Wednesday, June 10th 2009
Open Post: Hosted By A Chola Makeup Tutorial
Everybody needs to watch this video, take notes and pay close attention to everything Baby Smiley does! Homegirl speaks the truth! She's right when she says that if you don't put your eyeliner on hella thick, nobody will take you seriously! The "bitch eyebrow" test is also a very important. The gorgeous cholita look isn't only for riding around in an Impala while listening to oldies, it's also practical for the office. Think about it. The next time your boss tries to make you stay late, he will take one look at your Sharpie eyebrows and back down. Bitch may even give you a raise.
Baby Smiley covered almost every base, but she forgot to mention to stick razors in your hair and cover your neck with hickeys for the full effect!
(Thanks April)
ShareThis
I have been trying the Lily Allen thing - I can't open the link because it's blocked for content at work, but maybe here's a picture. It's a full cooch landing strip.
www.celebslap.com/lily-allens-see-thru-landing-strip
yes, menz need to take care of their feetz too, please!
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"let me tell you something about my family WE ARE AS TIK AS TIEVES"
"its 1492!! Come on people!!!" provolone
Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:43pm.
I have never had a brazilian but I have noticed stream trouble when I shave a lot down there. It can go to the side, front, back...every which way!
__________
LMAO! speaking of brazilians...i was watching porn once and i came across a video of a chick getting a brazilian. hmm, i'm not sure i'd go for it...the first time it hurts like a bitch.
homegirl was laying down and didn't even make a sound. you could tell she's had brazilians done many times.
DD
No EH or her story. Hovering over toliet seat vs sitting on it. Bad public bathroom and offcie kitchen manners. Ped egg for feets so smooth you can place them in someone's bu-gina.
I'm a serial note leaver when people don't park right. It's a huge pet peeve of mine. The worst is when people insist on backing in their huge fucking SUVs and leave half the car hanging out and the other half over the line. Learn how to park you inconsiderate fuckfaced planet killer! Yes, that's a common version of the stoney note.
_____________________________________________
CLICK ME www.theanimalrescuesite.com
No Dog, no desert story.
yeah, if you are shaved down there it affects the spray too, I try to remain bald at all times so you know my pee is bouncing off the damn walls, LOL
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"let me tell you something about my family WE ARE AS TIK AS TIEVES"
"its 1492!! Come on people!!!" provolone
*running in breafless*
did i miss the desert story? is eh here? highlights of everything else, someone? Thanks Horz Doeuvres!
Submitted by lizzieb on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:36pm.
-----------------------------
Oh My! considering how OCD I am in the bathroom, I probably would've passed out. Then when I woke up, I would probably pass out again or go into convulsion, knowing I passed out on a bathroom floor. That's terribly disgusting, how does a turd get there though?
Submitted by Boob3rries on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:30pm.
he bit the dog??! :( how can the bastard leave the dog all alone all day long and be mad at him when he cries?! poor doggie! i hope somebody rescues him.
I have never had a brazilian but I have noticed stream trouble when I shave a lot down there. It can go to the side, front, back...every which way!
_____________________________________________
CLICK ME www.theanimalrescuesite.com
Here's the non-chola version...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJ4Fj4HAkGI&feature=related
Submitted by Master Blaster on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:33pm.
Do women even care about a guy's feet? Seems that particular fetish is almost exclusively a male thing. For me, busted feet is a bone killer and will get the offender an early exit out of my apartment.
```
Generally no. But if they are freakily hairy or have weird vampire nails or extra toes or something then that's a different story.
I sort of hate everyone's feet, so I think they are all equally disgusting.
Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:33pm.
We had an post about Passive agressive notes a while ago.
There's my story: When I first moved to the states, I worked at a DD closing the store; this fat bitch from my country used to open it and accused me not do to anyhting and even acussed me of Stealing a Spoon!! yes, a Fucking spoon!!, so when I got to the store that night I grabbed one of the liners where you put the donuts at and I wrote every little thing I did.
At the end of the note I wrote: " and if you are not happy with this list, you can move your FAT ASS AND DO IT YOURSELF.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
she went to the store Manager asking for my head; the manager called me into the office and laughed his ass off with me and then asked me to act like he reprimended me. :)
He Dicho! caso cerrado!!
Submitted by Molotov Cocktease on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:36pm.
damn what kind of Brazilians are you guys getting??? I never noticed any issues with my stream
*******
I'm telling you, I never had a stream issue until a brazilian, and now I won't do them (FULL wax, not a hair anywhere down there) because the stream is no longer only downward. You get a surprise side spray every once in awhile. I didn't notice until my bf pointed it out. It was under the seat.
Edited: I blamed him anyway because the braz was his idea.
Submitted by lizzieb on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:36pm.
And this is why if you can't teach your little monsters not to shit on the back of the toilet you shouldn't bring them to public places. You should have brought your kid in there and said "see, this is what NOT to do" LOL. =)
_____________________________________________
CLICK ME www.theanimalrescuesite.com
Submitted by Trini on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:36pm.
Doooooooooooo It!
Hahha I was excited. That was meant for KD. Do it! No one will know it's from you and it will give you the best feeling ever when people talk about it. lol
Submitted by Master Blaster on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:33pm.
I don't like nasty feet. And I don't like being stabbed by toenails. It really boggles my mind, but I cannot understand how my bf's feel are so smooth and soft. And he is on his feet all day. I'm a little weirded about by his uberflat feet, but I don't hold it against him.
Oh, and there is this guy whose office is across from mine who walks around without shoes on all the time and half the time his socks have holes in them. He does it because he has some foot problem, but if you look at his shoes, you would know why. I have seen homeless men clad in better footwear than him. There are even holes in the sides of his SHOES! Seriously, even if you are poor, you can get some decent shoes from the Second Hand shops.
End rant.
Submitted by Master Blaster on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:33pm.
Do women even care about a guy's feet? Seems that particular fetish is almost exclusively a male thing.
*********************************
My husband has nice feet (FYI-I hate feet), but he's wicked busy. And sometimes I call him Howard Hughes. Cause when they found HH, his toe nails were long. He cuts them and I'm happy.
Happy wife, happy life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She's flat and that's that!
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:32pm.
Boob3rries so at least the dog is out of that sitch for a few days, what a bunch of LEWZERS! hate them!
****************************
aw love I hate them too. I just hope that bitch doesn't take it out on the dog how much she hates her bf.
Oh and I care about my Boo's feet. After all, he takes care of mine <3
Haribo it's no problem at all. Talking about anything makes my day lighter and go faster, I love me some DListed interwebz support.
**************************************************
"Writing that made my eyeballs fart." MK
Support the cause, save a cunt http://www.fotolog.com/justmemyselfandi/36997877
Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:33pm.
The only thing more annoying than making a mess and not cleaning it up is posting a passive aggressive note in a community area. I'm looking at you Pam from The Office.
*****
guilty. teehee! My note got taken down faster than the dishes got cleaned up. Then I did some office detective work and dropped some hints that I was on their trail. I won. Those were good times.
damn what kind of Brazilians are you guys getting??? I never noticed any issues with my stream
*********
I haven't read the books or anything but is the female lead a robot? Is that what this shit is about? A vampire's love for a robot? If that's the case, then it all makes sense. - Master Blaster reviews Twilight
Doooooooooooo It!
Submitted by Boob3rries on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:18pm.
Submitted by Haribo on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:14pm.
Submitted by Boob3rries on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:10pm.
'I had to spend 12 days at this ..em..institution and I went poo poo times when they released me. AT HOME.'
___________________
how could you not poo for 12 days!? did you hold it in? you know that ain't healthy?
-------
Oh I KNOW! It wasn't purely intentional. Most hypnotics/sedatives/antipsychotics will cause constipation, but there is also the fact of mentally disabled/completely out of this planet people opening the door on you, or the fact that they can't aim for the life of them (I feel for them really). I wasn't nearly as fucked, it was just a bad times story. But I bet that in my situation most people would have done the same.
___________
i understand! and sorry about that...didn't mean to ask personal stuff.
i feel for those peeps as well! :(
Submitted by kdracofan on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:29pm.
Are we sharing nasty bathroom stories?! I have a few
Me too. 2 weeks ago I took my daughter to a play park.You know, bouncey this and climby that. Went to the loo and did normal going to loo business. Turned round to flush loo and there, on the seat, right behind where I was sitting- less than an inch away- was a big shiny turd. I was overcome with horror. Worse, the dilemma- do I somehow get the bloody thing down the loo or leave knowing someone might think it was me? Decided to shriek 'oh my god, some dirty bastard's left a turd on the seat' and back out hand over mouth like a victorian maiden getting the vapours.
I still wonder how this came about and favour the death penalty for such acts. *shudder*
*******************************************
Morbidly obese, barren, jellus h8er, jen-hen at your service.
Snowie, yeah that was a quick boob job. I didn't realize it only took 2 hours. I wonder how long a lift would take?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She's flat and that's that!
"They have like other 15 more layers for the earth to freeze over and explode"
LOL I laugh but I wanna fuck her fat face up with my foot. (Said the skinny -not- cunt)
**************************************************
"Writing that made my eyeballs fart." MK
Support the cause, save a cunt http://www.fotolog.com/justmemyselfandi/36997877
Submitted by Provolone on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:22pm.
Submitted by Mysmichelle on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:21pm.
So Miss California got fired today?
yep. oh ive been waiting for this thread to be posted, O IVE BEEN WAITIN... >: /
(*******
What???? Really? *googling*
Submitted by Zanna
follow up that Ped-egg routine with Philosophy "Sole Owner" and you will have feet people will want to put in their bu-gina.
__________________________________________________
Ok, I just sat here and tried to imagine my callous-free foot in someone's bu-gina and this, sadly, did not result in an erection. Which means that I'm just not that kinky.
Do women even care about a guy's feet? Seems that particular fetish is almost exclusively a male thing. For me, busted feet is a bone killer and will get the offender an early exit out of my apartment.
################################################
Boredom's not a burden anyone should bear.
################################################
free, it's one of the side effects they don't warn you about! LMAO
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"let me tell you something about my family WE ARE AS TIK AS TIEVES"
"its 1492!! Come on people!!!" provolone
The only thing more annoying than making a mess and not cleaning it up is posting a passive aggressive note in a community area. I'm looking at you Pam from The Office.
_____________________________________________
CLICK ME www.theanimalrescuesite.com
Boob3rries so at least the dog is out of that sitch for a few days, what a bunch of LEWZERS! hate them!
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"let me tell you something about my family WE ARE AS TIK AS TIEVES"
"its 1492!! Come on people!!!" provolone
Submitted by No Words on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:18pm.
Honestly, studies show that the cleanest place in a publie bathroom is the toilet seat...UNLESS THERE ARE A BUNCH OF PEOPLE HOVERING! Stop it, sluts!
(tee hee)
****
If you get a brazilian, it won't matter if you're sitting. It's like an errant water fountain.
Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:22pm.
The chola in the video is la cuca, right?
:P
I dont think any army men can handle all that love as strong as their are...
I always imagine her like a skinny methead looking spanish chick, Don't ask me why; decent body really Fucked up face.
He Dicho! caso cerrado!!
There is someone at my work that leaves notes everywhere that say stuff like "COVER YOUR FOOD IN THE MICROWAVE" and stuff. It is so annoying I've thought about making a sign that says "QUIT PUTTING STUPID SIGNS UP BECAUSE IT IS A WELL KNOWN FACT THAT INCONSIDERATE PEOPLE DON'T BOTHER TO READ".
Submitted by Haribo on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:28pm.
Submitted by Boob3rries on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:22pm.
lol! ok then...
oh and sorry to hear you have to deal with an asshat of a neighbor.
It's not so much what we have to deal with as it is the poor doggie he has and the other night we heard him beat the shit out of.
Poor dog is mostly locked out on the balcony crying his eyes out. His throat gets tired he stops for 20 seconds, starts again.
**************************************************
"Writing that made my eyeballs fart." MK
Support the cause, save a cunt http://www.fotolog.com/justmemyselfandi/36997877
Flatsy: OMG she got her BU BIES!
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"let me tell you something about my family WE ARE AS TIK AS TIEVES"
"its 1492!! Come on people!!!" provolone
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:15pm.
No circles. They just still look all dry and it's grossing me OUT! But maybe I have to moisturize afterward? I'm one of those gimpy bitches that forgets I have lotion on and almost breaks a damn hip doing a triple toe loop after slipping on the linoleum.
*****
I rarely put lotion on the bottom of my feet for that reason. There's no carpet in my house. Every morning I grease up the heel part that shoes though, I hate ugly cracky feet on display and if I'm not in flips, I'm in sandals.
I wonder how I could look with a Chola makeover.
--------------------------------------
"The Count on Sesame Street is scarier and more captivating than those preening whack vamps from Twilight." DListed user Master Blaster 6/09/09 (So true!)
Are we sharing nasty bathroom stories?! I have a few
Let's face it. People are disgusting.
Submitted by Boob3rries on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:22pm.
lol! ok then...
oh and sorry to hear you have to deal with an asshat of a neighbor.
Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:22pm.
The chola in the video is la cuca, right?
----------------------
OMG Who else spit out their coffee on this note!
Stoney I totally thought that too!!!!! LOL
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"let me tell you something about my family WE ARE AS TIK AS TIEVES"
"its 1492!! Come on people!!!" provolone
missy,
Back off the we-vibe. I sent the link to the bf last week.
Curiously am still waiting.
*places orders for pedegg and weird purple horeshoe sex toy*
_____________________________________________
Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
I used to work on 5th avenue in manhatten in a building with alot of hasidic jews coming and going and let me just say THEY win the award for stinking up a bathroom, eating catholic babies really produces some stinky shits. Not to mention the summers stinking up the elevator, those heavy black overcoats produces alot of body odors...smelly smelly people.
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
"I've met Janeane Garofalo and she's a cunt"-Artie Lange
Haven't been around for a couple days, heard on the radio that Brett Michaels broke his nose and needed 3-4 stitches in his upper lip after getting bitch slapped by that prop at the Tony awards. Too lazy to google, but laughed my arse off!
_______________________________________________________
Just because no one understands you, doesn't mean you're an artist.
My bf is an asst. Manager in a warehouse, and there is one bathroom, which is shared by everyone (office & warehouse) and he says that the bathroom is a mess and the guys in the warehouse all think it is disgusting but when someone complains about it, they all get blamed when it is really the guys that work in the office that think they should be waited on hand and foot that leave their paper everywhere and flush stuff that shouldn't be flushed.
Snowie: Gia, give her some lip gloss
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She's flat and that's that!