Brooke In The Middle
I'm just going to give it to you straight, because that's what Jack Bauer would want. Kiefer Sutherland straight-up head butted Jack McCullough at SubMercer bar in NYC last night after the MET gala. Jack had to go to the hospital and wasn't released until later today. Jack is one half of the design duo Proenza Schouler.
So why would Kiefer bring down his mighty head upon Jack's nose?! Guest of a Guest says Kiefer was upset over Brooke Shields. YES, they fought over Brooke Shields. Booze, crack, heroin and massive amounts of delusion had to have been involved, because who fights over Brooke Shields anymore? Andre DeShields, ok. Brooke Langton, maybe. But Brooke Shields?!
Kiefer has a girlfriend. Brooke is married. Jack is gay. How did this happen?! My imagination can't even travel to a possible reason for this, but I'll try.....
Maybe the entire bar Kiefer consumed triggered an acid flashback which caused him to see Jack as that damn Christmas tree! You know, the one that's always fucking with him. Kiefer thought it was back for more and he wasn't about to let it get the last laugh, so he headbutted the bitch! Let's relive the memories:
That's really the only reasonable explanation for this, right? A taunting Christmas tree is Kiefer's worst enemy.
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That vid is awesome!
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Submitted by Miss Thang on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 10:17am.
I aint no psychiatrist, but I am bipolar ............
Somehow, somewhere, and in someway, masturbation plays a role in all this Tommy Girl foolery.
Oh the fuckery of it all! I have found my home.
I had to give up the Tequila a long time ago. I still have some pride!!
The C Word!
Nonsense! Surely there would be some word of that poppycock out there on the interwebz!!
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Maybe Kiefer is a lush with major anger-management probs? A head butt is a girlie move (says Sheeps).
Oh heavens! I've had a hard day!! I missed the Dom RIP. Thanks sluts.
The flashback theory is plausible, but still...where does Brooke fit into it all?
Submitted by valorious on Tue, 05/05/2009 - 7:11pm.
No RIP Dom DeLuise?
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There's an entire thread dedicated to him from this morning. Where YOU been?
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The pair of moobs that makes a cameo at the 0:45 second was an interesting surprise - MK
Submitted by valorious on Tue, 05/05/2009 - 7:11pm.
No RIP Dom DeLuise?
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I think it must've been bumped to page 2 or 3... but there was an earlier post for him. RIP Dom DeLuise.
I love Brooke. She just gets prettier and prettier (minus that brief period around the time of her Brenda Starr movie). Anyway, why does she always pop up in the weirdest stories? This, the Tom Cruise fiasco... even that post the other day where she randomly ended up in Robert Pattinson's Vancouver pap shots!?
No RIP Dom DeLuise?
Submitted by Clarisse on Tue, 05/05/2009 - 7:02pm.
The C Word?
What are you saying? Keef likes a nip now and then? Rubbish! Pish and Tosh!!
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If 'now & then' refers to the hours between 8am and 2am daily, then yes.
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I'm in the proces of ordering pink satin jackets & Cuchinis with DMBAS stitched on them.
GRAVITAS, whats your least favorite word....BWAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAH
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Submitted by Sluttsville on Tue, 05/05/2009 - 7:00pm.
Somebody needs to put down the Cuervo bottle, run to the nearest Waffle House & get some of those covered, smothered, sliced, diced hash browns & sober the fuck up. Don't sweat it about that Brooke fight, we've all got an embarrassing tequila story that we try to keep hidden.
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Hey, how'd you know what I was doin'?
Those scattered and smothered things rock!
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Submitted by Miss Thang on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 10:17am.
I aint no psychiatrist, but I am bipolar ............
THAT TREE DESERVED IT! Team Jack fuckin' Bauer.
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I don't have low self-esteem. I have low self-esteem for everyone else.
The C Word?
What are you saying? Keef likes a nip now and then? Rubbish! Pish and Tosh!!
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Somebody needs to put down the Cuervo bottle, run to the nearest Waffle House & get some of those covered, smothered, sliced, diced hash browns & sober the fuck up. Don't sweat it about that Brooke fight, we've all got an embarrassing tequila story that we try to keep hidden.
i love Kiefer,he can do no right in my book.that vid was funny.
OMG Team Keifer for sure all the way.
I hate to say that maybe he saw the designer perhaps touching Brooke too low on the back or doing something a lil too familiar (which is ok since the designer is gay) but Kiefer being sauced probably misintepreted the act and went to defend Brooke's honor. Otherwise another act of foolery (as a result of being drunk) that we know our lovable Keifer is capable of. Imagine Jack Bauer getting drunk and going off on someone who DIDNT deserve it. OMG I would pay to see that.
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Resistance is Futile!
Are either of them Scientologists? Didn't she go against Scientologists with reasons to take medications for post-partum depression?
No doubt Keif was hammered. He's not the best drunk.
It's weird cuz he went to high school in my neck of the woods....known for being a quiet loner, not a partyer/fighter.
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Some people say forgive and forget. Nah, I don't know. I say forget about forgiving and just accept. And... get the hell out of town.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
The douchebag of that 1/2 of Proenza Schouler fucking deserved it.
GRAVITAS!
Kiefer = Total AWESOMENESS
I could watch this video all day. Keifer is greatness.
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I’m poor, I’m black, I may even be ugly, but Lord I’m here.
If vodka was his drink of choice that would explain everything.
Maye they were trying to figure out if she's the same Brooke Shields from Blue Lagoon or a male alien imposter that took over her body.
蜘龍====================龍蜘
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
He probably got tired of holding up that 40 lbs of fat and his neck muscles gave out. The other dude just happened to be standing where the head landed.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
....in the HELL? That is the weirdest ass story.
Kiefer can really do no wrong. The other dude must've had it coming.
Team Kiefer indeed!!
Team Kiefer! For Whatever the reason.
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Submitted by Miss Thang on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 10:17am.
I aint no psychiatrist, but I am bipolar ............
Whhhaaaa-ha-ha-ha-hah???
Morbid. My dog's name is Morbid.
Anyone who headbutts someone else over Brooke Shields (and presumably her Colgate commercials) is a smart individual ... in my books anyway.
Oh NOOOO dont hurt any part of Proenza Schouler.
They are a mighty fantastic duo.
That Christmas tree had it coming.
OK, THIS is a super-weird story. WTF?!
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"Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase. " -- H.I. McDunnough
Now I see where Christina Aguileira got her makeup tips! Jebus, Brooke, are you nuts?
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The pair of moobs that makes a cameo at the 0:45 second was an interesting surprise - MK
I can't WAIT to find out why Jack Bauer headbutted this guy!
I refuse to call him a douche til I find out the particulars.
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"2009 is taking away our all funny legends. Fuck '09" MK 5/5/09
"Ali is 15 going on benjamin buttons"
Fail 5/5/09
Jack Bauer can do whatever the fuck he wants!
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P.S.: Fuck you, Sarah Palin:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFdijgMytUA
Chris Brown should get his ass kicked:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo65yaAumko