Time For Your Daily Eyeball Exercises!
Have your eyeballs been feeling a little out of shape and flabby? Do they have love handles? Do their tummies jiggle when they walk? Well, you're in luck, because here's a little article that will get them rolling. Feminist Naomi Wolf wrote a piece for Harper's Bazaar about how Saint Angelina Jolie is the greatest thing since self-lubricating dildos. Slip on your sweat band, it's time for eyeball calisthenics again!
The piece is titled: "Why Women Want Angelina Jolie's Life"
Angie is the most gorgeous woman on the planet: "Bosomy and wasp-waisted, with that curtain of hair and those crazy pillowy lips, she is an obvious male sex fantasy...Polls also show that if women — not just lesbian and bisexual women but straight women — had to choose a female lover, they would want to sleep with Angelina Jolie. In other words, women both identify with her and desire her."
Angie is more than just a gorgeous face: "There’s something more than a simply physical response. Her persona hits an unprecedented level of global resonance — and makes women want to be with her and be her at the same time — because she has created a life narrative that is not just personal. Rather, it is archetypal. And the archetype is one that really, for the first time in modern culture, brings together almost every aspect of female empowerment and liberation."
Angie can get away with being sexy and a symbol of goodness: "The magic of Jolie’s self-presentation? She makes the claim, with her life and actions, that, indeed, you can get away with it. All of it . Against every Western convention, she has managed to draw together all of these kinds of female liberation and empowerment. And her gestures determinedly transgress social boundaries — boundaries of convention, race, class, and gender — giving many of us a vicarious thrill. When the megascandal took place — Jolie’s alleged seduction of a married man, Brad Pitt, on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith — it could have been the end of Jolie as a role model. But she managed the almost unheard-of task of turning the home-wrecker label into a wholesome, family-friendly triumph."
Angie knows how to fly a plane: "Women are so used to being dependent on others (certainly on men) for where they go, metaphorically, and how they get there. Flying a private plane is the classic metaphor for choosing your own direction; usually, that is a guy thing to do, yet there was Jolie, with her aviator glasses on, taking flying lessons so she could blow the mind of her four-year-old son."
Angie is a lover: "Equally ostentatiously in her role as lover, she took for her own pleasure the male seen as the most desired of the tribe, Brad Pitt, who is always ranked at the top of indexes of male beauty and virility. As for the constraints of social convention — ahem, he was still married? You can have a variety of feelings about this, but Jolie’s evident disdain of that social constraint certainly, for better or worse, put her in the same self-entitled category as those men who have traditionally taken what they wanted and let the emotional chips fall where they may."
Final barfness: "So she becomes what psychoanalysts call an 'ego ideal' for women — a kind of dream figure that allows women to access, through fantasies of their own, possibilities for their own heightened empowerment and liberation."
You can read the entire article (yes, there's more) at Harper's Bazaar. I'm going to warn you that your eyeballs may fall off and roll away. Seriously, it felt like I was reading someone's diary. I bet Naomi sleeps next to a jar full of Angie's hair which she got on eBay. But I feel the same way about Shauna Sand. Just substitute the name "Angelina Jolie" for "Shauna Sand" and this entire essay would make sense.
And just for the record, as a strictly dickly bitch, I can say that Angelina Jolie is not the chick I'd go lesbian for. Her vagina would probably cast a spell on more or take a chunk out of my taint. No gracias.
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A FASHION MAG has an article on FEMINISM!!!
Probably right after the ad w/ a malnourished 12 year-old tarted up to look 32 to make 42 year-old women buy something to make them THINK that they look 22 so they can cougarize some idiot manchild.
(I'm lookin' at you, Vadge)
Ugh.
I have never thought she was such a great beauty, I've always wondered why everyone else seems to think so. I think she is weird looking.
And I, as a straight woman would NOT go lesbian for her. I would go lesbian for kd lang. (or doesn't that count since she IS a lesbian?)
"But she managed the almost unheard-of task of turning the home-wrecker label into a wholesome, family-friendly triumph."
In the words of Moe Szyslak...."Waaaaaaaaaaaa???!"
Cunt is a husband stealing whorebag, but then Bradley Buttons is a douche who can't act his way out of a paper bag.
Idiots deserve each other.
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Love,
Mabel
How little we understand what touches off that tingle,
That sudden explosion when two tingles intermingle. --Mrs. Kravitz
Thank you, Campbells! You're telling the jokes for me. --MK
I dont admire her and i also dont envy her. She is hiding a terrible, terrible secret that she is compensating for in children. She is completely fucked up and I dont get why no one sees it. I mean NO ONE is as perfect as they make her out to be or as the image she perpetuates. She is a psycho slut with serious issues who got lucky being born into money and beauty.
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"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
Does anyone still read Bazaar magazine?
And these kind of articles prove its irrelevance. Who would even buy that shit?!
The best part of this post?
"NO GRACIAS"
Lmao
angelina jolie is a husband stealing cunt and I would never ever envy her or her litter of mutts.
Ladies, feminists, bitches, broads and whores, whichever you prefer to be called, remember one thing.....the harder they come the harder they fall. AJ will be a laughing stock as sure as Michael Jackson and the rest of the so-called BEST. She will only make it alot easier on everyone. Because we will have all these stupid red carpet uppity glances from her when she thought she ruled the world. It never happened to Audrey Hepburn and some others because they didn't believe the hype about themselves. Hwood is setting her ass up for a huge fall some day. Watch and you will see. They love to tear down the freaks.
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I'm your huckleberry...BITCH!!
ah okay. i guess i'm out of touch with this current day version of feminism. but i have heard a goodly number of young women proudly proclaim 'they' are not feminists. taking the strides that were made for granted makes my blood fucking boil.
frankly i cannot recall the last time a issue of equality or any other such thing one could associate with feminism came up in my life and that's a good thing!
back to the cunt at hand. that woman is not my ideal. she may seem to have it all, but at what cost to her and those around her?
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
The Gosselin Hair Video is here! (A My2Cents/Sandbitch/TITS production)
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Personally, I think we all need to email "Bazaar" and give them the scoop on what "REAL WOMEN" think. This shit is just too much bs to bear. I don't feel positive about AJ in any way. BTW, I'm a friggin pilot and skydiver too! And that doesn't make me any more "empowered" than any other poor fool on an airliner when the shit is going down. Unless of course they can talk me down with a huge amount of instruction. And there's many women in this world that can fly circles around this whore. Where's the praise for them? She is not the walking miracle.
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I'm your huckleberry...BITCH!!
********She is such a cuttie.I saw her profile at billlionaire personals site_________________A f f l u e n t B a c h e l o r s . c o m_____________ last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site.
Submitted by TITS on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 10:02pm.
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Tits, you are talking "suffrage", I'm talking MODERN feminism TWO DIFFERENT ANIMALS..
Equality is a total pipe dream...whether you apply it to sex, race, class, it will never truly happen. The law ALREADY reflects that, so why don't we just call it a day...Let's acknowlege what's there....
Again, the feminism that CELEBRATES and ACCEPTS the differences between men and women is the REAL feminism...The feminism that DENIES it ain't doing women no good....We ARE NOT men, nor should we want to be, NOR should ANYONE expect us to be. AND WE WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR IT. And we demand the laws accept that...THAT is feminism...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Ohhh the MOST BEYOOOTEEFULL WooMIN in the WORLD!! I just googled that again & Aishwarya Rai STILL came up :P
(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)
2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.
"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 10:03pm.
Ok, my point is...Why should we have to apologize for being women? We ARE different from men! Why should we EVER have to make a concession for that? Why? We SHOULD have laws that protect OUR interests. All of this 'feminist/equality' bullshit either prevents that OR it takes advantage of it when it suits THEIR agenda (like the rape sheild laws)....
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eh? apologize for being a woman? really? how so. when have you had occassion to either do that or feel you should?
We do have laws that protect our interests.
I feel like I've missed a page somewhere what are we talking about and why?
ps Your ears are filthy too.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
The Gosselin Hair Video is here! (A My2Cents/Sandbitch/TITS production)
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x9dzac_jon-kate...
Pics: http://www.flickr.com/photos/36561337@N05
Tiger, it wasn't so long ago that women couldn't vote, own land or inherit, let alone the right to not face discrimination in the workplace etc etc.
Womens lib in my view is not about celebrating the differences betwixt men and women but insuring that the old boys don't continue to 'keep women down'. To me it's more about correcting injustices that have been visited on women purely due to their sex. And in that sense there has been a lot of success. I have no idea what you're talking about when you say it hasn't been successful. do you mean some goal to have men and women equal in all things? There had to be a grand ideal to shoot for - like equality for blacks or same sex marriage.... *squints at tiger*
We're only just now about to have a generation of adults for whom it is commonplace for women to work outside the home.
oh yeah, and your breath stinks. no one else will tell you, but i'm not ascared of you. dent al fl oss.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
The Gosselin Hair Video is here! (A My2Cents/Sandbitch/TITS production)
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x9dzac_jon-kate...
Pics: http://www.flickr.com/photos/36561337@N05
Ok, my point is...Why should we have to apologize for being women? We ARE different from men! Why should we EVER have to make a concession for that? Why? We SHOULD have laws that protect OUR interests. All of this 'feminist/equality' bullshit either prevents that OR it takes advantage of it when it suits THEIR agenda (like the rape sheild laws)....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by TITS on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 9:28pm.
Tiger - feminism failed? since when?
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Since the realization that men and women are biologically different which has a huge social impact and can NEVER truly resolve itself legally...Face it, the sexes AREN'T equal, they weren't designed to be... and equality in and of itself is false gold, construct, and will NEVER adequately apply itself to the human condition anymore than it will apply itself to the tiger condition...AINT.GONNA.HAPPEN. You animals too!
Rape sheild laws? That's now EQUALITY! It shouldn't have to be cuz men rarely get raped and certainly not by women...That's what I'm talking about in terms of equality...It's a myth...The law should just reflect what is, not try to give women this bullshit "equality" crap when it's not even possible...Rape sheild laws PROVE my point, not the 'feminists' point. And no, I don't necessarily agree with those laws, but....
You know what? Phyllis Schaffley was more of a feminist than Naomi Wolf or ANY of her ilk ever were because she recongnized and celebrated the difference. The difference!!!!
Real women WANT to be women...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Other then her chin, her face is almost a rectangle.
Penelope Cruz. Salma Hayek. Two women who exude confidence and sex appeal - two women who are worthy of going chick licken' for - angie jo, not so much. No sex appeal what so ever (her "partner wouldn't even do his typical red carpet grab ass routine recently).
Photo op mom at best. Do you think Pax knows what a mom even is?
You KNOW she's gonna get a copy of this mag
Roll it up reaaaally tight
And pleasure herself with it
(Since she ain't givin' it to Pittiful)
And then totally deny that she read it
As for stealing away Brad Pitt from under Jen A's nose being a factor, I just know I couldn't live with the shame of it all. It has no appeal whatsoever. Child-collecting? No. Doesn't do it for me. Flying a plane is pretty fucking cool. But that's it really.
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Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 9:34pm.
It's feminism for women who haven't discovered feminism yet, apparently.
*
padded bra feminists.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
The Gosselin Hair Video is here! (A My2Cents/Sandbitch/TITS production)
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x9dzac_jon-kate...
Pics: http://www.flickr.com/photos/36561337@N05
It's feminism for women who haven't discovered feminism yet, apparently.
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WOW. Just read the piece. There are no words. But, why is AJ compared to Princess Di? Didn't Princess Di represent the British government when she traveled abroad? AJ is just an actress/activist...right?
Naomi Wolf is an insignificant fool! Why would a so-called Feminist author give such a rim job to a home-wrecking skank like AJ, whose got a fuckin' triple 5-head?
Tigerlilly on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 9:26pm
Well if she could get a big dick to suck and fuck, attached to a man person, she wouldn't give us such great material.
This is going to backfire all over Skeletina's ten head, not Naomi Wolf's petrified clit.
And for that, VIVA LA FEMINAZI!
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
Tiger - feminism failed? since when?
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
The Gosselin Hair Video is here! (A My2Cents/Sandbitch/TITS production)
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x9dzac_jon-kate...
Pics: http://www.flickr.com/photos/36561337@N05
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 9:26pm.
Submitted by Zappy on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 9:17pm.
@ Tigerlilly
Nicely said!
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hahahahahaha and you do a great job!
Submitted by Zappy on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 9:17pm.
@ Tigerlilly
Nicely said!
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Thanks! And I forgot to add
NAOMI WOLF CAN SUCK A BIG DICK!
And I'd choose Megan Fox over Angelina any day...(but only cuz Charlize Theron has a restraining order out against me...)
I KEED, I KEED about Charlize's restraining order...yeah, cuz Megan and Angie have one out on me too...:-(
I tell jokes...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
LOL @ kiki
You're a smart lady and you write wonderfully.
@Zappy
Yeah, me too. I find feminism to be such a class-driven issue. Obviously on Jezebel they have editors of color (Dodai in particular, who I really love and enjoy everything she writes) but even she comes from a fairly privileged background. I'm working-class Irish and the women in my family have been working since oh, the beginning of time. They were working mothers before the term even existed. My mother always told me 'Nobody owes you anything in this life. If you want something, you work for it.' I'm sure the feminists would try to claim her. And I'm sure they'd get a Boston-Irish mouthful from her about how she pragmatist, nothing more, nothing less and she never waited for anyone to get her anything.
"See, that's some REAL sistahood right there. When you recongnize that there is no sistahood, you are that much closer to being an actual humanitarain and that much further from being a total asshole!"
Thanks Tigerlilly. Right back at ya!
With that, I'm going to bed. 'Night everybody.
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I wish it was like the 70's and it was still ok to kick someone's ass. Damn
Submitted by K2 on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 7:32pm.
I somehow came across this video on youtube and found it hilarious. This is the Angie a lot of people knew and loved. She just seemed so real back then. I was only twelve but I was a big fan. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5qXPcOwHvY
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OK this video is from 2000 - technically 4 years before she met Pitt. This woman is off the wall, with a tough guy exterior. She came walking onto Leno's show like she was ready to kick ass. Almost nothing feminine about her. Look at the way she's sitting. She also has this constant need to stick her finger in her mouth. Is this really a sexual thing for her? Does she feel the need to look like a seductress on the Leno show? She has revamped her image to the point where you know she is just a pure fake now. Her children haven't made her into some reserved earth mother. She wanted people to stop with the brother kissing jokes and this is how she did it! Plus she states that her and billy bob are off the fucking wall - how did that change so quickly? It didn't and that's the bottom line. She's still off the wall and Pitt hung himself when he fell for her act!
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ITA. Like one of the comments below the video said, she is the one that made out with her brother on national TV, so how can she get mad when somebody accuse them of incest? Those jokes were funny as hell. Also, her mom should have been more upset over her children making out than over Leno's jokes. She came off rude and trying too hard to look like a bad ass. But, I would prefer that to this mother of the earth bull shit she is trying to pull today. Now, she acts so sanctimonious, like she is above everything and everybody. I liked her back then because she was so anti-hollywood.
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If you get to vote on my rights, when do I get to vote on yours?
@ Tigerlilly
Nicely said!
Submitted by kikichanelconspiracy on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 9:05pm.
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See, that's some REAL sistahood right there. When you recongnize that there is no sistahood, you are that much closer to being an actual humanitarain and that much further from being a total asshole!
Treat and regard people like the people they are and are meant to be, regardless of whether they have a dick or a pussy and what color that dick or pussy is.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
@ kiki
Yer welcome toots! I love a well written post (as much as I love a funny one)..but I agree. All Women's Lib has done for me is make me have to work harder..fukital.
Thanks Zappy!
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I wish it was like the 70's and it was still ok to kick someone's ass. Damn
@ kiki
Great post! Very true!
"Meh, dumb 'feminist' whores always gotta latch on to some freakin 'icon', either positive or negative because their heads are too up their own twats to realize FEMINISIM FAILED BECAUSE NOT ALL WOMEN THINK ALIKE...
and the biggest MYTH THAT EVER EXISTED IS THAT A 'SISTERHOOD' IS POSSIBLE!!
Just ask Jennifer Aniston about her 'sisterhood' with FEMINIST ICON Angie Jo...Shit, if Naomi Wolf were taken out into a feild and shot, would a feminist hear the gun fire? Zen question....
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Tigerlilly, can I just say how much I love your ass? I read and comment on popular feminists website quite frequently, but just as frequently I find myself thinking 'Whiner, puleeze'. i can also say that I feel 100% free to speak my mind on this site, but not so much on that site. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it and I do find some of their posts to be really informative, but I often feel I'd be as good as banned if I really let my Kiki Flag Fly.
I have never felt that way here. Sure, some bitch might say 'Fuck you, Kiki, blah blah', but I'm an adult woman and I know how to defend myself verbally without deconstructing it into some bullshit protracted analysis of my 'perspective' or my 'judgments'. Sometimes people are just straight up assholes. And I'm not saying that because I'm jealous of their "beauty" or that I'm "judgmental" or that I'm "not seeing all sides of the issues."
Not all women think alike, I'm over this feminist ideal of "One of US! One of US!' chant. 'Sometimes people act like total cunts and need to be called out on their cuntiness. And sometimes those people are feminists and sometimes those people are icons. Anyhoo, I love you whores.
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I wish it was like the 70's and it was still ok to kick someone's ass. Damn
I agree with everyone else; the article is idiotic drivel and a waste of ink. On top of that, what's wrong with the photo? It looks like one side of AJ's face was merged with the other side of someone else's face. Either that or its just bad photoshopping.
I couldn't finish reading that wubbish..it was making me fro up.
OH FUCK NO
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You can't stop the BEAT!
Well, ok - I managed to swallow my vomit one last time and read it. She's got a point. She's obviously not talking about people with any kind of heightened awareness...but people who believe what they see at face value. She is, in fact, a pretty cool fictional heroine. But there's that heroin word. And some other things: like reality. Which no one ever gets to see.
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What a shame that Naomi Wolff feels compelled to use Angelina Jolie to define modern day feminism.
In my opinion, a heroin addict, cutter, bed hopping meglalomanic like Jolie is only qualified to be marked down entertainment for the bottom feeders of hollywood and society.
Angelina Jolie does not have the intellect, class, integrity or humility to serve as a role model for ANYONE, especially women.
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Fashion is art that you wear - L.G.
Naomi Wolf is a fucking idiot. Angelina Jolie was, is, and always will be a fucktard with mental problems. In every interview I've seen of her, it's pretty obvious she has major problems and latches on to the roles she plays to give her life meaning. The only things interesting about her are her psychological problems. In almost every interview I've seen of her, she seems like she's lost and has no idea who she is. Either that, or she's a genius who has managed to hide her true self behind random exteriors and lives a completely private life that she only shares with the public by having pieces like this written about her in order to lead on the loons and infuriate the rest of us. Meh.
I guess I'll just go stick my head in the oven since I'll never be anywhere near as perfect a human being as Angie.
Absolutely putrid. I do not know ONE woman who admires this brain dead attention seeking fame whore.
I don't know any sane woman who would let Skanky the Homewrecker's skank hole anywhere near them or their guy. I thought she was kind of cool back when she was a wild emo chick but this Sainted Mother thing is nauseating. I know having kids will mellow you out but geez go move far far away, raise your gaggle o'babies out of the public eye and spare us your pretentiousness. Oh and take that tired, pussy-whipped chump Brad with you. I'm sick of his weenie ass.
"When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better." ~Mae West
Meh, dumb 'feminist' whores always gotta latch on to some freakin 'icon', either positive or negative because their heads are too up their own twats to realize FEMINISIM FAILED BECAUSE NOT ALL WOMEN THINK ALIKE...
and the biggest MYTH THAT EVER EXISTED IS THAT A 'SISTERHOOD' IS POSSIBLE!!
Just ask Jennifer Aniston about her 'sisterhood' with FEMINIST ICON Angie Jo...Shit, if Naomi Wolf were taken out into a feild and shot, would a feminist hear the gun fire? Zen question....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
How insulting. Naomi Wolf is simply grasping at some way to remain relevant. My take on Angie is that she has used Brad Pitt to get all that she has wanted--from C list to A list. AJ is a walking ID, a complete lack of reflection or innovation. A user and a panderer. This is hardly what post post modern feminism should be. Love Anderson said it well, let's toast to ourselves, as we are in the midst of our quiet revolution and actualization without pretension or need to project ourselves on to a mentally ill actress--we are so much more than that Naomi.
Question: Why is Jolie even on the cover? She doesn't have a new movie to promote.
I was indifferent when she and Pitt hooked up, but after 4(?) years of this Pr frenzy I can honestly say I am sick of them and their fucked up fans.
I really hope Jolie's 15 mins are nearly up. WTF makes this woman so extraordinary? Honestly, I don't think she is the most beautiful woman in the world or even Hollywood nor do she and Pitt even give much to charity compared to other celebs. It's like all this shit is just smoke and mirrors. Maybe the media really believes if they keep repearing this crap like a mantra everyone will believe it.
I am glad to see there are others who don't buy this. For a long time, I thought I was alone!
They did some real work on her photo/face for that magazine issue. She looks about ten years younger than she normally does there--very pretty.