Kelly Bensimon's Titties Are Trying To Quit Her

These pictures of Kelly Bensimon's seizure victim tittays are from September '08, but when I saw them on Best Week Ever and B-Side Blog, I had to share them with you. I know that after you listen to Kelly's sandpaper-on-a-chalkboard voice scream "highly inappropriate" a million times on The Real Housewives of New York, you take an old gym bag into the corner and quietly kick at it while pretending it's Kelly's face. You're not alone in that feeling, because her chichis feel the same. Look at them. They obviously put in a request for a transfer and bitches aren't doing shit until it comes through! They just can't work together. The left one hates the right one and they both hate Kelly's rotten apricot face.

It probably takes 2 body builders and a crane to put a bra on that chest. When they finally get a bra on her, it only holds for a quick minute before it snaps off and goes flying through the room. Those boobies do not want to be contained. They want off that bitch! Move this island!

Here's more of Kelly's rogue breasts with Laird Hamilton, Gabrielle Reece and their kid at an event in NYC last year.

Wireimage, Getty

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by The Audrey on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 9:06pm.

What's even more disturbing than the defined implants is the 1/2 mile between them.

*looks down at boobs*

Nope, that's just not normal.

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♥*♥*♥*♥*♥* Grossness... *♥*♥*♥*♥*♥

Submitted by Suzy Farkis on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 9:01pm.

If she got another one put in the middle it would look better than this.

Submitted by Lolalola on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 8:36pm.

Dear God,
I have really gross flapjack boobs but at least they don't look like this slut's nasty "breasts," and for that I thank you. I like my body a little more now.
L

Submitted by soul on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 8:06pm.

aren't you supposed to get both boobs done??
and if she's so up there why can't she find a dress that fits?
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Submitted by jiggywiddit on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 8:05pm.

Ya'll are being harsh. She'd look great with a unicorn horn.

Kinda balance everything out.

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I think that Jiggy and I have spent too much time at Dlisted. --Clarisse

Submitted by iHeartHaters on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 7:59pm.

OH MY GOD. That is one of the worst tit jobs ever. I can't even put it into words!

(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)

2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.

"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"

Submitted by Life on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 7:56pm.

WTF??! Women with breast like this must be out of their fucking MINDS to think this is ok to be in public or alone with anyone??!! They have to be on meth or coke!! How the fuck u gonna see 2 harden mishaped breast implants like this attractive?? nasty!!

"The More You Know, The Less You Need"

Submitted by kacky on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 7:40pm.

She's ugly inside and out.

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you can probably have a more reasonable conversation with a fucking burnt rutabaga than with that bag of crazy. - MK
You can only hold it so long before crunchy gets soggy. - TITS

Submitted by xerquina on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 7:25pm.

i just wanna kung fu kick it from both sides so they can be in harmony.

Submitted by darlingjulie on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 7:22pm.

Those are like the complete opposite of Tori Spellings.

Submitted by KobeLover on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 6:55pm.

WTF??? That is the ugliest bosom I've seen besides Tori's. HIDEOUS!!!

Submitted by justice on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 6:52pm.

Dear Women,

Please stop fucking around with your tits, faces and anything else the plastic surgeon can tamper with.

That is all.

--thanks awfully--

Submitted by Mrs. F. on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 6:51pm.

this explains why she looks so strange in sweaters.

she has great legs though... why would she try to emphasize any other body part?

I do wonder if she is on drugs...

Submitted by moosh on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 6:50pm.

here boobs are floating away......

puurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,
moosh

http://twoliablog.com/teacups-and-couture/

Submitted by No Words on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 6:25pm.

Please, if this crone is reading this, let us all chant in unison...

GET NEW BOOBS! YOUR CURRENT FAKE TITTIES ARE PUKE INDUCING AND HIDEOUS!

Submitted by StickaCockinWoo... on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 6:22pm.

As ugly her tits look, men will still suck on them.

Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.

Submitted by Hideous Amadeous on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 6:19pm.

hilarious! but what are these 3 twats together for? is laird wearing andy warhol's wig?

What fresh hell is this?

Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 6:18pm.

Her boobies are scary but so is that Children of the Corn lookin' little girl in the thumb. Ack!

♥ ThreadKilla!
With my super lawyer powers, I can rid our town of cats so our kids can NEVER get high again! Mr. Broflovski, South Park
A DListed Youtube Gallery

Submitted by anonymouse_9 on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 6:17pm.

That's one bad boob-job!

The only redeeming quality about horse-face Kelly is that she firmly put the even more annoying Bettheny in her place!

Submitted by ms. skinny-chubby on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 6:13pm.

Her canyon... can't she see that? I'm sure she sees that her boobs are 5.23 miles apart, right? Clearly, this heffa has NO friends... what a shame. LOL!

Submitted by Sandbitch on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 6:11pm.

Fake celebrity tits never grow old do they. Just when one set relaxes, another one contracts.

Submitted by modianos on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 6:10pm.

now how ya gonna bring up her stomach face at dinner time? RUDE! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I swear! Look it up online.

Submitted by xerquina on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 6:06pm.

Submitted by modianos on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:52pm.

somewhere tara reid is celebrating the fact that she no longer has the worst boob job in the history of bad boob jobs.
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HAHAHA but she still has the saddest stomach face ever.

Submitted by wildchildintn on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 6:01pm.

Submitted by Manimal5 on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:41pm.
She couldn't get a matching pair?

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lmfao!

And why in the fuck is the stupid bitch wearing a dress that just emphasizes her huge ass gap? Skanky slut with no style.

Submitted by modianos on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:52pm.

somewhere tara reid is celebrating the fact that she no longer has the worst boob job in the history of bad boob jobs

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I swear! Look it up online.

Submitted by girl_cheese on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:50pm.

Maybe she bought them on sale, manimal

Submitted by pomegranate on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:50pm.

Those are the most ridiculous t*ts I've ever seen in my life.

Submitted by cprincess on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:47pm.

That is seriously the worst boob job I have EVER seen!
That combined with the jerky skin look is not attractive-what is wrong with this broad?-surely she could have found a good surgeon-theres no excuse for tit jobs like this any more...
Thing thats so funny is that shes believes that shes got so much class and breeding...honey-one is born a socialite,you dont become one by way of Rockford IL and a bad tit job.
Gabrielle and Laird probably think theyll get chemical poisoning by standing so close to her.
Hey-Im not normally into surfers but Laird has got a hot body-have you seen that surfing movie he was in?
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"

Submitted by AmberWaves on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:45pm.

Kelly's tits make Tara Reid's look like udder perfection.

Submitted by Hooray 4 Hollyweird on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:42pm.

Those are the saddest set of impants I have ever seen.

When they said buy low and sell high they didn't mean pot.

Submitted by Manimal5 on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:41pm.

She couldn't get a matching pair?

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Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff. Mariah

Submitted by Vermithrax on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:41pm.

HLY SHT :(

Submitted by reets78 on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:40pm.

What I think should all be asking is why the frig the godfather of tow-in big wave surfing, Laird Hamilton, was hanging out with the real houswives crew?

Submitted by ainsley on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:37pm.

So its not ok to be even slightly overweight, but its ok to have tits like that and show them off? Yeah makes perfect sense.

They kinda remind me of Ivanka Trump's but even worse.

Submitted by lora on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:36pm.

ay dios mio!!! those are some banged up chi chis ={

Submitted by fuckingclassy on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:25pm.

Yo bitches!

This overbaked cunt has a website. There's a link to her email address on there so I emailed her and she responded that I was rude. LOL

Submitted by girl_cheese on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:24pm.

"Oh, hey, your boob fell in my drink. Yeah. It's ... kinda wet - grab it with your napkin. Ooops! I'll get it. Can I just put it in your purse? Yeah, the ladies' room is over there ...."

Submitted by babybunny on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:18pm.

I hate ALL those housewife shows...such unappealing, whiny, ugly, over-processed, fake and byatchy women...I mean puhleeze! If this is the best New York can do, then they need to step up their game. I only watch that show when I am beyond bored, and want to feel good about myself! I am serious...those fake nasty women make me like myself for being real. Now onto this heinous creatures terrible tits...what is up with that??? I hope she got a money back guarantee for those things...gawd, what a train wreck!!

Submitted by mollination on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:18pm.

HAHAHAHA! I just noticed the kid's entire head fits in the middle of those sacks!!! OH my god, that is horrible. What if they start leaking on his precious little head? Call cps!

Submitted by Am on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:17pm.

Wait...I spoke to soon. In "Afternoon Crumbs" there was a link about Vadge's trainer. I think she went to the same surgeon as Kelly Bensimon.

http://laineygossip.com/Madonnas_trainer_Tracy_Anderson_says_shes_still_...

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Submitted by mollination on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:15pm.

Ohmygod.... are they deflating? I don't get it. I've never seen boobs like that...not even my neighbor's really bad fake ones....

My least favorite part is when she brings guys around and laughs like she thinks she's giggling, but it really just sounds like a 58-year-old-smoker laugh (which probably isn't too far off), while she glances at the camera making sure they see her being flirty (which looks more like clingon desperation). Like "omygod, I'm just so silly and youthful and spontaneous even though this entire date is orchestrated for you to see so you think i'm just so silly and youthful and spontaneous!!"

I positively LOVED when she tried to call Bethenny out and ended up looking like a first class foolio. Bethenny is ten times hotter than this sack of leather and silicone even with her pronounced jaw-bone.

Submitted by Alix on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:14pm.

If her boobs run far enough away, will they meet in the middle of her back? The one on the right is seriously encapsulated -- ouch.

Bad as it is, Tori Spelling's boob job is worse. Way worse.
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"I'm just going to stop at the 24-hour donut shop and then go home."
"What are you depressed about? Or celebrating?"

Submitted by sybil on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:14pm.

Worst implants ever....Doc should have put them UNDER the muscle on a woman that thin...now onto Gabby Reece, what happend to her muscle tone? Bitch used to be ripped; biceps, triceps, tyrannasauras rex! Laird Hamilton looks like George Hamilton, use some sunscreen dammit!!!

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"Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much"
Oscar Wilde

Submitted by Am on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:10pm.

She's a walking PSA for anti-plastic surgery. Even worse is she doesn't realize it. I wonder how much she paid to be that stupid.

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Submitted by carefreea on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:07pm.

Whoa, what happened there? And why is she flaunting them??

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Well I like Colin. I'd let him jizz on my tattas anyday. - UKer.

Submitted by Albatross on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 5:06pm.

Damn, them's some jacked-up titties. Tori Spelling's got nothin' on this chick.

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This post is dedicated to Jakey's open fly!

Submitted by madam s. on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 4:54pm.

She definitely bought those implants out of the "odds 'n ends" bin where no one has a match. She should have "IRREGULAR" tattooed across her chest.

Submitted by LunaChick on Tue, 04/21/2009 - 4:49pm.

Why would she wear a dress that emphasizes her really bad boob job? Does she think they look good?

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"...We don't exist for the beautiful people of the world...We're there for the oddball, the rebel, the outcast, the geek!"