Portrait Of A Lady

Please curtsy before this refined and pristine lady! This portrait is like the modern day Mona Lisa, right? This striking work of art came about after 25-year-old Nicole Marty of Long Island was arrested after she got high, got in her car and crashed it into a pole with her 9-year-old in the passenger seat. Being the elegant lady that she is, Nicole also beat on a cop at the hospital. Doesn't she just make you want to cross your legs and pick up a teacup with your pinky sticking out?

25 with a 9 year old says everything and more. So does the face that looks like it's been living in a cave on an old nuclear testing zone

That being said, If I had a mug shot, I'd want it to look like this (sans the "my daddy is also my brother" face).

VIA Smoking Gun

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by Trini on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 4:11pm.

I wonder what she got high on...
couldn't have been beloved weed, could it?

Submitted by Uncle Ashtray on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 4:09pm.

From Long Island too?
Looks like she's saying, "Amy Fisher.....Take this!"

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"...Soon we'll be away from here. Step on the gas and wipe that tear away...."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YF4-r2MpRMs

Submitted by like-wow on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 4:09pm.

And to think, mother's day is coming up.

Submitted by Master Blaster on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 4:09pm.

If she had bothered to read the warning label on her crack vial, she would have realized that smoking rock shoots your depth-perception all to hell.

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Boredom's not a burden anyone should bear.

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 4:07pm.

PSL - My kid won't see the dashboard from the front seat till he's a friggen teenager!

I'm still omitting that legally he can be removed from his booster to sit alone with a seatbelt.

He's staying it that booster!

Submitted by LOVE ANDERSON on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 4:07pm.

What a waste of perfectly innocent ganja.

If that is in fact what she was high on.

"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!

Submitted by devilgirl on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 4:07pm.

Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:59pm.
Thanks for opening your legs and spawning another one of you, stupid lady.

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She probably didn't have to open her legs at all, if her fingers are any indication of what her legs look like. She probably has legs bowed like a bull rider!

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Submitted by Miss Thang on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 10:17am.
I aint no psychiatrist, but I am bipolar ............

Submitted by missy on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 4:06pm.

if she only had a mama like White Oprah, she too could be jobless and doing better quality drugs on the other coast....
_____________________________________________

Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke

a message from the Church of the SubGenius

Submitted by spraynard-kruger on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 4:05pm.

This is why most people shouldn't be allowed to have children. Those most people include her entire ancestry. People like this make me want to never let my kid leave the house. I'm gonna turn my son into Norman Bates (minus the multiple murders and drag) because "mommy knows best".

Submitted by moreorless on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 4:04pm.

Fuck, I'd be pissed, too. Total buzzkill.

Submitted by chasing windmills on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 4:04pm.

I don't care what her alias is, I am pretty sure this is the Heigl chick from Gray's.

Submitted by justice on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 4:02pm.

"sans the "my daddy is also my brother" face" Ha!

I think she knows she is not following the path of righteousness. Her right bird seems strong and full of conviction. Her left (on the other hand, ha!) seems doesn't seem all that convincing. The weak bird may be a cry for help.

It's either that or it's the arm she ties off way too tight to shoot up in, thus the tendons aren't quite as strong as they used to be.

--thanks awfully--

Submitted by girl_cheese on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 4:02pm.

I'm surprised the kid wasn't driving. I'm also glad I'm gonna be dead some day because I have a feeling these kinds of ppl are going to overrun the earth like cockroaches.

Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:59pm.

Thanks for opening your legs and spawning another one of you, stupid lady.

Submitted by SeH on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:57pm.

Sadly, this bitch represents a majority of America: uneducated, over-fertile, brain dead oxygen thieves who contribute nothing to society.

I'm such a misanthropist today =(

Submitted by NOT IMPRESSED on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:57pm.

Upon first glance, I thought it was a really rough picture of Katherine Heigl.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Douchechill!

Submitted by Happy Hour on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:57pm.

Why did I just picture her with make-up and a new hair style? I think I've been watching Mystyle before meets after a little too much.

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:57pm.

Aside from anything else this stupid bitch did, I have to say I HATE when I see little kids in the front seat. Even with the new airbags that don't turn on, it is NOT SAFE!

stupid fucking idiots that have kids- I see it every day.

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“Does this trick shop at Jennifer Love Hewitt's favorite store: Big, Short & Delusional? "
-MK 4/21/09

Submitted by Master Blaster on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:56pm.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that education and gainful employment is not high on this woman's list of priorities.

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Boredom's not a burden anyone should bear.

Submitted by devilgirl on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:55pm.

She has some wonky fingers. Put them together and they would make the St.Louis Gateway Arch!

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Submitted by Miss Thang on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 10:17am.
I aint no psychiatrist, but I am bipolar ............

Submitted by Salem13 on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:52pm.

To think people like this, and worse, are still allowed to breed.

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No-one can give me the air that's mine to breathe.

Submitted by Nanners on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:52pm.

We are looking into the future of one of the Shauna Sands' kids.

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CROCS are made in the devil's workshop. Yes, they are!

Submitted by iHeartHaters on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:51pm.

RODE

HARD

(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)

2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.

"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"

Submitted by Haribo on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:51pm.

damn, her fingers are ugly!

Submitted by Uncle Ashtray on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:50pm.

She looks EXACTLY like the chick at the store I went to last weekend.......after I called her a "fuck up". She totally 'double birded' me!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA!!!!!

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"...Soon we'll be away from here. Step on the gas and wipe that tear away...."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YF4-r2MpRMs

Submitted by Albatross on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:50pm.

Submitted by Typhoid Mary on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:42pm.
she's got Eileen Warnos eyes!

OMG, she does. Scary!

**********
I'm a gay man, trapped in a woman's body.

Submitted by Provolone on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:50pm.

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
LETS GO RANGERS!!!

Submitted by deka on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:50pm.

probably the best mug shot i've ever seen
www.thatshideous.com

Submitted by Master Blaster on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:49pm.

Submitted by Typhoid Mary
she's got Eileen Warnos eyes!
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Totally! I knew that shit looked familiar. She's got that and a touch of the ol' Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Also, she has an apparent dislike of getting her picture taken.

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Boredom's not a burden anyone should bear.

Submitted by moosh on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:49pm.

MK! I just pissed my pants!

puurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,
moosh

http://twoliablog.com/teacups-and-couture/

Submitted by Sheeps on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:49pm.

The odd thing is she works in customer service for the DMV.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The would-be daggerer says he will only dagger with permission in future.

Submitted by Haribo on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:49pm.

"25 with a 9 year old says everything and more."

dude, my same exact thought and not just mine i'm sure!

Submitted by morbo on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:48pm.

You can take the girl out of the bowling alley, but ya can't ...

Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:48pm.

Just shoot the bitch already.

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You have a fucking signature quote...come on now. Doesn't get much worse. aeon312 4/3/09

Submitted by kanderso on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:48pm.

People like this make me feel great about myself. Yay!

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You're a rebel? You think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel, you're fucking psychotic! ~ Veronica Sawyer

Submitted by Karma Police on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:46pm.

That is one rough-looking bitch.

Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:46pm.

she was under the mistaken impression that she was Lilo
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"Liberache, Versace, Coocarachi"
WATCH THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRNpPSUMqKA&feature=related

Submitted by ILovePapaSmurf on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:46pm.

Vice-President of the "I Can Turn Adam Lambert Straight" brigade?
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P.S.: Fuck you, Sarah Palin:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFdijgMytUA

Chris Brown should get his ass kicked:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo65yaAumko

Submitted by JillyPoo on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:45pm.

Aw, she belongs at my new favorite website:

http://whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com/

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"F*ck you Tyra Banks, Oprah, Magic Johnson, Tiger Woods, Rockefeller. F*ck you." - La Pequena Hillary Clinton, 6/17/08