Alfie, You Are NOT The Father!!!!!!!
Little Alfie Patten, the 12-year-old with a face like a fetus, made all the headlines over the UK after it was reported that his infant sperm made a baby! 15-year-old Chantelle Stedman told Alfie that she was knocked up with their baby after he drove his car into her garage for the first time.
Chantelle said she was a virgin. Chantelle was lying. Chantelle was serving that vagina all around town like she was a Hilton. Chantelle is a slut. A slut with a baby. A 15-year-old slut with a baby. This is the part where we silently weep in the corner.
When the story hit, a mob of boys came forward saying they too tapped that shit without a condom. This made Alfie's daddy demand a DNA test. This also made Jesus cry a river which temporarily flooded Britain. Luckily, Alfie managed to get in a paddle boat and he made his way to the DNA testing center. He was tested and there wasn't a match. Alfie is NOT the father. And if you didn't read that in a Maury Povich voice, then you need to watch more TV.
The rumor is that when Chantelle's daddy found out she was knocked up. He decided that they should say Alfie is the father, because the boy looks like he's a toddler who doesn't even have fur on his privates yet. Chantelle's daddy knew this would cause a media shit storm and they would be able to cash in. Um. We're going to need a second DNA test on Chantelle's daddy, because I'm 99.99999% sure that he's related to Papa Joe Simpson.
The Mirror says Alfie is devastated about the news. Aw, the poor lil' baby waby waby. I hope his parents stick a warm bottle in his mouth, hand him a teddy bear and softly tell him that one day the stork will bring him a baby friend of his very own. After that, they should stick a cork in his peen hole so this never happens again!
And the line for DNA testing to determine Chantelle's real baby daddy starts at noon. Bring a sleeping bag and a granola bar.
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Alfie was DEVASTATED?? Bhahahahhahaha....oh hilarity. I bet he doesnt even know how to spell that. Lucky him.
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"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
...and this is why you discipline the fuck out of your kids.
I'm so relieved for Alfie. Here's hoping he doesn't fuck up his life.
I am so glad Alfie isn't stuck with the slutty young lady. Poor little boy, he was so sweet thinking that he could really be a daddy and care for the baby.
Poor OTHER little thing, the baby, I hope someone makes her give it up to a nice ADULT who wants and can care for a baby!
Alfie is NOT the father. And if you didn't read that in a Maury Povich voice, then you need to watch more TV.
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lmao, i didn't even know what the damn post was about and read in a maury voice in my head.
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"And I went through this whole thing; am I gay?! Am I straight?! And I realized: I'm just slutty." ~Margaret Cho
"This is supposed to be about delicious booze!" ~MK
that's all sorts of fucked up...while they're checking dna, they should be sure to check chantelle's daddy to see if he's a match for the baby daddy....
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nice ass...when does it open?
I knew something was up when those other kids came forward. What a slut that girl is! Alfie probably has no idea that he dodged a MAJOR, MAJOR, MAAAAJJJJOOOOR bullet, but hopefully he will later on! Damn he looks about 9 years old! This is just a gross story.
Run Alfie, fucking run, don't look back, drop that bitch like last weeks diaper, save yourself while you can still have a LIFE.
Ha, we D-Listers called it. No way that prepubescent boy was fathering a child. He was just a convenient dupe.
♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀
Chicago area 5K race 2009: http://rallyforautism.com/
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. —Groucho Marx
Submitted by Miss Thang on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 11:43am.
The British media is the WORST. They're to blame for this bullshit.
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yes yes and yes. they make fox news look rational.
news organizations don't just report the news anymore, they're making it up wholecloth or making it bigger/sexier/more interesting through embellishments.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Tigerlilly exposed!!!1!
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x8l7lj_shes-a-t...
This little slapper ho looks to have been the town/village/council estate bike. Her shameless smile holding that baby didn't say: "I'm a young unwed mother with a child". It said: "I'm a chav who's hit paydirt and y'all can kiss my big lying ass!"
Countdown to her tearful appearance in the tabs and/or Maury, Steve Wilkos, Jerry Springer. Too bad Richard Bey isn't on tv any more. He'd have thrown her into his mob of an audience and they would have picked her bones clean of blubber faster than pirahna.
Submitted by mikki on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 1:03pm.
Sadly, my first thought was that they better have Chantelle's daddy at the front of the potential baby daddy line-up.
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Oooh good catch!
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Tigerlilly exposed!!!1!
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x8l7lj_shes-a-t...
LOL MK you really slay me! Makes my hangover that much easier to deal with today. Thanks...Poor lil Alfie, this is too funny all by itself really...a 15 year old slut should be hot slut of the day, don't ya think?
"The master's tools will never dismantle the master's house." Audre Lorde
@Submitted by Green Is Good on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 1:36pm.
I am so thrilled I have NO ticking biological clock or maternal instincts whatsoever.
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AMEN SISTER, AMEN. i'm 35 and cringe at any pregnancy scares, let alone to think of having an alien, err.. kid moving all in my belly like that .. yuck.. err, i mean, eww ...
Now that its confirmed that he's not the father that bitch needs to be thrown in jail for statchetory fucking rape.
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Isn't it Bromantic?
Poor kid. He'll probably want to still be considered the father...this whole situation is horrible for him
I am so thrilled I have NO ticking biological clock or maternal instincts whatsoever.
Poor Alfie. What kind of sick f@ck drags a 12(?) year-old boy into this mayhem?!
Any bets how many kids Chatalle will shit out before she's 18?
now hopefully alfie's parents will move him to another county, get alfie a good education and alfie will continue his education by graduating from oxford with class honours and finally becoming pro vice chancellor of some prestigious university anywhere!!
and yeah im a eternal optimist!
Submitted by pandasoup on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 9:51am.
im waiting for the vid of him doing a soulja boy dance after the results were read
...yoooooooooooooou
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¿¡Por qué no te callas!?
Submitted by mikki on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 1:03pm.
Something tells me Chantelle will be an unmarried welfare mother of 5 by the time she hits 20.
Good! Then the stupid US might have an octocunt rival!
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
Sadly, my first thought was that they better have Chantelle's daddy at the front of the potential baby daddy line-up.
Little Alfie just doesn't realize how lucky he is to have dodged that bullet.
Something tells me Chantelle will be an unmarried welfare mother of 5 by the time she hits 20.
They should all be on Maury...
*Sigh* Alfie is depressed and he hasn't even hit puberty.
I hope he doesn't hit puberty (in another 10 years when he is 15) and go on a quest to knock up some poor girl or girls and have that baby he never had, all cuz of that SLUT Chantelle.
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""My rose-colored glasses are off and the world looks flesh-colored and unappealing." Peggy Hill
. i think it is Unnecessary, many celebrities and people Issued their own opinion on__classymingle.com__. you can communicate with them online
The British media is the WORST. They're to blame for this bullshit.
I've always admitted that I'm ruled by my passions.
- Elizabeth Taylor
what's it all about ...alfie????
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006718/
Ha! I bet you that kid isn't even 12.
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What's happened to the American dream?
It came true. You're lookin' at it.
"And the line for DNA testing to determine Chantelle's real baby daddy starts at noon. Bring a sleeping bag and a granola bar."
LOL!!! MK you are too funny!
That kid is now where near old enough to stick his peen in the pie goods! Good Grief!
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it's the biggest dating site for wealthy and suclessful people.
If the girl's dad really is the baby's father, can you imagine the (mental, physical) setbacks that child will have? First of all, the thought of that is sick as shit, and the girl's father should be shot if he really did father his own grandchild. Ugh!
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♥*♥*♥*♥*♥* Grossness... *♥*♥*♥*♥*♥
We understand that Michael Jackson has invited Alfie to visit Neverland so that they may discuss "Jesus Juice" during a sleep-over.
Hooray!
I hope Alfie can salvage what remains of his innocence.
I still say the girl's dad is the baby daddy.
OMG...those boys-The Lost Boys, UK version!
It was pretty obvious he couldn't have fathered the baby, but what saddens me is that some people will do anything to try for the press/book deal/reality show.
The slut girl and her family should be sued for fraud, and the baby given to responsible parents.
Wait, is the baby even healthy? Or is that another lie?
Um DUH.
I love it when whores who lie about being whores get publicly proven wrong.
Next up, Hohan.
That slut had slut written all over her slutty mug. Slut!
I feel bad for Alfie, kids that age should be kids, not dealing with adult crap.
He needs one more test..one for STDs
xoxoxoxox
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
You don't have to do a test to see that the little Alfie fetus can't shoot anything but blanks. He is underdeveloped for 12yo...looks more like 8yo...I doubt he's even entered puberty yet. And my gaydar beeps whenever I see his pics...yeah you can see the gayness from an early age...this episode with the 15yo slut was probably just an experiment and she seduced him with the promise she will give him a doll to play with. I doubt it was his initiative to stick the peen in her. LOL Look how he carries that baby, precious. His dad will need to buy him another doll to play with...a plastic one this time. In a few years, he'll be doing boys...trust!
As for the slut, there are some boys in that line up that definitely look like shooters who could get a whore pregnant by just looking at her.
"Vamos a singar" - Toothless Dominican Prostitute
jazzfish_77 on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 9:54am.
Submitted by kdracofan on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 9:51am.
I am waiting for the day Maury screams "you are not the MOTHER!"
wouldn't that be some funnny shit!?
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Not in West Virginia
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GULP!
Submitted by I love Rob Zombie on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 10:16am.
Ahahaha! I warned you!
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For all you Alan Rickman lovers:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoqgZ595PHk
!WARNING!: This video will make pie goods temperatures reach critical levels. Risk of pie goods explosion is high. Use extreme caution.
Submitted by foosrock on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 10:21am.
If you read carefully neither does MK.
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Mrs. K. squeezed my ass. I can die happy.
Sorry, MK, guys, don't find this one even remotely funny.
I give little Alfie 2 years before he *really* has his very own baby friend.
And I agree, Daddy should be the first on the DNA test list.
Color me not surprised.
By the way fuzzyslippers, I clicked on your link and have been extraordinarily distracted ever since.
I both thank and curse you! :)
Thank God he's not the father! Jiminy Christmas! Their heads are the same GD size!
Madam S, the way she's been serving that pussay around so indescriminately at only age 15, I wouldn't be surprised if the real baby daddy is actually her daddy. Especially because he "chose" Alfie to be the father. Too creepy.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 9:59am.
Tee hee, Joe u bad.
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For all you Alan Rickman lovers:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoqgZ595PHk
!WARNING!: This video will make pie goods temperatures reach critical levels. Risk of pie goods explosion is high. Use extreme caution.
Okay, after this slut announced that baby Alfie was the daddy, a whole MOB of boys came out of the woodwork to announce that they could be the real father?
Who does that? Some chick has a random kid and the dad actually WANTS to claim it so he can pay child support payments for the next 20 years and send the kid to college?
I thought the whole point was to deny. And without the denial, why does Maury Povich even exist?
I do hope we end up seeing who the father is. I'm guessing the one that looked just like her brother.
Ahhaha angry_secretary!
"Taste the Rainbow..."
*trying really really hard to not post anything Idol*
On T: She could be the next OctoMom, you never know.
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!