John Mayer Is About To Say What He Needs To Say In A Tell-All
You may have a new book to help your bowels move along while you're trying to drop some shit in the toilet. Star Magazine says that John Mayer is yapping to friends that he ready to write a tell-all about his relationship with Jennifer Aniston for $10 million.
A source tells Star, "John just can't keep his mouth shut. and he's telling friends that he's thinking of going public with all their juicy secrets."
John apparently thinks that people give a moldy shit about Jenny's obsession with yoga, her weird TV habits, obsession with astrology and her epic tantrums. Yup, sounds like a hard piece of caca that will come in handy when you need to level a table. And what's so weird about her TV habits? I'm sure the only channel her TV stays on is TLC. All the BABY and WEDDING shows she'll ever need.
The source also said that John was shocked when she called him "Brad" during grossy times. I think the source heard this wrong. John was probably shocked the one time she didn't call him Brad while rubbing his douche stick.
And John is already publishing a tell-all.......on fucking Twitter! Seriously, it's all fucking there. You won't have to pay cent and you'll walk away with a squeaky clean vagina after reading it!
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Last time he dumped her, he stood out on the street, I think in NYC with tons of paps around and declared how it wasn't her and blah, blah, blah. She was crazy to take him back. He must be a real charmer, but in the end he'll burn you. This story probably isn't true, but the guy appears to have a complex and feels the need to let the public know that he's the one doing all the dumping.
Loyal STAR readers are still waiting for Jen's twins from about 10 months ago to drop.
(Oh, look - STAR says Nicole is having twins!)
I would pay good money for a book on Jolie secrets some juicy stuff I bet, JA not so much, wow she works out!!! really what she is not an anorexic whore like the rest? scandal!!!
Frankly my dear, I don't give a Damn!! "Rhett Butler"
He is a giant nozzle...I hated the fact that JA got with him at all.
Jen! Do the world a favour and put a hit out on him. Get a discount hitman off of Craigslist...don't pay extra dough because it isn't like douchey Mayer will be difficult to track down. Just listen to the sound of douche and follow the trail.
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"Let this be a lesson. Don't hit a ho with a rum bottle! Drink all the rum instead and then take a nap!" MK, Aug. 22/08
This could do nothing good for the "trust issues" she has said she has...JM is an ass bite!
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Shadow was the best doggie boy ever...10/08/08
Desire chip from AA...................01/17/08
One month chip........................02/17/08
Nicole Richie does not bother me, but why in the HELL would she, or anyone for that matter, reproduce with one of those Madden douches? It seems counter-intuitive to evolution.
When Star's next issue comes out, nobody will care about J. Aniston. The story will be Jolie's heroic travel to India, adoption of 6 African babies, and finally: How Brad Pitt lost his balls-witness tells all!!
What a douche! A hot douche, but a douche nonetheless. This is really sad and pathetic if it's true. We all know he's not going to make $10 million off of his next album!
More importantly...who would buy this craptacular book? Does anyone care about Jen's "secrets" anyway? ("She's way too close to Courtney Cox-Arquette!" "She smokes weed!" "Sometimes she gets sad about her extremely public and humiliating divorce!") Good fucking God, please let this whole Brangelina-Johniffer thing wind down. Does anyone REALLY fucking care anymore? It's 2009!!!
Yeah, okay.
I'm no JA fan, but that would be pretty douchey of him to do...I know he's a douche and she knows it, along with the rest of the world, but still-is nothing sacred? And she did gush about him, shouldn't that be enough for his ego? I can't wait for someone to nail his ugly lollipop-head ass.
Please pardon me, I have a new man and have been away from the TV/computer. John and Jennifer broke up? OOPS, after all the mag covers showing them together at the oscars. After knowing he dated JLH and Jessica Simpson I figured he was a douche anyway.
Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 03/18/2009 - 1:30pm.
I'm not even convinced they've broken up yet.
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Yeah - John is media whore and he thinks he's very crafty and witty. I think he's just tryna keep his whiny music relevant.
♥ ThreadKilla!
With my super lawyer powers, I can rid our town of cats so our kids can NEVER get high again! Mr. Broflovski, South Park
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What a TOOL! Yea YOU JOHN MAYER!
LEEEEEAVE JEN ALOOOOONE!
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
You bitches can say what you want...
But I'm definitely going to read that book! Hopefully it will be too fucking juicy to pass up!
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For all you Alan Rickman lovers:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoqgZ595PHk
!WARNING!: This video will make pie goods temperatures reach critical levels. Risk of pie goods explosion is high. Use extreme caution.
John Mayer is a huge douche and Jennifer Aniston spends all day long tanning/doing yoga. Not shocking at all.
You must die. I alone am best.
Submitted by K2 on Wed, 03/18/2009 - 1:29pm.
middle-age, empty womb, romcom so-called actress who is still pining for her lost love!!!
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you're a skank!
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LOL! Yeah - I couldn't think of anything better than that today, either. I'm tired and busy:)
♥ ThreadKilla!
With my super lawyer powers, I can rid our town of cats so our kids can NEVER get high again! Mr. Broflovski, South Park
A DListed Youtube Gallery
I'm not even convinced they've broken up yet.
middle-age, empty womb, romcom so-called actress who is still pining for her lost love!!!
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you're a skank!
I hope he does write a tell-all. It would serve her right. What fucktard doesn't know that John Mayer is an asshole that would sell his own grandmother for publicity? I mean Jennifer can't be that dumb or that naive. Surely she would have known about how he treated Jessica Simpson?
John is a young, good looking guy so that could have been the big draw card for Aniston. But the guy also screams narcissist. He will never love anyone more than himself. Plus he is the biggest media-whore around.
Star is really f*cking grasping now! Where the hell is the tell all from Jolie's bodyguard? These asswipes should try telling the truth on occasion!
As for John - well it's unfortunate he's a such a tool to begin with that we might actually believe this shit. Jen's dirt is so minuscule who would pay to hear it or read it? Who knows, maybe in a drunkin' haze she did call him Brad - big whoop! Been there done that! As for her tanning, exercise and beauty regimen - again no big shocker - we've seen the results of it.
Bottom line is : John's a pussy - I hope a tell all book would confirm that to everyone!!
Surprise, surprise...she's a Hollywood Ho and she acts like one. *eyeroll*
♥ ThreadKilla!
With my super lawyer powers, I can rid our town of cats so our kids can NEVER get high again! Mr. Broflovski, South Park
A DListed Youtube Gallery
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Wed, 03/18/2009 - 1:23pm.
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BWAAAHAAHHAAAAAA...!!
(side note: my soon to be ex's initials are J.M....hmmmmm...)
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A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jdP7HUPbVs
I don't see anything at ALL interesting on his Twitter...wassup, MK?
♥ ThreadKilla!
With my super lawyer powers, I can rid our town of cats so our kids can NEVER get high again! Mr. Broflovski, South Park
A DListed Youtube Gallery
blah blah blah blah....John, shut your pie hole, ya moron.
Excerpt from book:
Woke up.
Fucked Jen.
Showered and shaved.
Tuned out her whining.
Ate breakfast.
Tuned out her whinging.
Took her to yoga.
Tuned out her whining.
Ate lunch.
Tuned out her whining.
Took her to spa.
Tuned out her whining.
Ate dinner
Tuned out her whining.
Went to bed.
Tuned out her whining.
Fucked Jen.
Tuned out her whining.
Went to sleep.
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"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
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I guess the body obsession would make sense; she brought her hairdresser along while promoting a movie. I don't believe that she ever wanted kids with Brad or anyone.
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"Crocs: They are to your eyes what second-hand smoke is to your lungs."
There has got to be something up with her. You would think she would have been married and divorced at least 7 times by now
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In Hollyweird, that would be the norm. Maybe she's more normal than most.
Nothing says you have to re-marry and have children.
Regarding John Mayer, this is not surprising, but she knew he was a snake when she took him in.
And yet she stays with this douche. I don't get it.
Then again, Star is a dubious source.
If that's true, John is insane.
Calling out Jennifer after she gushed about him prior to the Oscars. She had nothing but nice things to say and goes and does this??? Insanity. Jennifer will sic her dogs on his dumb ass and ruin him, for sure.
Her body is a battlefield.
I think the book story is BS. But John blabbing about jennifer is true.
He did the same thing with Jessica.
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What don't you fuckin' understand???- Christian Bale
Who would really care to read this stuff? I mean, fans of Jennifer wouldn't buy it because it makes her look bad and people who hate her already know this stuff. Why spend $27.95 to read it? AND, everybody knows Meyer is a bum.
On second thought, I don't think any of this is true. No publisher would bother to pay him $10 million to write a book about a middle-age, empty womb, romcom so-called actress who is still pining for her lost love!!!
There has got to be something up with her. You would think she would have been married and divorced at least 7 times by now but not even a real boyfriend that will stay. WTF. I reckon she just can't get over Brad.
Oh no. Will that drama EVER end? Jen should enter a convent already and be done with it.
Whatever. No one cares enough about Jen to pay $10 million for dirt about her.
Those pictures of Joel and Benji as kids are freaking me out!
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CROCS are made in the devil's workshop. Yes, they are!
What a gentleman he is.
Confirms what we all knew all along- DOUCHE!
I'm dubious. Who, but the readers of JustJared believe Jen Aniston has shocking secrets?