Time For Your Daily Eyeball Exercises!
Have your eyeballs been feeling a little out of shape and flabby? Do they have love handles? Do their tummies jiggle when they walk? Well, you're in luck, because here's a little article that will get them rolling. Feminist Naomi Wolf wrote a piece for Harper's Bazaar about how Saint Angelina Jolie is the greatest thing since self-lubricating dildos. Slip on your sweat band, it's time for eyeball calisthenics again!
The piece is titled: "Why Women Want Angelina Jolie's Life"
Angie is the most gorgeous woman on the planet: "Bosomy and wasp-waisted, with that curtain of hair and those crazy pillowy lips, she is an obvious male sex fantasy...Polls also show that if women — not just lesbian and bisexual women but straight women — had to choose a female lover, they would want to sleep with Angelina Jolie. In other words, women both identify with her and desire her."
Angie is more than just a gorgeous face: "There’s something more than a simply physical response. Her persona hits an unprecedented level of global resonance — and makes women want to be with her and be her at the same time — because she has created a life narrative that is not just personal. Rather, it is archetypal. And the archetype is one that really, for the first time in modern culture, brings together almost every aspect of female empowerment and liberation."
Angie can get away with being sexy and a symbol of goodness: "The magic of Jolie’s self-presentation? She makes the claim, with her life and actions, that, indeed, you can get away with it. All of it . Against every Western convention, she has managed to draw together all of these kinds of female liberation and empowerment. And her gestures determinedly transgress social boundaries — boundaries of convention, race, class, and gender — giving many of us a vicarious thrill. When the megascandal took place — Jolie’s alleged seduction of a married man, Brad Pitt, on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith — it could have been the end of Jolie as a role model. But she managed the almost unheard-of task of turning the home-wrecker label into a wholesome, family-friendly triumph."
Angie knows how to fly a plane: "Women are so used to being dependent on others (certainly on men) for where they go, metaphorically, and how they get there. Flying a private plane is the classic metaphor for choosing your own direction; usually, that is a guy thing to do, yet there was Jolie, with her aviator glasses on, taking flying lessons so she could blow the mind of her four-year-old son."
Angie is a lover: "Equally ostentatiously in her role as lover, she took for her own pleasure the male seen as the most desired of the tribe, Brad Pitt, who is always ranked at the top of indexes of male beauty and virility. As for the constraints of social convention — ahem, he was still married? You can have a variety of feelings about this, but Jolie’s evident disdain of that social constraint certainly, for better or worse, put her in the same self-entitled category as those men who have traditionally taken what they wanted and let the emotional chips fall where they may."
Final barfness: "So she becomes what psychoanalysts call an 'ego ideal' for women — a kind of dream figure that allows women to access, through fantasies of their own, possibilities for their own heightened empowerment and liberation."
You can read the entire article (yes, there's more) at Harper's Bazaar. I'm going to warn you that your eyeballs may fall off and roll away. Seriously, it felt like I was reading someone's diary. I bet Naomi sleeps next to a jar full of Angie's hair which she got on eBay. But I feel the same way about Shauna Sand. Just substitute the name "Angelina Jolie" for "Shauna Sand" and this entire essay would make sense.
And just for the record, as a strictly dickly bitch, I can say that Angelina Jolie is not the chick I'd go lesbian for. Her vagina would probably cast a spell on more or take a chunk out of my taint. No gracias.
VIA People
Submitted by IHateCharityChic on Tue, 06/09/2009 - 3:35pm
Wow. *wild applause* If I could post that on JJ I would but I am banned.Shame, assuming they could read well enough to understand all the words it might do them the world of good.
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Morbidly obese, barren, jellus h8er, jen-hen at your service.
Submitted by kanderso on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 5:40pm.
I bravely ventured onto JJ. Here is a rational comment and then an insane response talking about how much better Angelina Jolie is than Mother Theresa (I'm not kidding):
Holy fuck.I've been over to the dark side for a few JJ gem raids but that takes the biscuit.
As for Ms Wolf- fuck off you fucking phoney arsed dipshit, trying to be relavant and oh so contraversial 200 years since your one and only hit. BOLLOCKS
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Morbidly obese, barren, jellus h8er, jen-hen at your service.
I think I just pulled a muscle. She WAS the most beautiful but thanks to Megan Fox, she's yesterday's news.
I can't believe she wrote this article for free
lol @ there's more
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Proud love child of Oprah Winfrey & Bill Gates
Yeah, really gorgeous!!!
I found a more interesting site ******BlackWhiteMeet, C O M****** where single women and men come together for the mutual online dating experience.And it is free! I like it!
Thanks, Kanderso. =P
I'm really sorry to necrobump this but the more I think about it, I still have more to say, although most commenters have already said it and said it better.
But I'm just really sick of the "defying social construct" defense to exonerate this cunt's selfishness, lack of class, and lack of any decency whatsoever.
For as "progressive" in her thinking as a "feminist" (*scoff*), you'd think that Naomi Wolf would also comprehend the evolution of human psychology. While sometimes society has its faults, social construct is necessary. Can the imbecile who wrote this article realize that without limits the human race would not survive because people wouldn't know where to draw the line?
I'm so tired of people justifying sociopathic and nasty behavior because it's "natural". Rape and murder occur in nature too. I guess that raises Jeffrey Dahmer to being worthy of praise, you know, because he refused to conform to social standards. People who hide behind this argument are so idealistic and stupid that they're an endangerment. I don't even want to think of what the world would be like if there were more people like this fucktard around, individuals who are so sheltered and privileged they have no idea what the world is like.
Back on topic, though, it really angers me that Naomi Wolf condones of screwing someone's husband with no repercussions for her actions. Last time I checked, being a fucking hosebag and being a feminist are two different things. Morality is not limited to genders, and being a cunt is not liberating. As a matter of fact it sets us back CENTURIES.
In many cultures, for thousands of years, women were depicted as mentally and morally inferior to men. In a lot of old myths and literature, women were portrayed as being "unclean", weak of character or a succubus. Naomi Wolf basically describes AngeHo as being a succubus, and truly believes that women should live up to that? Wow. Way to set us back to the dark ages and lower the bar to living up to be an outdated patriarchal stereotype. Dumb twat.
Generally, women have been struggling way too long and too hard for their image but it really takes a special kind of moron to make feel embarassed for women. In this woman's mind, she thinks she's so ahead of the game but instead sets us behind THOUSANDS of years. Her drivel is one of the most mysogynistic things I've ever read.
And I also hope she walks in on her husband fucking someone younger and prettier. I'd like to see her formulate the same explanation for HER. Wake up, twit.
Submitted by ZiggyStardust on Tue, 06/09/2009 - 9:37am.
I posted your posts on JJ. I want to see if they fall for it or if they see the sarcasm. I loved the posts you used to write on Britney. LMAO!
+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
Re:
the.sack.of.culture
I have been walking around feeling like the last feminist on earth
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Honey, you ARE the last feminist on earth. Please. Sue Wolf, Glo-glo Steinem and all the rest are soo....well, 70's. All right, 60's then. Except for Sin-Aid O'Connor/Conner. She's 90's. And, deep down, I don't really think she's a feminist at all. She's just a naughty girl.
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"Oh, really? Did she like it?"
"I just love being a whore - you meet the most fascinating paint salesmen and curtain-rod manufacturers!"
Submitted by nursebetty on Tue, 06/09/2009 - 5:47pm.
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BRAVO!
*applauds wildly*
And I'd choose Megan Fox over Angelina any day...(but only cuz Charlize Theron has a restraining order out against me...)
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Personally, Eva Mendes does it for me. Just luscious!!
So this cunt jornalist thinks it's okay to steal other's men's husbands as long as it's AngieJo and not someone else? May she walk in on her husband banging the secretary/maid/babysitter on his desk.
That everyone wants to sleep with Joile comment is so 2000. And for the record I was never apart of that gang. There's nothing sexy about AngieJo.
And if women love her so much why doesn't she have any friends?
NurseBetty everything you said is right.
Angelina Jolie embodies everything that's wrong with our society. She's fake and I mean this in the physical and spiritual sense. She uses her children as props, she's sold their pictures for millions, we've even seen Pax and Maddox in THEIR BED. She preaches to the unwashed masses about humility and charity yet she is the least humble and most fake charitable person I can think of. She's definitely a student of Machiavelli, who believed that doing a good deed without anyone knowing about it was a waste of time, the point being why bother if you don't get credit for it? I mean lets be real, many, many people give money to charity and remain anonymous. That's because they're not trying to get mileage out of it..
Jolie is the mother of excess. How many houses do the Brangelina machine own now? I lost count.. How big is their carbon footprint upon this earth? She flies planes alright but with other people piloting them. That's so she can haul her child army around the planet, wasting jet fuel and polluting the atmosphere to look cosmopolitan and worldly. What's wrong with a little stability in a child's life? Is that passe too? Well I'm not buying what she's selling and I sure as hell don't want to date her.
So this is what we've come to? Worshiping vapid celebs because they have lots of money for plastic surgery and nannies? What makes Jolie any different from the thousands of rich, spoiled women that act like her and live like her? Naomi, you really have no friggin idea what feminism is.
Submitted by IHateCharityChic on Tue, 06/09/2009 - 1:32am.
OMG I just came.
Re:
But I feel the same way about Shauna Sand. Just substitute the name "Angelina Jolie" for "Shauna Sand" and this entire essay would make sense.
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Although your statement was a teeny bit confusing, MK, I understand what you meant and, as usual, when speaking of My BFF Shauna, you are spot on! Exactly.
Except that Shauna would FAR outshine That Husband Stealer no matter what Naomi wrote or didn't write. She's just....well, class. That's all. Class. From top to toes.
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"Oh, really? Did she like it?"
"I just love being a whore - you meet the most fascinating paint salesmen and curtain-rod manufacturers!"
They misspelled "Bizarre"
I just want to say a huge thank you to all the other commenters here who have had so much to say about feminism as it relates to this b.s. So here it is: THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU! I have been walking around feeling like the last feminist on earth -- and yes, I often read Jezebel, and most of the time it just makes me despair even more; I guess because so many of the commenters there seem too young to have figured out yet that they really have got the fuzzy end of the lollipop. Today, you all have restored my faith in feminism, women, and humanity.
And while I'm saying thanks, another huge thank you to Michael K. for calling this out in the first place.
in gratitude and sisterhood,
the.sack.of.culture
Submitted by IHateCharityChic on Tue, 06/09/2009 - 3:35pm.
I sent a letter to Harper's Bazaar. Enough is enough. Seriously.
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Pull My Finger
I wrote a longer piece about this stupid b!tch on salon and incorporated my letter to Naomi Wolf. And yes, I sent the letter to Harper's Bazaar. They'll never print it but you have to play to win, am I right ladies? Anyway here's a link to my article. May seem a little repetitive to those who read my earlier post. Sorry.
http://open.salon.com/blog/kristina_loew/2009/06/09/if_angelina_jolie_is...
This shit article made me raise my eyebrows to infinity and beyond. Maybe I never understood the quote "go with the flow", so that's why I have never had a "role model" to follow. That's why I don't get why some people live to follow other's footsteps... specially if the walking shoes they are following are pretty much fucked up.
Anyway, I'm honestly not into Jolie at all. I have said this before, but to me she's an empty lie. She's perpetually in Play-Pretend mode. Don't get me wrong, I agree we as women (and people in general) are free to choose our way as long as said way doesn't hurt others, but in her case, she's just like Megan Fox with better PR people. Most of the things she has done are so tacky and stupid, it's mind bugging how can anyone claim them to be "empowering". The drug abuse, the cutting, the behaviour pattern of taking anything she wants not giving a shit about the consequences, the brother kissing, the child collecting, etc. Let's be honest, if Jolie was replaced by someone anyone knows (a friend, mother, cousin, etc) ... would people still think it's "empowering"? most likely they would gossip about this person and would tear her apart.
I have no clue who this Naomi Wolf chick is, but she's now on my list of Most Stupid People Ever. Like Jolie needs another reason to make her already huge ego grow.
I'm all for sexual freedom (as with any type of freedom, with its limits), I'm all for empowering women to be the best they can and all that, but Jolie would not even be on the list of "role models" at all, sorry. She's just too dumb, ignorant and stupid.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
Everytime this woman's name is mentioned you bring up Jennifer Aniston. She gave honest interviews where she went from heartbroken to alright as we all are after a divorce.Just think Angelina Jolie was that weird hollywood girl who slept with everyone before meeting Brad Pitt. But now that she's with him she's now St. Angelina. I'm a feminist myself and a mother and collecting children for my own selfish reasons is not my idea of the ideal woman.Look at all the work she does how can you possibly look after six children and still have time to act and run all over the world. Just listen to Brad tell the press in Cannes about his beautiful daughter from Africa to understand how narcissistic Brangelina really are. He said it because it is something he thinks important about himself. He has an African baby. Take that world! I'm sorry but women around the world striving to be like her would not be a good thing. Ms Wolf is probably searching for a role model but as usual instead of looking to real people chose celebrities instead like a teenager.
So, Naomi, how does it feel to have sold out so completely? To have no professional or personal integrity left at all? What's that like?
Here's what threw me Ziggy:
1) The reference to the Economist article, which many a Loon references
2) Your criticism of dlisters for using the terms 'ho' and 'bitch' - just the sort of thing a stupid JJ interloper would do
3) You talked about a JA pity party
All in all, quite convincing. I'm impressed.
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"I love to put on lotion. Sometimes I'll watch TV and go into a lotion trance for an hour. I try to find brands that don't taste bad in case anyone wants to taste me." - Angelina Jolie
LOL, most of my posts are jokes kanderso. :P
I'm hoping that Naomi Woolf (whoever the hell she is) shares my humor, and this is all a clever ruse.
And by the way, I haven't ever read Angelina's Economist article. I read ABOUT them, and made a note never to buy the Economist again.
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@ZiggyStardust:
I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!- angel_i
Ziggy, if you were joking, my apologies. I am a gullible bitch. This article has got my panties in a knot and I'm not thinking straight.
Carry on :)
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"I love to put on lotion. Sometimes I'll watch TV and go into a lotion trance for an hour. I try to find brands that don't taste bad in case anyone wants to taste me." - Angelina Jolie
Submitted by IHateCharityChic on Tue, 06/09/2009 - 1:32am.
FANTASTIC. Bravo.
And Khensu Hetep, you funny.
I love all you dlisted sluts.
And PeachPie, you hit the nail on the head with the friend thing. I don't trust any ho without girlfriends. It typically means the woman's life revolves around men, and that she is competitive with and jealous of other women. In Angie Ho's case, I think there's the additional factor of her having ZERO interest in or ability to form interpersonal relationships that don't center around sexual behavior.
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"I love to put on lotion. Sometimes I'll watch TV and go into a lotion trance for an hour. I try to find brands that don't taste bad in case anyone wants to taste me." - Angelina Jolie
Submitted by kanderso on Tue, 06/09/2009 - 9:12am.
All those qualifications and you still can't recognise obvious sarcasm?
Here's a little tip for you: When somebody compares a person to Captain Planet's Planeteers and a Greek Titan in the same post, they are not being serious.
For somebody with such a critical mind, you really are a gullible bitch.
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@ZiggyStardust:
I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!- angel_i
Submitted by LOVE ANDERSON on Tue, 06/09/2009 - 9:20am.
I was tempted to email Ms. Paglia at Salon.com, but decided against it. The gall of this Wolf woman to speak for the all women on our desires. And she's a feminist? This Jolie deification needs to stop. She's an entertainer (and I use that adjective loosely) and nothing else.
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Pull My Finger
Aww, Ziggy is just fucking with us. If we were on Just Jolie, she would be taking the opposite stance. Trust me on this.
Submitted by kanderso on Tue, 06/09/2009 - 9:12am.
Oh, snap! Ha ha I totally agree with everything you said. I am currently studying at University myself, and I also find it annoying when stupid celebrities try to act like 'faux interlectuals' on current issues but really have no idea what they are talking about.
For starters, if they want to know anything about anything, they should go do some reasearch and think about the issue before spouting crap for the cameras that follow them on their 'humanitarian missions'.
And to ZiggyStardust, if you hate Dlisted so much, why the fuck are you here? Kanderso is right, you should stick to People. All those pretty pictures, just think, more for your goddess Angelina shrine.
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'Mom, do you ever feel, you know, not so fresh?'
Submitted by kanderso on Tue, 06/09/2009 - 9:12am.
thank you for that post.
thank you.
I was starting to feel like the world had gone mad.
thank you.
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
missy - didn't Jolie drop out of school or was kicked out of a few. Loons try to say she graduated early and went on to college at 16. Um...so it was Harvard, right?
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1172613656
E.A.P. on Tue, 06/09/2009 - 9:17am
THANK.YOU.
Ms. Paglia would rip her to shreds and not lose an eyelash about it.
Maybe I can lobby Vanity Fair to get her to do a rebuttal about ALL OF HOLLYWEIRD!
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
Clearly this Naomi Wolf is obsessed with Angelina. As for any other arguments on this piece of shit, I will leave to Ziggy, Kanderso & Love Anderson as they seem to have some excellent points! Love your posts, all of you!
who the fuck is naomi wolf and why should i give a crap what she has to say?
someone here said she is an ACADEMIC???
BWAAHAHAHHAHAAAA!!
oh, wow. hahahahahhahahahaaa, hahahahahahaaaa, ahahahahhahahahhahahahahaa, ahahahhahahahhahahaha
do her fans have any clue whatsoever?
ahahahahhahahahahahhahaaaaa
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
I wish Camille Paglia would write a response article on this corn-speckled-diarrhea of fan fiction.
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Pull My Finger
Geez this woman has been smoking some primo crack!
Terriane on Tue, 06/09/2009 - 1:22am.
By reading the comments, it seems to me that most of you don't understand the term archetype. Naomi Wolf is not trying to celebrate Angelina Jolie as a person, but as a symbol or metaphor, an incarnation of some sort.
- While I appreciate your post, um, this was in fact a delusional piece of asshole shit and a labia licking personal diatribe.
Ms. Wolf is a FAN, pure and simple. She worships this woman, it could have been any celeb for that matter.
If back tracking or a re-interpretation of her "article" is necessary by anyone, that's the tell that this is convoluted, nonsensical syntax.
Just because Skeletina "Flies planes" do you carry that admiration for her because you do too?
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
Submitted by ZiggyStardust on Tue, 06/09/2009 - 6:24am.
Oh, and as someone who has a law degree and is looking to get a PhD in history and spend the rest of my life teaching at a university, I HIGHLY HIGHLY resent your claim that this pretend humanitarian fame-seeker is an academic. She doesn't even have a fucking undergraduate degree. A monkey with the money to fly to third-world countries could spew out an article talking about how sad people there are and how there needs to be justice. Ms. Jolie doesn't even seem to understand the conflict in Darfur based on that Economist article (which, by the way was in 2007...have they invited her back? um, no).
The article is ridiculous. Her main point is that those guilty of crimes against humanity need to be brought to justice, and here's her line of argumentation:
1) I went to Darfur and people are very miserable and want justice.
2) Accountability intimidates international criminals (and, importantly (for purposes of demonstrating that her writing is total shit), the only direct example she gives to support this second point is an incredibly weak one that in no way testifies to any actual influence of the ICC on crimes against humanity. She merely demonstrates that some rebel leader was intimidated enough by her co-worker that he shut his mouth in front of a group of UN representatives - there is no mention of whether he stopped his criminal behavior because of this momentary intimidation. Thus, Ms. Jolie has in no way proved this second point).
3) The UN should bring these criminals to justice in 2008.
For real, a high schooler could have penned that article. Ms. Jolie is no academic, in terms of education or intelligence. You must not know very many educated people if you think otherwise. Of course, Ziggy, you probably didn't even read the Economist article critically, if you even read it at all (you may have, simply because you're a fucking Loon and your 'goddess' Angelina wrote it). I'm sure People magazine is much more your speed - it has shorter words and pretty pictures. Stick with that, Ziggy.
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"I love to put on lotion. Sometimes I'll watch TV and go into a lotion trance for an hour. I try to find brands that don't taste bad in case anyone wants to taste me." - Angelina Jolie
Angelina Jolie is a fucked-up piece of trash who has an insane need to control everyone and everything around her. Does anyone really believe motherhood completely halted her drugging, cutting and bisexuality? If you do think that, you're a bigger moron than Brad Pitt.
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If a kid tells you he is going to throw up......believe it.
peeks in
and runs out
Frankly my dear, I don't give a Damn!! "Rhett Butler"
This is why she is so hated by DListed, and the loathsome Anniston is so admired. Angelina has never thrown herself a pity party when people have shat on her.
- No, she got pregnant and trapped The Brad.
Her pity party was a baby shower with all 0 of her friends.
One more word of advice: you may wish to consult Angelina's Economist articles before you submit your letter. You could learn a lot from her biting writing style.
- Um, the fact you read an article by Skeletina in The Economist says volumes about your pseudo intellect.
She is a mother, an academic, an humanitarian and a sexy bitch.
- A mother whom uses children as commodity and bonus points for fame, a what? "academic?", hahahahaha, and sexy? No, sexy is NOT emaciated poseurs who get people like you to defend her.
Your diary is lonely now, go unlock it and blow shit into it instead of here. I have zero appreciation for heinous and condescending cunt rants like yours. So poopoo on you and slap you back with a pleather glove.
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
Oh, and one last thing, Ziggy. If Jolie is your role model, fine. But don't judge the rest of us because she's NOT ours.
You know who I look up to? The men and women of the US military who have died or returned home maimed; firefighters who walk into burning buildings every single day to save a life, rescue workers of all kinds who on a daily basis endanger themselves to help others, teachers who get paid next to nothing to ensure a kids future.
These are the people I look up to. And none of them, not one, has ever stayed the summer in a million dollar villa in France. Common people, doing extraordinary things, every minute of every day and never expecting adulation from anyone.
Ahhh I created an account just because of this article. Psychoanalyst - that says it all. As a Psyche major that's a big pile of sadness that people still believe what these nut jobs have to say.
Also it could be just me but as far as a feminist? She has a child army ... I thought we were supposed to be working and not having kids ... or am I way out to left field?
Submitted by ZiggyStardust on Tue, 06/09/2009 - 6:24am.
BWHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA. Saying the word 'whore' or 'bitch' does not an anti-feminist make.
Also, I'm soooooo sure Angie wrote her Economist ARTICLE (not multiple articles, ONE) herself. Just Angie and her computer. You dumb bitch, you know she had a fucking team helping her write that mediocre dribble, and that it was probably completely overhauled by the Economist's brilliant editors, AND IT STILL WASN'T A WELL-WRITTEN ARTICLE.
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"I love to put on lotion. Sometimes I'll watch TV and go into a lotion trance for an hour. I try to find brands that don't taste bad in case anyone wants to taste me." - Angelina Jolie
Submitted by PeachPie on Tue, 06/09/2009 - 8:17am.
She is wonderful friends with Susan Smith, Carol Dunkhurst and Myleen Pelkin.
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@ZiggyStardust:
I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!- angel_i
Dumb slag journo must a huge crush on skankalina.Who the fuck wants that trash as their role model? She is underweight probably around 45 kilos. She has disgusting sagging skin on her boney ass man shaped face.Nothing refined or classy about that ho.It's all just a fascade put together by her publicists and manager.
Missy
Well said.
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♪I don't care how bad I fuck up, I care about how fucked up I get♫-NOFX
~GIT IT!! -MK 4/24/09
"I began to live my life when it forced me to stop taking it so seriously"-Hunter S. Thompson
to me she is a slap in the face of feminism. she is who she is today because she was born into a life of privelege, then used her looks and sex appeal to gain fame.
only by playing to male fantasies in hollywood was she able to become what she is. nothing about her character or her intellect got her to where she is today. its all a big pussy fantasy, which to me, supresses, not supports, feminism.
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius