Madonna IS Marrying Baby Jesus
Baby Jesus' father, God, has told Brazil's Who Magazine (via Gatecrasher) that the rumors about his son marrying Madonna are true. I'm not even a practicing Catholic anymore, but I feel like I need to pray for the fuckery I read in that last sentence. SANTO DIOS! Hand me a rosary and light a candle! Get my veil too! The lace one!
God said that they will "marry" in a Kabbalah ceremony in New York. Since it's not going to be a real marriage, he's not sure if it's legally binding or not. The magazine also asked God about the rumors that Madonna was making Baby Jesus take ESL lessons, but he says that's all just lies. God chirped, "Jesus already spoke English very well before he knew Madonna! I've spoken by phone with Madonna - in French, because my English is not fluent - and she appears to me to be a normal and polite person. She is feminine. I don't feel she is a harsh person."
If you swallowed your tongue after reading the "feminine" part, you're not alone. I've been trying to pull my tongue out of my throat ever since I read that. Madonna is about as feminine as a T-Rex's dick.
You know, something in the milk ain't clean about this Kabbalah ceremony thing. Methinks Vadge is up to something. This isn't a commitment ceremony, this is a de-nutsack ceremony! And while she's in there, she's going to take his peen's hoody too! Because if you're going to be knocking it with Madonna long-term, you gotta leave your ballies at the door.
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"Baby Jesus father-God"
MK-I just read this post again and saw the above-you are too fucking much!!
Christ-look at Vadges cheeks in this picture-she looks like a fucking hamster!-actually come to think of it,theres a touch of
Joan Crawford/Mommie dearest as well...
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
Iris 39
my friend says he is sleeping with Steven Miesel and that this is just about his green card and a favour to her favourite photographer
Iris 39
Jesus definitely makes her cum every night. Why wouldn't she do what it takes to put him on a short leash? She loves Latin cock, just like any normal person does. I don't blame her for doing this. A sex tape of the Honeymoon will be next!
I've been trying to pull my tongue out of my throat ever since I read that. Madonna is about as feminine as a T-Rex's dick.
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OMG. I haven't laughed that hard in a while.
Madonna needs to quit it already. She is over the hill and no one gives a crap about her tired old publicity stunts anymore. If she wants to marry a granny fucker she better keep a tight hold of her purse.
I take it that she's still trying to adopt that baby from Malawai, since her being a single mother may have stalled things...
I wonder if he'll sign the pre-nup in blood. Faustian bargain indeed!
Submitted by James Haven on Thu, 05/14/2009 - 4:36pm.
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Oh James, your story brings tears of laghter and blood to my eyes....Best ever!
She is really sad - and I used to admire her! SWhy do these stars to these pathetic shit and bring themselves down? Then blame the media...and us..
I bet yu Madonna thought it was funny first time round - Madonna and Jesus headlines. Now it's just getting stale and pathetic
Submitted by Sheeps on Fri, 05/15/2009 - 2:03am.
survivin'... like a roach, can't kill me
OT: nope, nope... she's just too useless these days
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"We play the game,
with the bravery of being out of range."
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Fri, 05/15/2009 - 1:41am.
a post about Madonna, 'eh?..
Ese..... You doin' ok?
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Je Ne Veux Pas Travailler
a post about Madonna, 'eh?... lemme see.. umm.. immaterial, inconsequential, inconsiderable, irrelevant, lesser, lightweight, little, meager, meaningless, minim, minimal, minor, minuscule, nonessential, not worth mentioning, nugatory, paltry, petty, pointless, purportless, scanty, secondary, senseless, small, trifling, trivial, unimportant, unsubstantial... yeah, that's all i got.... wait, wait!... hulking steroid cunt... yeah, that's all
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"We play the game,
with the bravery of being out of range."
Sunset Boulevard Snippets
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhlhE32SoXs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IX98UmQZBHU
Jesus is gonne be sacrificed so that Madonna can be youthfull again. Bitch is really cookoo.
Vadge's PR machinations are retarded and not the least bit subtle. I mean, Jesus & Madonna? Really? I'm talking to you Guy O.
Hey didn't Mick Jagger do this shit? He had some kind of tropical marriage ceremony that involved bananas and when he wanted to divorce Jerry Hall, the dick insisted that the marriage wasn't legal so he could keep all his monies.
This is totally playing out like Sunset Boulevard -- shit. Jesus is gonna end up face-down in Vadge's pool after a futile attempt at fleeing her veiny grasp RUN BABYJAYSUZ RUUUN!!!
Any ceremony not done by a licensed officiant with the required paperwork - ie a purely religious ceremony w/ no license by any random schmuck - is not totally legally binding. She wants to have the "marriage" benefits without chance of divorce payouts, so she can have that shit annulled or whatever when she inevitably splits from Baby Jesus. She can dump his ass on the street and laugh all the way to the bank.
Serious, you can have a priest, a rabbi, a minister, etc do your wedding and if they aren't allowed to do it and don't have the legal paperwork, you are NOT legally married.
On the other hand, he'll probably have a ghostwritten tell-all written talking about how she never bathes and she kept doing pushups on his chest in bed and she keeps referring to her kids as "Acessory 1, 2, and 3."
Oh, and Papi is so totally hoping to get a cut of Whoredonna's gazillions. Otherwise he'd never use the words "normal," "feminine" and "not harsh" unless they had the word "never" in front of them.
Anyone want to venture that Jesus' papi isn't being fed lines but is in fact a bit special himself? Since Jesus is getting tangled up in Madonna's support hose perhaps his parents are as crazy as she is.
She's as feminine as Arnie was in "Conan the Barbarian".
Well - he has the good sense to look scared at least.
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I hope after she's done breastfeeding and potting training him she sends him to college. All little Vadgelings deserve the best start in life possible.
didn't she get the memo? nobody gives a shit about her or her publicity stunts anymore
she's so deluded she thinks someone's going to care she's marrying this guy
get lost madonna, seriously, buy yourself a nice castle somewhere in scotland, lock yourself up and pray to your kabbalah or whatever the fuck you believe in, you're pathetic...
Submitted by Sugaroo on Thu, 05/14/2009 - 5:51pm.
James Haven, you didn't answer me the other night. Is Brad really a drunk?
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Sorry Sweets! James Haven had to step out for a few. Mad had a Twaekwondo class and James Haven had to take him.
Yes James Haven did reply to your question in the Brad and Jen thread.
While Brad might not be considered a candidate for AA he has been hitting the sauce on a semi regular basis. James Haven blames it on those friends of his. G. Clooney is bad news!
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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By the way, due to this little announcement, the Lady Of CaCa needs to step up her attention ho game. I expect to hear that she's eloped with Robert Mugabe within the next 48 hours.
oh ick. just looked at that picture - he resembles jeff goldblum. that is NOT a good thing.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
"I'm not a victim, I'm a slut" - overheard in a park.
Submitted by NitWitty on Thu, 05/14/2009 - 5:28pm.
Don't hate. She couldn't adopt a baby, so now she's just gonna marry one instead.
*
that truly made me laugh out loud.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
"I'm not a victim, I'm a slut" - overheard in a park.
This reminds of the old Joan Rivers joke that Cher was so desperate for young studs "she cruised Toys R' Us' for dates". Leave it to Vadge to go one step further and date one of Rocco's contemporaries.
I knew she admired the stars of Hollywood's Golden Age and tried to emulate them, but who knew that Mae West in "Sextette" was one of them?
I heard he was a friend of Dorothy too! I'm definitely not buying this shit. In fact, I don't even care. I only care to say: please reduce the size of your cheek implants if we are forced to look at your face. Thanks.
Her cheek implants are too big. Why can't she see that? She needs to back away from the knife. For reals.
Would being married to him help her adoption bid?
I thought she gave it up, I mean she hasn't moved there and hasn't been back, but this whole ceremony thing seems really out of character. My guess is she wants to screw him but she also wants her baby so in order for her to have both she has to fake marry him.
@James...Did Bradley leave short and curlies on your "Old Spice" deodorant stick again...?
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
Leaders dream and talk.
Subordinates plan and do...
They look like vampires!
HaHa!!
I expect that poor Baby Jesus got one of those red Kabbalah strings tied to his dick too.
I have a long black lace veil you can borrow, MK.
Plan A - adopt another baby
If Plan A fails:
Plan B - marry a youngun to make a baby with frozen sperm pops.
Ewwwww
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Dick happens! - MK
James Haven, you didn't answer me the other night. Is Brad really a drunk?
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I do not celebrate the death of any man, but Satan does. When OJ Simpson dies, a number-one draft pick will have finally arrived.
@James... tell me about Mr Pitt's bathroom etiquette.
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
Leaders dream and talk.
Subordinates plan and do...
Submitted by No Words on Thu, 05/14/2009 - 4:51pm.
SmOOches No Words! Good to see you
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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Submitted by Sweetas on Thu, 05/14/2009 - 5:25pm.
SmOOches Sweetas! Hell can't be worse then sharin' a bathroom with Brad!
******************************************************************
See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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Don't hate. She couldn't adopt a baby, so now she's just gonna marry one instead.
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Just because no one understands you, doesn't mean you're an artist.
James Haven LMMFAO, you are so going to hell!!
Shotgun!
Vadge needs to stay away from the young ones. Standing next to Baby Jesus shows how old she really is.
BTW, any recent photos of Lourdes? Or has Vadge banished her to the highest turret in the castle for being more beautiful than old Vadge?
He looks like he's about to have a freak out if he doesn't get his bottle.
*Studies show that depression hits losers the hardest*
Madonna is about as feminine as a sweaty locker room full of athletes shooting up steroids...is that feminine enough?? Chewey better hit the road like a toad...she will choke the hot right out of him...looks like she already started...run for your life Chewey!!
Vadge may as well stand on top of Trump Towers and scream "I'M AN EGOMANIAC WHO'S PISSED MY EX-HUSBAND HAD THE BALLS TO DIVORCE ME, AND I'M MARRYING THIS MANNEQUIN TO SHOW MY EX I'M STILL HOT AND ALL MEN WANT ME!"
Pffft. Jesus will make a fine step-pappa.
She is ONLY marrying him to adopt kids.
PS: In a 5-6 years he will of had an affair w/ lOURDES. He is that"type" of guy.
Poor Hayzoose, he looks terrified