Time For Your Daily Eyeball Exercises!
Have your eyeballs been feeling a little out of shape and flabby? Do they have love handles? Do their tummies jiggle when they walk? Well, you're in luck, because here's a little article that will get them rolling. Feminist Naomi Wolf wrote a piece for Harper's Bazaar about how Saint Angelina Jolie is the greatest thing since self-lubricating dildos. Slip on your sweat band, it's time for eyeball calisthenics again!
The piece is titled: "Why Women Want Angelina Jolie's Life"
Angie is the most gorgeous woman on the planet: "Bosomy and wasp-waisted, with that curtain of hair and those crazy pillowy lips, she is an obvious male sex fantasy...Polls also show that if women — not just lesbian and bisexual women but straight women — had to choose a female lover, they would want to sleep with Angelina Jolie. In other words, women both identify with her and desire her."
Angie is more than just a gorgeous face: "There’s something more than a simply physical response. Her persona hits an unprecedented level of global resonance — and makes women want to be with her and be her at the same time — because she has created a life narrative that is not just personal. Rather, it is archetypal. And the archetype is one that really, for the first time in modern culture, brings together almost every aspect of female empowerment and liberation."
Angie can get away with being sexy and a symbol of goodness: "The magic of Jolie’s self-presentation? She makes the claim, with her life and actions, that, indeed, you can get away with it. All of it . Against every Western convention, she has managed to draw together all of these kinds of female liberation and empowerment. And her gestures determinedly transgress social boundaries — boundaries of convention, race, class, and gender — giving many of us a vicarious thrill. When the megascandal took place — Jolie’s alleged seduction of a married man, Brad Pitt, on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith — it could have been the end of Jolie as a role model. But she managed the almost unheard-of task of turning the home-wrecker label into a wholesome, family-friendly triumph."
Angie knows how to fly a plane: "Women are so used to being dependent on others (certainly on men) for where they go, metaphorically, and how they get there. Flying a private plane is the classic metaphor for choosing your own direction; usually, that is a guy thing to do, yet there was Jolie, with her aviator glasses on, taking flying lessons so she could blow the mind of her four-year-old son."
Angie is a lover: "Equally ostentatiously in her role as lover, she took for her own pleasure the male seen as the most desired of the tribe, Brad Pitt, who is always ranked at the top of indexes of male beauty and virility. As for the constraints of social convention — ahem, he was still married? You can have a variety of feelings about this, but Jolie’s evident disdain of that social constraint certainly, for better or worse, put her in the same self-entitled category as those men who have traditionally taken what they wanted and let the emotional chips fall where they may."
Final barfness: "So she becomes what psychoanalysts call an 'ego ideal' for women — a kind of dream figure that allows women to access, through fantasies of their own, possibilities for their own heightened empowerment and liberation."
You can read the entire article (yes, there's more) at Harper's Bazaar. I'm going to warn you that your eyeballs may fall off and roll away. Seriously, it felt like I was reading someone's diary. I bet Naomi sleeps next to a jar full of Angie's hair which she got on eBay. But I feel the same way about Shauna Sand. Just substitute the name "Angelina Jolie" for "Shauna Sand" and this entire essay would make sense.
And just for the record, as a strictly dickly bitch, I can say that Angelina Jolie is not the chick I'd go lesbian for. Her vagina would probably cast a spell on more or take a chunk out of my taint. No gracias.
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Billy Bob must look at her on magazine covers, walking the red carpet, acting prim and proper in interviews and doing the photo ops with the 6 kids and think to himself : "What the fuck happened to her?! She must feel like a caged animal. Even Angie can't pull this charade off much longer!"
She's a PHONY Naomi !!!
I love exercise lol
I came across an online community for individual seeking interracial love. It is blackwhitemeet.com All singles there are seeking interracial relationships. Interracial is not a problem there, but a great merit to cherish!
She also claimed that she didn't think she was good enough for Billy Bob ! Ok, right there speaks volumes about her self esteem. She kept going on about how perfect they were for each other. I don't think I've ever heard her gush about Pitt the way she use to over BBT.
When people interview her she is so reserved. Back in 2000 she just let it all hang out. I think she's constantly trying to prove herself to Pitt. She tries to live up to an image that him and his ex wife had !!! Two totally different Angelina's that's for sure.
I feel as traumatized as Michael K.'s reticent, puckered taint after reading this sycophantic drivel. Surely this is fan fiction?
angelina has been passed around by hollywood for 10 years too many for me to ever consider her attractive.
Angie has about as much depth as the plastic Barbie's (well Marnie's, my parents could only afford the knock-offs) I used to play with. All she has to do is pretend to be something, and everyone fawn's about how great she is at it. As her looks fade, which they already are, Naomi will notice how the perception of her "greatness" will also disappear.
OMG I couldn't make it past the second paragraph. Ick.
♥ ThreadKilla!
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I somehow came across this video on youtube and found it hilarious. This is the Angie a lot of people knew and loved. She just seemed so real back then. I was only twelve but I was a big fan. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5qXPcOwHvY
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OK this video is from 2000 - technically 4 years before she met Pitt. This woman is off the wall, with a tough guy exterior. She came walking onto Leno's show like she was ready to kick ass. Almost nothing feminine about her. Look at the way she's sitting. She also has this constant need to stick her finger in her mouth. Is this really a sexual thing for her? Does she feel the need to look like a seductress on the Leno show? She has revamped her image to the point where you know she is just a pure fake now. Her children haven't made her into some reserved earth mother. She wanted people to stop with the brother kissing jokes and this is how she did it! Plus she states that her and billy bob are off the fucking wall - how did that change so quickly? It didn't and that's the bottom line. She's still off the wall and Pitt hung himself when he fell for her act!
this bitch didn't even make honorable mentions to other hollywood ladies. charlize, halle even Rebbecca hall...
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http://redroomflare.blogspot.com/
Wouldn't it be glorious if we found out Naomi Wolf is Angelina's Alias?
Take THAT, Sasha Fierce!
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Team Enthusiastic Wizard Broomstick Meets Thrusthole!
Submitted by LOVE ANDERSON on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 7:24pm.
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TAKE YOUR BOOT MOVES TO COUNTY AND SUCK IT, LOONIES!
Nicely done Sonalina. Nicely done.
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Team Enthusiastic Wizard Broomstick Meets Thrusthole!
Dear Naomi Wolf & The Loons Who Think This Is Gospel,
It is unacceptable and degrading to be lumped in with a mass of females and then told, without being asked, that somehow myself and others are not real women and need some kind of illusion to live up to.
I will get self entitled, indignant and judgmental and tell all of you plebeian fucktards to fuck the fuck off.
The ideal of a female role model in the sense that she is in fact "Ideal" can only and properly be that from an amalgamation of different women from all walks of life. Skeletina does not, will not define any of the REAL world representations. To placate her and others like her is a slap in the face to ALL women who wake up and do whatever they have to for their families, friends, themselves.
The everyday selfless acts that are not rewarded by some diatribe drivel that border's delusional nonsense.
The reward endowed to the masses of women is knowing they WANT to do it everyday. The belief of passing on the very best they are and hope they can live up to the standards they put on themselves not what someone else is doing in a life of make believe and lies.
We conquer the world everyday, not the Skeletina's. She and others like her have no concept nor reality of reality.
So Ms. Wolf kindly fuck off and take Skeletina with you.
Sincerely,
Women everywhere you just insulted and slapped in the face with your FanFictional rantings.
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
I could not even read this. What a total disgrace.
this Wolf chick is obviously a loonie. i have never wanted jolie's life or desired her.
this is cahhrazzy talk.
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http://redroomflare.blogspot.com/
OH please! Stop shoving this stupid bitch down the public's throat. I'm tired of hearing about how women want to be like her. I'D LIKE TO MEET THE DUMB ASSES WHO HOLD THIS TRASH ON A PEDASTAL!
She flies a plane? WHO GIVES A SHIT!? With 6 kids to care for - who the hell has time to fly a plane?
She's sexy? If you call anorexic limbs, veins bulging through ones body, bee stung looking lips, jailhouse tattoos covering her body and a wide screen forehead sexy ... then so be it.
Beautiful face? Yeah with plenty of tweaks to it! What happen to the bulbous nose she had from birth to 1998? Her lips have a constant crack down the middle - looks like she split her lip and it never healed. It's called photo shop and heavy make up!!!!
When every loon can move past her looks they will realize what she is deep down: twisted brother kissing, blood obsessed, knife cutting, disturbed soul who manipulates people to fill the constant voids in her life.
Who are these women who want to sleep with her? LOVE ANGELINA and her 14,000 personalities?
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Team Enthusiastic Wizard Broomstick Meets Thrusthole!
http://www.celebrity-exchange.com/celebs/photos60/angelina-jolie-02.jpg
HA!!!!!!!!! No plastic surgery my ass. This bitch was beautiful but she wasn't born that way. Besides the nose job, she has had cheek implants and it looks like they made her lips even.
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If you get to vote on my rights, when do I get to vote on yours?
Submitted by tooflytrix on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 6:54pm.
I supposed that's why she has so many female friends, too...because we are all dying to be near her gross ass!!!
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Hmmm. Good point. If she ain't lickin it, she really doesn't hang with too many females.
My eyballs just gagged, barfed and rotated themselves. I can't stand this bitch!
I supposed that's why she has so many female friends, too...because we are all dying to be near her gross ass!!!
The only movie of Angie's I've seen so far has been Kung Fu Panda, so I'm remaining sort of neutral. I just hate all the Hollywood PR bullshit.
@ snowpiece
Katy Mixon: http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/03mGbZq7Yyb9R/340x.jpg
I guess she was in Four Christmas', too.
Snort some feminist. She should change her name to Ass Kisser. When I was reading this fecal matter I was reminded of all the bullshit the announcers int he Mercedes/Lexus commercials say when trying to sell those cars.
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
This bitch is joking right? I have yet to figure out why Hollywood kisses this woman's ass so much. Brought media is the first thing that comes to mind.
This woman use to be beautiful, but I never understand why she was ever considered curvy. She has such a boxy, boyish figure and it is beyond unattractive. Her shape is just awkward in general and the more weight she lose the more it show. Also, I would go lesbian for Rihanna before I go lesbian for Holie. And, after seeing those nekkid pictures, that is not so far fetched.
I somehow came across this video on youtube and found it hilarious. This is the Angie a lot of people knew and loved. She just seemed so real back then. I was only twelve but I was a big fan. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5qXPcOwHvY
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If you get to vote on my rights, when do I get to vote on yours?
louise_brooks I don't know her, sorry
OK, good night everyone! smooooches as James Haven would say....
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"let me tell you something about my family WE ARE AS TIK AS TIEVES"
"its 1492!! Come on people!!!" provolone
Spicedong, you are my hero.
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"bubb bubb bubb buttah face bub bub butah face"
Naomi Wolf .......NEEDS TO GET LAID!!!!!!
Someone should put this fauxmosexualmanhatingfeministcuntwhore out of her dreary misery. Seriously, WTF NAOMI?
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"bubb bubb bubb buttah face bub bub butah face"
I am probably late to this Brangalooney party but I have to say...WOW beauty standards have really reached an all time low if Angie is considered the pinacle of female beauty...if this wasn't written by her PR person it certainly has the makings of those "articles" the big studios used to plant in the media to sell their stars to the public.
Angie was hot for like 5 minutes in Gia when she had boobs and the makings of a good body (despite her John Voight nose --which she fixed of course)... it's been all down hill for her looks after that...boobs deflated, body got emaciated and riddled with fugly tatoos, etc.
Funny thing is that without her Dad's connections she would have never gone past central casting with those fish lips (which I think are her worst feature BTW). There is pouty and pillowy like Kim Bassinger and there's Lisa Rina territory, which natural or not Angie is already bordering. You can see all the uneven bumps on them.
She definitely has managed to make the best of what she's got despite being typecast in the same kind of movies that either flop miserably or never go beyond the usual assasin, bullet, spy fare. But what in hell makes her the most powerful entertainer? She is not even the highest paid actress or the most bankable from a box-office stand point...and if that Forbes list is based on media coverage, since when being on the cover of The National Enquirer every week makes a celebrity powerful? Just like Bennifer, this Brangelina shit needs to die soon...it is way past its expiration date and articles like this are taking it to a whole new level of ridiculousness.
Oh and there are far more humanitarian people in Hollywood than her, they just don't take their picture and publicize their good deeds every step of the way...REAL humanitarians should be anonymous and help without expecting lots of recognition.
And for all the Brangalooneys who will jump on this, know I am no Aniston fan either...I just call it as I see it. Now you can all kill each other over this twat I have nothing to do with it. Over and out.
"Apres moi le delugue" - Louis XV
OMG what a bunch of CRAP
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I’m just saying it’s a perception that can be perceived from it.
Submitted by snowpiece on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 6:19pm.
LMAO!! Not Daisy. I think I have to rule out the entire cast of Rock of Love.
Although, if I were allowing them in, I'd say Farrah from the RoL Bus.
Oh!! I know!! Katy Mixon- a bit obscure, but she is on the HBO show, Eastbound and Down. Very cute face and very curvy.
Scratch Harpers Bazaar off reading list. Well to be honest it never was.
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How much did Jolie pay to have this article printed?
Submitted by snowpiece on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 6:13pm.
Diego shhhhh I think AngieJo's packing salchichon!
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Hahahaha! Salchichon! Good one!
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Submitted by Miss Thang on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 10:17am.
I aint no psychiatrist, but I am bipolar ............
"Hello Mother
Hello Fadda
I've been smoking
Marijuana
Crack is good
But coke is better
I'm so fucked up
I can't even write this letter."
That's what this Wolf lady was singing when she wrote this Mierda Fest of an article.
Angelina doesn't even know the significance of sisterhood.
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Pull My Finger
Louise: not Daisy? LOL I love Daisy, not sure if it's in a sexual way tho, LOL
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"let me tell you something about my family WE ARE AS TIK AS TIEVES"
"its 1492!! Come on people!!!" provolone
Naomi Wolf is coo coo for cocoa puffs. She has always been a whack job...so, I guess it takes one to know one...hence, the Skankalina tribute.
Submitted by snowpiece on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 6:14pm.
and her brother!
```
LOLOLOLOLOL!!
I'm trying to think who I would go lez for and I'm drawing a total blank. Megan Fox maybe, but just to get her to shut the hell up.
Naomi Wolf should get off her SYBIAN (NSFW) for a moment and get a grip on reality.
Wolf analyzing Jolie.
From one nut job to another one with love.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 6:12pm.
If I were going to go lez, it wouldn't be for this bag of coat hangers.
There is nothing I want about her life except her money
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and her brother!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"let me tell you something about my family WE ARE AS TIK AS TIEVES"
"its 1492!! Come on people!!!" provolone
Diego shhhhh I think AngieJo's packing salchichon!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"let me tell you something about my family WE ARE AS TIK AS TIEVES"
"its 1492!! Come on people!!!" provolone
"Jolie’s alleged seduction of a married man, Brad Pitt, on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith — it could have been the end of Jolie as a role model. But she managed the almost unheard-of task of turning the home-wrecker label into a wholesome, family-friendly triumph."
"Women are so used to being dependent on others (certainly on men) for where they go, metaphorically, and how they get there."
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Please Naomi - just stop.
I have to go to my special place now.
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She's flat and that's that!
If I were going to go lez, it wouldn't be for this bag of coat hangers.
There is nothing I want about her life except her money.
Instead of "her persona hits an unprecedented level of global resonance . . ." shouldn't it really read "her jackassery and unwavering ego stroking hits an unprecedented level of global resonance . . ."? And I'm with MK. This is not the chick I'd turn for. In fact, the very idea makes me happy as fuck that I'm into cocks.
kanderso,
Completely agree with you.
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PULEEZE!
Why on earth would I want to be a manipulative bitch who fucks with another man's husband? I neither want to be her, nor do I admire her. Angie is a skank of the lowest form; being pretty on the outside can't mask ugliness on the inside. Women who go after married men are not self-confident at all. In fact, the have rock-bottom self-confidence and secretly wish they were the very women who they were stabbing in their backs. [And please don't flame me about how the men are guilty. Of course they are! But I blame women like her just as much because there is no good reason they need to rub their STDs all over a man with a wedding ring if there are other single ones readily available. It just shows low class and breeding.]
Naomi Wolfe has always been a headcase who pulled her accreditation from a Cap'n Crunch box, and this shit-parade of "proofpoints" is just further evidence of what a fake she is.
http://www.boxofficemojo.com/people/chart/?id=angelinajolie.htm
Jolies only successful films are CGI crapfests or voiceovers. They're all like for 14 year old boys, her movies. Sky Captain and the World of tomorrow...BWAHAHAHAHHAHAA forgot about that one
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"I've met Janeane Garofalo and she's a cunt"-Artie Lange
I think Naomi Wolf got her article from her personal "Dear Diary" that she keeps hidden under her bed. None of the women I know give a flying fuck about St Angelina much less want to be her or with her. I suggest Ms. Naomi get a new obsession.
Love Anderson - I agree...pr-ing at it's best. Make her a Saint and she will come out smelling like roses.
I think this will backfire. Noone likes being told by some butt kissing "feminist" that they want someone elses likfe. Unless you are some 3rd world loon, you would be insulted.
Nice to insinuate that our lives are not as good. TOTAL LOON WRITE.
We are all just fat, barren haters who's men have left us.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1172613656
@James Haven....who wore your mothers clothes better when you were kids, you or angie?
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"I've met Janeane Garofalo and she's a cunt"-Artie Lange
What a load of horse puckey.
"Rhoda, we're all aware that you're an adroit liar"