Monday, July 6th 2009

NW Is Trying To Kill Kristen Stewart!!!!

Australian tabloid NW (aka The Bible of Truths) is in SHOCK, because Kristen Stewart has a BABY!!!! in her womb. And the BABY!!! belongs to the Unicorn Forest Prince himself...RPATTZ! Their proof? They think Kristen's Bud and bud bloat is actually a baby bump! Also, some source (aka the NW intern who was chilling out with the stoned wallabies at lunch) claims Kristen asked a friend to buy her a pregnancy test at the drugstore, because she didn't want to be photographed with that shit in her hand. Kirsten suspected she might be knocked up when her monthly batch of menstrual berries weren't delivered to her vagina dock.

Kristen is in danger girl, because the mob of crazed horny Twitards will get her for this. Kristen's only supposed to be pregnant in fake life! Their the ones who are supposed to have RPattz's babehs in real life. Not Kristen! That's just fake life. That's not real!!!!

The only way we'll know if Kristen is in fact pregnant is if a rhinestone-encrusted baby eats its way out of her stomach.

VIA ONTD

Posted by: Michael K
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ISprainedMyUvula's picture
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 9:08am.

The "I'm getting married y'all" Britney headline is hysterical.

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Fuck these bitches. I got my own problems. - The Fly

freebird's picture
Submitted by freebird on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 9:07am.

Yay more bump watch. Don't they have enough of that down under with Katie there?

Snoogle's picture
Submitted by Snoogle on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 9:06am.

Blah blah blah .. Twilight.
Off Topic: I hate Mondays!

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I just watched the MK interview and I swear to the Goddess' of Lucite and Cutlets the minute he spoke unicorn kittens followed by rainbow glitter shot out my ass!!!

Race Bannon's picture
Submitted by Race Bannon on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 9:04am.

Okay, is it just moi, or does she look more like Michael Jackson than Joan Jett?

Provolone's picture
Submitted by Provolone on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 9:04am.

pulling out is for pussies

*fist bumps Rpatz*

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"Why would I love a couch?"- Joe Guidice

ISprainedMyUvula's picture
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 9:04am.

Last line = LMAO!

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Fuck these bitches. I got my own problems. - The Fly

Candy Blackmail's picture
Submitted by Candy Blackmail on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 9:02am.

I think I just heard 1000 emo girls heads explode.

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Beauty's only a light switch away.

Plecostomus's picture
Submitted by Plecostomus on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 9:01am.

Can the baby burst out of her chest instead?

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Bottom-feeder.

Race Bannon's picture
Submitted by Race Bannon on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 9:01am.

Is she carrying a Unicorn or a Rainbow? Or a package of Skittles?

speakit's picture
Submitted by speakit on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 8:59am.

"her monthly batch of menstrual berries weren't delivered to her vagina dock."

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fruit of the looms

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