Deep Thoughts With Jessica Simpson
It looks like someone smoked a little of the good shit while going through her old Hallmark cards, because the big-tittied frog got all profound and shit in a message she posted on her biggest fansite. I think she might have sprained her one working brain cell while writing this:
Why do we let the sun SET with its beauty, then find ourselves ugly.Didn't God, whoever he may be to you, create both? If a sunset is beautiful, then so are we.
Love yourself morning, noon, and night. Sunrise. Sunset.
Xo jess
Um. But sunsets don't forget the words to their songs. Sunsets don't have pervy dads who jizz their pants when they comb your hair. And sunsets definitely don't wear diaper jeans.
Aw. I shouldn't get on Jessica. She was doing that thinking thing she tries every now and again. It's endearing! Jessica really is the Stuart Smalley of the chili cook-off world.
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Damp pavement is deeper.
If she was 10y.o. this would be mildly profound.
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
I fucking hate it when people say she is not fat. Compared to the way she looked when she made that shitty Dukes Of Hazzard, she was toned and skinny, she now just looks like a cow. FACT.
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Hot Music & Hot Cocks!
Feel bad for her now but I loved her breakout song. She's harmless. Sweet. Dumb.
She's not fat. Her arms are a little chunky, she probably should start lifting weights. On every tabloid and even on here I see ads for diets that Jessica's been on where she's lost 10-15 lbs but I see recent pics of her and she still looks the same. See how they LIE to us!? LIARS! MASSIVE FAIL!
"The master's tools will never dismantle the master's house." Audre Lorde
Note to Romo: RUN!
When did her arms get so fat?
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She doesn't have much going for her in that pic. The mom jeans, the belt (an insult to leopards everywhere), the do-me position she is standing in. Who stands like that to sing a song? She's spending more time concentrating on how far she can stick her ass out than how she actually is singing. No wonder she sounds like shit.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 04/12/2009 - 10:09pm.
If taking a dump is a natural and healthy human function, why do we flush it down the toilet????? WHY????
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LMFAO
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
Uncle would totally let Jessica sit on his face
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"...Soon we'll be away from here. Step on the gas and wipe that tear away...."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YF4-r2MpRMs
If taking a dump is a natural and healthy human function, why do we flush it down the toilet????? WHY????
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
I have D cups and a brain....so no it has nothing to do with having tig ole bitties!
I think the relevant phrase is "special needs seal"....
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Bet you're probably gonna say I look lovely,
But you probably don't think nothing of me.
I believe it's a matter of cardio-vascular circulation. Her tits draw so much blood to the tissues that her brain is deprived of adequate oxygen. It's either that or grits lead to a vitamin deficiency that affects the brain. The bottom line is that her IQ is two digits, and she still believes that Chicken of the Sea is some form of bird and not a brand of tuna fish!
Lawdy, she surely done turned BEEFY! Those jeans be ready to split in the arse. Gee, I wonder I wonder effen she be like Asshole Simpson and like it up the backside. Maybe we need to ask Pete?
TigerLil, I see why Chuck Manson loves ya babe! Thanks for the hearty laugh MUAH!!
Deep Tweets by Jack Mehoff
If farts are beautiful why do we carry a fabreeze holster?
Submitted by Deb: "Why do we let a turd flush down the toilet with all its glory, then find ourselves wiping?"
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Pick up your socks and drop your slots, we're going to a party.
I know Jess is in career crisis, but fear not, I have a solution... I'm thinking Jess could easily be the next Anna Nicole...(yes, I realize I'm going to hell, what's new?)
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
I found a hot place, you guys should try it ___SugarmommaMeet.Com_____a great place for rich Woman to meet young and handsome man.............
Submitted by Hekki on Sun, 04/12/2009 - 9:17pm.
Every holiday, my nasty-tempered sister sends us a text that goes something like this: "May this precious day remind us all to appreciate the love and laughter we have. Every day is a blessing from God which we are given blah blah blah." Which is so counter to her bitchy demeanor. Mr. Hekki and I just wait for it. Every holiday. We got one today.
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See, Hekks, the universe is all about balance...Yeah, what you need to do is BALANCE her text message/email with something like this...
Let every fucked up Kool-Aid drinkin' cult of a "holy-fuck'n-day" remind every fucking one of you how fucked up this fucking world is. Every fucking day is more fucked up than the last and oh yeah, by the way GOD DOESN'T EXIST!!!!
HAPPY FUCKIN' EASTER MOTHER FUCKERS....
...this is simply a template, but you get what I'm talking about yes? Balance...*breathe in, breathe out*...Balance....Ahhhhhhhhhhhh....Peace to you, my sister...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Why does my milkshake bring all the boys to the yard, but bitch's get all jelly when damn right, it's better than yours???? We all have nice milkshakes..
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by sunkist: "Reminds me of last week when a friend had some sappy quote (like this one actually) as her status on fb, I thought she was being facetious, so I replied "Is that a quote from Jack Handy?"
AH HA HA HA HA!
Every holiday, my nasty-tempered sister sends us a text that goes something like this: "May this precious day remind us all to appreciate the love and laughter we have. Every day is a blessing from God which we are given blah blah blah." Which is so counter to her bitchy demeanor. Mr. Hekki and I just wait for it. Every holiday. We got one today.
And she's getting religious on us, too. Which also cracks me up because she ia a liar, cheater and stealer. I love her and all, but the hypocrisy just kills me.
What the FUCK does that first line mean? Is she uglier in the night? Does she find herself in the night? How can we NOT let the sun set?
Damn....she is so deep!
Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Her ass is as wide as a sunset.
This is what Asshole Simpson should say to Bronx Mowgli when he asks his mom what the fuck she was thinking when she and her vagina husband picked that ugly ass name!!
Why do we let the bottle empty of its alcoholness, then find ourselves sober?
Reminds me of last week when a friend had some sappy quote (like this one actually) as her status on fb, I thought she was being facetious, so I replied "Is that a quote from Jack Handy?"
She actually got mad and didn't talk to me for a couple days. Bitch, whatever, I'm still laughing!
Most of the people in that audience were probably hoping she would put the microphone to her ass and start farting. That would definitely have sounded better than her "singing".
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
She's probably more confused by what she said than we are. Poor Jessica. An IQ of 74 really isn't much to work with.
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
Submitted by Jessica
Why do we let the sun SET with its beauty, then find ourselves ugly.
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Duh! Maybe just look in the mirror? And the fuckin' yellow brick road is two doors down, bitch. Although, you might have to fight your brother the Scarecrow for a brain.
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Just because no one understands you, doesn't mean you're an artist.
Evening PSL, UA and all!
Chestica is so twitterful...don't ya think.
Why would someone with such big boobs...cover them up?
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Pick up your socks and drop your slots, we're going to a party.
why are you all quoting her? I just ate......lol
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"I don’t look good naked. I've got chicken legs and my balls hang too low. I hear they get lower and saggier as you get older, and that’s fucked up. I'll have to tuck mine into my socks."
- Enrique Iglesias
Why do we let the sun SET with its beauty, then find ourselves ugly.
Didn't God, whoever he may be to you, create both? If a sunset is beautiful, then so are we.
Love yourself morning, noon, and night. Sunrise. Sunset.
Xo jess
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Awwwwww.......that's so sweet. The bumpkin is so philosophical. She's making Uncle have "touchy feely" thoughts. Come closer, Jess......Uncle has a finger for you!
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"...Soon we'll be away from here. Step on the gas and wipe that tear away...."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YF4-r2MpRMs
Hey Mani!
Chestica needs to STFU and stop embarrassing herself.
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"I don’t look good naked. I've got chicken legs and my balls hang too low. I hear they get lower and saggier as you get older, and that’s f**ked up. I'll have to tuck mine into my socks."
- Enrique Iglesias
Why do we let the sun SET with its beauty, then find ourselves ugly.
The problem is this! It's not up to US to let the sun do anything. Beauty is perceived or not perceived by your subconscious mind and acted upon by your concious mind.
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Pick up your socks and drop your slots, we're going to a party.
Why do we let the sun SET with its beauty, then find ourselves ugly.
Didn't God, whoever he may be to you, create both? If a sunset is beautiful, then so are we.
Love yourself morning, noon, and night. Sunrise. Sunset.
Xo jess
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I read this and reread it and tried to make some sense of it but my brain can't think that stupid.
Ok so the sunset is beautiful and we get up in the morning and we're ugly, but then God created both, what the heck??? Created what both the sunset and ugly us???? No beautiful us, yikes I'm confused. Ok so then we should love ourselves, what weather we are beautiful or ugly?? The only part I understood was the morning noon and night. This is a joke right??? This had to have been written by a 12 year old kid otherwise it makes no sense whatsoever.
If she were wearing her Daisy Dukes today, she'd resemble an R. Crumb sketch.
On topic: jessica, dont ever let me catch you wearing this getup again...not okay
I'd love to have an ass like that.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
I could be like this really fancy ass upscale hooker for all you know. I could just have this job so I don't get arrested what the fuck would you know? - Frito
Rock of Herpes Bus Finale Tweet Special on twitter tonite...DevilGirl and I will be hosting...Feel free to find me on twitter as Grapedrinkbaby365 or DG as Devilgirl7734...Pre-party kicks off at 7:45 central time.
For those non-twitterers(losers), it's basically like a live blog.
j/k...i still love my "old-skool" dlisting pals!
And it's BYOSTD of course!
jessica actually looks good from that angle! she should permkantely pose like this! she's not a rail, she's almost teetering on an anna nicole sexy kind of thing. i say go with it! LOL
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"And I went through this whole thing; am I gay?! Am I straight?! And I realized: I'm just slutty." ~Margaret Cho
"This is supposed to be about delicious booze!" ~MK
Submitted by Miss Thang on Sun, 04/12/2009 - 4:32pm.
I must be high cuz that actually made sense to me.
Hahahahahahahahaha!
You're funny Miss Thang!
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Submitted by Miss Thang on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 10:17am.
I aint no psychiatrist, but I am bipolar ............
The question: is Jessica more stupid than vapid, or more vapid than stupid?
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I think she's both. She's Vupid.
shes a walking talking marshmellow
I must be high cuz that actually made sense to me.
I've always admitted that I'm ruled by my passions.
- Elizabeth Taylor
Deeply dumb dumb
xoxox
The war isn't working.
*needs to lie down because of eating way too much ham and salad and yams and macaroni and cheese and 'sparagus and cake and stuff* (after watching Ben Hur for the 150th time)
LOL @ letin. I do understand what she means, however, that might have been something a 13 year old girl would write :S She needs to be thankful that she has a 'career' going on. And she shouldn't try thinking so hard, because it appears to be a painful process:S
@zappy...i'm still letting jessica's pearls of wisdom wash over me...no doubt, these words were written by jessica after sampling one too many batches of the chili cookoff at the county fair....
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nice ass...when does it open?
LMAO @ letin
ain't she deep though?
had i'd known jessica was so deep, i would've brewed myself a cup of chammomile tea with lemon before reading this pulitzer prize winning words...
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nice ass...when does it open?