Blohan's Big Comeback!
I've made jokes about how Blohan will soon have to shake her freckled coke bag tittays for an 8-ball and now it looks like she actually might have to. Juggle them chichis for some sugar!
Over the weekend, Blohan went to the opening night of Peepshow, an ass and titty show in Las Vegas starring Scary Spice and Kelly Monaco. Fox News says Blohan was there to meet with the show's creator Jerry Mitchell about possibly replacing Kelly Monaco in three-months. One source said Blohan can't wait, because she really is a triple threat. She's a triple threat alright! Bitch is a master snorter, sucker and blower. Blohan thinks that doing the show will give her theater cred. Yeah, because learning how to do figure eights with nipple tassles while thrusting your pussay bone is really going to convince Broadway producers to cast her as Nora in A Doll's House. Stick that on your resume under "other talents."
The saddest and most hilarious part is that Blohan has to compete against Holly Madison and Brooke Burke for the role! That hurts like a dick after daggering. Next stop: pushing racks of clothes as an extra on The City!
You know, maybe this isn't such a bad idea. I mean, not only is Las Vegas the perfect place for a cokey-brained booze-slut, but one of my idols in life, Nomi Malone, went from truck stop prostitute to titty star and it worked out so well for her. Blohan is totally the new Nomi Malone! "Different places!"
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Odds are that Holly Madison and Brooke Burke have a better work ethic and acting range than, LL Fool H these days.
By the way, a local Toronto paper this morning printed that when LL was at this club with (didn't she used to be someone)Mel B. Saturday night, she told anyone within earshot that she strictly dick-ly nowadays. Like she ever was anything else. Sam must have had to stuff a squash in her draws to maintain the illusion.
Vegas is not the place for her to be if she is trying to stay sober. Guess Hollywood will not have her. Sad.
I Know Who Killed Me was on late-night last week, so I decided to see if all the bad reviews are true. They are, but good ol' Linds looked so much better back in the day.
Call Sean Penn to fund Showgirls: The Musical & get the shit over with already Linds...
a "roll" (thanx Brit) that she was born to play...
"You ARE a whore,darlin"- Cristal Conners, Showgirls
Hohan needs a job in Las Vegas like a slut in church needs air conditioning!
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The line between sex and society is so fine and blurred... even Amy Winehouse wouldn't snort it.
http://www.myspace.com/triston
Submitted by M.E.
She's up against Holly and Brooke?
Brooke will take her. Hands down.
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She already turned the offer down. She has been talking about it on twitter. She added more about it today:
brookeburke BTW I turned down the Peepshow offer after seeing the show. With all do respect, it was too racy for my brand, not to mention the topl ...7 minutes ago from Ada
brookeburke Just clarifying that I am not involved, regardless of the Fox News article today. I would not do a topless show....6 minutes ago from Ada
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http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/montag/
It figures that WHOREhan has to basically let loose her inner slut to try to get her career back on track. By being a stripper. And probably a whore on the side. Says something about her "acting talent", doesn't it?
Submitted by snideychick: "I knew a stripper named Anna, and as much as I would have liked to make the cash she made (about a grand a week, as much as I made in a month as an office drone), the ridiculous drama that surrounded her was not worth it."
Was she stripping her way through college, too?
I don't think too many sex workers (yeah, I am calling strippers "sex workers"!) are stable, responsible women who save their money and invest wisely. Yes, there ARE women who do, but I think they're a very small minority. I think most strippers have addictions and blow through their money pretty quickly.
Linds, quit tasting your finger in photos. Nobody wants to think about where that's been.
Poor Scary Spice....having to sit next to that untalented cunt and force a smile.
Blowhan looks the same in every picture:
http://lohanfacial.ytmnd.com/
No doubt about it -- LiLo is definitely an attention whore! What a buffoon she is! That is why it's so enjoyable to see her fall and fail at all she does. She may end up as "Ginger" did in "Casino" ... dead from an overdose. I believe it's inevitable that she'll be toe-tagged soon. The only reason I care is I am in a contest at "Caskets on Parade." Still, LiLo will end up like Dana Plato. She's following her past.
As if a stick thin cokewhore will look any good shaking what's left of her emaciated body...she'll only be sexy to other coke fiend skeletons like herself. Damns shame Blohan is clutching desperately at straws for the mere semblance of attention. MASSIVE FAIL, girlfriend! Go eat some cheese burgers and try to get some role on Lifetime like Tori Spelling did when she was a nobody!
"The master's tools will never dismantle the master's house." Audre Lorde
She has never been a good actress.
The only thing she ever had going for her was cuteness, and that has long since gone.
She could get God himself as her agent and that wouldn't help her in Hollywood now. RDJ bounced back because he was always a gifted, skilled actor, something Lohan has NEVER been.
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Submitted by Miss Thang on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 10:17am.
I aint no psychiatrist, but I am bipolar ............
@gia:
Ha! Is that the big-eyed model in that pic?
I like her - her eyes CAN be expressive! I see it in the house all the time!
♥ ThreadKilla!
With my super lawyer powers, I can rid our town of cats so our kids can NEVER get high again! Mr. Broflovski, South Park
A DListed Youtube Gallery
Submitted by gia on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 11:38am.
Honestly, as shitty as Lohan is, I dont think it would really take that much for her to start getting acting jobs again...She would need a decent agent & stylist & STOP using at least enough to be somewhat coherent again & I think she would be okay.
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Dude. She's had a couple years - it's obviously just too hard for her. That's ok - there's no more shame in stripping than there is in whoring...so she's not a good whore. It's ok:) There are lots of other things she can do:)
(Disclaimer: While I, actually, thought she was dry as firewood in Mean Girls but there was this movie I can't remember exactly - it was cute but not, like, special at all, where she's some fruity artsy type that I thought she did quite well in. For me, it was simple math - that was a schtick that could have worked for her while she learned how to act, but I think she took herself both too seriously and not seriously enough at the same time...and now I really, actually feel it's too late and she should be calling Joe Francis or Dr. Drew if she really, truly wants to make a go of it.)
But she's kinda nice to look at in the right light - that intrigues me - Angie Jo made an entire career out of being nice to look at.
♥ ThreadKilla!
With my super lawyer powers, I can rid our town of cats so our kids can NEVER get high again! Mr. Broflovski, South Park
A DListed Youtube Gallery
Snideychick sez:
I knew a stripper named Anna, and as much as I would have liked to make the cash she made (about a grand a week, as much as I made in a month as an office drone), the ridiculous drama that surrounded her was not worth it. She had boozy, coked out parties that usually ended in her and several others being arrested. And once a month someone would break into her apartment and steal her t.v., video equipement, stereo, jewelry, etc.
Hmmm, seems like it would be a good fit for Lohan.
Honestly, as shitty as Lohan is, I dont think it would really take that much for her to start getting acting jobs again...She would need a decent agent & stylist & STOP using at least enough to be somewhat coherent again & I think she would be okay. Its mostly cosmetic... Make overs can work wonders. I think she just needs to completely change her look. Gain about 10 pounds, get a boyfriend, lose the nasty, waist length extensions, go red again & wash off the icky make up & tan crap. She isnt so far out into Tara Reid territory that she cant come back.
Submitted by Manimal5 on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 11:25am.
Hohan has nice boobs but against Brooke Burke...Brooke.
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Ditto. I figure she could take Holly Madison - they're about even for mediocrity except I like Holly more, I like her full frontal aggression and the fact that she's not a waste case - it's hot. But neither of those bitches can stand up to Brooke.
♥ ThreadKilla!
With my super lawyer powers, I can rid our town of cats so our kids can NEVER get high again! Mr. Broflovski, South Park
A DListed Youtube Gallery
Orange thighs, orange calves, white knees. I just LOVE that look.
Hohan has nice boobs but against Brooke Burke...Brooke.
If it's all about money though Lindsay could bring in more bucks.
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Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff. Mariah
Hohan and Holly Madison I get, but Brooke Burke? The same one from DWTS? She seemed so nice and sweet. Ah well, whatever.
I hate the downhill slide Lindsay has taken. She had promise when she was little.
I think we'd all rather hear about her OTHER comeback...I mean cumback..
Submitted by cheetahstripes on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 10:50am.
LiLo needs to chat up Mickey Rourke to get some pointers on getting out of Hollyweird for 20 years and then making the big comeback.
Seriously, LiLo. Make the call.
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The problem is that she never was! She's a failed child actor who wasted the prime transitional years to make it as a grown up actress. She's just like McCauley Culkin.
Lohan should neve pose next to anyone who is remotely beautiful like Mel B.
LOHAN IS FUGLY!!!!!!!!!!She's so homely
Argh! I get Brooke Burke and Brooke Burns mixed up all the time. Uhm, Burke is a wife and mother of 3? 4? Girls.
Do you really want to raise your young girls to think being a stripper is ideal and a rewarding career?
Pfft. Nevermind. Burke has already posed with her snatch out for Playboy.
Nevermind.
She's up against Holly and Brooke?
Brooke will take her. Hands down.
This old hag needs to give it up already.
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This post is dedicated to Jakey's open fly!
LiLo needs to chat up Mickey Rourke to get some pointers on getting out of Hollyweird for 20 years and then making the big comeback.
Seriously, LiLo. Make the call.
Submitted by Hekki on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 10:41am.
"Men are so easy."
HAHAHA yep. Dudes who go to strip clubs are really just paying through the nose to have their masculine egos stroked. Jokes on them because they're the ones leaving the club with empty pockets and painful blue balls.
Submitted by gia: "Its all a feminine illusion & the retard men just eat it up."
Yup. Reminds me of how that old geezer went crazy when Anna Nicole would talk baby talk in his ear.
Men are so easy.
Ah, she's biting her index finger AGAIN, which makes her look SO coy and sexy.
Seriously why is anyone shocked. She pissed her career away cuz she is a self centered bitch with addiction and entitlement issues. You figure 3 shots at rehab before age 22 would get the message across. DENIAL is a shitty place to be but L.L. is obviously very comfortable in it.
Submitted by Hekki on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 10:28am.
Is this like The Pussycat Dolls?
What's the deal with being a stripper? Am I the only woman who doesn't think it's glamorous?
I'm not looking down on strippers, but I just don't think it's so wonderful. Is it about feeling sexy and powerful? Because if you're a decent-looking female, most men would be happy to fuck you anyway.
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I used to think I was the only one who DID find it glamorous, but then, I've also seen the REALLY non-glamorous side.
What I used to like about hanging out with strippers (always a stripper's maid..., sadly *sigh*) was that it WAS like a girls club. It's such a weird ass environment (some places, I avoided the dives that were mostly made up of crackheads and lifers on Pervert Row) - a boys club AND a girls club. The girls are making money hand over fist, being offered all kinds of gifts all the time and, in their minds, for nothing. In their minds, for the luxury of being lusted after by so many foolish men with money. Like, they shook their boobies SO many times it just seems like so much nothing to them as long as they walk away with the cash and live in peace and comfort otherwise....
And then the boys are all like: Look at us! We're exploiting women! We LOVE exploiting women and smoking cigars and pretending to be rich! And there are no h8ters here! And they get to hang out in the darkness and do all their drunken, manly things in peace.
Everybody's using each other and they're all happy with it. It is a weirdness but, when it's working, it's certainly not even close to the worst collection of humans I've ever seen.
Double Disclaimer: That's the healthiest aspect right there - there are lots of unhappy and even tragic stories but you can say that about almost any environment, really....
♥ ThreadKilla!
With my super lawyer powers, I can rid our town of cats so our kids can NEVER get high again! Mr. Broflovski, South Park
A DListed Youtube Gallery
these days she's also a master bater....
*rimshot*
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Bet you're probably gonna say I look lovely,
But you probably don't think nothing of me.
I bet the producers are having one hell of a dilemma. On the one hand they know that people will come from far and wide and PAY to see Lohan strip. But on the other hand, they know that she might not show up and they'll lose $$$.
What to do, what to do?
Submitted by Hekki on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 10:28am.
What's the deal with being a stripper? Am I the only woman who doesn't think it's glamorous?
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No, you arent, I dont think its glamorous at all, but I am totally fascinated by the money aspect of it all. If you are somewhere good, you probably only have to work part time & you can make a shitload of crazy decent money. I always find it so funny to watch men at strip clubs & observe the dynamics between them & the dancers, they look like they are seeing naked women for the first time. I find it even more interesting that the strippers I have seen arent even that good looking most of the time. They are just slender/perfectly curvy with tons of long hair & make up & perfume. Its all a feminine illusion & the retard men just eat it up.
sad, sad Lindsay. what a joke she has become.
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“I don’t look like Halle Berry. But chances are, she’s going to end up looking like me.”
-Whoopi Goldberg
Holy shit, you stupid, retarded, fucking WHORE, get yourself out of the limelight and stop depressing me. Seriously, GO! SCAT!
You can die, you can OD, you can be institutionalized, you can go to jail, or you can just fade into total obscurity, but leave the rest of the world alone, for fuck's sake! Stop fucking forcing yourself on us!!!!! DO! NOT! WANT!
ARGGGGGGGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*sits back from the keyboard, takes deep breath*
Okay, next?
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You're a rebel? You think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel, you're fucking psychotic! ~ Veronica Sawyer
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 10:21am.
its cause she spends too much time on them..its all rubbed off.
Ok, off topic but yesterday as I was walking through the drug store I saw a corner diplay at the cosmetics counter that said "Get Ready For Prom!!!" On the top shelf, glittery barrettes, self tanner, fake nails. Bottom shelf- K Y His & Hers and Trojan condoms. I'm going back today to take a picture.
☻ ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻
"The man in the moon tried to fuck my sister!"
That is way too much work for one little coke whore to handle...She could never keep up...She cant even make it to a sitcom set on time & be professional. Plus, after all her smoking & other recreational activities, I doubt she would have the stamina to do more than just stand there & pose. Is that really a recent pic? They both look like the crack cats who ate the eightball.
Is this like The Pussycat Dolls?
What's the deal with being a stripper? Am I the only woman who doesn't think it's glamorous?
I'm not looking down on strippers, but I just don't think it's so wonderful. Is it about feeling sexy and powerful? Because if you're a decent-looking female, most men would be happy to fuck you anyway.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA .. WE CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON LINDSAY
Look at her fucking knees. Lindsey, you stupid whore, if you have a line of self tanners at least get your freaking oompah loompah tan to look half decent!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"Liberache, Versace, Coocarachi"
WATCH THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRNpPSUMqKA&feature=related
Ever notice that the only time Blohan is remotely interested in working out is when she's in rehab?
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
God help us all! Prive nightclub management outed Lohan saying that she was drinking Vodka at the club while there with Mel B. It is about time someone outed her..........time for rehab Lohan. This time, pay fucking attention!
Lindsay's future of truck-stop hooker is slowly coming to fruition.
And WTF?!?! Daggering? The shit I learn on Dlisted.
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Wolf Like Me
how long before she starts switching panties with strippers?
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"Liberache, Versace, Coocarachi"
WATCH THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRNpPSUMqKA&feature=related
Not gonna happen.She'd have to start eating right & training hard.(Mel B's body is just outstanding!)She'd also have to actually show up for work on time.