American Idol: Riding High On Glamberace Air
Paula Abdul never lets me down. She was so mild and calm during last night's episode and then suddenly right after Glamberace's second performance, she dropped a beautiful morphine-laced jewel in all our laps. The lidocaine she injected into her eyeball during the commercial break must have kicked in. NO, I didn't say that! It's just her natural craziness. The completely sober Paula said, "You've set the bar so high in the sky! I hope you're collecting frequent flier miles. You will be flying for free everywhere." Honey, you're the only one flying high in that room and that's why my no-heart thumps for you. Paula then twitched a little and looked like a homeless crazy junkie trying to flick off the invisible fleas that the government planted there to read her thoughts. I love her so.
As for the performances, does Kris Allen really have to go? Just when I was getting used to his seizure mouth, he's going to slide away. Even if he got all nakies and his peen sang "America the Beautiful" in perfect pitch, it still wouldn't be enough. And that's gross, because his version of Kanye West's "Heartless" was thee best of the evening. I didn't fart once during it and that's a compliment. I've been waiting for Gay Fish to pop the CAPS-KEY and proclaim, "THIS IS A FUCKING FARCE!!!1!!! BITCH, BOGUS!", but he probably didn't watch, because he's too busy creating high art for the world to ponder.
Kris doing Kanye made up for his microwaved squash version of "Apologize" which obviously needed more Felix Cane. I blame Kara for this, because she sucks at everything. She sucks at moving her jaw correctly and she sucks at picking songs for dreamboats.
Before I went to bed, I prayed to The Empress of Lucite to please bring the machete down on Danny Chokey's head! I am so sick of his FACE and his dyke-approved glasses. And that caca-eating grin. Ugh. I just want to cover him in baby wipes and throw a diaper over his mouth. Both of his performances last night she could have come complete with a tub of piping hot Purell, because that shit made me feel like all filthy-like (and not in a good way). Chokey is just so damn slimy with the way he slithers around the stage and tries to manipulate us. His performance of "You Are So Beautiful To Me" was like getting a Hallmark card filled with butt jelly. Yeah, I guess can he sing alright, but I'd rather get ear fucked by a porcupine than have to listen to him again.
Now on to the big queen of the hour... No, not Gaycrest. I'm talking about Glamberace! It doesn't matter what I say. This bitch will win. He already won. I can already see the wings started to sprout out of his ass and the glittery halo above his head. He's already an angel to the judges and half of America.
I wish they would just give him the tiara already and put us out of our misery! His performance of "One" had me until the screeching pussy in heat jumped out of his mouth again. And even though his version of "Cryin'" had my ears crying from all that hollerin', I still loved that he chose it. Glamberace totally kicked Danny in the ass bone for completely murdering an Aerosmith song last week. For that reason alone, he deserves to be in the finals. Any hater of Gokey is a best girlfriend of mine!
On to the predictions:
Who will be executed: Kris, right? But please twist your nipples and hope for a Gokey execution!
P.S. - Was it just me or did anybody notice the stain on Simon's t-shirt. It was right near his furry tittay. Gaycrest needs to aim better next time!
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Danny Gokey has the best voice on this show hands down. Anyone who knows music knows that. I don't care what any of you haters say. He's the best singer. He has the most versatility and the best tone.
Michael K we can be BFF because I also hate the douche-bag Gokey with all my heart and all my empty Bacardi Rum bottles (Yep, Im the one who is still crying for Allison! and totally drunk waiting for results)
My Big Gay Lion is awesome, so awesome that I will paint a rainbown in my office so I can totally get in the mood for the finale..cause HE WILL WIN!! I think Kris is going into the Finale instead of the GOFUCKY, but I'm very worried for all the GOkey deaf followers, cause they will follow Kris (the borriiinggg one) and that prayers could mean that the Magnificent BGL could be runner-up!! FUCK! but do you expect of a deaf public that vote off Allison??? I hope I'm not right and we can celebrate the coronation of the BGL..lights, confetti, shinning things..I't could be memorable....
GIA< we coul also be BFF cause that PEDO-FACE analogy was spot-on
Now that my sweet Allison is gone I think I hated everyone last night. The usual annoyances like Kris' stroke mouth, Danny's smug, fat, pedo face & Adam's thick, pasty tongue sticking out as he screeched all rubbed me the wrong way quite painfully without Allison.
Much like the Shroud of Turin, that's Paula's face imprint on Simon's shirt (she rubbed against him and the foundation stained).
Submitted by Bigg_tree on Wed, 05/13/2009 - 1:41pm
Hey, GREAT first post! Welcome!
You know, if they got rid of Kara, I'd probably watch the show on a more consistent basis. Hearing her non-opinions week after week gets old. What credentials does this bitch have to judge these contestants?
AS FOR GOKEY, he should've gone the fuck home for that screaming bullshit duing dream on. fucking asshole.
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"ANYWAY, in the dumpster she found a script for the Twilight sequel (all together now: WHERE IT BELONGS)" MK 5/12/09
"You know why Dlisters can't fucking stand Skankalina? Because we can smell a conniving, stinking cunt a mile away. " mikidais 5/12/09
I hope Chokey goes home. He thinks he is the best singer to grace the human race. Shame on him for using the death of his wife to get a record contract.
Hey, it isn't only MK and us bitches on dlisted. All my friends hate Chokey too - that fat , pompous, arrogant, smug asshole who sounds the same every week, whatever genre. We all wonder how he got thru so far!
Saw an article on MSNBC where it said " ...Danny Gokey, as you may have heard seven or eight hundred times, is a widower..."
My ex and I broke up and I was a mess for months -his "beloved" wife died and he gets over her death by entering American Idol and standing there every week looking like nothing bad ever happens to him?
I want to BITCH SLEP the smug look off his child molester face (I finally get why MK described him as such)
Kara was fucking annoying - even more then usual ,when she was trying to crow over Simon and then coverng his mouth. It's funny when Simon does it to Paula, it's fucking annoying and stupid when Kara does it.
She and Chokey should just die off together - they are both so fucking annoying
Sooooooooo, who do I name as going home tonight in my fantasy Idol pool?
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
i don't even like kris (girl thighs, too tight jeans, and HIDEOUS dork sneakers- NOT for a performer!!!), and his version of heartless won me over. it actually made me think he could beat adam (who i love, but the drama and catcall screams are starting to get old now)... gokey--- i can't even type that without adrenalin pumping through me of hate. i want to hate paula for loving on him so much- he is so foul, i also feel the need for purell after watching him. there is something just WRONG and perverse about him. i felt sorry for him for a moment when i realized he is the 'vote for the worst' candidate- and i envisioned how horrible he must feel for being less talented than allison, but still there... but THEN, he opened his mouth... the singing, the TALKING (why does he get so much fucking air time with his ANNOYING reflective comments!)... the m'er f'ing boots... the BOOTS... newsheadline, dork tries to make cool with unlaced boots... 1986... and that fool isn't doing it in a retro way, and even if he was, it didn't work... he just SUCKS... and him in tight jeans makes me want to find the Medium serial killer to get my eyes gauged out... CAN'T TAKE IT!!!
Submitted by Bigg_tree on Wed, 05/13/2009 - 1:41pm.
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Welcome and glad to see you jumped right in. I watched but couldn't muster up the energy to vote. Felt ripped off after Allison's departure last week. Would prefer Kris just for his one redeeming song last night. Gokey shoulda' left weeks ago, IMO..so now I just don't give a crap. Adam will be a success *in spite* of what AI will try and do to him..also, jmo.
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Just because no one understands you, doesn't mean you're an artist.
Hi Bigg_tree!
Kris deserves to be in the finals. He was great last night!
I can;t stand Danny Gokey. He should have been gone weeks ago.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjSOsGUxKEg
Submitted by Bigg_tree on Wed, 05/13/2009 - 1:41pm.
Welcome! We AI fans can be a little temperamental, but over all it's a pretty fun thread to be in.
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
Hi All - this is my first post. I really am glad there is this forum so I know I am not alone in my distaste for Adam's nasty screaming with his tongue hanging out performance. He is only suited for high drama musicals which I hate (though I don't judge you if you like). Hated every one of his performances.
Liked Danny's Terrence Trent D'Arby cover - but hated his butchering of Cocker's.
Hated Twitchy mouth's first song but absolutely loved his second one - "Heartless". Best of the evening.
I would love to see Adam go home. I was so pleased to see his cocky face looking all confused when he was in the bottom 3 and that is a feeling I would like to chase.
Don't like Kara in general but especially when she leans forward with her squinched up face telling people the exact same thing week to week. Randy is harmless. Simon laughing at Paula's moronic comments are what keep me watching at this point.
Great comments, group! Love this forum and props to Michael K for his hilarious send up that started the ball rolling!
Last night was the first night I had watched an entire episode all season and I can honestly say I have missed nothing. Kris is cute with his stroke-victim mouth, Adam is ok, Gokey makes me want to open a vein. The judges make the show unwatchable for me. Randy and his bullshit babbling, Kara taking up precious oxygen, Paula, well, being an idiot, and titty stained Simon flipping everyone the bird when he scratches his face. The man is worth a fortune and sits there in some FOTL tshirt....probably Prada, but damn, looks like it came from the dollar tree.
A bunch of us voted 32874763642 times for Krispy just so Gokey will go the hell away!!
kris allen was awesome last night. his heartless was way better than kayne and the judges were so unfair over apologize. kara needs to keep her skank ass mouth shut. danny was horrid and annoying as usual and adam was flat as FUCK on the last song and should have lowered the key. his first performance was great. I hope danny goes home but i'm sure all the bible thumping widower loving tardos will keep him in and kris will go.
I think that unmarketable floppy fish Gokey is going.
It was released on the Internet (in the same sense that a movie is 'leaked') a year or two ago and 19 Entertainment basically had a major shit-fit over it (obviously). It was like, REALLY big in the news. I thought I read about it here first, actually, but I might be wrong about that. But yeah, sorry, my brain hurts too lol. I know I wasn't articulating my point very clearly haha.
Ricki Lake: How do you know what's in the Idol contract? Not being snarky -- honestly curious.
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
My brain hurts now. Hahaha.
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P.S.: Fuck you, Sarah Palin:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFdijgMytUA
Chris Brown should get his ass kicked:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo65yaAumko
I don't watch, I just read the reviews but I still don't understand MK's utter hated for Danny. I like him alot. At this point it doesn't matter who wins, they're all going to be around for awhile.
蜘龍====================龍蜘
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(='.'=)
(")_(")
Yes, but actually, they can "keep" them through their whole careers at this point (the winners anyway, I don't know about anybody else). They sign away a percentage of their earnings for life if they win - it is in the contract. Thus, they can't enter into any other contract that doesn't allow this. Even if they change record labels, 19 Entertainment still gets paid. But like I said before, it wasn't always like this. Carrie Underwood was the last winner to escape that clause, and is only tied to the show for a set period of time. Everyone after her is kinda getting screwed (well, that's debatable I guess). That's the price you pay for manufactured fame.
Ricki, Right. But they have the decision to continue marketing the artist if they feel necessary to do so. Others just fall by the waste side.
And they can't keep artists under contract through their whole careers (see Kelly and Carrie) but they sure have the authority to give artists a contract directly after a concert tour.
19 Entertainment knew how to market Kelly and Carrie, which is why they are two of the most successful Idols when they were signed with the company and when they weren't. But the others, not so much. Look at Elliot Yamin.
Daughtry, on the other hand, left the grips of Idol as fast as he could and he is a success on his own, thanks to his determination.
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P.S.: Fuck you, Sarah Palin:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFdijgMytUA
Chris Brown should get his ass kicked:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo65yaAumko
God I can't stand Gokey! He's trying to manipluate people into voting for him! He sung YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL aka the cheesiest song on the fucking planet! Really! That guy has zero, I repeat ZERO star quality.
Kris should be in the final two just so fucking Gokey isn't.
Glambert kind of butchered "One" but he deserves to be in the final two and win this show.
Agreed. That back up singer was awful. I never cared much for Adam, until he did Mad World and then he won me over. Still, half the fun for me with him is watching him perform; listening to a CD won't be the same. I would much rather see him on Broadway or something.
As far as Gockey goes, I realize this is Dlisted and we are a huge group of superficial bitches, but really, what does his being "fat" have to do with anything? If you hate his voice, that's one thing but who cares what his body looks like. There's always some standard for what entertainers need to look like, but it isn't as if being in the business wouldn't change his look (& weight) in time. It changes everyone.
I can't get into Kris. He's way too pretty, like a 90s boybander, and that alone means I can't take him seriously. Heartless was good though. I too was looking forward to some bitching from Kanye over Randy's comment. He disappointed me.
I should clarify, not only do they have "first dibs" on the finalists to give them an album, but if they choose not to give them a record deal they are NOT able to sign with another label for a set period of time, which is much longer than just the length of the summer tour. Basically, enough time so that everybody forgets who the person is and they basically have to start over trying to get a deal. I didn't really state that.
Last night was pretty good.
Danny's first song was pretty cheesy but still pretty good. I had never even heard of it and can't remember the title today. "You Are So Beautiful" sounded awesome and game me chills.
Loved "Apologize" for Kris. Did not like "Heartless" at all- he made it way too country and cheesy for me.
Adam sounded good at the beginning of "One" but managed to kill my eardums by the end. He murdered "Cryin" and I am now deaf.
I still think Adam has the contest all wrapped up. I think Danny will go because so many people hate him (which I don't understand).
No. They have stipulations in their contracts now that they are tied to the production company. Whether or not they choose to give her an album is at their discretion, but she can't just take the publicity she got from the show and go to another label and sign a deal. Why in the world would 19 Entertainment let her do that? They made her 'famous' or whatever, and at this point you clearly don't have to be in the top 2 to score a deal. Why would they basically promote someone for weeks then let someone sweep in and take that potential profit away? That have first dibs, whether or not they choose to exercise them.
(Keep in mind, it was not always like this. Carrie Underwood was the last winner to escape with a contract that tied her to the show only for a set amount of years instead of life. The AI contracts are notoriously kinda shitty but they've gotten really bad the past few years.)
"Submitted by ricki lake on Wed, 05/13/2009 - 12:10pm.
Actually, at this point, all of the finalists are tied to AI and 19 Entertainment with shitty contracts. Even if Allison gets a deal AI will be taking a percentage for life. It's not just the final 2."
Not necessarily. 19 Entertainment picks who they decide they want to market and since Allison didn't get the proper treatment she deserved from the "judges," could spell out that she's not marketable enough for 19 Ent. I do believe she's under contract through the concert tour and that's about it. 19 Entertainment decides from there if they want to give her a record deal or pursue other opps. with each Idol contestant.
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P.S.: Fuck you, Sarah Palin:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFdijgMytUA
Chris Brown should get his ass kicked:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo65yaAumko
Team Kris! Gokey & Lambert are both 1 trick ponies -- one w/ his heart wrenching songs to his dead wife, & one w/ his "glory note," which is the same week after week. & I'd rather see Kris' mouth contortions any day of the week than Lambert's tongue every time he screeches.
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
check out that new commercial of hers ...she can freakin
dance...and still looks way hella good for her age
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006718/
I like paula and she can freakin dance...she is one cute
jewish chick...I'd do her now
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006718/
Fuuck that pointy horse.
I'm still Team Gokey. His voice is like butter to me. He never mentions his dead wife... Just because it's in the back of my mind as I weep and hug the TV, that's not his fault.
Adam is Fat Elvis shoplifting in my local Hot Topic. I'm soooo over him.
Kris' crazy mouth movements were so much cuter when John Mayer did them... and his voice so much better when it came out of Jason Mraz.
I'm gonna scream out loud if I ever hear about American Idol again
Actually, at this point, all of the finalists are tied to AI and 19 Entertainment with shitty contracts. Even if Allison gets a deal AI will be taking a percentage for life. It's not just the final 2.
I hope Kris goes home, only to spare him the stupid Idol contract that 1st and 2nd place finishers will be chained to.
I say there will be a "SHOCKER UPSET" tonight....
Yea, I'm just stirring the shit paella...
But FRINGE IS BACK NEXT FALL!!!! That was a highlight for me last night.
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
The stain on his shirt was from when he was acting like he was choking Paula. That chick wears a lot of make up. Or maybe it's heroin dust.
Glambarace looks like he reallly needs to fight the chunk. I predict caftans in his future...
Submitted by JillyPoo on Wed, 05/13/2009 - 11:48am.
I know. I hope she apologized to him afterwards. The sound people should apologize too. They had her mic up WAY too loud. As if he needs a loud back-up singer. It was ridiculous. She sounded like hell.
Submitted by Mopa on Wed, 05/13/2009 - 11:45am.
The backup singer totally made Adam sound like he was off-key, but he wasn't. He, of all people, does NOT need a backup singer!
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"F*ck you Tyra Banks, Oprah, Magic Johnson, Tiger Woods, Rockefeller. F*ck you." - La Pequena Hillary Clinton, 6/17/08
I love Adam, screeches and all. Shoot me. Voted for him over and over last night via text. "One" wasn't my favorite, but I did love "Crying."
Kris's "Heartless" was amazing, but I can't stand the faces he makes when he sings. Reminds me of Jim Carey's weird contorted faces in "The Mask."
Gokey needs to GO GO GO the fuck away and never be heard from again.
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"F*ck you Tyra Banks, Oprah, Magic Johnson, Tiger Woods, Rockefeller. F*ck you." - La Pequena Hillary Clinton, 6/17/08
i sooo noticed simon's boob stain straight away. doesn't he wear that same white t-shirt every week?
Actually, there were two performances worse than the three finalists last night. That awful back-up singer on one of Adam's songs. They had her mic up so loud and she sounded horrible.
And that horrible sax player that Gokey 'scatted' with. (sounds dirty)
I would rather sit through another bad Dream On ending scream from Gokey than listen to those two bad back-up performers again.
Paula stfu already with the lame Simon jabbs, and Kara just stfu altogether.
Heartless was the best all season.
Siiiick, seriously? Like I said, they were all terrible for both their performances, but if I had to pick a worst one it would have DEFINITELY been Kris. Really pitchy, not very original and interesting, and the more I hear him sing the more uncomfortable he sounds in his upper register. Like, he has to do that weird twangy bleating thing people do when they can sing some tenor parts but are really a baritone. Yuck.
B U T C H E R E D