American Idol: Go Go Gokey
No, seriously, just go go go go GO far far away. I'm going to keep this recap simple, because everybody sounded like glorious rock angels sent from Led Zeppelin heaven compared to the terrorist attack that is Danny Chokey.
Chokey must pay for whatever it is came out of his shit hole last night. The FCC needs to fine him, his church needs to excommunicate him and Peta needs to pour a gallon of red paint down his throat, because thousands of chickens WERE strangled to death in the making of that sound. During dress rehearsal, the stage manager fell down the stairs and had to go to the hospital. All signs point to Chokey's screech from hell. It is the cause of all the wrongdoings in this world.
The only good that could have come out of Chokey's "baby hyena in a blender" screech is if Simon Cowell threw Kara DioSTFUALREADY towards it and she turned into a pile of salt. Then Paula would've run on stage and snorted her up. If that happened, Kara wouldn't have embarrassed herself even more with the whole "Crazy" is "early Aerosmith" comment. Stupid bitch.
Chokey's performance should seal the deal. He basically sang his own execution song last night. Somebody should check on Steven Tyler, because I think hearing Chokey absolutely murder one of his songs caused him to dig a grave just so he could lie down and turn in it.
With all that being said, Cockey won't be put down tonight. The judges completely shrugged off that epic suckery off. Most of them said that Danny just wasn't in his element. If by "element" they meant "singing," then they are right. But that's not what they meant.
All signs still point to a Glamberace/Cockey finale. And this grosses me out. It should be Manic Panic's best girlfriend, Allison! Didn't her duet with Glamberace pretty much confirm this? I mean, Allison was pretty perfect last night. When she sang, empty bottles of Jack Daniels and cartons of Marlboro Reds danced around me. She already has the voice of a middle-aged crackhead rock star who may or may not love the pussay. How can you not love that?
As for Kris Allen, I hope you got enough of his "jizzing in a tube sock" facial expression last night, because I think he is done. You won't see them anymore. His army of horny tweens can't save him now.
Now on to GLAMBERACE! Breaking news! For once in my life, I actually liked him. Yes, everyone was waiting for THE QUEEN to take on Queen, but his version on Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love" kind of stroked me the right way (my apologies for that lunch-killing visual). This was mostly because Glamberace is built like Foghorn Leghorn, so that's who I pictured singing this. That made a whole world of difference.
Now on to predictions:
Who will face execution?: Allison & Kris
Who will be executed?: Sadly, Kris....
P.S. - SLASH: I would totally let him rub my no-no with his nose ring. Who knew Slash could ever make me pucker?
• 
I'm here again, just freaking drunk with hate (and Vodka)listening to "cry baby" and crying like a stupid bitch..I hate the GOKEY, douche! dooocuchhheeeeeeeeee!!! this will be the most boring AI final ever...Its like Archuleta vs Cook again, the "F# Boring" and the "Creative"..I hope Big Gay Lion wins! I will be his FaG Hag, his makeup bitch, his shopping slave...BGL for the Win
Im still reeling from the last hangover, after that awful elimination of the most awesome and talented teenager ever en A.I; ALLISON! The stupid Judges were horrible to her, because she didn't fit the "disney-crap" (Archie & Jordaca)or any of the pre-determined castings (the widower, the cutie, the Gay)FRRUUCKKK-
I hate the stupid douche-bag Gokey!!! He is not even cute or at least have a put-a -bag in the face and eat kind of body!!at least the big Gay Lion is hot and the other boring-ZZZZ guy is kind of cute..SHIT, I will miss the Homey!The Alli and my tuesdays will never be the same...
My friend recommended me a very good comunity
---- MixedFriends.cOm ----
People from all over the world gather together.
Go to have a try, you may find your love or friendship there.
This reminds me, I need to get another bottle of lube before next Tuesday when Kris performs....
"I've heard of the Twilight Zone & The handicapped zone, but not the errogonous zone...okay?" - Suzanne Sugarbaker
Whoops, almost forgot: I hate this fucking show.
***********************************************
"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
I had a fucking shit day and fucking browsed through Entertainment Weekly's live blog of tonight's show results and I wish I hadn't. My fucking heart is fucking crushed. (Fucking, Fuck, Fucked are the words of the day). Fuck this fucking bullshit show. Fucking sexist ass bastards. Who in God's name fucking loved Danny's Flukey's shitty ass 'smith bullshit. Serious-fucking-ly. I fucking swear I'm about to shit a brick - I kid you not. I'm so fucking depressed. FUCK!
Again: Fuck you Simon. Fuck you Kara and your shit for brains self. Learn more about the fucking industry you're a part of you fuck. Fuck you Randy and you "dawgy dawg self." Fuck you Paula. Actually, I take that back because Paula is someone cool when she is high. Fuck the producers of this shit show. Fuck the whole "I Can Turn Adam Straight" brigade. Lastly, and most importantly, fuck America. UGH!
/end rant.
--------------------------------------
P.S.: Fuck you, Sarah Palin:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFdijgMytUA
Chris Brown should get his ass kicked:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo65yaAumko
JillyPoo - p.s. The reason I ask about Beautiful Child is that they did it back in 2003 when they went out on the road. In my 30 years of going to Fleetwood Mac concerts, that was a first. Love that song, just wondering if it still made the current set list.
JillyPoo - I've seen Lindsey many, many times (solo, with the Mac). He's an under-appreciated and unheralded guitar god. People just don't know understand how incredibly talented he is until they see him live. He totally steals the show. He and Stevie still sound great together. They come to my city later this month. Glad you had fun. :)
I can't believe Goofy Gokey lasted this long. If I was Steven Tyler I would wrap Gokey's glasses around his forehead.
Submitted by ILovePapaSmurf on Wed, 05/06/2009 - 5:38pm.
Loved your rant, though if I were to quote you, I'd simply say:
"Fuck you Randy. Fuck you Kara and your shit fashion sense. Fuck you Paula and your crazy coked out self and Fuck you Simon and your man titays... Fuck you."
But I would have to include the line:
"And fuck Gokey and his fucking glasses."
Poetry on an Idol thread.
Oh and the whole "Crazy" is "early Aerosmith" comment -- I nearly died when I heard that but then my sister said, "I think she said Crazy is "girlie" Aerosmith?" I mean, I guess Aerosmith did tone it down in the 80s and 90s but did she really say girlie Aerosmith?
OMG, I cannot stop watching this awful screaming from Gokey. It's cracking me the fuck up everytime I watch it. How can something so awful be so funny?!
**************************************************
"2009 is taking away our all funny legends. Fuck '09" MK 5/5/09
"Ali is 15 going on benjamin buttons" Fail 5/5/09
Alright bitches, I'll admit that I actually really liked Adam last night. Had to watch the performance twice to get the whole essence, but it wasn't bad at all. Finally, a song that he didn't scream through. It was a joy to my eyes. Seriously.
I thought Allison did quite well with her song and was pissed off at the judges for giving her shit. Fuck you Randy. Fuck you Kara and your shit fashion sense. Fuck you Paula and your crazy coked out self and Fuck you Simon and your man titays. She rocked. Fuck you.
Kris was OK, but I felt he had it. He knows he's not going to beat Adam nor Alison. So it was like he was expressing with his face, "Fuck this game, Grandma, you win."
And fuck Gokey and his fucking glasses. Way to put the nail in your coffin. Peace the fuck out.
Adam and Alison's solo rocked my socks and I hope they make it for the show's finale. Of course, Adam will win, but at least Alison securing her place in the top two will give the judges a large FUCK YOU that they deserve.
/end rant.
--------------------------------------
P.S.: Fuck you, Sarah Palin:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFdijgMytUA
Chris Brown should get his ass kicked:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo65yaAumko
Holy crap, that was BAD. Gokey should go!
**********
"Are you coming or going? Or, are you coming, and then going? Or, are you coming and staying?" --Brian Kinney
Yesterday I watched a full American Idol episode for possibly the first time in my life, or the first time in long enough for me to not be able to remember watching a full episode before.
That Kris dude was totally adorable. But he fucked up by not singing "Revolution" instead--I doubt it would have been amazing, but it would have been better.
Mostly, though, that Gokey dude really shouldn't have been there.
Submitted by Lavadama on Wed, 05/06/2009 - 3:18pm.
Can someone give me the name of the artist that does the original "Dream on"? I've never heard the song, and I want to find the original.
CHARLES MANSON
I THINK DREAM ON WAS ORIGINALLY DONE BY AEROSMITH. GUY HAD A GREAT VOICE.
______
Yes, Aerosmith. Steven Tyler is killer. I'm still laughing over SLASH laughing that Gokey would have to do the scream -- "You chose the song, you have to do the scream." Slash knew it would be a train wreck. LOL.
Incidentally, I know Kris' Come Together was a Beatles song but Aerosmith also had a well known version of that song. Also good. Aerosmith was well represented last night.
And I stand by my Lambert hate. Go Allison!
Submitted by Lavadama on Wed, 05/06/2009 - 3:18pm.
Can someone give me the name of the artist that does the original "Dream on"? I've never heard the song, and I want to find the original.
CHARLES MANSON
I THINK DREAM ON WAS ORIGINALLY DONE BY AEROSMITH. GUY HAD A GREAT VOICE.
All 4 have talent. But I disagree with you, Mikey. It'll be Kris or Allison (not enuf fan base for her) who'll go. Besides Gokey has the Christian right in his corner. There was an article about that in the papers recently.
All 4 have talent. But I disagree with you, Mikey. It'll be Kris or Allison (not enuf fan base for her) who'll go. Besides Gokey has the Christian right in his corner. There was an article about that in the papers recently.
Submitted by kanderso on Wed, 05/06/2009 - 3:23pm.
Is it possible for Paula to win instead of the contestants?
Hahaha, Paula's wacked-out comments are usually the highlight of every show. Love her!
------------------------------------------------
"F*ck you Tyra Banks, Oprah, Magic Johnson, Tiger Woods, Rockefeller. F*ck you." - La Pequena Hillary Clinton, 6/17/08
Submitted by MushroomStamp on Wed, 05/06/2009 - 3:37pm
Thanks!
**************************************************
"2009 is taking away our all funny legends. Fuck '09" MK 5/5/09
"Ali is 15 going on benjamin buttons" Fail 5/5/09
LavaDama.. Seriously?? you must be a youngin.. no probs though.. it was Aerosmith. Hard to scream like Steven Tylor ...
For some reason, maybe because I'm PMSing, everyone pissed me off last night. Is it possible for Paula to win instead of the contestants?
I'd still totally sleep with Kris tho. Just sayin.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
You're a rebel? You think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel, you're fucking psychotic! ~ Veronica Sawyer
ha ha re Best Buy Employee, ITA Gokey looked so lame and not "rock star"
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"Liberache, Versace, Coocarachi"
Can someone give me the name of the artist that does the original "Dream on"? I've never heard the song, and I want to find the original.
*************************************************
"2009 is taking away our all funny legends. Fuck '09" MK 5/5/09
"Ali is 15 going on benjamin buttons" Fail 5/5/09
Gokey was TERRIBLE. TERRIBLE. And he looks like a fucking Best Buy employee who's about tell you all the new features on the Windows laptop. He always has that creepy "I'm paid by commission" smile on his face. Actually his duet with Kris was like two Best Buy employees got together and started a Styx tribute band.
GLAMBERT FOR THE WIN. Or Allison.
Bradi: Yes, ma'am. W/ people I've "known" from the very 1st AI message board back when it was on Bolt.com.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
dramaqueen365247 on Wed, 05/06/2009 - 3:03pm
Exactly.
You're in an AI pool?
You're #1 to me slutpuppy!
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
3. He has a dead wife.
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"Liberache, Versace, Coocarachi"
Ricki: Keep the testes(They're brass, aren't they? LOL). It just seems to me Kris is more AI's wet dream than Gokey.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
Submitted by LA on Wed, 05/06/2009 - 2:36pm.
Lindsey was f'in AMAZING. Stevie was wonderful (duh, she can't NOT be), but Lindsey stole the show. He played "Big Love," and wow - always knew he could play, just never realized how amazing of a guitarist he really is until last night. No "Beautiful Child," sadly, but she and Lindsey did sing "Say You Love Me" which was a nice surprise.
I'm still in awe from last night, if you couldn't tell :)
------------------------------------------------
"F*ck you Tyra Banks, Oprah, Magic Johnson, Tiger Woods, Rockefeller. F*ck you." - La Pequena Hillary Clinton, 6/17/08
Bradi: Now I do agree w/ that. The others will have enough of a fanbase that they can develop careers. Not so Gokey. He won't win, & we'll never hear from him again. (In fact, in my AI pool, I've sent him home tonight Daughtry/JHud/Tamyra Gray style. I think it's unlikely, but I'm the only one who did it, so if my gamble pays off, I'll be in 1st place!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
PS Kris being married to his ugly AK ho does not appeal to the voting body of manic 12-year-olds who watch this show in packs of 50. These are also the hos that don't think Adam is gay lol. The biggest mistake anybody makes about this show is thinking it is actually a talent competition, when it is quite obviously a popularity contest.
Well DQ, you can disagree all you want. I certainly think Danny is terrible. It's not about 'agreeing' with it, that's just the way it is. We'll see who makes it to the finals or wins, Danny or Kris. I bet you both of my testicles it's Danny.
rickilake:
4. He is aesexually non-threatening.
- Now, I disagree. He has that "future sex offender after not making a living off Idol" thing about him.
Kris Allen can pick up the Mayer & Mraz left overs as a fanbase.
Probably even team up with Legend.
Gokey needs to make a career from this more than any of them.
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
Ricki: I disagree. Mr. DQ & I can't get over that the judges aren't all over Kris. He's all-American boy, married (so not threatening)& seems the type you could really mold. Gokey is a Taylor Hicks wanna be. I don't see what it is that the judges see in him (except for the week he made me cry LOL).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
I have been saying Adam and Allison since it got down to the final 10. Chris, should be singing lullaby's to children cuz he sure puts me to fuckin sleep. Gokey is slightly better than chris but could care less about ever hearing him sing. I didn't think his last 5 performances were even worth mentioning. I say Allison should be the dark horse...
Dykey Hokey was TAILOR-MADE for this show! It always shocks when people ask "Who is voting for Danny?" because the answer is: American Idol's main demographic! Let's see what he has to offer the mostly-mindless Midwest swamp and hill hos who watch this Turdathon:
1. He is Christian. (Jesus likes people who want to make millions off of being adored, and so do Christianists.)
2. He is cheesy. (America has no taste. 'Nuff said.)
3. He has a dead wife. (Boo hoo! Nobody else has dead family! Danny is the first! Sob stories play well on this show. That's been obvious since Day 1.)
4. He is aesexually non-threatening. (All the better for the kiddies to drool over them while they scrapbook another section in their AI Dreambooks next to Fetus Archuleta and Joshua Gracin, THE MARINE!!!)
5. He is a church-freak. (Nothing like seeing a horde of church zombies enthusiastically support your ass week after week, especially if 70% of your Evangelist church appears to be your family.)
In short, there is no way Danny is not going to make the finals. He hasn't even lived up to the initial promise his voice showed - he has actually been SUCKING quite hard for weeks now. Ostensibly because he strayed away from his extremely narrow "Mariah Carey - Hero" cheesy ballad niche. Yet, the judges continue to pimp away. Danny is making it to the final 2, and will probably take the entire thing. Hopefully that's just the death knell this ass show needs.
bitchette OMG hahahahahah she is such a troll doll face! Adam's hairdresser should have done it that way!
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"Liberache, Versace, Coocarachi"
SPEAKING OF TROLL DOLLS....
girl can sing, but i really want to brush her hair straight up!
-------------------------
'fuck you guys. i'm goin' home.'
I like Danny but his last note was terrible. I think his performance was the worst last night but I don't know if he will actually get the boot.
gokey was a fucking MESS! i was messed up watching the show, but fuck. i was racking my brain trying to figure out which rock song he could sing about a dead chick, and he comes up with dream on. fuck!
as for judges' pick, i really hope they have adam do 'i believe in a thing called love' by the darkness. go adam & allison!
gokey was a fucking MESS! i was messed up watching the show, but fuck. i was racking my brain trying to figure out which rock song he could sing about a dead chick, and he comes up with dream on. fuck!
as for judges' pick, i really hope they have adam do 'i believe in a thing called love' by the darkness. go adam & allison!
I love little Allison, it better be Kris who goes home tonight, he seems nice & can sing okay, but he is just so dull & I cant get over his chimpanzee faces & his stroke mouth when he sings.
Unfortunately, it wont be Gokey....Who the fuck keeps calling in for him? He cant possibly be getting the young girl votes looking the way he does.
Agree 100 percent with MK's assessment. Gokey is horrendous, has been all season, and needs to GO. And what's up with his undeserved arrogance? He sure didn't like getting any criticism!
JillyPoo - Needless to say, I am jealous! How hot was my Lindsey? Did he play Big Love? Did Stevie sing Beautiful Child?
No, I mean...I still like Adam. I'm just tired of watching. AI stretches this shit out for months and months on end. Remember back in its heydey when like, results shows with 4 people left would still last 1.5 to 2 hours? That's what it feels like now, even though they can't get away with that shit anymore. Allison has definitely jumped ahead the past few weeks, I hope she and Adam are in the finals and not Danny and Adam. Poor Kris, I don't think anyone expects him to make it.
Oh, and I did appreciate that Adam toned it down for Rock Week, when everybody probably expected him to shriek high-E's non-stop. But yeah, let's just end this shit next week, WITHOUT the recquisite 6-hour finale show. PLEASE. I am not making the mistake of watching the bad auditions for next season, which is how I got sucked into watching this season for the first time since Season 2.
I could kick myself for watching the Blackhawks getting owned by the Canucks instead of watching Idol! I did read EW's summary. They said that the judges lost their last shred of legitimacy when they gave kudos to Gokey for that mess.
Stoney, I hope he didn't re-injure your poor ears!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
barelybeagle you see! I knew he killed that song! yay!!
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"Liberache, Versace, Coocarachi"
**edited for stupidity**
**************************************************
"2009 is taking away our all funny legends. Fuck '09" MK 5/5/09
"Ali is 15 going on benjamin buttons" Fail 5/5/09
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 05/06/2009 - 2:17pm.
Thanks for that link, I hadn't seen it yet. That was damn good (and this is coming from me, a huge Zeppelin fanatic). Adam is absolutely 100% safe.
I thought Danny would make my eardrums explode.