Portrait Of A Lady

Please curtsy before this refined and pristine lady! This portrait is like the modern day Mona Lisa, right? This striking work of art came about after 25-year-old Nicole Marty of Long Island was arrested after she got high, got in her car and crashed it into a pole with her 9-year-old in the passenger seat. Being the elegant lady that she is, Nicole also beat on a cop at the hospital. Doesn't she just make you want to cross your legs and pick up a teacup with your pinky sticking out?

25 with a 9 year old says everything and more. So does the face that looks like it's been living in a cave on an old nuclear testing zone

That being said, If I had a mug shot, I'd want it to look like this (sans the "my daddy is also my brother" face).

VIA Smoking Gun

Posted by: Michael K

Submitted by Noelegy on Fri, 04/24/2009 - 7:32am.

A couple of years ago, I was watching "Grease" with my husband and stepsons. When it got to the part where Rizzo thinks she's pregnant, my stepsons didn't understand what the big deal was, and I had to explain that once upon a time, not so very long ago, a pregnant high school girl was a huge scandal, and even if she'd only done it with one guy, she was automatically considered a slut. Their cognitive dissonance came from the fact that they personally knew of many girls in their high school who were in the family way, and didn't see why the fuss. Sad.

I just wonder if back then, there really were much fewer teenage pregnancies, or it just seemed that way because it was considered something to be ashamed of.

Oh, and I have to add that I was most relieved to see that this particular delicate flower is NOT from the South.

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Really don't mind if you sit this one out
My words but a whisper, your deafness a shout
--Jethro Tull

Submitted by RasKimmie on Fri, 04/24/2009 - 1:21am.

Gettin high and crashing into a tree? Funny

Beatin up the po-po's and adding assault to her already fucked-up day? Funny

Takin your mugshot with 2 middle fingers up? Genious

Seein her face unexpectedly pop up on dlisted? Funny

This story would be perfect if it wasn't for the kid in the car with her. Loses most of it's funny points for me. Fuckin bitch, couldn't even succeed in entertaining us right....

Submitted by kdracofan on Thu, 04/23/2009 - 2:39pm.

LMAO @ "If I had a mug shot, I'd want it to look like this (sans the "my daddy is also my brother" face)"

Submitted by Margo on Thu, 04/23/2009 - 12:30pm.

Those were some primo drugs, I must say...

Submitted by 2Di4 on Thu, 04/23/2009 - 10:42am.

LOL! She bit off Amy Pohler's "suck it!" routine from "The Swan" skit on SNL.

Submitted by iHeartHaters on Thu, 04/23/2009 - 10:00am.

Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 10:15pm.

Well, these avvies can be hard to see but...

(her fingers say STFU BEYOTCH!)
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OMFG angel that is fucking FUNNNNNYYYYYYY!!!! I wanna fullsize poster of it dammit LMAO!!

(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)

2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.

"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"

Submitted by Lovely123 on Thu, 04/23/2009 - 9:31am.

She is such a cuttie.I saw her photos at billlionaire personals site________A f f l u e n t B a c h e l o r s . c o m______ last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site.

Submitted by patty cake on Thu, 04/23/2009 - 8:42am.

god i love that photo

xoxox

The war isn't working.

Submitted by Mrs.TimDaly on Thu, 04/23/2009 - 7:13am.

Her sentence should be 3 years as the Octotwat's nanny.

Submitted by boloveby11 on Thu, 04/23/2009 - 6:03am.

I found a great site _______M e e t R i c h . C O M_______ . where you have the opportunity dreaming about dating a millionaire and make it true! I thought everyone needed to meet some miracle after all the terrible stuff in the news and the economy

Submitted by Viviane23 on Thu, 04/23/2009 - 4:47am.

Well she's rather pretty. :P

But fooling around with a nine year old... Stupid bitch.

Submitted by freshfacestripper on Thu, 04/23/2009 - 4:18am.

MK they don't pay you enough! You are hilarious. Please take that SOUP job at E. Perez Hilton who? You need to be more famous than all the Monday-Friday peoples! Like, BILLY O'Reilly famous. YOu and Khia need your own show...fuk it.

......celebrities are vile!

Submitted by See You Next Tuesday on Thu, 04/23/2009 - 1:57am.

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 4:20pm.

M.E., I have encountered SUCH stupidity when it comes to this issue. IO love when I see a 13 year old, who is 4'8" and 75 lbs in the front, and the excuse is, "But he's 13". HELLO, it is more of a height/weight issue people.

*rolls eyes*
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

But what about when they are 4'11 and 105 lbs? And they are driving the car..... cuz they are 30?
Lol.... not busting your balls, I actually agree with you... its just my husband rags on me that the law requires people my size to be in a booster seat in the car......

"Small and broken..... but still good..... mostly...."

Submitted by cliffdweller on Thu, 04/23/2009 - 12:46am.

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 11:56pm.

Why, no...The Mistress of all that is pure (Nicole...oh wait Brang...I mean Angie...) keeps the 'balls' as you so crudely put it...in a lovely antique leather pouch with silk lining, so that the BALLLESS BASTID WON'T DO ANYTHING STOOPIT WIF 'EM!...
*ahem*...Well, yes...Care for tea and crumpets, dear?

----------------------------------------------------
*carving jade clasp for such an exquisite pouch*
But they're all so elegant... and here I am without your favorite catnip.

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 11:56pm.

Submitted by cliffdweller on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 11:49pm.
@tigerlilly
*polite curtsy*
I entirely concur. She's already taken the balls of the other half, brother, other continents... Wonder what would entertain her enough to strike such an elegant pose? Don't tell me Brad rediscovers his balls again.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

Submitted by cliffdweller on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 11:49pm.

@tigerlilly
*polite curtsy*
I entirely concur. She's already taken the balls of the other half, brother, other continents... Wonder what would entertain her enough to strike such an elegant pose? Don't tell me Brad rediscovers his balls again.

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 11:25pm.

Submitted by cliffdweller on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 10:59pm.
@Tigerlilly:

Purrfect. I'm thinking something along the ilks of pret-a porter meets the intensity and neurosis of best in show. She's a no brainer. No need to even leave the trailer.
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My only concern is: will Nicole's innate poise, polish and finish conflict with such a role...? I mean I only have to ask you, again, to peer at the gloriousness of that mugshot...that fresh dewy daisy in the morning sun...her two dainty middle fingers gingerly erect...Ask yourself...Is this ephemeral muse of all that is pure and unspoiled believeable as anything other than the seraphic vision we see before us? I think not...Nicole MUST and I mean MUST star in AngieJo's True Life Story....Who else but her?

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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

Submitted by Green Is Good on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 11:20pm.

Somewhere in Heaven, Audrey Hepburn is lamenting the fact she wasn't this elegant.

This is pure class, Ladies. Take notes!

Submitted by cliffdweller on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 10:59pm.

@Tigerlilly:

Purrfect. I'm thinking something along the ilks of pret-a porter meets the intensity and neurosis of best in show. She's a no brainer. No need to even leave the trailer.

Submitted by TheDrizzle on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 10:53pm.

Classy. Jesus. Why do they always seem to be from Long Island? What the hell is in the water there? Suffolk County is over-run with an army of skanks with tramp stamps, neon thongs, industrial strength Lee Press-On Nails with appliques, UGG boots, unnecessarily big hair and that ear-splitting LONGEGGH AYE-LUND accent.

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 10:48pm.

Submitted by cliffdweller on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 10:44pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 10:33pm.

Ok, is this elegant swan most suited to play Grace Kelly or Jackie O?

That reminds me of the movie Parker Posey did with Danny Devito. You know, the rent was due. The je ne sais quois element is just her pearl encrusted vibrator that obviously was thrown out of the car.
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Ok, yes...Now our ever-so-the-laday Nicole could star in a remake of that...as the pearl encrusted vibrator....

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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

Submitted by cliffdweller on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 10:44pm.

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 10:33pm.

Ok, is this elegant swan most suited to play Grace Kelly or Jackie O?

Submitted by Typhoid Mary on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 10:42pm.

Here is her mama's mug shot, compare compare.

http://www.answers.com/topic/aileen-wuornos

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/3606954/I-cant-stand-being-in-he...

Try Typhoid Mary's delicious sugar cookies!

Submitted by QueenOfTrashin on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 10:39pm.

Hmmm, 25-years-old with a nine-year-old. Pregnant at 15, maybe, and giving birth at 16. When did she start having sex? How sad for the child,both of them.

Submitted by Dirk Diggler on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 10:37pm.

Hum, great parental skills. I'm sure she's up for the 2009 Long Island Mother of the Year Award.

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 10:33pm.

Ok, is this elegant swan most suited to play Grace Kelly or Jackie O? I'm seeing a little Audrey Hepburn in her too...She's displayed both her incomparable elegance and her worldly sophisitcation...oh, and.... dare I add, that certain 'je ne sais quoi' in her mug shot which of course makes her a shoe-in to portray any and all of the above...However, we don't want such timeless, quiet and rare grace such as this lady possesses to be over-exposed, no? So the question remains...Grace? Jakie? Audrey?

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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 10:15pm.

PS. I think she's pretty, actually.

♥ ThreadKilla!
With my super lawyer powers, I can rid our town of cats so our kids can NEVER get high again! Mr. Broflovski, South Park
A DListed Youtube Gallery

Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 10:15pm.

Submitted by Datura on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 9:22pm.

Submitted by chefcammi on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 4:31pm.
TO ANYONE WITH PHOTOSHOP...

can you make her into a "STAR"? You know how they do for the mags? Would be neat to see a before and after...lol
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Well, these avvies can be hard to see but...

(her fingers say STFU BEYOTCH!)

♥ ThreadKilla!
With my super lawyer powers, I can rid our town of cats so our kids can NEVER get high again! Mr. Broflovski, South Park
A DListed Youtube Gallery

Submitted by Manimal5 on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 10:14pm.

Ok I hate doing the math! Pregnant at 16...oh well! What do you do with your 9 yr old when you're shut-faced? Take her with you! Dumbass!
Nice goal posts though.

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Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff. Mariah

Submitted by baluoteli on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 10:01pm.

where can you find the millionaire? now many single have accounts on ___ClassyMingle.com.____ .it's a big millionaire and celebrities dating site. it's a big chance to meet your classy lover in your life time.so if you are single, what are you waiting for..

Submitted by Green Is Good on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 9:53pm.

We'll be seeing her kid's mugshot next year.

Submitted by Rosemary on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 9:29pm.

I can't get the woman with the horn out of my head, I felt so bad for her. 20 years like that...I wondered if she was an alien cause I do believe lol. But i'm not being mean, it just makes your or maybe just me wonder whenn you see things you never would imagine, if it's someone from another planet put here.

Submitted by Rosemary on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 9:25pm.

and to those making fun of her nose, i actually like it! lol

Submitted by Datura on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 9:25pm.

Oh, I gave her red hair so she could better fit the Lohan family.

“I ejaculate boiling venom, so I’d need to wear like fifty condoms.”

Submitted by Green Is Good on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 9:24pm.

Some dude was horny enough to hump this scary Eileen Wuoronos lookalike? He was lucky to escape with his teabag intact.

Submitted by Rosemary on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 9:23pm.

I'm sure they HAD to accept the biotch flipping mug shot cause she wouldn't take one normal. I'm also sure this crazy chick is from a majorly broken home, or just plain evil.

Submitted by Datura on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 9:22pm.

Submitted by chefcammi on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 4:31pm.
TO ANYONE WITH PHOTOSHOP...

can you make her into a "STAR"? You know how they do for the mags? Would be neat to see a before and after...lol

I have photoshop but have NO IDEA how to use it..
-------------------------------------

This was the best I could do tonight:

http://yfrog.com/0imumoftheyear2j

I can't believe that this woman is only a year older than I am. Druggie, child-endangering fuck up or not, I feel bad for her about what must have gotten her there.

“I ejaculate boiling venom, so I’d need to wear like fifty condoms.”

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 9:16pm.

Submitted by mimicry on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 8:56pm.
Why are peeps in uniforms considered sexy?Wanna dating more hot girls and guys in uniform, you can log on_www.uniformmate.com_
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Prison uniforms, right? Pffffft...Where do I sign up? I KEED, I KEED!

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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

Submitted by Green Is Good on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 9:05pm.

Somebody check her backyard. The bodies of the men she's picked up while she was hooking are buried there.

Submitted by mimicry on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 8:56pm.

Why are peeps in uniforms considered sexy?Wanna dating more hot girls and guys in uniform, you can log on_www.uniformmate.com_

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 8:32pm.

Submitted by A.cotw on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 8:28pm.
How to prevent teen pregnancy
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Pffft...amateur...No, you sew them all shut 'til the age of 20....

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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

Submitted by A.cotw on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 8:28pm.

How to prevent teen pregnancy

1: Free Condoms
2. Free cervical caps/diaphrams
3. chastity belts w/built in dildoes
4. free blow-up sex dolls
5. very tight cock rings

Give the rabbits so much godamned homework that they won't even have the energy to satisfy themselves OR do it with someone.
In my day, it worked.

Submitted by StickaCockinWoo... on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 8:26pm.

I love her!!!!
Can she be the hot slut of the day, week, month, year with that pic!!

Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.

Submitted by letinstar on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 7:58pm.

this goddess is only 25? shut up!
____________________________________________
you see me, bitch....

Submitted by One-trick Pony on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 7:42pm.

Doh! I should read everyone's comments before I post ... y'all beat me to it.

Submitted by One-trick Pony on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 7:41pm.

Aileen Wuarnos's spitting image! *shudder*

Submitted by i.heart.mk on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 7:33pm.

You are the best, dude. I adore you, and it's quite possible that my tits would start doing SOME TORI SPELLING SHIT without you. That is, they'd start shriveling. And my soul, too.

You rock.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

"Car-free:" one letter away from "carefree," but means the same thing.

Submitted by CARLINS GHOST on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 7:18pm.

OH. MY. GOSH!!! IS IT ANY FUCKING WONDER THAT INTELLIGENT ALIEN LIFE HASN'T MADE CONTACT WITH US YET! WITH FORMER CHILD PAGEANT QUEENS LIKE THIS RUNNING RIOT IN OUR STREETS... WHY WASN'T THIS MUPPET BORN TO ONE MR JOSEPH FRITZEL? THEN NO-ONE WOULD FREE HER FROM HER BASEMENT PRISON ON AN UNSUSPECTING WOOORLD... AT LEAST SHE ANSWERED THE "WHAT IS YOUR IQ?" QUESTION CORRECTLY... PLEASE PEOPLE, WEAR A SOCK ON THE PICKLE WHEN YOUR ABOUT TO SLAP & TICKLE. :)