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Ok all! I'm done playing with my Anna Nicole Smith doll. It's time for her to be put away. Seriously, it seems like every second there's something new about this twit. Bitch is totally creating this shit herself. Actually, her puppet master, Howard K. Stern, is. I thought I'd fill you in, just in case you haven't heard, that TMZ is reporting that Anna Nicole's true baby daddy is Larry Birkhead. In court documents filed Thursday, a woman named Laurie Payne swears to the God above that not only does Anna Nicole use AOL Instant Messenger, but she told her that Larry Birkhead was her babby daddy in those IMs.

Laurie also said that Anna previously miscarried one of Larry's babies. Laurie signed it and everything, so it's like really official. This woman also said that Anna is a crackhead, which we already know. Anna loves Methadone and Xanax. I mean, who doesn't?

So what does this do for us? Absolutely, nothing. Can they all go on Maury already and settle this like real Americans? I'm over it!!! But you know good and well I'll be writing another lame story about them tomorrow.

In what is one of the funniest stories of the day....Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have apparently received death theats from Al Quaeda. Pakistan authorities got word of a possible threat to the couple and alerted British security experts. The couple are currently in India filming the Daniel Pearl biopic. Brad Pitt is also like building houses there or something. The couple are said to have the best security now and won't be murdered.

I say...WTF? Al Quaeda are after the wrong bitches! This sounds like a huge rumor to me, but Maddox better get his ninja stars ready just in case.

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Blockbuster bought Chestica Simpson to whore out their new Total Access program which works like Netflix. She of course will do anything for the right price. The thing is VIP and Chestica don't mix. Unless, by VIP they mean "Very Special (Ed) Person" then by all means.

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The Gay Bloggies Nominations were revealed today and one of my favorite bloggers, BryanBoy, was nominated 5 times including Best Blog. So please stop jacking off and use this time to vote for him in every category he's in. His anorexic ass needs the dough so he can buy some food and eat. Also, Dlisted was nominated for best design, but don't worry about us.

So Vote BryanBoy!!! Voting ends like soon or something.

This is a PSA from olden times that uses puppets to teach kids not to suck dick. This is my new jam!

Thx NicMak

Save the McRib - Junk Food Blog

A history of Paris Hilton's wonk eye - Cityrag

Superhead is knocked up? - Crunk + Disorderly

Rihanna looks like she's about to take a doody - Hollywood Tuna

Double your Alba - Egotastic!

Somebody shut Diddy's mouth - IDLYITW

Milla Jovovich to take a year off to get fat - Hollywood Rag

Jennifer Aniston puts on a stupid hat to go to the airport - Just Jared

Kate Bosworth won't talk about why she's a skinny bones jones - Popsugar

Sharon Stones hates her own Barbie doll - A Socialite's Life

Kate Winslet was teased as a child and who gives - Derek Hail

Quentin Tarantino will never tap Uma Thurman - Mollygood

Tom Cruise and his partner, Paula Wagner, have signed with MGM to bring back United Artists. This comes months after Tom and Paula were fired from Paramount.

Tom will produce and star in films for the new studio and Paula will serve as CEO. United Artists was founded 80 years ago by Charlie Chaplin and Mary Pickford. I’m sure they are rolling in their graves now, knowing this loon is running their ship.

He’s gonna screw it up somehow. Expect this shit to crash and burn in a few years. He should totally remake My Stepmother is an Alien starring Katie Holmes. Isn’t that a UA film?

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David Hasselhoff will put on a sparkly gown in the Las Vegas production of The Producers. The show will start performances in January of 2007 at the Paris Casino. The Hoff will play the role of Roger DeBris. He has previously starred as the title role in Jekyll and Hyde and Billy Flynn in Chicago, both on Broadway.

Mel Brooks made this statement, "I'm overjoyed that David Hasselhoff is going to play Roger DeBris in the Las Vegas production of The Producers. He has an incredible comedic timing, terrific musical theatre experience and a stage presence that I think will be a perfect marriage with the role. And by the way, he has great legs for that dress."

Tickets prices will rape you at $143.50 a pop! No thanks! Those whores better pay me to see his ass in a damn dress! The sick thing is he’s probably going to love the feel of that silky material. I hope the dresser knows how to get out “Hoff” stains.

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