Jon & Kate's Shitty Marriage Is Ratings Gold
9.8 million hos spent 1 hour of their lives watching Jon & Cunty Beaverhead Plus 8 last night. This was easily TLC's most watch episode ever. Jon & Kate even beat the Lost season finale in the ratings. That has to hurt. Sadly, I was not among the 9.8 million suckahs who watched, because I went to bed at like 8 o'clock after being up for 30 hours straight (don't ask). I wanted to make sure I was fully coherent when I watched, so that I could take precise notes on how to be a bigger and better cunt. Kate is the master at this and she deserves my undivided attention. I watched a bunch of old episodes this past weekend and it really is like a master class in how to be a mega bitch. The reviews from the critics confirm this.
UsWeekly compiled a few:
On Kate saying her life in the media spotlight is so hard: "Is it really, Kate? Tell that to a family in which the breadwinner has just lost her or his job, you silly, self-absorbed fool." - Baltimore SunOn Kate saying the paparazzi following them is creepy: "What's creepy is having your children followed around by a camera crew. Any camera crew. Period. It's exploitation, whatever cutesy name you want to give it." New Jersey's Star Ledger
On Kate saying she's alone 6 times when Jon goes away for the weekend: "You just wanted to say, 'We get it! You feel you're the Wronged Woman! Aren't you savvy enough by now to know you're not winning us over?' This was especially true when she noted that 'all of a sudden, your kids are calling you your babysitter's name.' I could almost hear millions of viewers shouting, 'So stay home!'" - Entertainment Weekly
Beautiful, right? Kate probably came a million times over after reading the reviews.
Just from watching a few clips online, it looks like an episode of Faces of Death. Seriously, it's like witnessing their marriage get hit by a train in slow motion. I mean, in the clip above, you can cut the awkwardness with one of Bai Ling's razor nipples. They should be speaking to a therapist not a fucking producer.
My favorite part has to be when the producers asks them what the future holds. Kate says, "I'm here" and Jon says "I'm here....for the kids." I expected the rabid beaver on Kate's head to pounce on Jon's crotch and bite into it. Obviously, when Kate pulled his nuts out she missed some of the root, because it sounds like they are starting to grow back.
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Submitted by ricki lake on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 6:12pm.
I do not understand why people are so hateful when it comes to a wonderful woman like Kate Gosselin...
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I could hug you for that post. It was hilarious. Cheers.
“I ejaculate boiling venom, so I’d need to wear like fifty condoms.”
Submitted by ILovePapaSmurf on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 7:22pm.
BEAUTY! thanks i needed that!
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
The Gossie Video is here!
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x9dzac_jon-kate...
Pics: http://www.flickr.com/photos/36561337@N05/
Boy I bet Jon really wishes he had learned to tell the bitch NO a long time ago.
(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)
2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.
"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"
Locked Up Abroad is on National Geographic, too. I love that show, you should really try to watch sometimes. It's very interesting, at least to me.
+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
Submitted by kiv on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 7:05pm.
I thought crocodiles could only shed tears while eating. Can any scientists explain this phenomena?
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They edited out her snacking on Jon's scrot just prior to the tears.
This is what money does to people. It changes them and helps them lose sight of their priorities.
This might've been a decent show a few years back, but since then we have seen Kate evolve slowly into a greedy pretentious materialistic wench (sorry kids). The mom of 8 now has a mansion, acres of land, her manicures, a hairdo that is always perfect (perfectly ugly), trendy clothing, fine jewelery and children that are never dressed in anything less than high end children's clothing. And she doesn't understand what went wrong? Here's a clue : Jon apparently stayed the same - passive, uncommunicative & down to earth. Whereas Kate decided to become a writer, hang onto the free perks and forge ahead with another year of documenting their unravelling marriage! Her ego is huge.
Where did the struggling family trying to raise a family of 8 (on one income) go?
I had to watch it but I wanted to spit at the TV. She's frigid. I feel sorry for those children. She should've pulled the plug on this season and worked on the marriage or worked on the divorce! This show isn't about the kids anymore. It's about the egomaniac that is Kate and the cheater that is her husband.
Submitted by Sheeps on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 7:38pm.
Oh, no, then you would definitely not like these shows. Esp Gangland. From a prior exchange (btw you and I), I know you're from the LA area... and let me just say, after watching Gangland, whenever I'm roaming around LA, I look at the gang tagging... and that freaks me out. Although to be honest, I couldn't tell you what any of those tags mean.
I think the marriage probably is a mess, but I agree that this supposed rift is publicity stunt as is Jon's insinuating that he wants to leave the show. If he left the show he'd have to get a real job and he's too lazy. They won't get divorced. Who's she going to get to help her take care of 8 kids? And since almost every penny he ever made, assuming he got a job, would go for child support how would he attract any other women? The show and those 8 kids will keep them together until the kids are out of the house and the show is off the air.
Submitted by mike on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 5:56pm.
I'm sure someone else has suggested this, but is it possible all this "marriage trouble" is just something staged to boost ratings?
I have been thinking this every since the story broke. This is all for TV/ratings. Most people on here are picking sides but(IMO)these two are both famewhores. Nobody is forcing either one to do this dumb ass, boring show. It truely is boring, I can't make it through an entire show.
Jon is just as worse as Kate. She's an egomaniac and Jon is a pre-pubescent boy stuck in a little man's body. I can't imagine inflicting these two on anybody else, so they should stay together.
But, I should thank the both of them. Kate is showing me the kind of wife/mother I should NEVER be and Jon is showing me the kind of man to NEVER go after. I couldn't imagine having a husband that is just like one of my children.
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If you get to vote on my rights, when do I get to vote on yours?
I think this is all make-believe for ratings. The motorcycle show is all about the father/son feud as well...this is no different. It's all showbiz smoke and mirrors.
If either one of them were that devoted to their kids they would be raising them instead of using them as meal tickets.
Submitted by chica robotica on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 7:33pm.
Dang. MSNBC has that show from inside US prisons. It freaks me out and I can't watch. The prisoners are so nuts and the conditions are so depressing. I'm afraid to even pad my entertainment deductions.
I almost felt sorry for Kate until she said she couldn't cry because she didn't want to mess up her makeup. Really? Your family is falling apart and you're worried about you f---ing makeup? Nice to see she has her priorities straight...
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Remember, the early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese...
Submitted by Sheeps on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 7:16pm.
Are those US shows? Fancy cable? I don't have fancy cable and don't watch the regular shows anyway. Just news, sports, telenovelas, Dangerous Catch, and cooking shows. :)
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Yay, cooking shows! Yay, telenovelas! Yay, news? The news is scary. But yes, I believe they are US shows -- I haven't read the fine print at the end, though. But I don't have fancy cable either. Gangland is on the National Geographic Channel I think and Locked Up Abroad might be... the History Channel? The titles pretty much say it all... Gangland is about gangs and Locked Up Abroad is about... people who were jailed or kidnapped by extremist groups while abroad, usually in Asia or Latin America. The shows are a bit formulaic but there's something to be said about knowing what you're going to get and getting exactly what you wanted. LOL.
burrrrrrrn kate ... burn
belly laugh, john "i am here for the kids"
kate is soo cunty
HOLY FUCK! DID ANYONE SEE THE NEW TRUE BLOOD PROMO?!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-rUvpGEAYU&feature=player_embedded
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Kiss and tell as you take me on a Disco Fantasy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6f-qyuEV90
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoKm9nvP-D0
Incredible that so many people want to watch these crashing bores who can barely express themselves.
Higher ratings than LOST?!?!? WTF is wrong with people?
I watched that clip and kept shouting at my monitor 'BECAUSE YOU'RE A CUNT'. That felt good.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
The Gossie Video is here!
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x9dzac_jon-kate...
Pics: http://www.flickr.com/photos/36561337@N05/
I just found it on you tube... and watched. It's really awkward. One of his daughters is hugging him and kissing him telling him I love you, and he said Do you miss daddy? And she said yes I don't want you to leave anymore....... and he quickly replied well sometimes daddies have to go away for work.... uh yeah he and kate both quit their jobs 2 years ago to be on the show full time and for their kids. Just sayin....
Submitted by chica robotica on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 7:12pm.
Are those US shows? Fancy cable? I don't have fancy cable and don't watch the regular shows anyway. Just news, sports, telenovelas, Dangerous Catch, and cooking shows. :)
Submitted by Sheeps on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 6:10pm.
Well, the writers' strikes helped producers see which shows maximized profits. Reality shows are cheap to script and produce and, if successful, make oodles of money.
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I forgot to start watching tv again after the writer's strike ended. The last strike helped ME realize what shows I could live without. Now I only watch a couple of shows -- and a lot of Gangland and Locked Up Abroad. Jon & Kate weren't even on my radar until they started appearing on every magazine in the checkout line. In all honesty, I'd like to see a Jon & Kate crossover with Gangland or Locked Up Abroad. Now that would be MUST SEE TV.
whatever... I donmt even watch this fucking show.. maybe I should- send my ass into labor or somethign.
~ <3 ~~ <3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~
4D pic of my son taken 5/22/09 @ 38w4d
If youre reading this, I havent given birth yet....dammit all!!
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Awww, good luck to ya chefcammi. Hopefully you gonna pop soon, hon. I'm sprogged up too so I know how ya feel. I damn near killed my husband today for failing to clear the shelf that I asked him to clear. When I'm pushing 39 weeks dude might actually defect to Russia.
"Submitted by chefcammi on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 6:45pm.
why is everyone blaming Jon for not having a job? If he HAD a job it wouldnt be as interesting it being just her and the kids. Ever think it's written in the contract? Also, she is able bodied- her ass can get a PT job.. if it's that big of a deal.. just to get away."
Kate asked him to quit his job and he did. He misses it.
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Kiss and tell as you take me on a Disco Fantasy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6f-qyuEV90
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoKm9nvP-D0
I thought crocodiles could only shed tears while eating. Can any scientists explain this phenomena?
Submitted by Zappy on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 6:56pm.
hahahaha Momus!
Battle of the cunty hairdoes..do I hear a new reality show in the near future?
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It'll have to be on Vh1. After "Rock of Love" and "Flavor of Love", that network has no dignity left.
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"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
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I hate this bitch. Someone needs to scalp her and stuff that dead rodent down her fucking throat. Spend some time with your children, you fucking egomaniacal douchebag. You know what really sucks? Being stationed in JAPAN while your child is back in the States. Try going a year without seeing your child. Until then, turn off the crocodile tears, because I might drown you in them.
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I'm a good little girl! A good little,good little, good little girl!
I'd definitely do her, but it would be real hardcore stuff. Ass slaps. Hard butt sex. Gagging BJ's. The whole deal. I'd tame this little ball breaker and show her who the hell was boss.
you know the state won't take their kids away when Octomom still has hers. Poor kids.
hahahaha Momus!
Battle of the cunty hairdoes..do I hear a new reality show in the near future?
Submitted by Zappy on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 6:28pm.
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 6:28pm.
I have managed to avoid watching this show.
Where do they live?
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Hmmm you planning on a visit?
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Considering calling Gloria Allred and have her get CPS involved, hold a press conference, and have a battle of the cunty-hairdos with Kate.
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"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
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Fuck both of these famewhores. I hate them both and even though I know its wrong to wish death on another person I can only hope death comes swiftly to Jon and Kates suffers from a long and painfully drawn out death.
why is everyone blaming Jon for not having a job? If he HAD a job it wouldnt be as interesting it being just her and the kids. Ever think it's written in the contract? Also, she is able bodied- her ass can get a PT job.. if it's that big of a deal.. just to get away.
She chose the life she's leading, she chose to have that amount of kids and from what I understand she chose to record her story and pimp it to the highest bidder.
She chose her husband- and I bet they were happy BEFORE all this shit- worthless or not.. SHE CHOSE HIM.
whatever... I donmt even watch this fucking show.. maybe I should- send my ass into labor or somethign.
~ <3 ~~ <3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~
4D pic of my son taken 5/22/09 @ 38w4d
If youre reading this, I havent given birth yet....dammit all!!
blame it on the HAIR.
all the signs were there he's leaving her(the show).
first it's the weight, the voice, her mother, the kids,
then it's the hair! :)
****~v~****
I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.- Robin Williams
Kate's whack ass haircut would make me want to divorce her.
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Kiss and tell as you take me on a Disco Fantasy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6f-qyuEV90
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoKm9nvP-D0
they're obviously both to blame but i remember watching one episode where they talk about how they got to be "jon & kate +8". the thing that stood out the most was how jon wanted to wait to have kids but kate insisted on trying right away after they were married. after the twins arrived, jon didn't want more kids and asked to wait to have more but stubborn kate couldn't wait and just went ahead w/the fertility treatments which resulted in multiples.
he didn't ask for this life - there's proof he didn't want it and knew he wasn't ready for it but kate pushed until she got what she wanted. and last season's finale, it was pretty clear jon didn't want to continue w/the show but greedy kate wanted to forge ahead.
kate brought this upon herself and she has no one to blame but the person staring back at her in the mirror...or i should say tv.
What about Jon saying it's hard too? Or did Us Weekly miss that part? He is the one complaining when he gets paid to be himself. Kate is talking about her relationship falling apart you idiots!
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 6:28pm.
I have managed to avoid watching this show.
Where do they live?
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Hmmm you planning on a visit?
I have managed to avoid watching this show.
Where do they live?
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"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
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Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 6:14pm.
BTW: Where's CPS to protect these kids? Plus, is part of the $$$$ going to a trust fund for the kiddies?
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Momus, I hope so. Or at least to pay the therapist's bills.
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Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
Submitted by ricki lake on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 6:12pm.
Kate Gosselin is a woman, a mother, and a trailblazer.
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I'd like to hit her with a Chevy Trailblazer.
Close enough?
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Imma have cake and Imma eat it, too... and I don' even like cake!
How old are these people? They are clearly not old enough to have a family. I knew she was a funt the first time I saw her.
Submitted by mike on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 5:56pm.
I'm sure someone else has suggested this, but is it possible all this "marriage trouble" is just something staged to boost ratings?
Absofuckinglutely.
How timely it was all splashed across the rags. Previously I'd neverheard of these twats before.
Still won't watch it.
It's Suze, like in booze.
How can anyone watch these cunts?
I missed it. Hooray!!!
"Turn This Mutha Out"
So, the mainstream media has finally caught up with dlisted. These comments made dlisters a long time ago.
Maybe TLC will finally listen.
BTW: Where's CPS to protect these kids? Plus, is part of the $$$$ going to a trust fund for the kiddies?
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"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
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Submitted by madam s. on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 5:44pm.
Amen.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by betterthanyomama on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 5:34pm.
Watching Jon there...his bullshit PC answers...his standing by his story...his needing "time"...and all that comes to mind is, Jon, Mother Fuck You!!! You are lucky to be the other half of that train wreck because were you my 'other half', I would be carting the other half of your shit up the driveway-you over tanned, hair plugged fuck face of a mid life crisis. You should have been porking 23 year olds when you were trying to create your own colony. NOW you need time-NOW you can't take it-NOW Motherfucker? NOW?!?! No wonder Kate talks to you like a little bitch-who knows what spineless boohooing your shifty ass does behind closed doors? Shit-I hope SHE IS screwing the bodyguard-with a dickless whiny bitch like you for a husband, she was really left with little choice in the matter. And, I hope he kicks your fucking ass for embarrassing HIS woman-Jon, you're the fucking CUNT!!!!!!!!!!! I'd eat Paris Hilton's diseased snatch-SOBER-before I let a sorry weasel mother fucker like that even THINK about mounting my ass.
I'm not clear: are you not a fan of Jon?
I do not understand why people are so hateful when it comes to a wonderful woman like Kate Gosselin. Kate Gosselin is caring for eight children in the best way that she is able to right now, especially in light of the fact that Jon is a lazy, no-good bald liar. Kate Gosselin has sacrificed her youth, her body, her blood, sweat, tears, and ovum for these children. Kate Gosselin is forced to make a living giving speeches about her wonderful and inspiring family because her husband is not a man and refuses to take care of her in the manner and fashion to which Kate Gosselin has become accustomed. Kate Gosselin gets NO help from Jon, and is left with NOTHING to help her but a fully-staffed home and customized nursery courtesy of a major cable network and the (matching) gifts that admiring donors take the time to carefully select so that they meet Kate Gosselin's stringent standards. Kate Gosselin has more children than you, and thus can stand to be more protective because her children are special and yours are not. Kate Gosselin is accomplished and intelligent. Kate Gosselin's hair shines like the morning sun refracted in a perfect, crystalline dewdrop, luxuriously cascading from her weekly-touched-up-roots like silken gold. Kate Gosselin is stylish and sexy, inspiring legions of young women across America to call and harass her hairdresser for secret industry tips on how to emulate Kate Gosselin's pioneering and innovative haircut. Kate Gosselin is a woman, a mother, and a trailblazer.
Submitted by Deb on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 5:37pm.
Well, the writers' strikes helped producers see which shows maximized profits. Reality shows are cheap to script and produce and, if successful, make oodles of money.
Submitted by mike on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 5:59pm.
Wait, this shit is on The Learning Channel? What is the viewer learning? How to be an execrable human being? Seriously this show and the Duggar show is worse than any reality show on VH1.
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TLC execs are publicly fretting about the mandate of TLC and how this scandal is giving them pause because of the negative message it sends etc., etc.,....then they go out back when the journos leave and cackle like hyenas over the ratings.
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With a bit of patience and repetition, you can teach your kitty to sit, lie down and come on command.