The Starry-Eyed Girl Lied

Most of us spelled "BITCH, PLEASE" with our eye rolls when we first read about the sad tale of 18-year-old Kimberley Vlaminck and the 56 star tattoos on her face. Originally, Kimberley blamed the tattoo artist for the public display of fugness on her mug, because she claims she only wanted 3 stars and fell asleep while he was stabbing her in the face with a needle. Well, don't go pee pee in your pants out of shock, but Kimberley is now saying that she lied about the whole thing.

Kimberley told a Dutch TV station that this is what she wanted all along and was awake the whole time. Kimberley's nipples did the happy dance when she first saw her face, because she absolutely loved it. But when she got home and felt the wrath of her father, she changed her story. That's when she made up the lie that she fell asleep and that the tattoo artist must have misunderstood what she wanted.

The tattoo artiste says there's no hard feelings and he doesn't regret the dumb bitch's lie, because it's given him some publicity.

This ho needs to be tried and convicted in the Court of Dumb Bitches, because her lie was as believable as the claim that Brooke Hogan is a biological female. Do better, bitch! It would have been more believable if Kimberley said that a dozen unicorns pranced out of RPattz's magical forest hair, formed a circle jerk on her head and then busted sparkly stars all over her face.

You know, bitch has already been convicted. Her punishment is that she'll have to live the rest of her life with permanent birthday card confetti on her face. Fuck, I hate birthday card confetti.