POOPY Sucks At Blind Items
In this week's edition of Tales From the Toilet, Fishsticks Paltrow enlightens us on how gossiping only brings evil energy into our lives. HOORAY! Bathe me in a tub full of hot evil energy! Evil energy rocks me to sleep every night. I'd rather be an evil gossiper than a snobby cunt who can't even let out a relaxing fart because a giant stick of delusional is shoved so far up her own ass. But forgive me, that's the evil energy talking.
Fishy gave an example in a blind item of sorts. Although, the co-star in this blind item has Johnny Depp's saliva all over her.
Back in the day, I had a “frenemy” who, as it turned out, was pretty hell-bent on taking me down. This person really did what they could to hurt me. I was deeply upset, I was angry, I was all of those things you feel when you find out that someone you thought you liked was venomous and dangerous. I restrained myself from fighting back. I tried to take the high road. But one day I heard that something unfortunate and humiliating had happened to this person. And my reaction was deep relief and…happiness. There went the high road. So, why does it feel so good to hear something bad about someone you don’t like? Or someone you DO like? Or someone you don’t KNOW? I once asked the editor of a tabloid newspaper why all of the stories about a famous British couple had a negative bent. He said that when the headline was positive, the paper didn’t sell. Why is that? What’s wrong with us? I asked the sages to shed a little light.Here’s to washing our mouths out with soap...
Love,
Gwyneth
Here's to you choking on a bar of soap. Tonight, I will ask my own personal sage (my bong) to shed a little light on why Fishsticks is such a pretentious bitch!
Also, will somebody please tell Winona Ryder to get her klepto ass over here, so she can shoplift the stick out of Fishy's ass and shove it in her mouth. Please.
• 
Regina,
It is because I have actually seen most of her films that I think the way I do about Paltrow's acting "disabilities"...I have seen them not necessarily for her but the other people in them...and that is why I know her range is very limited...she is super overrated and typecast...if you weren't blindsided by your admiration of her you'll see that too...oh well to each its own.
Oh and I LIVED the 1998 Oscar race...and if you had read my other comments you'd understand what I meant by Fishticks being the shoo in, despite Cate Blanchet's performance.
"Dame tu leche" - Slutty Cuban Girl
Just like when Robert Redford won Best Director (for "Ordinary People") over Martin Scorsese (for "Raging Bull"), so did Goopy win best actress for "Shakespeare in Love" over Cate Blanchett for "Elizabeth." Cate Blanchett. You watch that performance and tell me that Goopy deserved to win over Cate. (Remember her gleaming, bald head and silly pink gown on Oscar night? And that bullshit crying jag on stage?) Yes, she won, like Kevin Costner did for "Dances with Wolves" over Scorsese's "Goodfellas."
I knew that friendship between Goopy and Winona wouldn't last. They're both posers. That had mean-girls-from-opposite sides written all over it. The uptown blonde Jewish girl from NYC and the downtown, hippie/hipster Jewish girl from CA; both actresses with hot boyfriends (Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp, respectively). Remember when they guest-edited a "Marie Claire" issue? While I do think Ryder is a drug-addicted, klepto in denial with poseur tendencies, I'd still take her any day over Goopy. Wow, those are my choices?
SpiceDong, I'm convinced you haven't seen many of Paltrow's films. She's most definitely not the same in them.
Also, proof you don't know much about the 1998 Best Actress race. Paltrow wasn't the only option. There was Cate Blanchett, who was behind her in the race.
http://www.celebsmagic.com/images/Gwyneth_Paltrow/Gwyneth%20Paltrow%20-%...
I've built a blog on bashing Gwyneth but I have to say that this is getting sad and I see it for what it is.
Had her Dad not died of cancer she would be directing and producing with him. Nepotism, yes but she doesn't truly belong in front of the camera. Never did.
She's flailing because her mom and husband have pretty much written her off and Madonna is too self-absorbed to be a REAL friend. Gwyn is insecure and idolizing Madonna and that's just wrong. She would have been better had her Dad survived. This wouldn't be happening.
Both these chicks are messed up in some way but Paltrow's more holier than thou Kabalalalalalalah bullshit is getting tired like an over cooked roastbeef....dry and rubbery.
-------------------------------- :)
"You're here_ and I'm here -"
gotDAMN another laughsohardIbarf post AHAHAHA!!!
At least she can write well. Most celebrities have distractingly terrible grammar.
I found a hot place, you guys should try it ___SugarmommaMeet.Com_____a great place for rich Woman to meet young and handsome man.............
She actually stopped smoking when she became pregnant with Apple. She is pretty annoying, but seems to be a good mom so I don't really mind her so much.
If Kate Blanchett had won that darned oscar, at least she would have given a graceful acceptance speech.
"Next week we make a light and delicious meal of Italian-inspired small plates perfect for stress-free entertaining."
Me LOVES it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm just going to stop at the 24-hour donut shop and then go home."
"What are you depressed about? Or celebrating?"
AWESOME
Seriously, I can't subscribe to this pretentious piece of crap fast enough -- it's GOLD! I love how, in a completely disingenuous, pseudo-academic way, enlists the "sages" to tell the masses why it's bad to say evil things about her. And this is the women who just recently, when talking about criticism of her web site, said, "Fuck the haters!" Now, that doesn't sound very karmalicious to me, dear...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm just going to stop at the 24-hour donut shop and then go home."
"What are you depressed about? Or celebrating?"
For someone who claims to be into healthy organic living she sure is a damn hypocrite. Look at the ciggie in her hand.
What a pretentious, self centered pile of cow shit.
God, she is a dumbass. And the fact that she even uses the word "frenemy" is just too much. Both the word and the concept of "frenemy" is beyond stupid. If you don't like someone, don't spend time with them obviously. Ever. To consider someone part friend and part enemy is more toxic than almost anything I can think of. And then to feel happiness when something bad befalls that person? Paltrow just seems like everything superficial, crappy, and unfortunate about female-kind. Very unfortunate.
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 1:48pm.
Here are more pearls of Wisdom from Ms. Fishy, pulled from IMDB:
"I just want to tell them all to have babies and be happy and not get sucked into that Hollywood thing."
_____________
Not get sucked into that Hollywood thing? How can she not? She IS that Hollywood thing, born and bred.
And both Winona and Gwyneth are mediocre. Winona is beautiful, though -- only her beauty is canceled out by her voice.
Why bring up such an old story? Have some balls Gwennie tell us who you're talking about. WIMP!
like a said not much to choose from that year...aside from Cate who else was there? On one side you have the real talent who is sweeping all other award shows but is essentially a newcomer from another country, and on the other side a very well connected spoiled brat...who are the members of the academy? the same people who are friends with Fishticks family...they are the ones who vote and the academy loves to pull this type of shit just to shock the audience and be different from other awards...mickey rourke anyone?
"Dame tu leche" - Slutty Cuban Girl
TranquilMoon - Paltrow gave up smoking when she was pregnant with her first child and she hasn't smoked ever since. She said recently "It's a shame smoking kills you." or something like that.
The funniest thing about this photo? That the pretentious twat--who lurves to extoll the virtues of macrobiotic diets and healthy lifestyles--is smoking a fucking cigarette! God I hate her! Hopefully the Marlboro Man will strike her dead for her damn hypocrisy (spelling?)!
Fishsticks needs to stfu. If she indeed stole the script from Winona she won the oscar for it so she should quit her bitching.
Submitted by bigkidney on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 2:16pm.
Does anyone else see the resemblance between Winona and SamRo? EVERY TIME I SEE SAMRO, I think it's Winona without makeup. EVERY TIME! Yet, I've never read anyone else say the same thing. Strange...
**********************
I see it now too!!! So fucking funny!
Forgive double post, blame my phone.
Haha yes, definitely don't forget that Gwyneth is the daughter of Bruce Paltrow and Blythe Danner. I'm sure it is part of the reason she got her Oscar and the entire reason she has a career at all.
Spice Dong- Cate Blanchett won every other top actress award that year for Elizabeth. She would have won Oscar too had it not been for Bruce Paltrow famously calling in every favor owed to him in Hollywood so little Gwynnie could have her Oscar.
Spice Dong- Cate Blanchett won every other top actress award that year for Elizabeth. She would have won Oscar too had it not been for Bruce Paltrow famously calling in every favor owed to him in Hollywood so little Gwynnie could have her Oscar.
Submitted by SpiceDong on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 2:51pm.
I don't think Fishticks is better actress than Winona.
The only reason she won her Oscar was because there was not much else to choose from that year and the publicity machine behind Shakespeare In Love was huge.
------------------------------------------------
Whooooooaaaaaa! Not much to choose from that year -- errr, that was the year of Cate Blanchett and Elizabeth, which was the rightful winner.
Ya'll forget how much clout Gwynnie got. She may or may not have had to blow a Weinstein to get that part. She had her daddy and Uncle Morty (Steven Spielberg) and every other one of her insider connects. She was one of Hollywood's little princesses so it was always just a matter of her biding her time. The table was always set for her.
Shakespeare in Love shouldn't gave gone to ryder or Goop...they can't pull off a british accent to save their life! winslet or Cate would've been perfect for that role. i still can't believe the academy picked Shakespeare in love over saving private ryan.
I don't think Fishticks is better actress than Winona.
The only reason she won her Oscar was because there was not much else to choose from that year and the publicity machine behind Shakespeare In Love was huge. Winona got 2 Oscars nominations under her belt almost back to back...she did not win, but that and the breadth of the roles she had in really big movies says a lot. Fishticks plays always the same type of roles and has everyone fooled just because she can do accents.
We're collecting lingerie for needy sexy people - Blanche Devereaux
Bathe me in a tub full of hot evil energy! Evil energy rocks me to sleep every night. I'd rather be an evil gossiper than a snobby cunt who can't even let out a relaxing fart because a giant stick of delusional is shoved so far up her own ass.
Love ya MK....mwaaa!
-------------------------------- :)
"You're here_ and I'm here -"
Sorry mispelled that:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schadenfreude
Submitted by ricki lake on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 2:39pm.
While Gwyneth is definitely the better actress (and oh, how I am LOATHE to admit that!!!!!)....Winona has definitely mad better movies overall. Gwyneth has had a few good performances in good movies but she is rarely the reason WHY these movies are good, and her good roles are few and far between anyway. Most of her movies suck and she did NOT deserve her Oscar. Thus, by the transitive property of the Pythagorean theorem to the nth degree, Winona > Gwyneth. Now wasn't that scientific? LOL
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Submitted by Regina on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 2:31pm.
OH and also...if Gwynnie stole the script from her, WHY were they still friends after 1998? The year Shakespeare in Love was released! Tell me that!"
Uh, easy...they weren't. That's how that works.
-----------------------------------------------
Tee hee hee. This is some good chat and the DListed that I love.
The Queen of Cleanse smokes cigarettes?
Um, isn't that called schedenfraud in german? Isn't that just a natural way of feeling vindicated or "I told you so"?
She's so deep. Not.
Goopy, we feel that way because we are social creatures and we are not perfect and zen. We have a range of emotions and this is healthy. With this "negative" emotions comes learning about the self and the world.
Idiot.
While Gwyneth is definitely the better actress (and oh, how I am LOATHE to admit that!!!!!)....Winona has definitely mad better movies overall. Gwyneth has had a few good performances in good movies but she is rarely the reason WHY these movies are good, and her good roles are few and far between anyway. Most of her movies suck and she did NOT deserve her Oscar. Thus, by the transitive property of the Pythagorean theorem to the nth degree, Winona > Gwyneth. Now wasn't that scientific? LOL
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Submitted by Regina on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 2:31pm.
OH and also...if Gwynnie stole the script from her, WHY were they still friends after 1998? The year Shakespeare in Love was released! Tell me that!"
Uh, easy...they weren't. That's how that works.
"Or someone you don’t KNOW?"
That's fucked up Gwen.
Submitted by sparkys nemesis on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 2:22pm.
Oh Michael K, you should be spanked...seriously. How many times must I tell you that I ADORE (all caps) Gwynnie. I get her newsletter online and this current one was brilliant...seriously. I sent it to 3 friends it was soooo great. And if we surround ourselves with negativity, it boomerangs back to us. Which means I would give up Perez and TMZ but do n-o-t make me give up you. Pleeeeease leave her alone! She's talented. Why don't you rag more on Winona??? Now go to your room. You are a bad, bad boy.
-------------------------------------------------
tee hee hee.
Even when she is pointing out an imperfection she sounds like a self righteous cunt. Is she wearing a potato on her face? Her nose is completely than that now...She must go to Angelina's plastic surgeon....The work is subtle enough to look like as they got older they just gently morphed into someone different looking.
Winona & Gwyneth are both terrible actresses, their voices make everything sound like they are actually acting, so its impossible to get lost in any of their performances...They just happen to act in movies that do well (interesting screenplays maybe?) & overall I think they are accepted as talented mostly because of where they came from...Nepotism strikes again!!
Does anyone know the story about Gw & Viggo? I heard they were messing around while filming A Perfect Murder and that's what led to her breakup with Ben A.
I know this is old news, but I only heard a snippet of this recently.
Why did Winon change her last name from Horowitz? Damn, being Jewish can't possibly be a bane in Hollywood. That shit should give her some leverage!
Shout out to Nassi. Surely you're kidding. And Winona more talented? In some alternate universe maybe.
Dear Gwyneth,
Here's to going to University or to letting MK teach you how to write, you boring wretch!
psl- this is my cue to watch some Black Adder and Red Dwarf this weekend, ha:)
I disagree that Winona is a better actress. She was so fucking bad in Dracula. Have you ever seen Gwyneth on SNL, she can believably play a lot of different parts.
I actually really liked her in Emma.
Her husband makes me barf tho - his music sucks.
Now this is what Hollywood is all about! Bitch fights!
Seriously, I must be one of few people that actually likes Gwynnie...then again, I love Winona, too.
Best performances from Winona:
Heathers
Girl, Interrupted
Little Women
The Crucible
Age of Innocence
A Scanner Darkly
Reality Bites
Mermaids
Edward Scissorhands
How to Make an American Quilt
Best performances from Gwyneth:
The Royal Tenenbaums
Sylvia
Two Lovers
Proof
Shallow Hal
Emma
Sliding Doors
Se7en
The Talented Mr. Ripley
Great Expectations
Hard Eight
Shakespeare in Love
People underestimate Gwynnie.
OH and also...if Gwynnie stole the script from her, WHY were they still friends after 1998? The year Shakespeare in Love was released! Tell me that!
Oh Michael K, you should be spanked...seriously. How many times must I tell you that I ADORE (all caps) Gwynnie. I get her newsletter online and this current one was brilliant...seriously. I sent it to 3 friends it was soooo great. And if we surround ourselves with negativity, it boomerangs back to us. Which means I would give up Perez and TMZ but do n-o-t make me give up you. Pleeeeease leave her alone! She's talented. Why don't you rag more on Winona??? Now go to your room. You are a bad, bad boy.
I love how Paltrow tries to make it look like she's an innocent victim. Everyone knows she stole the Shakespeare (sp) in Love script directly from Winona. What a goddamn slag.
Wow this woman is out of her mind, somebody needs to feed her a huge piece of humble pie. Winona is a far better actress than this idiot and funny that she forgets to mention that the real reason their friendship ended was because Gwyneth STOLE the Shakespear in Love script from Winona’s house and went behind her back and auditioned and from what has been said did a couple of “favors” for Harvey Weinstein which helped secure her role in the film.
This witch gets more obnoxious and ugly by the day, Winona has had a hard time but she’s a far better actress and human being than this twat.
Does anyone else see the resemblance between Winona and SamRo? EVERY TIME I SEE SAMRO, I think it's Winona without makeup. EVERY TIME! Yet, I've never read anyone else say the same thing. Strange....