The Photoshop Awards: Brit Brit's Candie's Ads
If my little 6-year-old cousin handed me these pictures and said, "Look what I colored! And I stayed in the lines," I would totally believe her. I would also pat her on the head, give her a losing scratcher ticket (they don't know the difference) for a job well done and then immediately marinate my hand in a bowl of Purell. Kids have cooties. I would never guess that these are actual pictures taken with an actual camera. Photoshop fuckery to the extreme.
This is one of those "fuckit" jobs too. The hos at Candie's handed these pictures over to the Pshop artistes at 4:45pm on a Friday. They just slapped this shit together so they could hurry up and get to happy hour. Fuck, they probably did this job at happy hour. I mean, look at that white fence. Fences aren't supposed to look like that in real real. Although, the fence still looks better than Brit Brit's Kim Zolciak-approved wig. There's a tightrope...
And what is with Brit Brit's horse obsession? This is some Equus shit! Cheeto-uus!
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Aww, poor horse looks freaked as fuck in that 3rd pic. He's suspicious of that weave.
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Photoshop can't remove the void in her eyes.
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"F*ck you Tyra Banks, Oprah, Magic Johnson, Tiger Woods, Rockefeller. F*ck you." - La Pequena Hillary Clinton, 6/17/08
Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 07/07/2009 - 6:17am.
angel_i! I lurves your avie! Perfect choice!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
I dont see anything wrong with her body. Most celebrities are so skinny (size 0), they make Britney look fat when she is probably thin too (size 4).
I mean, of course they photoshopped, but it is not that much of a stretch.
What really is horrendous are her hair and face. Bleach blond not a good look. & She looks unhappy.
the horse has a sexy look
I didn't read through ALL the posts, but didn't anybody notice candies is totally ripping off Katie Prices' Slutty Equine line? All the pink shit? Like wtf? Couldn't they at least go with a different color?
Ooooo, I like that boy w/ the horse! Yummy!
COLORFORMS!!
Britney didn't look like that in 1999, let alone 2009!
Take away the Auto-Tune, Photoshop, smoke and mirrors, and what do you have left?
A swamp skank biscuit that needs to be dragged back to the double wide she came from!
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http://www.myspace.com/triston
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She looks like she's doing promos for The Real Housewives of the Shady Acres Mobile Home Park.
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Fuck these bitches. I got my own problems. - The Fly
Looking "special" again, I see. You can't photoshop that out.
This should be an ad for Pepto-Bismol.
*burps*
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Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by rulers as useful -- Seneca
And these are the photo shopped ones?
Submitted by iHeartHaters on Tue, 07/07/2009 - 12:01am.
Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 10:03pm.
Another stellar avvie, girl! Major applause for ya! Is she holding a monkey or London? I wish avs could be a little bit bigger *another on my wishlist to the Dlisted Gwads*
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My eyes hurt!
I'll burn that bridge when I come to it....
Those pics make me laugh.
Nice studio!
What IS going on with the guy behind her. He's clearly too old for her....and too arthritic from the way he is standing. Methinks he and the little white pony have a closer relationship.
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"I don't have a problem with anger, Dale, I have a problem with idiots"...Hank Hill
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Submitted by speakit on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 10:06pm.
She looks so natural. Just a little lip gloss, maybe some blush, some Bondo....
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
A little spackle and some fresh weave pieces, maybe 3 or 4 ... bra that lifts like a hydraulic system ...
agrees with the puppet thing, i have to admit i had very little sympathy for brit in the beginning because she came off as bratty to me for some reason, but you can see that slow degression. and i developed an apathy of sort towards her, i'm glad she did not become a statistic, and i hope she won't- still rooting for brat!
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"And I went through this whole thing; am I gay?! Am I straight?! And I realized: I'm just slutty." ~Margaret Cho
"This is supposed to be about delicious booze!" ~MK
what the HELL IS GOING ON WITH THAT FENCE
she look heinous.
there. i said it.
also: her head looks enormous!
I actually agree, britney does look BETTER without photoshop, the lost look in her doe eyes is kind of endearing? I don't know.
She's trying so fucking hard to please people, but she needs to just stop. I liked it when she said ya'll all time and would say random sarcastic things.
But they try to make her look sane ... which fails miserably...because her eyes are naturally down turned...
And the second picture just looks like Barbie
Just let her be. like remember the 2008 VMA's in that silver dress? She looked prettier than this, and that was live tv... There was still a little glint in her eyes, but still it looked good!
Anyways the pink hay reminds me of her pink wig...odd.
I would have something meaner to say, but that fake smile breaks my heart because you know she only has it on to please her manager, her father, her doctors, etc.
She used to smile all the time on her own, even when she was crazy at least she had zest and passion.
Come on people take her off the meds!
Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 10:03pm.
Another stellar avvie, girl! Major applause for ya! Is she holding a monkey or London? I wish avs could be a little bit bigger *another on my wishlist to the Dlisted Gwads*
(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)
2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.
"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"
Why must everything be photoshopped to death?? Shitney looks great cleaned up, these pics would have been just fine on their own. Does anyone else find it fucking HIGHLARIOUS that Candie's is selling their own version of the Brown Boots of Death??? You can't make this shit up!!
And I have absolutely HAD it with the loon bullshit. I don't go around CaCa threads saying what a wonderful person she is. It IS possible to like an artist for what they do & not as a person. People's lines of reality are getting washed away with the shit tide. Get a grip ffs.
(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)
2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.
"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"
Submitted by Manimal5 on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 11:35pm.
Yes Socky those were the days!
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Yeah! Me miss 'em. Best night ever? MK posted a photo op of Britney with a guy dressed as a priest & another of her with legs splayed while sitting in a confessional. Hilarious! Good times. Good times.
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 11:39pm.
Submitted by xerquina on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 11:37pm.
what the fuck is going on in this thread?! i thought dissing Britney was something we all had in common.
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O no, my dear. Britney's got loons galore. It's been fun watching the months pass on this tour and watching them become more and more lethargic...
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i hardly stop by Britney post I've never noticed the loons. you know what they say, crazy attracts crazy.
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http://redroomflare.blogspot.com/
I din't wanna say, 'cuz I try to keep it on the down low, y'all, but I'm Britney. That little bit of Cheeto orange color on my frog ain't paint, y'all.
Submitted by xerquina on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 11:37pm.
what the fuck is going on in this thread?! i thought dissing Britney was something we all had in common.
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O no, my dear. Britney's got loons galore. It's been fun watching the months pass on this tour and watching them become more and more lethargic...
♥ Threadkilla!
BritPics
Submitted by Sock-Monkey on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 11:33pm.
You're right: something she knows about. Like fine food, healthy living, and good parenting.
what the fuck is going on in this thread?! i thought dissing Britney was something we all had in common.
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http://redroomflare.blogspot.com/
Submitted by blueangel on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 11:17pm.
BTW, Britney is far from being a loser. She's accomplished more in her life with a mental illness than most of us ever will.
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I think it depends what you mean by accomplishment. She's been a very good little puppet.
And then she was a bad puppet.
And now she's a good puppet again. Sorta.
Now she's like a good puppet with some non-original parts.
♥ Threadkilla!
BritPics
Submitted by Sock-Monkey on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 11:24pm.
Yes Socky those were the days!
Submitted by Tristram on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 11:29pm.
She had a gun then? Me forgets. Def the nadir of her life so far.
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So the story goes....Ya know the bitch is dying for a chance to endorse Cheetos! She'll hump Chester Cheetah on camera for a bag of that shit.
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
Submitted by Kelly Taylor on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 11:01pm.
HarDEE-Har HAR! Iz IT jizzBALL the FaT IraNIAN terroRIST talKING sheez-it To OTHERS?! HarDEE-Har HAR!!
Submitted by Sock-Monkey on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 11:24pm.
She had a gun then? Me forgets. Def the nadir of her life so far.
LMAO No Words
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Trying to live without your love is one long sleepness night
Let me show you, girl, that I know wrong from right
Every street you walk on, I leave tear stains on the ground
Following the girl I didn't even want around
-I want you back, MJ!
Submitted by Tristram on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 11:13pm.
Who's going to buy anything endorsed by Britney, except Paxil?
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Shit! I'm waitin' on the gun manufacturers having her endorse the weapon she used at the standoff she had with EMS when she locked herself in the bathroom with one of her kids.
In Britney's words..
"this here lethal weapon gun made me a star!"
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
she's got those 'sucked dry of life eyes' for sure :( but, eh i like candies, hehe. cute avi, AI which btw i didn't even know who that was til a couple of days ago, hey! i'm allowed to have my 'brit brit moments'.
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"And I went through this whole thing; am I gay?! Am I straight?! And I realized: I'm just slutty." ~Margaret Cho
"This is supposed to be about delicious booze!" ~MK
Kelly's jerking it to that picture right now.
Submitted by Tatiana on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 11:03pm.
What happened to Candies? I remember their ads used to be really skanky and disgusting, like the one with Jenny McCarthy sitting on a toilet with her underwear around her ankles.
Yes I remember that ad! Sexy !
But Shitney on a toilet? Hahaha.
Submitted by blueangel on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 11:17pm.
BTW, Britney is far from being a loser. She's accomplished more in her life with a mental illness than most of us ever will.
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Don't you mean...Britney's HANDLERS have accomplished more with their trained monkey than most monkey trainers ever will.
Britney looked better in the photos that were posted the other day without all the photoshopping. Everything in this Candie's ad looks cut-rate. . . .like the shoes.
BTW, Britney is far from being a loser. She's accomplished more in her life with a mental illness than most of us ever will.
Submitted by kiwikim on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 11:04pm.
As soon as the photo shoot was over Britney scarfed down that whole table of pastries
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LOL! She was hoping for some fucking cheeto cupcakes!..And later...used the polo stick down her throat to bring it all back up!
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
For some reason, I have a strange affection for BritBrit. I just find her cheap cluelessness so endearing. All I'm gonna say about this mess is that's an unfortunate weave, and I'd LOVE to have whatever drugs she's taking during that photo shoot. Bitch is in another world.
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Trying to live without your love is one long sleepness night
Let me show you, girl, that I know wrong from right
Every street you walk on, I leave tear stains on the ground
Following the girl I didn't even want around
-I want you back, MJ!