bennie.
************************
Damn, now I feel like shit! OK - I take it back, I take it back. Only New Yorkers are bennies. lol
K2 & Zappy, OMG the farm stands are the best!! I can't wait till they all open up again. summer is really the only time I'm glad I moved to NJ, LOL
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"I think you will know what I mean when I say this, is that Adam Lambert makes me feel like a young girl who has just discovered gay boys, and wants more" TWOP
*passes snowp the Coppertone SPF fiddy*
I like to read trashy magazines on the beach. The Weekly World News was the best with true stories of Bat Boy and the 900 lb woman who made the Leaning Tower of Pisa lean more and the Pope told her "Mama Mia, you-a too-a fatt-a" I love reading those true stories.
Zappy- Night fishing? Hm, I've never done that. Well, I haven't been fishing since I was 10, but for some reason doing it at night sounds more interesting. I'd probably fall asleep, though and wake up 4 hrs later with a crick in my neck and back and the worm would be eaten off the hook.
I dunno. I thought that bikini girl seemed nice. She was hot and she was funny...she seemed pretty ok to me...Mostly, of the women, I just saw asses..and I didn't watch the whole thing. The guys *eyeroll* ugh! are just like the guys I dated when I was young and wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole now ...well, without a few major stipulations, at least;)
♥ ThreadKilla!
With my super lawyer powers, I can rid our town of cats so our kids can NEVER get high again! Mr. Broflovski, South Park
A DListed Youtube Gallery
Submitted by Zappy on Thu, 03/19/2009 - 10:02am.
@ K2
There is terrific theatre here too. Not to mention apple and strawberry picking. When the kiddles were smaller we would go on hayrides to Ort Farms (in Long Valley) to pick our pumpkins off the vine
**********************
I just started doing the pumpkin picking and hayrides! There are so many farms around here, I usually end up with about 6 pumpkins by the time the season is over! You're right about the misconception with Jersey. Landing in Newark or driving on the parkway with that stench, has nothing to do with the rest of NJ.
Submitted by Zappy on Thu, 03/19/2009 - 10:02am.
@ K2
There is terrific theatre here too. Not to mention apple and strawberry picking. When the kiddles were smaller we would go on hayrides to Ort Farms (in Long Valley) to pick our pumpkins off the vine
**********************
I just started doing the pumpkin picking and hayrides! There are so many farms around here, I usually end up with about 6 pumpkins by the time the season is over! You're right about the misconception with Jersey. Landing in Newark or driving on the parkway with that stench, has nothing to do with the rest of NJ.
*blink blink..blink blink..sniffle..WAAAAAAAAAAA*
I'm a Bennie.
I blame "The Sopranos".....
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
LOL @ snowp
My husband and some friends used to go night fishing in Sandy Hook because it's only about a 45 minute ride.
Sorry but I just noticed you are as ignorant as those on the video if you ask me.
I am from Northern NJ and work in NY and couldn't be more apalled by your comment.
Not everyone is a guidette around here.
*********************
No honey I'm not ignorant. I'm glad to hear you don't fall into the guidette category, however, you have to realize that when people stereotype NJ women, they are usually referring to the girls from up north. High hair and heavy accents seem to go hand in hand with North Jersey. Maybe it's coincidence that you're so close to the city.
Ironically, even though you are from Jersey, you are considered one of the bennies. If you're not centrally located you are in fact a benny. Sorry to be so blunt. Go ahead bring that "attitude", I can handle it.
@ K2
There is terrific theatre here too. Not to mention apple and strawberry picking. When the kiddles were smaller we would go on hayrides to Ort Farms (in Long Valley) to pick our pumpkins off the vine. They also have a petting zoo there and all kinds of activities year round.
Unfortunately, when people fly into Newark Airport they see the Oil Refineries in Carteret and Edison, it's easy to believe that is the preview of all of the State, which it is not.
I usually go to Sandy Hook every weekend since it's right by me, OMG now you guys are getting me excited about the summer! :)
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"I think you will know what I mean when I say this, is that Adam Lambert makes me feel like a young girl who has just discovered gay boys, and wants more" TWOP