The Hoff Takes Coachella!
When I first heard Amy Wino was going to shower her meth loogies all over Coachella, I was more than willing to fry my ass lips off to get a glimpse of her heroin shake. Then it was announced that America wouldn't let her in, so I put my coochie cutters away. And look at everything I missed!
I mean, I could have witnessed The Hoff doing gross mouth things with some kind of creature who may still have a nutsack dangling down below. Also, I could have marveled at Kate Bosworth attempting to eat a piece of pizza, but not quite getting it. Methinks the skinny bitch forgot how to swallow. Even Reese Witherspoon and her main homegirl were there drinking out of coconuts! Well, I think just Reese was. Jakey knew it was kind of cliche for him to be sucking milky liquid out of a long tube.
But for those of us that didn't go, it's a good fucking thing, because that skankwhoreuglytrampbitchcunt Wonky McValtrex was there to put the HELL in Coachella. Those poor fools who were within a 2-mile radius of Wonky engaging in illegal acts (i.e. tongue fucking her dildo boyfriend) better take a trip down to the free clinic before their pores start leaking toxic pussy fluids.
Here's more celebwhores at Coachella yesterday including Kristin Cavawhogivesafuck, Tara Reid, Evan Rachel Wood's doppelganger and the ghost of Kurt Cobain.
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AND I'm biased cuz I love her porcelain ass, but I think Dita looks her usual old-school hotness here, in a Joyce Carol Oates kind of way.
/backing off slowly from the notebook now, for real this time!
BUT do regret juuust a twinge missing out on Paul McCartney live, and maybe Henry Rollins, just to see if he could come up with any fresh material to rant about. Oh well, lounging around sleeping in and having my mommy take me out to brunch rocked, AND frittering my time away checking in on all y'all hateraters MUAH!
So how much free swag was handed out to these people who actually afford it?
I love all these assholes in their stylist-assembled hippiewear. And look! It's Music Festival Barbie! ... How much longer before we hear the obligatory (said in a baby voice), "I've never been so in love. He loves me for me, not for what he thinks he can get from me."
It's already been said and better, but yeah:
Coachella has gone the way of Sundance. And with every band you want to see playing roughly at the same time, it's a rip-off. That said, however, it was a beautiful day -- "only" 90 degrees -- in Palm Springs yesterday while I was visiting my mom. Not bad and felt great in shorts and cute tank top. Also felt great checking out these Paris-wannabe truckloads of dumb cunts with shoulders and backs festering with moles and premature crackling, giving my lovely golden shoulders and breastesses evil side-eyes ;D
Submitted by madam s.: "Coachella is the new Sundance Festival. F-listers, wannabes, hanger-ons, and overpriced silliness to be trapped in a venue with these people."
That's how I see it, too. I just don't see the appeal at all.
Here's hoping Lohan doesn't make it out alive.
You know she's there...somewhere, on her knees, sucking cock for blow.
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Hey baby! Did heaven lose a star? 'cause you've got niiiiiiice cans...
Standing for hours in 110 degree heat with a huge crowd of wasted people? Pass.
Of course Paris had to kiss her gross bf for the cameras! She is in love for real this time, you know!
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“I don’t look like Halle Berry. But chances are, she’s going to end up looking like me.”
-Whoopi Goldberg
I love Dita but she's beginning to look older.
I would hate to have a close-up shot taken of me right before I'm about to chomp down on a huge, greasy slice of 'za, mouth salivating, deer-in-the-headlights expression on my face...
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Skanky whores always think that looking sexy means looking like you're getting double-penetrated. -Michael K
I find it kind of strange that Reese and Jake are there, they don't really fit into this crowd of attention whores... which further supports those claims that their relationship is just a showmance. And she's even sporting a potential baby bump, oh my...
And why does she insist on looking so frumpy, ugh...
Agreed, Reese looks horrible here. She can be so beautiful, why did she choose to dress like a Walmart-loving soccer mom?
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Resse's outfit is frumpy as hell and her hair is TRASHED! Damn girl, lay off the bleach.
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I wish it was like the 70's and it was still ok to kick someone's ass. Damn
I heard that Paul McCartney put on an incredible show about 2 hrs.
Hasselhoff is probably drunk off his ass ...right...about...now!
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Pick up your socks and drop your slots, we're going to a party.
Submitted by Sheeps on Sun, 04/19/2009 - 1:04pm.
Hahaha, yes you can. I prefer the bumfights, myself. Also, you can record the fight you have with the bf of the chick you upskirted.
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Wolf Like Me
jakey's fly is open in one of the pictures. pure sex cannot be contained.
Submitted by DeeDee on Sun, 04/19/2009 - 1:01pm.
You can record fights with a cellphone?
Submitted by Sheeps on Sun, 04/19/2009 - 12:54pm.
YAYAY! I knew cell phone video was good for other things besides recording fights and upskirts at the mall.
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Wolf Like Me
Paris "paunch" is more like starvation/bulimic bloat then anything else. She looks heinous!
"The master's tools will never dismantle the master's house." Audre Lorde
Well, I guess Coachella's Jumped the Shark...anytime The Hoff & Wonky show up, you know it's over.
Submitted by DeeDee on Sun, 04/19/2009 - 12:51pm.
I'll admit it, I'm so jellis these dumbasses get to see some cool bands.
MIS goes on in 2 hrs! It'll be on YT in 48 hrs.
Additional: Dita looks so cute in that outfit. Great legs and cute sneakers!
Kate Bosworth eats? I wonder if that's her meal for the week.
I'll admit it, I'm so jellis these dumbasses get to see some cool bands.
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Wolf Like Me
When I looked at the main pic, I thought it was filed under "What the Hell kind of GD outfit is this?!". Or in this case "these".
Dita needs to back off on all the sun exposure.
Dita's casual look is charming.
Reese Fag Hag Witherspoon should buy a mirror, the bitch has no taste and no style.
Jake, when will you get a new beard?
I passed on Coachella this year. I'm broke and it costs too much. There's too many music festivals going on where they get 20+ artists to perform for 45 minutes all at the same time, which I think is a rip-off and rather pay $80 to see one act perform (i.e. The Cure). It's really just not worth your money unless you're rich like these celebwhores and they don't mind paying $500 extra for the VIP treatment. LAME!
"The master's tools will never dismantle the master's house." Audre Lorde
Coachella is the new Sundance Festival. F-listers, wannabes, hanger-ons, and overpriced silliness to be trapped in a venue with these people. And in both cases, Coachella and Sundance, you can see the performers/films/etc. at other times, in better circumstances, and don't have to subject yourself to this.
Oh shit, a friend of mine is there, the last thing he needs is a trip to the free clinic.
*posts warning for him on his facebook wall*
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Dick happens! - MK
Main pic:
Hmmm...Me see Hasselhoff is into afghan hounds now.
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
Wonky looks so Tinkerbell-like in that 3rd pic where her douche is lighting her cig and her face barely looks a day over 45. Nice pooch - pregnancy bump? I hope so. Have another drink, girl.
Why are all those disgusting old people polluting that event?
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Hey baby! Did heaven lose a star? 'cause you've got niiiiiiice cans...
Reese looks pregnant. Also, wtf is she wearing?!
The kiss between Paris and whoeverthatis turns my stomach. That just doesn't look sexy at ALL. She looks like a leech who got stuck to his lips while he was swimming in a river.
Look at the pic of Paris getting her cigarette lit by her boytoy - check out her gut. Dat's what it looks like when she's not holding it in wuhahahaha
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Jake and Reese looked very sweet together - and you know how much it pains me to say that!
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"Dude is titty fucking and prematurely jizzing on all of us with his eyes." - MK
I don't even wanna go to Coachella anymore, now that diseased infested quasi-stars have irreparably tainted it.
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The line between sex and society is so fine and blurred... even Amy Winehouse wouldn't snort it.
http://www.myspace.com/triston
Dita's rocking the memaw look - HARD. Oy.
The rest, even Toothy, look washed out and tepid at best.
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Well I like Colin. I'd let him jizz on my tattas anyday. - UKer.