Needed More Of The F-Word
There's always got to be a drunk ass foul-mouthed bitch at every party and at last night's tribute to Tom Hanks by the Film Society of Lincoln Center, Julia Roberts was that ho. Everyone embrace a fellow drunktardian into our club.
When it was Julia's turn to speak about Tom, she loaded her cannon with fuck bombs and aimed it at the audience. Julia's speech sounds like gorgeous music to my ears: (read it in a slurry, burpy voice) "Alright well, it's late and I'm paying my babysitter overtime and I have to pee. So Tom, everybody fucking likes you. All my bits are gone. Listen, I had lunch today with Rita, and her tits were here [motioned high] and her waist was here [motioned small] and her ass was like that [motioned high], so what can I tell you that's new? Tom Hanks, what the fuck?"
Julia the went on to talk about Tom's illustrous film career, "I love the Cohen brothers, but the hair Tom [in 2004's Ladykillers], I didn't even know what the fuck that movie was about! "You in the airport with the accent (she's talking about Terminal)? It was a pass for me. Airport? Were you just an immigrant lost? I didn't know. I love you, and I didn't know what to do, really. God, I’m wearing the same fucking dress tonight as your publicist! Listen, I've got to get home. But this much we know ... I will say this: Tom Hanks, I love you."
Before falling off the edge of the stage in a drunken stupor, Julia told the audience, "It's so dark out there, I feel like I’m in space. Thank you, whoever just made it light. J.J. Abrams, are you here?"
Julia Roberts is awesome for that. When did Julia Roberts become my auntie giving an impromptu speech about how much she loves her pet ferrett at Thanksgiving dinner after downing a whole box of Franzia? I don't know if that made any sense, because I think I got contact drunk after reading Julia's rant.
You know that after she got home, she crawled into bed with her kids and practically suffocated them with her hot booze bref kisses! She slobbered on them and said, "I luuuuvz youuuz sooo soo mu-uuuch." I used to love when my mom did that.
Seriously, Julia needs to do shit like this more often!
UPDATE: And here's the video!
Here's some of the hos who got to witness Julia's ridiculousness last night.
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Walken is scary as shit in that picture and Charlize looks amazing, those shoes are fabulous, so are Glenns, damn it's good to have money, Sally Fields looks gorgeous too. Oh and Julie Roberts sucks donkey dick.
What a bunch of fake fucks in the audience, yukkin it up like this is comedy gold. It's not funny and neither is she. What a bunch of PHONIES.
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"YOU IGNORANT FECAL MIST-SPRAYING WINDOW-LICKING CHUNKY USED TAMPON WEARING FISH-FACED DAUGHTER OF A TWO-HEADED STREETWALKING HOOKER SLUT WHORE! " Stoney 4/22/09
She doesn't sound drunk, just self-obsessed. I'd have to be on the verge of vomiting on my lapel to make a speech like this about Tom Hanks.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
http://wethinkyoushould.blogspot.com/
http://bleedingthecorgan.blogspot.com
http://myspace.com/rainbowsrule
COME AT ME, BITCH!
Man, I cant stand this bitch, I hate Tom Hanks too though & I dont care if people think thats ridiculous...I love saying "fuck" just like lots of people, but I hate, hate, hate it when people clap for the "fuck" word, nothing she said was even really funny at all. Celebs are such fucking phonies, she could have stood up there & just farted & everyone would have clapped & laughed. BTW Rita's tits, waist & ass arent looking so hot to me in that pic of her.
I hate Julia..I tink she is a bitch.Sally,Charlize,Walken and Brody looked hot!
xoxoxoxox
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
have another cockytail.
......celebrities are vile!
People are supposed to hate on Julia Roberts. It comes with the territory when you are referred to as 'Pretty Woman' all the goddamn time. And fuck the dumb shit. She deserved her Oscar more than Halle Berry did hers!
Charlize Theron looks great, but as always she bores me to tears.
Sally Field has always been under the radar hot, and that is one that could cougar me to this day!
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The line between sex and society is so fine and blurred... even Amy Winehouse wouldn't snort it.
http://www.myspace.com/triston
Julia Roberts can't act???
Are you guys kidding me. Ok maybe she's not a great actress for some of you but to say she cant act is a little far-fetched dont you think?
If u say Jess Alba or Nicole Kidman cant act, then hey tats right.
but c'mon I thought Julia did a great job in Erin brockovich. hmmmm oh wells.
So---sham-wow. Julia has a writer and poise. I am impressed. As spectators, the visionaries see the bright light of this showing, yet we all have the power. Appreciate the day.
feedings every three hours...set your timers
she is super annoying but she looks great
www.thatshideous.com
ahh let her have her lil rant in truth shes bitter and twisted cauz no one gives a shit anymore!
I was beginning to turn on Julia because I've been hearing that she doesn't wash, but now she's pulled me back in. Hard to beat a drunken rant!
Love Christopher Walken, so I kinda hate myself for saying this, but Lord have us mercy, that hair. I guess I have to give up hope that he will ever do something with that mess. Now he looks like Gary Oldman playing Dracula.
I so want Charlize Theron's legs (though on my body they'd look ridiculous); even Sally Fields has nice looking legs.
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Remember, the early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese...
Haa... she killed it :)
*applause
*Submitted by Manimal5 on Tue, 04/28/2009 - 9:23pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 04/28/2009 - 9:16pm.
Mick Jagger and Jane Seymour...great choice.
My Dad would have to Jack Nicholson and Mom Jacqeline Bisset.
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Oooooh, I forgot about Jacqueline Bisset...Oh, and to have Jack Nicholson as a daddy??? AHAHAHAHAH! It's either fucking scary as hell or the most funnest daddy you could ever have!
I thought about Dennis Hopper as my Dad/Gpa, but you can't double up on no DH and Da Walken...cuz then you get some double dose of SKEEEERY, so I chose Da Walken, cuz my fantasy Gma, Raquelle Welch, no less will put a bitch in his Gpa place for reals...Raquelle been on dat mutha fuckin' boat, we be talkin' 'bout some Natalie Wood G'ma up in here tonite....Raquelle don't take no shit.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
I'd hang out with this drunk bitch anyday if this is the way she operates!
-.-
The internet, where the men are real men,
the women are real men, and the children are the FBI.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 04/28/2009 - 9:16pm.
Mick Jagger and Jane Seymour...great choice.
My Dad would have to Jack Nicholson and Mom Jacqeline Bisset.
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Shhhhh! I'm not really here.
Oooooh...I got one fer ya DListed whores...
If you could choose your BAD ASS CELEB family...
Staring with (for example) CW is my pepaw....I'm gonna go with Raquelle Welch as my G'ma...Ok, for my actual Mama...Jane Seymour and my papa would be...Mick Jagger...Ok, my bruva would be JAMES HAVEN...no I kid, I kid...my bruva would be...Chris Rock (what? I'm tiger striped...it's possible I have a black bruva) And my sister would be Chelsea Handler....I know the ages ain't right, but I'm too lazy to look that shit up...Plus imagine that fuckin' Thanksgiving Dinner....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by islandgirl on Tue, 04/28/2009 - 9:01pm.
Hahaha. I see that you're a fan too. He's wierd but in a good way.
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Shhhhh! I'm not really here.
Submitted by Manimal5 on Tue, 04/28/2009 - 8:57pm.
Chris Walken is the best and his hair is always fucked up looking..
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4royOLtvmQ
:)
Chris Walken is the best and his hair is always fucked up looking...and I thought Trumps hair was strange.
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Shhhhh! I'm not really here.
I agree. Typed out it doesn't seem too smart a think to say. But her delivery was excellent and that's pretty clear through all the laughter from the audience.
She's an asstard
I think Family Guy summed it up best:
Julia Roberts says,"Hello. A bunch of people died in a tsunami. But don't worry. I didn't. And I'll be here making movies and loving myself for years to come!Me! Me! MEEEEEE! Ahahahahahahahaaha!"
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I'm a good little girl! A good little,good little, good little girl!
Looks like someone's career is going down the toilet and she's losing the facade of being a nice person. And her lips look like a manticore's.
Love me some Walken!
As far as Julia Robers goes, Lois Griffin said it best: "I've seen that crappy Julia Roberts movie 47 times. Have you seen the lips on that woman? Like a baboon's ass on her face."
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Skanky whores always think that looking sexy means looking like you're getting double-penetrated. -Michael K
Who knew Americas sweetheart had ll those fuck bombs in her?? I am so proud.
Bitch looks good too. Lovin the har.
Dlisted makes my nipples hard. it's true.
:)
~Zoe
http://www.myspace.com/misszoesimone
Adrien is so dreamy. Can't get enough.
I think shes totally phoney-always have...
Remember when she acts so caring and shit and then TMZ caught her parking in a disabled parking spot??
I never got why she was this hugely famous actress when she is mildly talented and a total bitch with it...
Cant stand her-at least people like Fishy can act even though their phoney...
Christopher walken is amazing and Charlize Theron is beautiful...
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
I don't give a fuck what any of you sluts say. I love Julia Roberts, because quite simply...
she doesn't give a fuck!
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The line between sex and society is so fine and blurred... even Amy Winehouse wouldn't snort it.
http://www.myspace.com/triston
She and Kyra Sedgwick could pass as sisters.
Submitted by Ford_Prefect on Tue, 04/28/2009 - 3:24pm.
...
Christopher W in Annie Hall. Enuff said.
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That scene KILLS ME every time I see that movie. He did that monologue perfectly.
I couldn't make it through a minute of Julia's "speech." Her voice reminds me of a bitchy teacher I had as a kid.
“I ejaculate boiling venom, so I’d need to wear like fifty condoms.”
No one, I mean NO ONE has hair like Christopher Walken. The man and his hair are AMAZING.
She looks good in this photo. The hair and make-up are working.
I <3 Julia. Don't know why. But this speech was kind of funny, too.
Oh, looks like someone got hit by the botox fairy!
Okay, typed out it looks bad... But this is probably something I'd do, especially if I was in a room full of people I am friends/friendly with... Alcohol is like my truth serum, and I could jabber on all day after a few.
Julia looks the best I've seen her in a long time, and damn - Charlize is perfection! How is one woman so beautiful?!
Edited to add: The video proved (to me) that Julia was funny & charming. She wasn't slurring or acting a fool, and the audience seemed to eat it up. I do believe that she might be a bitch to work with, but I'll be damned if I don't like her. I actually never knew so many people hated her!
Thanks for the video Mikey!! I told you people the audience at that thing loved her. The woman is funny. Julia is not my favorite actress (I haven't seen a movie with her in it since "Pretty Woman") but she is funny at times when she does these tribute things. I don't understand the hate for her, really. It's not like she's Angelina who you have to look at all the time. Julia is hardly ever photographed and certainly we never have to look at her ugly, red haired babies (thank you jeebus).
My brother has a foul mother just like her. the only difference is its believeable on him and its not on her.
oh and i forgot you to mr broady! love you!
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Isn't it Bromantic?
Fuck the tape, get the ball gag.
Christopher W in Annie Hall. Enuff said.
*It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.*
~Bill Hicks~
Even after watching the video, she's still not doing it for me. I didn't laugh once. Maybe it's because of all the video I've seen of her on the internet this past year or two raging at the paps. I'm just not a fan.
Tom Hanks looks great! I'd give him some.
Sally Field and Rita Wilson also looked good too.
Julia Roberts need to get the fuck over herself. So deluded.
Anyone ever notice that no matter what the subject she always starts every interview with "as a mother"
Chris Walken has sex appeal i can't put my finger on. Sexy Beast.
Julia was actually funny. She should do a movie just like that. It would be a hit. I'd pay to watch that.
BRING BACK ERIC ROBERTS!! BRING HIM BACK!!!
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"I have had it with these monkey fighting snakes on this Monday through Friday plane".
edited version of 'Snakes on a Plane' by Samuel L. Jackson
Never mind the f word - if at least she was funny... but no.
I agree, she's one of the most overrated actresses EVER. And not that pretty.
mslewis:
Y'all better leave Chrissy Walken alone!! He's my man. I have loved him all my life. He has always been beautiful. What a hunk!! You people are just jealous that none of you look that good. HATERS!!
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julia roberts is that you? damn girl i didn't know you was ghetto like that as they'd say in the hood!
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Isn't it Bromantic?
Gawd day-um! the haterade for Julia is strong up in here. what the fuck did she say or do?
i've never really paid attention to her.
Oh, she is such a loathsome cunt. I suppose she thinks she is being funny and earthy like Roseanne or Whoopi Goldberg. Fail.
Y'all better leave Chrissy Walken alone!! He's my man. I have loved him all my life. He has always been beautiful. What a hunk!! You people are just jealous that none of you look that good. HATERS!!
As for Julia . . . she always talks like that at parties for people who are her friends. And she has loads of friends in Hollywood!! How do you think she keeps working? Girlfriend hasn't had a hit since 1999 but they still pay her millions to make movies. She has friends in high places and she is always invited to the best parties. She was saying and doing exactly what the people there knew she was going to do and they were probably loving it. Some of you need to get a sense of humor. Julia was being FUNNY!! Y'all remember what that's like, right?
Christopher Walken is not looking the greatest but I love him in Fatboy Slim's video Weapon of Choice.
I CAN NOT stand this skank. She needs a big heaping helping of STFU.