Time For Your Daily Eyeball Exercises!
Have your eyeballs been feeling a little out of shape and flabby? Do they have love handles? Do their tummies jiggle when they walk? Well, you're in luck, because here's a little article that will get them rolling. Feminist Naomi Wolf wrote a piece for Harper's Bazaar about how Saint Angelina Jolie is the greatest thing since self-lubricating dildos. Slip on your sweat band, it's time for eyeball calisthenics again!
The piece is titled: "Why Women Want Angelina Jolie's Life"
Angie is the most gorgeous woman on the planet: "Bosomy and wasp-waisted, with that curtain of hair and those crazy pillowy lips, she is an obvious male sex fantasy...Polls also show that if women — not just lesbian and bisexual women but straight women — had to choose a female lover, they would want to sleep with Angelina Jolie. In other words, women both identify with her and desire her."
Angie is more than just a gorgeous face: "There’s something more than a simply physical response. Her persona hits an unprecedented level of global resonance — and makes women want to be with her and be her at the same time — because she has created a life narrative that is not just personal. Rather, it is archetypal. And the archetype is one that really, for the first time in modern culture, brings together almost every aspect of female empowerment and liberation."
Angie can get away with being sexy and a symbol of goodness: "The magic of Jolie’s self-presentation? She makes the claim, with her life and actions, that, indeed, you can get away with it. All of it . Against every Western convention, she has managed to draw together all of these kinds of female liberation and empowerment. And her gestures determinedly transgress social boundaries — boundaries of convention, race, class, and gender — giving many of us a vicarious thrill. When the megascandal took place — Jolie’s alleged seduction of a married man, Brad Pitt, on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith — it could have been the end of Jolie as a role model. But she managed the almost unheard-of task of turning the home-wrecker label into a wholesome, family-friendly triumph."
Angie knows how to fly a plane: "Women are so used to being dependent on others (certainly on men) for where they go, metaphorically, and how they get there. Flying a private plane is the classic metaphor for choosing your own direction; usually, that is a guy thing to do, yet there was Jolie, with her aviator glasses on, taking flying lessons so she could blow the mind of her four-year-old son."
Angie is a lover: "Equally ostentatiously in her role as lover, she took for her own pleasure the male seen as the most desired of the tribe, Brad Pitt, who is always ranked at the top of indexes of male beauty and virility. As for the constraints of social convention — ahem, he was still married? You can have a variety of feelings about this, but Jolie’s evident disdain of that social constraint certainly, for better or worse, put her in the same self-entitled category as those men who have traditionally taken what they wanted and let the emotional chips fall where they may."
Final barfness: "So she becomes what psychoanalysts call an 'ego ideal' for women — a kind of dream figure that allows women to access, through fantasies of their own, possibilities for their own heightened empowerment and liberation."
You can read the entire article (yes, there's more) at Harper's Bazaar. I'm going to warn you that your eyeballs may fall off and roll away. Seriously, it felt like I was reading someone's diary. I bet Naomi sleeps next to a jar full of Angie's hair which she got on eBay. But I feel the same way about Shauna Sand. Just substitute the name "Angelina Jolie" for "Shauna Sand" and this entire essay would make sense.
And just for the record, as a strictly dickly bitch, I can say that Angelina Jolie is not the chick I'd go lesbian for. Her vagina would probably cast a spell on more or take a chunk out of my taint. No gracias.
VIA People
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Submitted by zomay on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 5:55pm.
Totally! I see much more hate for her than almost any other celebrity. I feel like she is replacing Wonky as the #1 most hated celebrity. It's just these fucking idiots in Hollywood (i.e, all these dumbass young actresses gushing about how they admire Angie Ho) are totally out of touch with the rest of the world. Angie's got Hollywood and a few rabid fans by the balls, but I really think the majority of people can't stand her. That's why there's so much shit talking about her in gossip rags - - they know the 'fairytale romance' shit ain't selling no more and that people are eating up all the negative gossip about this ho.
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"I love to put on lotion. Sometimes I'll watch TV and go into a lotion trance for an hour. I try to find brands that don't taste bad in case anyone wants to taste me." - Angelina Jolie
This cover needs more photoshopping. Poor woman isn't aging well at all. I always suspected the loons wrote for magazines.
OMG I can't believe this shit about Mother Theresa! I haaate those JJers
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"let me tell you something about my family WE ARE AS TIK AS TIEVES"
"its 1492!! Come on people!!!" provolone
The funny thing is that these loons that worship at the feet of St. Angelina never seem to pony up eight bucks to go see her crappy movies. She continues to make bomb after bomb.
Ahahaha, James Haven called us ruthless bitches.
We still love you JH.
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She's flat and that's that!
WindSwept on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 5:52pm.
WTF?! Seriously is this some kind of joke that I am not in on?....
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NO SHIT! Seriously, people can write any kind of bullshit in the media and try to get away with it.
When did they take the "POLL" about women wanting her as a lover? 1998? So not what the public is thinking these days.
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Submitted by freebird on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 5:48pm.
FYI, the Mother Theresa comment was from frequent JJ commenter 'Not Impressed by JA". That bitch is usually all kinds of crazy so I'm not totally surprised by this. Although. How could you ever say that without realizing that you're fucking psychotic? Well, I guess that's the point...crazy can't really recognize itself.
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"I love to put on lotion. Sometimes I'll watch TV and go into a lotion trance for an hour. I try to find brands that don't taste bad in case anyone wants to taste me." - Angelina Jolie
You bitches are ruthless when it comes to Angie! She might be a man stealin' ho but she's a ho with a heart of gold. Just last week she let James Haven drive her Porsche because it was raining and the last time James Haven took his Vespa out in the rain, he spunout and crashed into a construction site and landed head first into a Port a Potty!
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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See, it's shit like this bullshit dropping all of a sudden that make me believe a public break up is happening soon.
This is public positioning or an attempt at it, but it is back firing to make Skeletina out to be non-human.
Actually, go ahead Naomi Wolf, keep it up, if you help kill her image and lies, she'll be gone for good.
Because now, more people are going to dig and find fools gold in them thar hills...
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
JJers are putting this trash in front of Mother Theresa????
Wow, they are becoming more frightening and less amusing. Usually I laugh at their delusional rants. Acting like they know Jolie personally and know the lives of people who dislike her, but this is pure insanity. Deifying this slut...
Yeah, that's beyond the usual rose colored glasses outlook.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1172613656
WTF?! Seriously is this some kind of joke that I am not in on? The effusive statements that come from this woman's mouth are ridiculous. And writing an article about "Why Women Want Angelina Jolie's Life" is quite simply offensive to me. You claim to be a feminist and then you go and generalize all women and their desire to become Jolie.
"So she becomes what psychoanalysts call an 'ego ideal' for women — a kind of dream figure that allows women to access, through fantasies of their own, possibilities for their own heightened empowerment and liberation." ..... So are you saying Naomi that Jolie is some sort of ethereal goddess? What's this about empowerment and liberation? Ugh. You nauseate me Naomi. Please do go away for the good of us all.
When did her image go from, lady who could be your friend, to lady who is better than everyone else? This is why I can't stand this person.
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Pardon me, I have to...urp...
BLEEEEEEECCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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"I don't believe in love. I believe in fucking." --Brian Kinney
Submitted by kanderso on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 5:40pm.
You are right, there are NO WORDS for such ignorance
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Submitted by Miss Thang on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 10:17am.
I aint no psychiatrist, but I am bipolar ............
Submitted by kanderso on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 5:40pm.
I bravely ventured onto JJ. Here is a rational comment and then an insane response talking about how much better Angelina Jolie is than Mother Theresa (I'm not kidding):
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imo @ 06/08/2009 at 5:01 pm I’ll admit she is a beautiful woman; but I do not want to sleep with her. She has been around the block one too many times. She needs to stay home and take care of her kids. She wants to be mother-of-the-century but nannies are raising her kids. She is definitely no Mother Theresa–she doesn’t even come close.
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You right !
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Mother Theresa wasn’t as beautiful, had no children nor partner, ect.
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She was a sister who went to India to do good as her sole dedication. She is no Jolie who is a mother, an actress, a UN ambassador, ect.
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Not to diss that great woman who did good, but clearly they have two different life and Jolie’s one is multitask !
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Congrats tpo her for not being as lazy as her haters being able to pull several jobs and not just one as staying at home to raise children. We know who those haters worship…the mediocre one who is lazy.
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I...I have no words for this.
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Wow. Just wow. That is a MOUTH DROPPER. That is some insane crazy shit right there. Wow.
Submitted by kittycatastrophe on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 5:36pm.
I'm finding the commentary on Naomi Klein interesting.
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Naomi Klein is actually a legit author. This is another Naomi-Naomi Wolf, best known for THE BEAUTY MYTH.
Kind of ironic, I read BEAUTY MYTH and she is very much against plastic surgery. Yet St. Angie has had a ton even by Hollywood standards!
I don't see Naomi Wolf as a feminist at all. Never was, never will be.
The only thing that really matters to her is getting her face out there.
She makes me stabby.
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She's flat and that's that!
"And just for the record, as a strictly dickly bitch, I can say that Angelina Jolie is not the chick I'd go lesbian for. Her vagina would probably cast a spell on more or take a chunk out of my taint. No gracias."
Truer words were never spoken. Angie has always given me the creeps.
And what else would you expect from a chick who was hired to butch up Al Gore? Girlfriend please, indeed.
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"I think that's our cue to go out to the desert and stick our heads in the sand so we don't have to witness this epic fuckery."
Naomi Wolf is a complete fucking loon who the last time I heard her on the radio claimed that the Bush administration was spying on her because she was so dangerous in exposing their schemes for world domination. (Cue sound of cuckoo clock.) And now she has her dikey nose firmly planted up the asshole of St. Angelina. God, the celebrity culture sure brings the fucktards out of the woodwork.
Like no one else on this planet has done good deeds and raised a family??? This woman just won't go away.
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Oh, who fucking cares? So sick of Angie Jo and Brad being made into deities- they eat, sleep, piss, puke, shit, fart, and all that other gross stuff just like any other human being. Who gives a rat's ass?
THIS is from a feminist? I think she can excuse herself from that title now. Asa far as lesbian fantasies...SKIP. I like to keep VDs outta my bedroom. I would consider me some Monica Bellucci though.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1172613656
Submitted by LoveMaster5000 on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 5:42pm.
You know Jennifer Aniston is SO huddled in a corner surrounded by Häagen-Dazs ice cream containers. tear and snot soaked tissues, listening to old Cure cassettes, and contemplaiting slashing her wrists over this Happer's Bazaar cover
Poor, Poor Rachel.
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Oh yeah, I am sure that is what is happening. Just like the rest of us jelly h8trs are doing. I am sure Aniston could give a flying fuck about this article, since it is BULLSHIT from first to last word.
I know Blow Me Wolf does not speak for me and how I feel. I'd rather go leabo for Cloris Leachman!
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Submitted by Miss Thang on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 10:17am.
I aint no psychiatrist, but I am bipolar ............
Did anyone actually get through this buttkissfest? I can't do it.
Oh so we don't want to hear about this woman anymore because we are envious haters??? Maybe we don't want to hear about Angie Jo anymore because the media has stuffed her down our throats more times then Kate Hudson's throat has seen a penis.
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You right !
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Mother Theresa wasn’t as beautiful, had no children nor partner, ect.
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She was a sister who went to India to do good as her sole dedication. She is no Jolie who is a mother, an actress, a UN ambassador, ect.
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Not to diss that great woman who did good, but clearly they have two different life and Jolie’s one is multitask !
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Congrats tpo her for not being as lazy as her haters being able to pull several jobs and not just one as staying at home to raise children. We know who those haters worship…the mediocre one who is lazy.
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I...I have no words for this.
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I do, FUCK YOU LOOSER, HOW DARE YOU LOOK DOWN ON MOTHER THERESA!! OHHH God let all these retarded assholes have what they deserve, which for me would be a picture of their whore shooting heroin ( because you know she still does),they would explode over their own fucking stupidity
ahgggggggggggggggggggggg
In the words of M.E , this Fuckery makes me STABBY.
He Dicho! caso cerrado!!
Submitted by devilgirl on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 5:34pm.
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Oh, gross. Like women NEED to be beautiful/manned up/chillun'd to be whole and if they're not, then they're just bitter hags. How typical of flighty, vapid girls who wouldn't know how to live in reality if it took a cold, dead shit on their heads.
You know Jennifer Aniston is SO huddled in a corner surrounded by Häagen-Dazs ice cream containers. tear and snot soaked tissues, listening to old Cure cassettes, and contemplaiting slashing her wrists over this Happer's Bazaar cover
Poor, Poor Rachel.
Werd.
Submitted by snowpiece on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 5:33pm.
I sent the link to this thread to Harpers, LOL
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you scamp!!!
well done.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
The Gosselin Hair Video is here! (A My2Cents/Sandbitch/TITS production)
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x9dzac_jon-kate...
Pics: http://www.flickr.com/photos/36561337@N05
I bravely ventured onto JJ. Here is a rational comment and then an insane response talking about how much better Angelina Jolie is than Mother Theresa (I'm not kidding):
---------------------------------------------
imo @ 06/08/2009 at 5:01 pm I’ll admit she is a beautiful woman; but I do not want to sleep with her. She has been around the block one too many times. She needs to stay home and take care of her kids. She wants to be mother-of-the-century but nannies are raising her kids. She is definitely no Mother Theresa–she doesn’t even come close.
———————————————————————–
You right !
-
Mother Theresa wasn’t as beautiful, had no children nor partner, ect.
-
She was a sister who went to India to do good as her sole dedication. She is no Jolie who is a mother, an actress, a UN ambassador, ect.
-
Not to diss that great woman who did good, but clearly they have two different life and Jolie’s one is multitask !
-
Congrats tpo her for not being as lazy as her haters being able to pull several jobs and not just one as staying at home to raise children. We know who those haters worship…the mediocre one who is lazy.
----------------------------------------------
I...I have no words for this.
yet there was Jolie, with her aviator glasses on, taking flying lessons so she could blow the mind of her four-year-old son."
yes, and there she was Flying a plane while pregnant with the blob, she could had Blown it to pieces if she happens to die right there, what a beautifull mother who protects her chidren that woman is.
I can't even explain how much this fuckery angers me.
Fuck you Wholie! Fuck you you retard psico pseudo-writer, fuck all of you!!!!
He Dicho! caso cerrado!!
Left out Heroin Addict. Now that's sezzzzzy kitten!
I'm finding the commentary on Naomi Klein interesting. I hadn't paid that much attention to her in the past so all of this stuff about her is new to me. Sounds like she's a nutjob, wannabe starfucker.
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I am not a pussy.
James Haven, you sweetheart - you need to bring levity to this situation.
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I need to change my name to avoid being associated with any bodily cheeses that might be fermenting out there *you know who you are*
I always wondered what lived in Skeletina's bagina, now I know.
This "article" is the most disgusting and slot flap licking piece of assholeness I have read in a longtime.
This Naomi Wolf cunt needs a gottdamn beat down and Ima sure Anne Curry is the bitch for the job.
It all reads like JJ bullshit. If i didn't know better i would say this is Cliniqua writing this.
This isn't about "feminism", it is only the longing of a has been wanna-be.
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
from Just Jared- barf:
# 79 LuvDiPITTS @ 06/08/2009 at 2:52 pm
THIS IS WORTH REPOSTING!
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love her @ 06/08/2009 at 1:56 pm
Jealous insecure women have the hate filled hearts and anger towards prettier more successful women. Women are more judgemental towards other women, that’s a fact.
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You are soooooo right, ‘love her’. It is only angry, bitter, jealous FEMALES who go out of their way to seek to express their hate for this woman’s success. Cos, lets not pretend, here: it is the fact that she is succeeding at everything she does, which makes jealous b!tches foam at the mouth.
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As Naomi Wolf said: “Jolie’s image is not just a mirror of one woman but also a looking glass for female fantasy life.” So the bitter hateful ones are those who know that not in this life will they ever be able to so fully achieve their dreams as Angie has.
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And yet, they are not living Angie’s life. They dont know exactly what her klife is like. We often look at other people who appear to have it all and we envy them, thinking they dont have a thing to worry about and how lucky they are. Yet we are not on the inside of their life.
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Brad and Angie has six beautiful children to raise; they are all mere babies. Every parent worries about his/her child.
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But in any event, women are worse than men when it comes to exceling at the 7 Deadly Sins: ENVY; PRIDE; GREED; GLUTTONY; LUST, SLOTH; WRATH.
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Thats what these nasty little germs that come here to vent their frustrations at their own miserable failure as human beings are all about. it has nothing to do with Angie.
@reply | flag this
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Submitted by Miss Thang on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 10:17am.
I aint no psychiatrist, but I am bipolar ............
I sent the link to this thread to Harpers, LOL
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"let me tell you something about my family WE ARE AS TIK AS TIEVES"
"its 1492!! Come on people!!!" provolone
Isn't Naomi Wolf the same yenta who a decade or so go screamed about male oppression out of one side of her mouth while drooling about her boyfriend's oh-so-perfect physique from the other? No wonder she she is salivating over Our Lady Of Phony. Frauds of a feather...
Submitted by kanderso on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 5:26pm.
Thank you for your kind words kanderso! James Haven has been writing a tell all book for quite some time but he does like to keep his favorite dlisters up on the Brangie news!
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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Submitted by devilgirl on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 5:26pm.
Freebird- I look like Pete! I have my eyes stuck AND I got caught in the sprinkler a minute ago, so I am his spitting image!
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And you must have some face scabs for the full Pete.
Oh, please. I think she has a beautiful face but a flippant "I'd go gay for her" doesn't equate identifying with a damn thing she does. I don't believe half the tab stories about her and I don't even get my hackles raised with the whole "baby buying" and "mediawhore" thing like a lot of other women. But the superficial envy of a woman who is pretty, has money and a handsome man isn't the same thing as a conscious need or want of that same life. There are just too many other factors and for a self-proclaimed feminist to presume to write about what "every" woman wants is an oxymoron and fucking laughable.
Please some brave slut go to JJ so see orgasms all over the monitor, My stomach can't handle that.
He Dicho! caso cerrado!!
Submitted by KidL on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 5:24pm.
Good to see you KidL!
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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Freebird- I look like Pete! I have my eyes stuck AND I got caught in the sprinkler a minute ago, so I am his spitting image!
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Submitted by Miss Thang on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 10:17am.
I aint no psychiatrist, but I am bipolar ............
It's so nice to have James Haven around to give us the inside scoop!
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"I love to put on lotion. Sometimes I'll watch TV and go into a lotion trance for an hour. I try to find brands that don't taste bad in case anyone wants to taste me." - Angelina Jolie
"Equally ostentatiously in her role as lover, she took for her own pleasure the male seen as the most desired of the tribe, Brad Pitt, who is always ranked at the top of indexes of male beauty and virility. As for the constraints of social convention — ahem, he was still married? You can have a variety of feelings about this, but Jolie’s evident disdain of that social constraint certainly, for better or worse, put her in the same self-entitled category as those men who have traditionally taken what they wanted and let the emotional chips fall where they may."
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Are my eyes really reading this stupid drivel? The most desired of the tribe? This isn't Animal Planet, Naomi. I can't WAIT til the media stops sucking on Angie Jo's tit. She's a fucking man stealer, and there's nothing sexy about that. And no matter how many kids she adopts, she'll always be the same to me: A SMELLY WHORE!
And if I were to go lezzy, it'd be for Kate Winslet in Titanic. Not AJ who will always be a fug, bony, pretentious, man stealing, brother kissing, old man fucking, soul sucking stupid bitch with limited acting ability.
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"Y'all are on fire today. Like a methed out butthole!" Freebird 5/19/09
"Dress by House of Dereon. Side boob by House of Desperation." The C-Word 5/18/09
That whole article was such a barfworthy cliche. You'd think the Angelina singlehandedly cured AIDS and world hunger from the writer's ass kissing drivel.
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"You can lead a whore to culture but you can't stop her from throwing a glass of vodka at it" DEB
Submitted by James Haven on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 5:22pm.
I could tell the quality in the colors it was Mary Kay applied with your skillful hand! Damn her for treating you as the Court Jester! It isn't fair!
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Submitted by Miss Thang on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 10:17am.
I aint no psychiatrist, but I am bipolar ............
Submitted by freebird on Mon, 06/08/2009 - 5:17pm.
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Thanks! I never get tried of making fun of Wolf.
Still, this takes the cake!
James Haven-Glad to see you here!
naomi was being ironic when she wrote this article....right?
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a wet pussy and a dry purse don't match....