I've Missed You, White Oprah
White Oprah finally pried herself off of the bathroom room floor of some random club to cough up another important statement (smells like coke loogies and Long Island Iced Tea barf) for the media regarding her personal ATM. Specifically, White Oprah wanted to address the accusations that HoHan stole a bunch of joo-ree from an Elle Magazine shoot and also about how daughter's cell phone keeps getting hacked. Lay it out, chop it up, separate and snort yourself some of this:
"Last month her personal cell was posted online and now her phone messages have been hacked. This must stop. She is a 22-year-old girl who needs to live her life in peace. The tabloids need to leave her alone with all the lies and reporting with no proof." White Oprah went on to burp that the story about HoHan stealing shit is "defamatory, false and unfair. Elle made a public statement backing Lindsay." And finally, before she passed out again, she said, "Lindsay has been home with me and her family for awhile now, celebrating her little brother [Cody's] confirmation and his 13th birthday."
Haven't you missed White Oprah's words of delusion?! She's like a suppository for the soul. White Oprah's statements make you regular again. I mean, 22-year-old girl? HA! Leave her alone? Double HA! A good Catholic family? Get me up off the floor! White Oprah slays me every time.
Here's the 22-year-old good Catholic girl going to a church called H.Wood in Los Angeles last night.
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That "girl" looks like a desperate 50 yo hooker in search of fast clients for a BJ...
Is her type considered "cute" in that rat's nest called EL LAY?
¡DJEEZUZ!
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¿Por Qué No Te Callas?
Is it wrong for a man to have a sugar baby or a woman to have sugar daddy??
It is an absolutely extramarital relationship, but more and more services came out on Internet focusing on this kind of relationship.
such as --- http://www.SugarDaddyChat.com/---
it's the biggest sugar dating site for beautiful woman and rich man!
Good morning to everyone on the other side of the world...
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'Whut-evva! Whaaat-evvva! Y'all don't know me! Ya don't noe mee!! Don't be haytun, don't be haytun!!'
Nite chu's guys :)
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Submitted by tojo on Sat, 06/20/2009 - 3:10am.
Nite!
On that note, I'm out of vodka, time to break into the neighbor's house. Nite all!.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
U GUISE R ALL LIERZ!!!!
LiLo is actually creepy looking now. She went from being appearing dirty to just appearing embalmed.
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"I can't help it the kid was too short to reach my dials!"
Or you have a message for her from SamRo!!
Goodnight all!!
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the end...
Submitted by tojo on Sat, 06/20/2009 - 3:04am.
Or tell her someone will take her picture.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sat, 06/20/2009 - 2:58am.
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Just tell her you have some jewels...er um...I mean joorewy that you want her to wear and you might get one comped!
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Submitted by tojo on Sat, 06/20/2009 - 2:49am.
What's worse is that her chance to give 10 dollar lapdances at The Jetway Lounge across from Newark Liberty International Airport will be gone before I find out whether or not they accept food stamps.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sat, 06/20/2009 - 2:37am.
Submitted by tojo on Sat, 06/20/2009 - 2:35am.
I just hope she doesn't spend the whole 25 bucks in one place.
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For shame TV. Lap dancers need that money to support themselves and their drug addictions. I'm sure she'll spread the $1 bills around though.
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Look TV she's just a 22 year old kid...and her mom wants the lies to stop!
Wow that felt really creepy typing that...washed up and half dead ...at 22!
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Submitted by tojo on Sat, 06/20/2009 - 2:35am.
I just hope she doesn't spend the whole 25 bucks in one place.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sat, 06/20/2009 - 2:33am.
lol, you're right that's LL's next "career move"
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Submitted by tojo on Sat, 06/20/2009 - 2:30am.
Submitted by Manimal5 on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 10:54pm.
I wonder at the next photoshoot if the organizers will quickly be hiding everything of value before sticky-fingers Hohan shows up.
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You think there will even be a next one?
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Hustler magazine's Beaver Hunt section has really low standards.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Submitted by Manimal5 on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 10:54pm.
I wonder at the next photoshoot if the organizers will quickly be hiding everything of value before sticky-fingers Hohan shows up.
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You think there will even be a next one?
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the end...
Submitted by kiwikim on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 3:10pm.
Ho is catholic?
It all makes sense now.
All catholic girls go batshit crazy for a while.
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I totally agree. One of my relatives is really conservative but lets her daughter go out with her friends because 'They're all Italian (read: Catholic), so it's ok.' Ha ha ha parents are so fucking stupid. I know for a fact that those girls are the biggest whores out! Trust.
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"THIS IS SOME BENJAMIN BUTTON'S SHIT!"
Sorry double post.
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"THIS IS SOME BENJAMIN BUTTON'S SHIT!"
Submitted by Pearl_Necklace on Sat, 06/20/2009 - 12:59am.
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 3:32pm.
I HATE when people pronounce it "joolery". Even smart people do that. It's "jewel-ry". Ugh.
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LOVE YOU for posting this! GAH that makes me stabby! AND up there with "JOOLERY" is "GROSHREEZ" for "groceries" -- WHAT the FUCK is that about?!
-- OH yeah, and the nails-on-chalkboard heinous but classicly retarded way Dubya pronounced "nuclear" as "NOOKULER" let that not go without due mention./rant over.
.............
I'll add to this list borrowing a book from the 'li-berry'.
Although to be honest it is kind of cute.
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Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 3:32pm.
I HATE when people pronounce it "joolery". Even smart people do that. It's "jewel-ry". Ugh.
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I've heard some of the teen whores on Maury prounce it as 'Jew-ry' which is also fucked up.
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"THIS IS SOME BENJAMIN BUTTON'S SHIT!"
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 3:32pm.
I HATE when people pronounce it "joolery". Even smart people do that. It's "jewel-ry". Ugh.
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LOVE YOU for posting this! GAH that makes me stabby! AND up there with "JOOLERY" is "GROSHREEZ" for "groceries" -- WHAT the FUCK is that about?!
-- OH yeah, and the nails-on-chalkboard heinous but classicly retarded way Dubya pronounced "nuclear" as "NOOKULER" let that not go without due mention./rant over.
Lindsay's people quietly returned the jewelry in exchange for Elle's promise to say everything was fine.
Lindsay needs peace, according to her mother. HA! Who is the biggest "whore-out-my-kids" stage mother around? Look at how she tried and tried to market Ali and that girl is so pitifully talentless that even Moneywood wouldn't bite.
Who's fault is all this, Mama Lohan???
I wonder at the next photoshoot if the organizers will quickly be hiding everything of value before sticky-fingers Hohan shows up.
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It seems that she is dating online now. I saw her profile on dating site "M y I n t e r r a c i a l M a t c h. c Om " last week. It is said she is dating with a young black man there..
How a 22 years old person can have wrinkles!!!
Catholics have confirmation too...but I think the Lohans go to the Church of the Slatternly and Confused. I thought it was all Disney chicks go batshit crazy for a while.
What I want to know is how is she still making money?
I don't know anything about catholicism - but 'confirmation' is something done by lutheran protestants ...
Flash your minds back 17 years to when the difficult-to-work-with crazybitches-du-jour were Shannen Doherty, Sean Young, Linda Evangelista and Winona Ryder. Flash-forward to the present day and ask yourselves: whatever happened to them?
Blohan is just a coke-bump on the pop-culture superhighway. She'll fall off of the covers of US and People and into oblivion when a newer, prettier head-on collision appears on the scene.
I HATE when people pronounce it "joolery". Even smart people do that. It's "jewel-ry". Ugh.
Ho is catholic?
It all makes sense now.
All catholic girls go batshit crazy for a while.
That family is just fuckin crazy! I am so glad I'm not a part of it. Like, holy shit - I mean who in hell dresses like a hooker to go to CHURCH? White trash bitches... Hey! Are Heidi Montag & Spencer Whateverhislastnameis related to these people?
"It looks like someone smoked a little of the good shit while going through her old Hallmark cards..." MK 4/12/09
Uh, lindsays age doesn't surprise me. It's that butch thing she dated's age that surprises me!
Submitted by Pygar2000 on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 12:09pm.
I think she and Ramona Singer were separated at birth. The resemblence is uncanny!
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Agree - was going to say the same but you beat me to it!
Man, I do NOT look forward to having to look at a 35 year old Lindsay Lohan. That ain't gonna be pretty.
And 35 is not even old!
♥ Threadkilla!
Jason Jones: "So why is aged news better than...real news? "Well, I don't think this is AGED news." "Give me one thing in there that happened today." ~ Interviewing Rick Berke, ASM of the NY Times for The Daily Show.
accountability **Ooops I meant responsibility**
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I'm your huckleberry...BITCH!!
Until this 22 yr old girl takes some accountability for her actions she will never live her life in peace. She is this way because she has always had someone making excuses for her. And she's never had to be responsible for anything. Why should she grow up? Nobody is gonna make her do shit! She will end up some day on a show "where are they now"? And most people won't even know who she is. Her mother is not helping her by fascilitating her actions. Crying shame.
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I'm your huckleberry...BITCH!!
I'm always amazed when I'm reminded that Blohan is only 22. She looks absolutely toasted in those shots.
With a mama like that, I would be a crack ho too!
And what were they confirming for her 13 year old brother?
is he already snorting crank too?
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http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes
Lol @ Snarkley!
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My fav line was "She is a 22-year-old girl who needs to live her life in peace".
Shit, if she wants to live her life in peace, ship her off to a friggin remote island where we never have to look at her again.
I'll leave her in peace when she (and her entire family) leave me in peace...by not opening their traps every 30 seconds and sticking their faces in front of every camera on the planet.
Back in the olden days when a Royal Mistress got old and all whored out they would retire to a convent. Lindsay is old, whored out, and Catholic. Maybe she should revive this practice.
"Jesus and God really need to file a joint lawsuit against bitches for dragging their good names into unadulterated fuckery!" MK 2/15/09
Translation; Dina helped her fence the goods.
Don't like what you created by pimping out your kids, but your sure loves the money so shut your piehole you stoopid piece of white trash.
::still waiting for the Smoking Gun Hohan pictoral to surface::
Submitted by MushroomStamp on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 12:00pm.
If she REALLY wanted to be left alone it's easy. #1 stop being a whore. #2 Stop Tweeting everything you do. #3 Stop stealing shit
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#4 - stop doing drugs
#5 - stop going to clubs and making an ass of yourself
#6 - stop stalking your ex who wants nothing to do with you
#7 - just.fucking.stop.
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It sounds like I'll need to be drunk, stoned and suffering from a minor concussion to deal with this fuckery. MK - November 2008
"I'm not sure what that sign meant."
Lohan is quickly sliding into Tara Reid-ville...Drugs, drinking, no one will take her seriously...All she needs now is some botched plastic surgery.
Nice face Woprah! :)
-garms
I bet Hohan can't grow one like Demi http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1617/742/1600/demi%20bush.jpg
For someone who complains about the vile, opportunistic paparazzi and media exploiting her daughter for the entertainment of strangers, Dina Lohan seems to have done the best job of that herself, all the more since unlike the paparazzi who profiteer but aren't individually famous themselves, Dina not only profited but seems to want to parlay Lindsay's fame into greater notoriety for herself -- obviously because she's got some desperate, unfulfilled aspirations and is going through some midlife crisis where she seeks validation that she's "still got it." And she's doing this to her younger daughter now, too.
She's got some nerve blaming the tabloid media. They are only reactors. People like Lindsay, her geriatric faced sister, and dumb whore mother are the ones with the initiative and giving the media ammunition to work with.
While she's fishing for attention with these "complaints" about the media not leaving her kids alone (ironically she makes the complain to the media), maybe she can regale us all again about how she was a founding member of the Rockettes.
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Work it, baby.
www.myspace.com/dreamhypnotique
@REDMOND
I totally and completely agree. No matter how old Lindsay is, her mother makes excuses for her based on age.
And is it just me or is there no such thing as a 22 year old girl? Pretty sure there's only 22 year old women.