Tuesday, April 14th 2009

POOPY Wants Another Baby

Fishsticks Paltrow probably has an arsenal of effed up baby names in her head that she's just dying to use, because apparently she's ready to have another baby. Fishy said that one day she looked down at her son Moses and thought to herself, "Oh, I don't want this to be the last two-year-old I have." Moses looked back at her and thought to himself, "Why is this bitch looking at me like that? And why did she name me Moses? And why is she making me drink this dandelion juice? Does she hate me?"

Fishy tells Now Magazine (via The Sun) that she might have one more baby, because being a mother completes her, “Motherhood enriches your life in the most incredible way. My children have given me a real life. They’ve opened up a new world to me. I never feel lonely, I never feel I don’t know what my purpose in life is any more.”

Fishy didn't need to have children in order to know what her purpose in life is. She should've just asked us! Her purpose in life is to annoy the fuck out of all of us and she's doing an A++++ job.

I want Fishy to have another guppy, just to see what she names the poor thing. I'm thinking Amram Papaya Martin. Or Lychee Jochebed Martin? Or Pharaoh Kiwano Martin? One of those.

Posted by: Michael K


owlbear's picture

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Frost's picture

Unattractive and unintelligent.

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Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you you gonna bite?

I can't think of anyone (with the exception of the braindead 4: pearass, whorehan, slutney & lardassian) who is more out of touch with reality than this idiot. She happily blathers on about "buying classic clothes" & other silver spoon things, while the majority of the rest of the country struggles to make ends meet. Just makes you want to bitch slap her hard, over & over...

LOL this site is funny as hell. Heard about it on The Lesbian Mafia radio show. The host mentions it frequently. I've been laughing for 20 minutes straight. You've got another new fan!

patty cake's picture

Goopy Guppy Martin
somebody shut her up
Is there anyway she can lose her voice in childbirth?

xoxox

The war isn't working.

Why?! Her poor kids can't even eat meat. They must be so hungry & lonely. Plus who names their kid Apple?! Fishsticks is so ugly *barf*.

Agnostic 1's picture

I so want to kick her in the face with my old steel toe docs...Repeatedly and severely.

-How nice, to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive.
Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five

SICKITTEN's picture

Gwyneth will adopt next. Has to do what Vadge does. Also, she can't hide her true self in those kids. Those kids of hers are funky looking and not in a good way. I'm sure this is where her need for GOOP comes from. It is just killing her that her kids are below average looking. Killing her. No pretty kids to show off and parade around. What did she expect? Look at the parents. Her one kid even had a roving, lazy bug eye.

wanna recognize more millionaire, you can log on __classymingle.com___. where you can meet many hot friends including some celebrities. if you are single maybe it's a big Opportunity to your life.

SICKITTEN's picture

SICKITTEN

SICKITTEN's picture

Submitted by SICKITTEN

Gotcha! Made ya look!

SuperSteph's picture

Submitted by Stoney on Tue, 04/14/2009 - 1:50pm.

And by the way, before I leave I should point out that people have no problem recognizing that the dog and cat population has to be controlled and that adopting from a shelter is best, but when it comes to popping out your own mini me, it's "leave me alone! I can do whatever the fuck I want!"

So true! You need a license to fish, requiring you to have at least some basic cognitive ability. Reproducing and child rearing? No skills or brain activity required!

Darwin let us down when Octomon was able to reproduce.

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Common sense is the genius of humanity - Goethe

SuperSteph's picture

Submitted by Otter Pop on Tue, 04/14/2009 - 4:19pm.
The mommy gene skipped me because I think motherhood is horrid.

Haha, me too!

________________________________________________________
Common sense is the genius of humanity - Goethe

SuperSteph's picture

The world doesn't need more offspring, or anybody's for that matter!

Tell me, are the truly smart actually breeding? If so, where?

SS

_________________________________________________
Common sense is the genius of humanity - Goethe

chowgirl69's picture

Submitted by Who Datt on Tue, 04/14/2009 - 5:19pm.
In my years on God's green earth, I've come to realize that the ones who jawbone ad nauseum about their perfect lives and families are straight up frontin'. FUBAR, batshit guano nutty and seething with anger at the lies. Fishsticks is a textbook case of this.

Amen Sister!!! I know a chick just like this... her husband can't actually stand her and would have divorced her long ago if not for their 2 children yet she keeps blathering on about her happy marriage even though we all know the truth. It's really kinda sad and pathetic when you think about it.

In my years on God's green earth, I've come to realize that the ones who jawbone ad nauseum about their perfect lives and families are straight up frontin'. FUBAR, batshit guano nutty and seething with anger at the lies. Fishsticks is a textbook case of this.

I say let 'er vent. I can't wait to hear what her probably-soon-to-be-ex and her daughter have to say about her in the coming decades.

re: "And if the world is wiped out by a "super virus", it will almost certainly be Mother Earth's way of dealing with the over-population problem."

Yup. And those viruses would be constantly reproducing. As that's what life is intended to do. ALL Life.

I wonder if at this point there would be a movement amongst the viruses to stop reproducing, and overpopulating? I'm guessing no, unless of course they are infiltrated by self-loathing viruses ;p

Note: I don't doubt that people can be happy and live full lives without children. Its just from a last, biological standpoint, you weren't successful. You didn't pass along the genes that were passed to you from successive generations of successful reproduction. You broke the chain.

Freak Speely's picture

So how many more kids will it take to fully complete this cowfish? Being a mother must complete her because her husband barely comes home.

-.-
The internet, where the men are real men,
the women are real men, and the children are the FBI.

re: I would like to personally welcome you to the year 2009. In this modern age humans are capable of recognizing the severe overpopulation of our planet, and some of us actually care enough not to irresponsibly shit out 15 babies. The modern world, wow what a concept.

1. Its (generally) not those in the modern world that are, as you put it, "shitting out" 15 babies. The "modern world"/1st World/Europe and the US don't even repopulate at replacement rate. The reason their overall populations aren't shrinking is because of immigration.

2. Just because some moron wants to have 15 children isn't a reason for someone else to not have them. In fact, if the world has any hope of surviving, its going to be up to rational sane people to reproduce and counteract all the idiots.

Maybe the solution would be to stop supporting idiots who have 15 children and let nature take its course? Or is that not a "modern" enough approach for you? I know, Natural law and biological necessity are so terrible passe. Next thing you know someone is going to be claiming that it takes a man (XY) and a woman (XX)to reproduce! The gall! The discrimination!

Please, enlighten me further, I find myself daily fumbling in the darkness of nature and logic.

Otter Pop's picture

The mommy gene skipped me because I think motherhood is horrid.

Whatever's picture

MK please give us a warning if you are going to post such a huge picture of her face.

Francine's picture

Make this talking skidmark go away.

Trixie1223's picture

Thanks Stony!

Stoney's picture

Submitted by Trixie1223 on Tue, 04/14/2009 - 3:31pm.

That was great. Homlier than a bucket of assholes balancing on piss! Bravo!

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You have a fucking signature quote...come on now. Doesn't get much worse. aeon312 4/3/09

moomarse's picture

She wants more kids, because she can't get any work acting (if that's what you call her gig!).
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It sounds like I'll need to be drunk, stoned and suffering from a minor concussion to deal with this fuckery. MK - 11/24/2008

Aamyko.'s picture

This one and Miley Cyrus really need to FUCK OFF!
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Trixie1223's picture

My poem:

Poor Gwynnie Fish Sticks
Thinks she's such a fox,
Too bad her best movie is
where her head's in that box

She took up with old Madge,
who wears a top hat and all,
Looks like Mr. Peanut,
sans monocle

Poor fishy fishcunt
Homlier than this:
A bucket of assholes
balancing on piss

Harvey Weinstein bribed the academy
so she'd win for that mess
Ben Affleck blew a pancake
on her pink Oscar dress

"Moses looked back at her and thought to himself, "Why is this bitch looking at me like that?" LOL

Badpie's picture

Oh Fishy. Why why why do you exist? Please tell me. No wait... I don't care. DO YOU HEAR ME I DON'T CARE! STOP TALKING!

Badpie
http://badpiebakery.typepad.com/

DeeDee's picture

If Fishy wants more kids she might wanna lay off the GOOP. I doubt Chris's lil' swimmers can wade through that nast.

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Portland, Oregon

letinstar's picture

so, is that what's fishy's problem is...that she's not complete? the whole world already knows that....she doesn't need to squeeze out any other kids...
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you see me, bitch....

shandi's picture

Jadescorpio, I think you just described the Octomom. She said she had a terrible childhood and didn't get any attention and so she had these babies to fill that gap. So she had the babies for herself, not because she wanted babies, but because she wants them to fill a need for HER. That's messed up.

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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK

JadeScorpio's picture

It seems to me that people like her are so self-centered and self-absorbed so as to bring another human being in life, just to fill their own void and make their life "complete". How egocentric and irresponsible can you be??? And consequently they (over)load these children with tons of expectations of making them "parents" happy but they only end up screwing up their children's personality and life.

In any case, may I steal a couple of ideas from "Friends" and suggest Princess Consuella BananaHammock if it's a girl, and Mike Crapbag if it's a boy?

Green Is Good's picture

Submitted by xerquina on Tue, 04/14/2009 - 1:50pm.

i hate to sound conservative but what's the point if not to pass along your genes.cats are hardly a substitute for babies. i love my rabbit but i'd never look at it as a nice child substitute.
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Nothing wrong with sounding conservative. But anyway, my point was not every married couple wants to have children.

Some of us don't have an alleged biological clock yelling at us to have babies. Just my personal opinion.

spraynard-kruger's picture

I love my kid more than anything in the world, he's fucking great and gorgeous and a genius and(enter generic mom adjective here), but he's certainly not my only purpose in life. I think it's kind of sad when mothers are completely defined by their kids. I have other driving forces in my life and I think that's when makes me a better mumma.

This ends my lame-ass, goopy, hallmark commenting for the day.

SICKITTEN's picture

Can this one think for herself? This is regurgitated Madonna talk. Since Fish had post partum depression last time around she'll use this as an excuse to adopt a baby from Africa. She doesn't have her own identity so she copies Madonna to a T. British husband, moving to England, Kabbalah, fake dark roots to hide the gray, working out, etc. Now this. CRINGE!

Happy Hour's picture

To have or not to have is not the problem here. The real problem is the excess of upper eye liner.

shandi's picture

Oh, I forgot to add it doesn't have to be a super virus. It could be a super bacteria. We have already seen some anitbiotic-resistant bacterias out there causing death. Very scary stuff.

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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK

Stoney's picture

The only problem is mother nature isn't targeting families like Gwyneth Paltrow's.

_____________________________________________
You have a fucking signature quote...come on now. Doesn't get much worse. aeon312 4/3/09

suze's picture

Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 04/14/2009 - 1:48pm.

At least cockroaches will survive a nuclear war.

Morbid. My dog's name is Morbid.

shandi's picture

Submitted by BangoSkank on Tue, 04/14/2009 - 1:55pm.

Shandi-

"Passing on ones DNA to the next generation is the point of ALL life, not just human."

I guess this is the quote I should have used. And for the record, as stated below, I'm a dude. However, my wife doesn't feel the need to have children either.

And if the world is wiped out by a "super virus", it will almost certainly be Mother Earth's way of dealing with the over-population problem.
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Bango, the first quote is not mine, although I totally agree with it.

And it doesn't matter if you are man or woman. If you choose not to have children, that is great. I don't think all people should feel the need to have chilren. In general, I believe the majority of women do have some desire to reproduce, but we certainly do not need everyone to do so in order to keep the human race alive.

And you are correct about the super virus. Mother nature has her own checks and balances in terms of keeping populations under control. Scary, but true, huh?

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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK

Stoney's picture

"And if the world is wiped out by a "super virus", it will almost certainly be Mother Earth's way of dealing with the over-population problem."

WORD.

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You have a fucking signature quote...come on now. Doesn't get much worse. aeon312 4/3/09

iHeartHaters's picture

The biggest threat to humans right now are other greedy fucking humans. Huge corporations, the AMA, the pharmaceutical industry and the big banks are what we need to worry about. Ah, isn't life grand? lol

(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)

2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.

"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"

BangoSkank's picture

Shandi-

"Passing on ones DNA to the next generation is the point of ALL life, not just human."

I guess this is the quote I should have used. And for the record, as stated below, I'm a dude. However, my wife doesn't feel the need to have children either.

And if the world is wiped out by a "super virus", it will almost certainly be Mother Earth's way of dealing with the over-population problem.

luscious_t's picture

The problem is that it's brilliant people like y'all that don't have babies and the morons of the world have, like, 6.

*****
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ROCK OUT WITH YOUR COCKS OUT~
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Stoney's picture

And by the way, before I leave I should point out that people have no problem recognizing that the dog and cat population has to be controlled and that adopting from a shelter is best, but when it comes to popping out your own mini me, it's "leave me alone! I can do whatever the fuck I want!"

Anyway, I have a large feeling I should leave now.

_____________________________________________
You have a fucking signature quote...come on now. Doesn't get much worse. aeon312 4/3/09

iHeartHaters's picture

I think the Earth is going to be fine. It will purge itself of the thing destroying it[people]. George Carlin had it right.

(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)

2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.

"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"

xerquina's picture

Submitted by Green Is Good on Tue, 04/14/2009 - 1:45pm.
i hate to sound conservative but what's the point if not to pass along your genes.cats are hardly a substitute for babies. i love my rabbit but i'd never look at it as a nice child substitute.

shandi's picture

Submitted by BangoSkank on Tue, 04/14/2009 - 1:40pm.

"Couldn't have said it better myself. If we all stop passing on DNA, then we all STOP. Passing on DNA is what keeps life going on this planet."

When your man cheats on you, I guess he's got a nice little get-out-of-jail-free card to play....

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I stand by what I said in the first sentence. But if your man is cheating on you, well, I can't do anything about that. Nor did I say it was morally acceptable for someone's husband to cheat on them. All I said was that if we all stop breeding, we will all STOP.

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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK

snowpiece's picture

Submitted by shandi on Tue, 04/14/2009 - 1:46pm.
The biggest threat to human life right now is Paris Hilton's vag. or a nuclear war

;)
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