Don't Hate John Mayer Because He Has Dated Your "Fantasy Girl"
It's time to gargle your private areas with a daily dose of the feminine hygiene product that is John Mayer. This morning, John's homemade brew has a heaping dose of delusion which will make your 'gina extra squeaky. Yesterday, John hopped on his Twitter and defended himself to the haters who think he's the biggest douchebag who ever douched. John is trying to convince us that he's not a box of Summer's Eve, but he basically confirmed that he is indeed a platinum card-carrying member of The Big Douche Club with just a few simple posts:
"I love how some dudes hate me for dating their fantasy girl, as if they were going to if I hadn't. Let's hammer this out today. Long before 'douches' and 'famewhores' there were these people called 'showbiz types.' Showbiz types' are people who grew up talking to themselves alone in a room for hours until they found some sort of outlet. Once they found that outlet, everything fell into place, except for the fact that they still never worked out why they still talk so much. So you see, though filled with deep emotional voids that can never be filled, Showbiz Types are an important part of our Nation's tapestry. I'm a Showbiz Type. (cue penny whistle and marching drums) But I am not a douche!! (of 1,090,466, seventeen stand and applaud wildly). That was interesting...I'm off to work. Enjoy the rest of your day."
Wait. Hmmmmm. Maybe John is right. He looks like he smells like backed-up shit, so maybe he's a used enema instead of a douche. Glad we cleared that up. And John might also be right about another thing. Take a peek at all the bitches he has dated. I know that #4 is your fantasy girl, so John was speaking the truf. So recognize your hate and deal with it!
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That face....looks like someone had a camera when Perez was giving it to him.
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If I don't do something, I'm going to end up going on the DL site every night for the rest of my life like the rest of those sad old fuckers, drinking myself to death and wondering what the hell happened.
Submitted by Sheeps on Wed, 05/20/2009 - 7:46pm.
Let's hammer this out today: None of those women are fantasy girls. Let's hammer this out while we're at it: "showbiz types" are old-timey people in showbiz. Think Marty Engels or Carol Channing.
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♥ ThreadKilla!
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Let's hammer this out today: None of those women are fantasy girls. Let's hammer this out while we're at it: "showbiz types" are old-timey people in showbiz. Think Marty Engels or Carol Channing.
Perez Hilton as my fantasy girl? If I want a fat fag to eat me out I'm going to Almodovar!
He's a douche. And he's not talking about 'showbiz types' WTF is that? He's talking about artists...but even then, that's only half of them, really cuz the other half are introverted...he seemed to cover that in his WTF description of their lives...like he talked about 2 different people all wrapped into one...
But either way, he doesn't fit into either of these categories...he's a famewhoring douchbag.
♥ ThreadKilla!
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O, I forgot to add that everytime I see or hear John Mayer, it makes my vagina grow over and only a smooth, flat surface remains.
Ugh, he is such a tool.....a power tool, to be exact. I never understood what makes girls like him. He's not attractive AT ALL and when he sings he looks like he has some sort of syndrome. (Not to insult anyone with a syndrome, of course.) =)
i'm increasingly convinced Mayer has some sort of mental illness, above and beyond douche-ness.
it's prolly similar to the mental illness other Showbiz Types have.
i'm no shrink, but i think he should get one [a shrink]. and go away for 2 or 3 years
.
Please bitch, when God created douches. He had John Mayer in mind. I am a bit surprised though, I thought that being a douche was his pride and joy! WTF?
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Let me dirty up your mind.
OK... now I'll have to throw away that bootlegged CD...
Thank you Dlisters!!! I have seen the light!!!
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It sounds like I'll need to be drunk, stoned and suffering from a minor concussion to deal with this fuckery. MK - 11/24/2008
Moldy rancid crusty-nozzled jizz-filled douchebag left out in the sun!!!!!!!!!!
Set that to music, you narcissistic fuckface.
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Chicago area 5K race 2009: http://rallyforautism.com/
Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by rulers as useful -- Seneca
Why was that repugnant piece of garbage Perez Hilton on his slut list??
TRASH BAG!!
I wouldn't fuck him with someone's else's 'gina
thanks for posting that link, Michael K. Now I see what real the problem has been all this time . . . John Mayer is a Libra.
Nice O-face, John! :D
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He is not a douchebag for dating hot girls, he is a douchebag because he is self-centered, arrogant, rude and just flat out mean. From all the celebrities I see out there, no one is so self absorbed as he is. And his self bravado about it all makes it even wanna hate him more.
----------------------"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
He didn't really date Perez, they just made out at a bar or something.
Because you know John reads every single stinkin work written about him-
Dear John Mayer,
You have not dated my fantasy girl yet. Her name is SHUT THE FUCK UP. Look her up.
XOXO-
LB
gines, that's my name too and it annoys me when he shortens vagina to 'gina. I used to get teased in high school by this immature asshole about it!
"Nuzzle your succulent nose in my no-no. It will be safe there. Well, not really, because I had Mexican for lunch. SUCIO! There I go again." - MK
EW! He dated Perez Hilton!? WTF! Since when? All the other bitches he dated know he's a total d-bag. Except the last one who probably is just desperate...
"Nuzzle your succulent nose in my no-no. It will be safe there. Well, not really, because I had Mexican for lunch. SUCIO! There I go again." - MK
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5V3pvEHoYQ
Yeah well that post just proved how douchey he is. I believe MTV has a show coming out about loser douchbag tools like him. And "Fantasy girl" or GUY? This freak tongued PEREZ HILTON! What a egomaniac fucking loser.
He probably uses a Douchlish-English dictionary to look up the big words.
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"So you finally sold your soul to the devil. I haven't sold my soul. I'm just billing for time and expenses."
he annoys the fucking crap out of me.
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“I am going to ask Victoria and David to be godparents to my children. I’m going to name my kids David and Victoria because she is so hot and I want kids as beautiful as her."
-Paris Hilton
mikey k, i can't hop on board when you use the word "'gina." because i look at that and i'm like, oh hey it's my name.
any chance of spelling it "gyna?"
Oh johnny!
My fantasy girl isn't even in your league. No fantasy girl of mine would allow herself to be photographed, recorded or seen with a egotistical, annoying, talentless DOUCHE.
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"Y'all are on fire today. Like a methed out butthole!" Freebird 5/19/09
"Dress by House of Dereon. Side boob by House of Desperation." The C-Word 5/18/09
BWAHAHAHAHAH
The ONLY funny thing Perez Hilton has ever done is tell everyone he made out with John Mayer and then got John Mayer to admit it. It's like the fat girl in school shaming the quarterback of the football team into admitting they hooked up. And the best part was, Perez didn't see it that way, which makes it even more hilarious.
I just think it's funny that Perez can only seem to get straight guys to make out with him. Both him and Mayer need to be exiled to an island for douches NOW.
At least he admits that he talks too much. However, diarhea of the mouth is usually sinonymous with douchocity.
I need the OP.. want to know what you guys think of the 13-year-old boy and his mother that are missing after refusing court-ordered cancer treatment.
John Mayer IS a douche.
No question, you're Massengill worthy dude.
oh and you're fug to boot..
Submitted by CuriouserAndCur... on Wed, 05/20/2009 - 9:17am.
5 or 6 years ago he wasn't so bad, but since then he's been a flaming sack of shit on America's front porch.
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Exactly 5-6 years ago he wasn't a full celebrity yet. Less is more John, be serious about music and stop taking all this so seriously.
Dear John Mayer,
You're not attractive, your "music" is nothing better than something I'd hear from a drunk frat boy, and most of the "fantasy girls" you've dated are annoying halfwits. Get over yourself, and go away.
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"F*ck you Tyra Banks, Oprah, Magic Johnson, Tiger Woods, Rockefeller. F*ck you." - La Pequena Hillary Clinton, 6/17/08
How does he account for all the women who hate him?
Another thing, the most fucking irritating thing about him is that he is such a poser. He tries to act all deep and intellectual, but in reality, he's a sad sack of shallow shit addicted to attention, who clearly has something to prove as evidenced by his obnoxious behavior and his habit of using women to stay in the limelight (because clearly, his 'talent' isn't enough on its own to earn him fame).
The only thing separating him from someone like Paris Hilton is a few IQ points and a couple of STDs. When you get down to it, they exist for the same things.
What a fucking DOUCHEY MCDOUCHEINSTEIN. DOOOOOUCHE!!!!
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You're a rebel? You think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel, you're fucking psychotic! ~ Veronica Sawyer
Submitted by chefcammi on Wed, 05/20/2009 - 9:47am
Well then...lets hope your water bursts all OVER the fucking place and soon!!
@ chefcammi
Good Luck! Last year at this time I was in labor.. oh Good times, good times.
Hilarious. Someone got his douchenozzle hurted by all the mean people that don't understand how cool he is. What a delusional douche. I will grant that 'showbiz types' are often spouting off 'look at me pluleeeeeze look at me, validate me,' and that is this douche's theme song. That doesn't make him less of a douche. Too bad he doesn't have enough confidence in who he is as a person to enjoy his life instead of trying to validate himself with attention. And how funny that 'Super Dooper Cooper' here has his salad tossing friends sign up and try to convince us that he's not a douche. Like I can't smell the Summer's Heave coming off of this noz. DOUCHE!
*throws labor dust at chefcammi*
****
100% DMBAS
Submitted by Raul Duke on Wed, 05/20/2009 - 9:32am.
You are welcome! Yah i love Fringe, it is so different than the usual crap on TV!
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Kiefer 1 Christmas Tree 0
TEAM KIEFER!
Totally didn't know he dated Vanessa Carleton. That makes me sad because I love her and she's one of the few singer/songwriters out there that I really respect as an artist.
Oh well, maybe that was early on before Mayer truly embraced the douche within.
Yeah, I have no idea why all these broads hook up with this fucktard. Interestingly, he's dated quite a few of them when they've just come out of serious relationships and/or bad breakups, so maybe they just aren't thinking clearly.
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You're a rebel? You think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel, you're fucking psychotic! ~ Veronica Sawyer
Submitted by chowgirl69 on Wed, 05/20/2009 - 9:44am.
the water breaking is cool as shit, as those who have had it happen will tell you.. the neatest fucking thin.. its the impending surgery thats freaking me the fuck out.
:)
~ <3 ~~ <3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~
If youre reading this, I havent given birth yet....dammit all!!
4D pic of my son taken 5/7/09 @ 36w3d
I happen to be in a bit of a murderous mood today, and this douche's "I'm taking a shit and masturbating at the same time" face isn't helping!!!
*lunges at screen*
The funniest part is, when he used to Twitter a LOT, you could tell he thinks he is SO deep and SO cool that the poor snowflake just thinks no one can relate to him.
Oh John, if only we could sit around and stare at walls and say brilliant things like "I don't need anything in this life but my guitar".
He can't say 2 words without coming across as a major ass clown.
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Come talk some smack about some Blind Items http://blindsmack.wordpress.com/
o! o! o!
Sweet! My husband has a 4 day weekend so that would work out PERFECTLY! Thursday is tomorrow! WHOO-HOO!!!
And I agree with the below poster, JM is kinda cute- and I dont mind his music- especially when he just plays the guitar in a blues setting- but why the doucheness, i dont know.
~ <3 ~~ <3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~
If youre reading this, I havent given birth yet....dammit all!!
4D pic of my son taken 5/7/09 @ 36w3d
uh oh, that website is going to be a time-waster.
Jon needs to get over it. He definitely has a 'type' doesn't he? He desperately wants to appear intelligent and 'deep', but we all know he's just a man-slut. Look at the 'fatasy' girls he dates. They are all dumb as a box of rocks and he mind fucks them as well. He'll never get married, except to himself.
*lol* fatasy was a typo, but i'm keeping it because it works.
Submitted by chefcammi on Wed, 05/20/2009 - 9:33am.
Awwww...that sucks. I for one will be sending out water-balloon bursting thoughts out at noon for ya. I know we don't know each other, but I just wanted to say as someone who does not have children, the thought of waiting for my water to burst at any moment would friggen TERRIFY me! Hats off to all you mommies, lol.
P.S. So sowwy for being off topic.
The evidence that Mayer is Lord Douche is clear. Can't sing, isn't funny, his guitar playing is hackneyed, his song-writing is weak, thinks fucking, desperate for attention, washed up "show biz types" makes him cool, is a HOMELY 'tard. Lame!
but... gives a great blow job though (thanks johnny)
What a fucking DOUCHE! Twitter!? Ha! EPIC FAIL!
For some non-douchy, non-SBT, good music:
http://reverbnation.com/lovebomb
"Eat a bowl of fuck!" - John Belushi
Submitted by chefcammi on Wed, 05/20/2009 - 9:35am.
Submitted by devilgirl on Wed, 05/20/2009 - 9:29am.
I found humor in it.
~ <3 ~~ <3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~
Thanks! : ) I am ususally funny when not even trying to be!
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Submitted by Miss Thang on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 10:17am.
I aint no psychiatrist, but I am bipolar ............
I don't know what it is about John Mayer, he's cocky, very ecclectic, and kind of analytical in his own way. He's a cute guy, you have to wonder if he's packin'. He's hot.
Submitted by chefcammi on Wed, 05/20/2009 - 9:33am.
I promise to start wishing that your water breaks and that you have a safe delivery very, very soon! I bet it will happen between now and Friday. I am thinking Thurs, around 4pm CST! That's my guess!
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Submitted by Miss Thang on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 10:17am.
I aint no psychiatrist, but I am bipolar ............
Submitted by devilgirl on Wed, 05/20/2009 - 9:29am.
I found humor in it.
~ <3 ~~ <3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~
If youre reading this, I havent given birth yet....dammit all!!
4D pic of my son taken 5/7/09 @ 36w3d