Morning Wood

Submitted by lilie on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 9:23am.

That is the saddest but cutest looking cat I have ever seen.
reply •

Ain't it, though?

“You a motherfucker and ain’t all that.”

That is the saddest but cutest looking cat I have ever seen.

Awww . . . I love the smell of wet pussy in the morning.

Something tells me Jeffrey Dean Morgan may NOT be the father. (In my best Maury Povich voice.) He better get a DNA test.

***********************************************************

“... and they've got Denise Richards from, I don't know, Crazy Bitch City ..." ~~Craig Ferguson, on the most recent cast of "Dancing with the Stars"

Robert Pattinson said in a twitter yesterday the reason he doesn't wash his hair is becuz of a bald spot. He doesn't want to lose anymore Magical Forest hairs.

Why did you have to post that awful picture of that cat? That's really disturbing. I don't want to have to see that crap.

Regarding Twitter, Kanye better get with the plan. Something else he can "be great" at, and he's not even on the list. He must not have a Twitter account yet.

uh oh, i gave a kitty a bath one time. (she was filthy and stinky) the poor thing was terrified and just about ripped all the skin off my hands. i wrapped her in a towel and tried to comfort her. now i'll know never to give a cat a bath again.

:(

.

can i take that kitty home???

-------------------------
'fuck you guys. i'm goin' home.'

THAT IS A FUCKING CATS WORST FUCKING NIGHTMARE. YOU DONT WASH A FUCKING CAT. THEY FUCKING WASH THEMSELVES. YOU CAN TAKE THEM TO THE VET ONCE OR TWICE A YEAR FOR A BATH AND DIP BUT THEY KNOW HOW TO DO IT TO MAKE AS LEAST TRAMATIC AS POSSIBLE.

Ok, those animal bath pictures just made my morning.

And aminals reacting to farts? Wasn't I just telling cat fart stories in here recently? I wish I had sound so I could watch those. Gotta wait til I get home >sigh<

Natalie Portman looks like shit! I didn't think she was capable of looking like shit.

_________________________________________________
I should be thrown into the loony bin for posting this shit. And we can share a padded room, because you're reading it! -MK

Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 1:22pm.
Two emergencies, for sure, Bitchette. Though it's kind of ambitious to try to get oil paint out of fur. My sympathies.

************
you can probably have a more reasonable conversation with a fucking burnt rutabaga than with that bag of crazy. - MK
You can only hold it so long before crunchy gets soggy. - TITS

Those wet animal photos were so cute!There is nothing better than wet pussy.

xoxoxoxox
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

kacky, bitchette: The only time I've ever bathed a cat was when a roommate's Himalayan got into a bunch of oil paints. We didn't want him licking it off. Eventually we had to shave the cat; luckily it was summer. Cat was PISSED.

Oh, and one time there was a really bad heat wave and he was panting and lethargic so I wanted to cool him off. I really think he appreciated it.

Why would anyone bathe their cat? I'm 49, have had cats all my life, sometimes as many as 4 at once, and never once have I given one a bath. Even if they had fleas, which has never happened because I use Frontline, I'd let a groomer or the vet do the bathing. Otherwise it just isn't necessary on a cat.

************
you can probably have a more reasonable conversation with a fucking burnt rutabaga than with that bag of crazy. - MK
You can only hold it so long before crunchy gets soggy. - TITS

holy shit...NO, not vampire diaries!

as for the pets: some of the cats are professional cuntface givers. take note angie.

ha ha Natalie P looks like Queen on the Scene

LOL re Basement Baby on the list of the worst Tweeters.

****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i

WATCH THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB_fUEe5Eh0

I think Natalie is on the hunt for Oscar material male actors now. She may look innocent but she wants the scummiest of the bunch...hence Sean Penn. She wants to do the opposite of Anne Hathaway and eventually become a coke addicted celeb ala Hohan! CHEERS!

"The master's tools will never dismantle the master's house." Audre Lorde

What's all this b.s. about Twilight? I had the displeasure of going into a Hot Topic and there was all this Twilight merchandise in there. It's pretty friggin dumb. That kitty looks SO SAD!!! Hahahhaha!

"The master's tools will never dismantle the master's house." Audre Lorde

Disclaimer: I acknowledge that claiming something is better than Twilight isn't saying all that much. That's a low motherfucking bar. Nonetheless, Vampire Diaries are written a lot better. The plot is actually coherent and interesting, the characters are more likeable, the pacing is better, and it's a fun read.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

You're a rebel? You think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel, you're fucking psychotic! ~ Veronica Sawyer

No way, dude! Vampire Diaries are AWESOME. I was absolutely addicted as a tween to the books. So much better that stupid Twilight!!! Better story, better heroine, better everything.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

You're a rebel? You think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel, you're fucking psychotic! ~ Veronica Sawyer

Poor kitty cat! Somebody save him!

Anywho I don't see how Natalie could get near that ugliness that is Sean Penn. I kind of believe it though, because celebs are just sly.

I mean you see the stuff that some of them are into! Sure you find out when they or someone in their close circle DIES, but we all end up finding out anyway! Hollywood has always been the home of sluts, druggies and everything in between!

what an adorable picture

Submitted by Zappy on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 11:00am.
LMAO @ Hysteria
Reminds me of my cousin. We are forbidden to sit near each other at funeral masses because we laugh to the point of exhaustion :S..so bad we are. People think we're crying but we're really laughing..
__________________________________

lol!! that cracked me up! you little naughties!

actually laughing and crying are somehow closely related. ever laugh until you cry?! yes, it happens!

laughing can be a really healthy way to deal with stress/grief. (good reason to stop by dlisted!)

;D

.

.

This Jeffrey Dean Morgan guy is one hot piece.... He sort of looks like a prettier version of Javier Bardem.

Opps my bad. He tells her to love the fart...love it!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92HqXzVdCp0

I can't imagine how incredibly awkward it must have been for Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Billy Crudup, doing a movie together AND the press tour.

-----------------------------------
What's happened to the American dream?
It came true. You're lookin' at it.

Dick and fart jokes still make me laugh. I don't care if it's immature. People who say they don't laugh are lying. I grew up with 3 older brothers. I couldn't escape the creature if I wanted to. You have to embrace the fart....embrace it!!!! {Peter Griffin's advice to Meg on being a good girlfriend}

LMAO @ Hysteria

I'm having an asthma attack just thinking about that. Reminds me of my cousin. We are forbidden to sit near each other at funeral masses because we laugh to the point of exhaustion :S..so bad we are. People think we're crying but we're really laughing..

Everyone handles grief differently :S

:|

*does the sign of the cross fiddy times and looks over shoulder for lightning*

That cat is too fuckin cute.

The Vampire Diaries is an amazing book series and they better not screw it up! I first read it when I was 11 and have rediscovered it now that the Twilight series is over. If you like Twilight, read these books!

Submitted by Zappy on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 10:37am.
LMAO @ Hysteria and ripping off a few ripe ones.

I grew up with brothers. Boys fart. It's boy nature. Had an Ex SIL who was one of three girls, and she didn't get the boys will fart and be boys thing. She would get pissed at me for not getting up and leaving the room when they would persists with their behavior.
_________________________________

haha! exactly, me too with the brothers (4 of them!). people who get all huffy and pissed at farts make it all the more hilarious! like farting in church. omg! my face has almost exploded from trying to hold in laughs in church. heehee!

.

haha rikki.. ok, but it is Friday :)

I don't think farts are funny, but the reaction is.
________________________________________♥

*hands snowp the nebulizer*

I mean, I can appreciate that a fart can be funny occasionally, if it's particularly unexpected and at a really bad moment or something, but I guess I've never really thought bodily functions were that funny. Everybody pees, poops, farts, etc. Icky.

Rishkin...no. Lol

LMAO @ Hysteria and ripping off a few ripe ones.

I grew up with brothers. Boys fart. It's boy nature. Had an Ex SIL who was one of three girls, and she didn't get the boys will fart and be boys thing. She would get pissed at me for not getting up and leaving the room when they would persists with their behavior. It's too hard to leave when doubled over with laughter and 'Lizzing' (learned that word on 30 Rock last night)

Dayum! riki lake, chill.

____________________________________♥

Zappy these are the things that are gonna make me stop breathing!!!!!
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i

WATCH THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB_fUEe5Eh0

Submitted by ricki lake on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 9:37am.
I feel like people who break up cackling at farts also howl with laughter whenever anyone trips or gets hit in the balls with something on America's Funniest Home Videos.
______________________________________

wrong. i love farts (especially my own). but i don't like America's Funniest videos where everyone cracks up at people falling over, getting hit, etc., those are decidedly not funny. imho

at the same time (complex but try to follow), the animals reacting to farts didn't do anything for me

maybe i'm just gassy this morning and need to rip off a few ripe ones to get things flowing

.

Oh Clarisse, thanks for addressing my point. Oh wait, you didn't at all. If you want to respond because you have a point, fine, but don't argue just to argue. The situation you brought up was demonstrably different - since a soft mattress isn't exactly the same as a wall. Which would you prefer I throw your dumb ass against? Alright then, ho. Thought so.

Ricki,
I'm sure she violently threw everything else, but gently tossed the cat. My mistake. Don't mind me...I'm stupid.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

why would you give a cat a bath?
i don't think we gave my old cat one bath in her 13 years.

-------------------------
'fuck you guys. i'm goin' home.'

@ ricki

Funniest home videos and people falling off of bicycles, etc. are not funny at all. I think the people who put those on TV are the biggest Asshats ever. My family turns it off when I walk into the room because it pisses me off so.

Did you know that the average human being inhales approximately 1 liter of flatulence per day. The study didn't specify if it was human or other.

I want that kitty cat.

Um, yeah, and there's an obvious difference between tossing a cat on a bed and and throwing it into a wall. "Just sayin'." Duh. Don't be stupid.

There was a blip on the NYC ASPCA's blotter about a kitten brought in with a shattered hind leg because the owners husband threw it across the room at her and it hit the wall. Just sayin...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She hasn't dated Jeffrey Dean Morgan for "years." They dated for a bit, broke up, and have only recently gotten back together. But yes, Mary-Louise Parker seems to have some shit luck with men...although I certainly wouldn't put a child he did know about in the same league as what Billy Crudup did to her.

I feel like people who break up cackling at farts also howl with laughter whenever anyone trips or gets hit in the balls with something on America's Funniest Home Videos. Uh...yeah.

I hate Natalie Portman. She looks like a dirtbag ho, and, if she really was making out with Sean Penn the other night, she IS a dirtbag ho...no matter how many Harvard degrees she wants to remind us of. Ugh. Pretentious bitch.

Vampire Diaries sounds like kid stuff. Perfect for the CW.
What we need on TV is the Black Dagger Brotherhood saga... big strong sexy vampires who love hard and fight harder.

Now that's Must-See-TV!

____________________________________________________________
What don't you fuckin' understand???- Christian Bale

The animal videos were hilarious. The second one with the cat was the best. I have a part Golden Retriever/St. Bernard. When he does one, we all have to clear the room! : /

Isn't that the guy Mary Louise Parker has been having a relationship for YEARS?
Poor girl can't catch a break!