The Photoshop Awards: Jessica Simpson On Vanity Fair...Yes, Vanity Fair
Again, I repeat, Vanity FAIR. More like Vanity FAIL. The hos at Vanity Fair must all have squeaky clean asses, because Papa Joe probably had to lick every last one of them off in order to get his little froglet on the cover. And IN THIS ECONOMY, I'm surprised Vanity Fair took Jessica Simpson on. How many copies of Photoshop, how many pairs of Spanx and how many gallons of liquid foundation did it take to put this mess together? Not since the Pyramids were built....
I mean, homegirl is pinched, sucked and airbrushed to DEATH. They probably had to have an oxygen tank on the set, because Jess couldn't fucking breath. And by "oxygen tank," I mean Papa Joe's mouth. Ugh.
The article that goes along with these works of Photoshop art is kind of hilarious. The dude says shit like:
"Jessica seemed nervous. Her hands trembled. She ordered a glass of Pinot Grigio. It seemed to calm her. She didn’t want to talk about her weight, so, of course, that’s all I could think of—it gilded each question in my mind: What are you working on now [that you’re fat]? Do you see yourself as part of a class, with Christina and Britney [or are you too fat]? Do you feel that your relationship with Tony Romo has affected his performance as a quarterback [because you are fat]?"
And he adds:
"As an actress, she's slightly less skillful than the actress who replaced Suzanne Somers on Three's Company."
WAIT. Is he downing the legendary Jenilee Harrison?! Jenilee has more talent in her bunion than the entire Simpson family combined! I mean, did he ever witness her genius as Jamie Ewing in Dallas?! He needs to issue an apology and eat his fingers.
You can read the entire interview at VF. I can't wait to see who July's cover ho will be. I'm thinking either Heidi Montag or the skank with the pussy on her face from For Love of Ray J.
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Yes, how the FUCK is she on the cover of VF/ Who is next month? Heidi Montag?
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Submitted by Stock Broker on Fri, 05/01/2009 - 10:32am.
Nothing is worse than to have a morning boner with a woman you can't stand.
She still looks like she smells of dirty ass and crotch to me.
I feel sorry for her. Dang - HOW did she get on the cover of VF??? Obviously she still has some clout in hollywood.
She needs to go write another pop song -- that is the only avenue I see for her.
Nick Lachey still looks hot though!
~~I work for God. The retirement plan is unbelievable!~~
so glad I stopped getting this mag.
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"Liberache, Versace, Coocarachi"
Submitted by TheBreakdown on Mon, 05/04/2009 - 3:20pm.
The real issue is why the fuck SHE is on the cover of Vanity Fair?!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Becuz she lost some weight?
♥ ThreadKilla!
"So, I'm sorry - but no. Whatever happened to that head of yours: it's not our fault," she said...That's what the President of Hollywood said to Britney Spears!~Chris Rock
The real issue here is not whether or not Jesica Simpson is fat. I could give a pig's ass!
The real issue is why the fuck SHE is on the cover of Vanity Fair?!!!!!!!!!!!!
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The line between sex and society is so fine and blurred... even Amy Winehouse wouldn't snort it.
http://www.myspace.com/triston
Bible-belt barbies with no discernable talent don't belong on the cover of Vanity Fair.
Eh. I can't get all worked up about Photoshop issues when she does, for the most part, actually look like this (save for 10 pounds or so). Save it for hos like Teri Hatcher who end up looking practically illustrated from scratch. Just because she is annoying, talentless, and dumb doesn't mean she's some wrinkled, obese pig or anything.
Submitted by Miss Priss on Mon, 05/04/2009 - 3:05pm.
can someone tell me why these bitches think that mouthbreathing while trying to look sexy is sexy??? It's NOT.
AMEN! I hate this open-mouth scared/surprised/vacant "look." Your jaw can't be that heavy, close your damn mouth!
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"F*ck you Tyra Banks, Oprah, Magic Johnson, Tiger Woods, Rockefeller. F*ck you." - La Pequena Hillary Clinton, 6/17/08
WTF? That's not even her body on the cover! Look at how the head looks like it was just stuck onto the neck like a Barbie head. It doesn't even look properly proportioned, and the shadow under it is WEIRD.
And, quite frankly, with each passing day it's getting harder to tell the difference between this ho and Britney.
♥ ThreadKilla!
"So, I'm sorry - but no. Whatever happened to that head of yours: it's not our fault," she said...That's what the President of Hollywood said to Britney Spears!~Chris Rock
photoshop can't fix the sag in those flapjack tits. Should've stayed curvy and sexy jess....
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Interviewer: You're playing one of the most famous characters in movie history. How come we don't see you in all the tabloids?
Daniel Craig: Because I don't want to be in them.
I just like seeing "Mom Jeans" on the cover of a respectable mag. Next: "Boot Moves."
Submitted by Master Blaster on Mon, 05/04/2009 - 3:13pm.
She always has this look on her face like someone just asked her to solve a calculus problem. There is nothing sexy about this fakery.
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I think she looks like someone just asked to solve 2+3...and she's struggling with it. Or like someone just said to her: You're hot, you're intelligent, you're glamorous! Show me!...and that's the best she could do...
♥ ThreadKilla!
"So, I'm sorry - but no. Whatever happened to that head of yours: it's not our fault," she said...That's what the President of Hollywood said to Britney Spears!~Chris Rock
She always has this look on her face like someone just asked her to solve a calculus problem. There is nothing sexy about this fakery.
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Boredom's not a burden anyone should bear.
Photoshop or not, she looks amazing in those photos.
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I wish it was like the 70's and it was still ok to kick someone's ass. Damn
Not a froggie fan, but I will say that she is not fat. I would be happy to have her figure.
Looks like I'm gonna have to rip the cover off when my mag comes in th email. i hate doing that but sometimes I have to.
蜘龍====================龍蜘
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(='.'=)
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can someone tell me why these bitches think that mouthbreathing while trying to look sexy is sexy??? It's NOT.
and those photos are missing something. Oh yeah. CLASS
And we all know that shit was photoshopped to hell and back.
Whatevs!
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I don't care how bad I fuck up, I care about how fucked up I get-NOFX
GIT IT!! -MK 4/24/09
pictures are terrible, specially the front page one
I just wanna smack that vacant stare right off her stupid face!
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"Are you coming or going? Or, are you coming, and then going? Or, are you coming and staying?" --Brian Kinney
The cover says Jessica Simpson pulls off the "Mom Jeans", of course she pulled them off, she couldn't wear them forever...wait V.F. isn't implying that she actually looked good in them..BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I thought you only made the cover of a non-tabloid if you had a project to promote, wtf is she promoting if not her weight? She's not even relevant anymore. Why can't she pull a JTT and fall off the face of the earth?
seriously though wtf is that boy? He's been MIA for years...
y tu mama tambien!
Who's body did they cut and paste her head onto?
CHARLES MANSON
I DONT THINK SHE IS FAT AT ALL. FUCKING WOMEM HAVE TO HAVE A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF HIP AND BELLY FAT TO FUCKING BE LEGITIMATE. I THINK SHE IS OK. SOMETIME WHEN FUCKING PEOPLE START CIRCLING AROUND YOU THE LAST THING IN THE WORLD IS SOMEONE PICKING ON YOUR FUCKING WEIGHT.
I read the rest of the interview. Loved the part where she's talking about her daddy:
"We've been doing it since I was 13. So, at this point, we're in a good rhythm." LMFAO
*She looked fine until she went and opened her pie-hole.
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"The Owl and the Pussy-Cat went to sea. In a beautiful pea-green boat"
What in THE fuck is she doing with her mouth? Its not sexy its just gross. Shut your mouth stupid bitch!
i dont think it looks all that photoshopped. shes only fat to gay guys that wish they had tittays and fuck me hips
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I read the whole article, and while the author did say those things, he basically ends up kissing her ass. So whatever.
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You have a fucking signature quote...come on now. Doesn't get much worse. aeon312 4/3/09
I'd bang the little piggy till I got swine flu.
hmmm...for trailer park she's kinda hot...
I do love me some trailer...cotton candy with a
corndog in it
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006718/
I'll actually say she looks really pretty in these photos. If she could wipe the trashy cowgirl look she'd be beautiful..
So the writer of the article WAS dissing her in his own way, right? With that statement he made about her slightly less skillful acting?
And yes, she WAS fat! She even admitted she was and that she lost weight, but she hasn't lost THAT much weight. I guess VF thinks we are all stupid enough to believe that is really her body?
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
The other pictures are passable, but that cover is atrocious. I mean, really? They chose to airbrush her to shit instead of choosing a more flattering shot?
The 3rd or 7th thumbnail would've been a much better choice for the cover. But god forbid they don't show off her bra-less tits in every shot.
am i missing the sarcasm or did the writer of the VF article actually say all of that shit?
She does have nice boobays!
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Wow, did you attend the David Caruso School of Typing? You type...just like..(sunglasses off).... David..........Caruso..(sunglasses on)....acts. BADLY.
-Team Valtrex
Does she ever close her mouth? She reeks of desperation - they can not photoshop that shit away.
Who's cock did she suck to get this photo spread?
That waist and those hips are ridiculous on her. Airbrush much?
Stick to your tired formula of Kennedy, Monroe, and Gisele stories Vanity Fair.
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I don't have low self-esteem. I have low self-esteem for everyone else.