Thursday, July 2nd 2009
This Is Unpatriotic
Okay, okay, Jessica Simpson's version of the National Anthem didn't make bald eagles bawl or try to peck out their own ears, but I'm sure they shed a few tears. My ear holes sure fucking did.
The chili cook-off chanteuse almost busted her dress open while singing at the AT&T National Golf Tournament in DC yesterday. There's no need to shout when you've got a microphone in your hand. You are not honoring Billy Mays by doing that, so just quit it.
Jessica's "sober pig getting circumcised with a nail clipper" yodel probably held the game up, because all of the holes on the green closed up during her performance. But you know Papa Joe's hole only widened while he watched Jessica's blow job faces (and her PJ-approved nipples).
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I couldn't even get thru it. She's so embarrassing to watch.
she is always very hot, no matter here or on ***sugarmommamatch .c om*** i read
many news about her there, also her hot pics and videos.
I can't tell which was worse, her "singing" or that dress because my eyes AND ears are bleeding!
Can't somebody, PLEASE, make her go away!!
Did this bitch ever get a hit?I dont think her songs are very good for that matter,I remember liking the i think Im in love song when it came out other than that Idk any of Jessics's songs..lol She does sing better than Brit,but Brit seems to be in better shape than Jess.Her body in those pics kinda looks like Hayden penitroll square muscular and short.
*drunk slur* Why don't you suck a fart out of my asshole.-Val Kilmer;The Doors
If she has a stylist, that bitch needs to be strung up and beaten like a pinata. Everyone knows that hoizontal stripes make you look bigger. I'm sure she's not that big, but she looks VERY fat...although maybe she's just drumming up press for her new shit reality show.
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RIP Vibe Magazine 2009
*** what goes down, must come up ***
I hate that tacky Texas family. They are white trash. Absolutely no class.
Call me jealous or a hater or whatever you want but this tranny is not hot. Her body is short and thick, she has no ass and the most disgusting legs and arms I've ever seen. Big tits can't save all that. I think its telling that a gay guy earlier said he thinks she's hot cause Romo, Mayer and every other idiot that has hooked up with this desperate hag have also been gay, so what does that tell ya? ITS A MAN!
Wow, that was pretty bad; even watching on mute is slightly painful from all those facial contortions. I think all her weight has gone to her chest; lucky Tony Romo?
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Remember, the early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese...
Chestica has a smokin' bod, but needs to die her hair...I think brunette or black hair would be smokin on her..other than that she pretty well sucks!!
I love it when all the haters come out saying how much they dislike a beautiful woman... It lets me know I can have her all to myself.... You guys are such losers....LOL
She looks squatty. Or like my mother says, "Dumpy." And wtf is up with those EARRINGS. Tiger, give me your golf club for a minute ... I gotta smack a ho.
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Cost of home alarm system: $700. Watching a stoner trip the alarm and feverishly try to remember the code: priceless.
Umh okay watching Jessica Simpson has always been like watching Michael J Fox, but really J.Simp really that was awful. Not to mention you sound like your sister...
I love that cynical bitch
Good. I hate those little skinny blow-away chicks. She looks hot, especially the hair.
That aside... the face-muscle olympics was a little much.
Um that dress makes her ass look too big.
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"When I was on welfare and foodstamps the government never helped me out." - Craig T. Nelson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jQAQ0lbAcw Voices That Care~ A patriotic star studded salute to the troops!
Horizontal stripes? Really? Ken Paves should have warned her ass.
um people, your sense of what is fat is truly warped if you think Jessica Simpson is. being ano skinny should NOT BE NORMAL. She's not stick thin but she is not fat in any way shape or form.
That dress though has gotta go.
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My bottom is a treasure house. -Stephen Fry
That dress isn't doing her any favors...she's not fat in my book, but she's curvier than most female celebs and dresses terribly (stripes going horizontally make you look bigger, vertical would make her look taller and perhaps better). She always wears bad clothes that make her look big. I've seen pics of her in shorts and she has fairly shapely thin legs actually. I think we have the same bra size and I don't look as big as her either.
"Nuzzle your succulent nose in my no-no. It will be safe there. Well, not really, because I had Mexican for lunch. SUCIO! There I go again." - MK
Besides the ear bleeding...not great singing..she is getting bigger and bigger not only in the Chest area. She must have hit every BBQ event in Texas lately...or was it Carl s junior??? She is from Texas and it seems she honors the states motto...everything is bigger in TX.
She's huge and theres no getting away from that man-face of hers
She is getting huge. And she is obviously one of those girls who gains weight in her breasts. The stripes aren't helping, either. Girl needs to go on Jenny Craig or Nutrisystem or something. Wait! Maybe that could be her next job and she could be a spokesperson for them!
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
And these are the ones that get hired. So the shittier you perform the higher the chances of getting a job?? I get it now I wasted my time going to grad school.Not that I'm a singer but you know what I mean. Work hard, no job. Gain weight, fuck your manager Dad...Boom you're hired.
I'd hit that with a serious country thumpin'. There's not a straight man alive who would'nt.
The color guards are trynna' maintain.They'd hit it.You know Tiger need only suggest...and Jess would show up at his hotel room.
Wow, she looks pretty huge here... and why must she oversing everything? It's bad enough when people with good voices do that, what more those who sit on the cusp of mediocrity and terrible.
Holy shit: OK, as a girl with big boobs myself, the no. one rule is you never, ever go anywhere without a bra on.
And she sucks at singing. 100 percent.
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The horizontal line dress isn't going to redeem her of her mom jeans moment, but it's an improvement. I know shes always had big tits, but they look HUGE here.
I wish that her vocal chords would have died instead, and that MJ, Farrah, and Billy Mays was still alive...what a better place this world would be.
Submitted by angel_i on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 12:06pm.
Submitted by moomarse on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 12:05pm.
What is with all the fucking faces????
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I thought she was showing us how cuntry she is, ya'll!
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then she needs to be barefoot and pregnant and stop this fuckery!!!
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It sounds like I'll need to be drunk, stoned and suffering from a minor concussion to deal with this fuckery. MK - November 2008
"I'm not sure what that sign meant."
Submitted by Katt on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 10:37am.
Jessica's voice bugs the hell outta me, always has...it's like she's trying to compensate for her lack of talent by more tone-deaf shrieking.
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What I hear more is a nice voice with the absence of training. She closes her throat when she has to hit higher notes and pushes her breath out way too fast; there's way to much tension where it needs to be loose - what WOULD sound nice ends up sounding forced and ugly. It feels like she's beating us on the head with it, which is never pleasant.
♥ Threadkilla!
It's "FACEBOOK" not "ASSBOOK" ~ Bart Simpson's lines, Season 20
Submitted by moomarse on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 12:05pm.
What is with all the fucking faces????
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I thought she was showing us how cuntry she is, ya'll!
♥ Threadkilla!
It's "FACEBOOK" not "ASSBOOK" ~ Bart Simpson's lines, Season 20
What is with all the fucking faces???? Can't she just belt out a tune without looking like she's got the worst constipation in the world?
I don't get it......
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It sounds like I'll need to be drunk, stoned and suffering from a minor concussion to deal with this fuckery. MK - November 2008
"I'm not sure what that sign meant."
When she sings, she looks like she's having a seizure with all those weird movements.
she's pretty, and a curvy figure that it's refreshing to see. However, she's so fucking stupid (or, even worse, acts stupid) that it negates any sort of attractiveness from her.
Same thing with Pitt for me. He looks like he's so slow, he doesn't do a thing for me. (sorry BB)
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Interviewer: You're playing one of the most famous characters in movie history. How come we don't see you in all the tabloids?
Daniel Craig: Because I don't want to be in them.
Is it her signing or is it the faces and hand motions she makes while singing that kill it for me?? hmmmmmmmmm
Ok I am not saying she's huge but I am saying unless your a size 0 you shouldn't wear Horizontal stripes.... EVER........
and she could do without the singing faces...
Gettin her chunk on
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You are who you think you are.
She has a slightly less than decent voice, but she tries way too hard to pull a Beyonce with her voice acrobatics and miserably fails. This chick just sounds like a pig being slaughtered with those yells. Epic fail, Jessica.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
She is VERY pretty and she is not fat. Treading towards thick most def but she is not fat. But in my opinion the bitch can't sing for shit. She needs to tone it down and realize her range is not that of Celine Dion.
Okay, I'll say it: her body is not that bad.
It's not for me, 'cause it looks awful in clothes and that's all that matters to women: to look good in clothes.
However, we all know that guys prefer the body which looks the best naked.
I'd love to have a body like Keira's, but I know only the gay designers and other women would approve of it.
Okay, some men are into the rail thin looks, but they're the exception. Most would rather jump in the sack with Simpson if they had to pick between her and Knightly.
It is not that hard to sing. I hear high school kids sing this song at many sporting events throughout the year and no-one manages to butcher it like this. Now if we can just get them to stop with the Mariah runs. Poor kids these days think that's the rule to singing. Ten notes when one will do.
it must be hard to hear those people moooing at her..
Holy Fuck! Me thinks Chunky Chestica's BF's peen shrunk & withered after that performance. He's holding onto what's left.
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
You can't sing, you fat fucking whore.
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Ugh. GO AWAY Chestica. Please, jut GO.
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I need you tonight
Cause I'm not sleeping
- INXS
"You are not honoring Billy Mays by doing that, so just quit it."
LOL! Man, I already miss Billy. I'm loving the "Pitchmen" marathon that's been on.
Call me a superficial bitch, but I fucking LOVE that for once in my life I'm skinnier than Jessica Simpson.
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"F*ck you Tyra Banks, Oprah, Magic Johnson, Tiger Woods, Rockefeller. F*ck you." - La Pequena Hillary Clinton, 6/17/08
Jessica's voice bugs the hell outta me, always has...it's like she's trying to compensate for her lack of talent by more tone-deaf shrieking. And the frog faces she makes while doing so put even his Douchiness John Mayer to shame.
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"You can lead a whore to culture but you can't stop her from throwing a glass of vodka at it" DEB
Jimmy Bocca, Phoebe Price is the most beautiful woman in the world.
Jessica, you are not Whitney or Mariah.
That dress makes you look slim (cough, cough).
☆ ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆She is my favorite. Just saw her on milllionaire personals site ************************m a r r y m i l l i o n a i r e . c o m ***** *********** last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is seeking on that site.Is she single again now?
Submitted by joe shmoe on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 10:17am.
The camera *does* add 10 pounds.
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Wow. That's such a sweet sentiment.
I think it's the fried chicken and potatoes that adds it to your ass:)
♥ Threadkilla!
It's "FACEBOOK" not "ASSBOOK" ~ Bart Simpson's lines, Season 20
Clearly she didn't get the memo about NEVER EVER WEARING HORIZONTAL STRIPES. EVER.
(michael sheen's queen, that is)
The camera *does* add 10 pounds. I just don't understand why it always adds it to your arse.
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The history of Buenos Aires is written in its telephone directory. Pompey Romanov, Emilio Rommel, Crespina D.Z. de Rose, Ladislao Radziwil, and Elizabeta Marta Callman de Rothschild..