The Keeper Of The Unicorn Forest Is A Pro At Sexy Times
One of RPattz's ex-girlfriends tells the National Enquirer (via Showbiz Spy) that the sparkly vampire is so good at boning that he made her toe nails have an orgasm. Basically. Would we expect anything less from the dude who has the power to make a Twitard's clitoris go into an epileptic seizure with just the wink of an eye? Or can create enough extra-chunky butterscotch panty pudding to keep the Jello factory in business for years just by licking his lips?
The "ex" said, “We just had this chemistry between us that made our kisses amazing. I’m really passionate, as is he. That’s why, no matter how much we fought, it was always amazing in bed! We’d glance at each other throughout the night because it made it more exciting when we got home. The tension was so strong, we couldn’t control ourselves. It was amazing!”
Um. The "ex" forgot to mention the part about how one of her family members had to turn the fire extinguisher on her snatch after it caught on fire from her humping RPatt'z real doll so hard. Because that's what she was having "AMAZING" sex with. Seriously, this shit was copy and pasted from the MySpace page of some crazed horny Twitard.
• 
I am barely starting to consider that maybe possibly sometimes he might be hot,
hahaha and the doll doesnt even look like him..
Really??? I just don't get this guys sex appeal!!
*drooooooooooooooooooool*
I know I am late to this party but I also volunteer to test this theory out. yummy.
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*Blondeface*
"That being said, it would be hilarious if RPatz was a sex god. He's so damned awkward." YESSS, i totally agree..The prince of the unicorns is kind of a fucking mermaid (nothing interesting below the waist)...only twitards get excited with him, skinny and girly-looking is kind of sexy only for the under 18 crowd..I must said that his "ex" is such a classy lady, you know "revealing" their amazing chemistry...WHATEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!Our Magical Forest Crown Prince of the Unicorns really needs to start the wolfie diet, that Taylor boy is so "dateline" material..If I were Kristen I'll hit thaT!!!!
"itsbritneybitch" YOU rock!!!I almost pee reading your comment...poor, porr Rob!!!!
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Karma is a Bitch
She sounds like she is full of shit... Seriously, who would be stupid enough to talk to a complete stranger about their sex life with their ex? how pathetic!
He probably cums before he even enters.
Sorry, that was pretty vulgar.
Right. Seems like a PR move. Unless this bitch has a fucking sex tape with him or naked pictures of him I will forever be doubtful of her supposed relationship with him. That being said, it would be hilarious if RPatz was a sex god. He's so damned awkward.
Sounds like PR. The PR horz aren't even stepping up their game, it's so obvious.
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O_o. Paris Hilton. Beware of my fucked up eye. It's bigger than the other.
His lovemaking is probably as interesting as his Twittering.
Submitted by No Words on Mon, 07/13/2009 - 9:53am.
The fact that the "ex" was a female makes me suspicious of this whole story.
Ha! Exactly right.
Submitted by death2douches on Mon, 07/13/2009 - 10:00am.
*major side eye*
Ugly men usually have to work harder at sexy times, so being kinda ugly he may have picked up a trick or too...however, he is British...British men have never been classified as good in bed or well endowed in any sex polls...sorry to say...and no offense to British D-listers but I am just stating a fact.
*coughNikkiReedcough*
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Fuck these bitches. I got my own problems. - The Fly
Seriously, this shit was copy and pasted from the MySpace page of some crazed horny Twitard.
*blocking MK from my Myspace page*
that comment the "ex" said...sounds like a Cinemax channel dry humping -X rated porn lingo. and yes I guess I would..know. wahahaha. I kid I kid. move along.
Coma Caca!!
Fanfucktion at its worst. Not buyin it.
I've had a first generation American by way of two British parents. He wasn't wee AT ALL. And was quite good actually.
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“Things are getting worse not better. I think I might be passive depressive.” Art in How To Be
yup, true fact about the penis part not sure about nachos though...
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right, interesting. Bullshit of course but interesting nonetheless. This is backed up with facts? No complaints from the UK btw sluts! (I am married to an English man fwiw).
Submitted by The Real Mean Girl on Mon, 07/13/2009 - 10:52am
Totally. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to be given the ol' one-eyed snake in a turtleneck just to see how terrible it could be.
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Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Mon, 07/13/2009 - 11:02am.
*coughvideocamerainthecorner*
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You'd be the first to get a copy of it. Then you could be my distributor. =)
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“Things are getting worse not better. I think I might be passive depressive.” Art in How To Be
Submitted by The Real Mean Girl on Mon, 07/13/2009 - 10:52am.
Submitted by Event Horizon on Mon, 07/13/2009 - 10:20am.
If you dont have a concussion by the end of it....it wasnt good!
Totally. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to be given the ol' one-eyed snake in a turtleneck just to see how terrible it could be.
****
*coughvideocamerainthecorner*
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Fuck these bitches. I got my own problems. - The Fly
Submitted by GlitterKitty on Mon, 07/13/2009 - 10:44am.
Submitted by xerquina on Mon, 07/13/2009 - 10:31am.
he must have a small penis(most famous British actors do)
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the fuck? is this a well established fact? Like most American actors are gay? Most Australian actors like nachos? Most German actors like women in suspenders?
amazing facts :(
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yup, true fact about the penis part not sure about nachos though...
Submitted by Event Horizon on Mon, 07/13/2009 - 10:20am.
If you dont have a concussion by the end of it....it wasnt good!
Totally. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to be given the ol' one-eyed snake in a turtleneck just to see how terrible it could be.
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“Things are getting worse not better. I think I might be passive depressive.” Art in How To Be
Submitted by xerquina on Mon, 07/13/2009 - 10:31am.
he must have a small penis(most famous British actors do)
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the fuck? is this a well established fact? Like most American actors are gay? Most Australian actors like nachos? Most German actors like women in suspenders?
amazing facts :(
Meh. I smell a PR move all over this story. Thirteen year old girls may fall for this crap but everyone else knows he's a total bottom.
Never got the hype over this guy.
I usually do not find this dude all that attractive, but that picture is pretty hot.
That said, I don't buy it. He seems like he'd be lazy in bed, even at his young age.
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"Why would Brad leave such a beautiful woman to hold orphans for Angelina?" - Michael Douglas
he must have a small penis(most famous British actors do) if they're hiring twihards to rate him in bed.
Submitted by The Real Mean Girl on Mon, 07/13/2009 - 10:04am.
I looooove me some Rob. LOVE. But something tells me he's lackluster in the sack. That doesn't mean I wouldn't mind trying my luck at getting my head bumped lightly into his headboard.
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If you dont have a concussion by the end of it....it wasnt good!
(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)**********(¨`·.·´¨)**********(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)
*you've been far awaaaay. When I see your face my hearts burst into fire*
*Dont think too much just bust that thick*
Was his ex Katie Holmes, because "amazing" seems to be her favorite word to describe people.
jt
oh please, 20-something's don't know jack shit about what makes a good fuck. at that age, they're all good. this hot, overrated douche looks like a wham, bam kinda guy anyway.
I call bullshit: The "ex" said...I’m really passionate, as is he."
AS IS HE? Who the fuck talks that way? Gwyneth Paltrow is the only person I can imagine. People just don't speak that way.
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Erm people in Britain do. I frequently use it. Just because they may not use it where you are from, doesn't mean no one speaks that way. That said, RP is okay looking but so many boys in Britain look exactly like him. Same hair, same clothes etc. In fact he is from just outside London and in that area you will see thousands of RP boys. Meh.
Submitted by Raul Duke on Mon, 07/13/2009 - 9:57am.
LOL!
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Kiefer 1 Christmas Tree 0
TEAM KIEFER!
Me thinks that panty puddin' was fudge not butterscotch and I like sprinkes on mine!
I still think he cries after sex.
But I'd still cut a bitch to find out for myself.
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Fuck these bitches. I got my own problems. - The Fly
Infamous> Nope. I don't understand the appeal, but different strokes (haha) for different folks, eh?
I think this "ex" is actually that insane girl who filmed herself watching the trailer. I swear!
I've never gotten the "I can fuck like a champ" vibe from Robert Pattinson. I'd hit it, but I don't think my expectations would be too high.
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"F*ck you Tyra Banks, Oprah, Magic Johnson, Tiger Woods, Rockefeller. F*ck you." - La Pequena Hillary Clinton, 6/17/08
I believe this 100%, and I'd be willing to verify for you guys. Just taking it for the D-Listed team. You can thank me later.
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"Oh hellllll yes! I just bought a ticket on the RobPatt crazy train!!! Chooo-Fuckin-Chooo!!!"—Clarisse
"Eyebrows, you in danger girl!"
They can throw all these kinds of stories out there, but it still won't make him sexy to me, sorry.
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“He who hesitates, doesn't get laid.”
--Brian Kinney
I looooove me some Rob. LOVE. But something tells me he's lackluster in the sack. That doesn't mean I wouldn't mind trying my luck at getting my head bumped lightly into his headboard.
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“Things are getting worse not better. I think I might be passive depressive.” Art in How To Be
Methinks his ex "girlfriend" was a tranny.
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I don't want more choice, I just want nicer things!
Submitted by death2douches on Mon, 07/13/2009 - 10:00am.
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Sheer poetry!
Is the ex-girlfriend's name "Ralph"?
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I can't say you hurt me when you never let me near...
Is it wrong for a man to have a sugar baby or a woman to have sugar daddy??
It is an absolutely extramarital relationship, but more and more services came out on Internet focusing on this kind of relationship.
such as --- http://www.SugarDaddyChat.com/---
it's the biggest sugar dating site for beautiful woman and rich man!
When your expectations are set to ZERO, it's easy to be good.
Mike ~ I agree. RPatzy is the new TommyGirl.
Honestly, I don't see his appeal, though he was adorable as hell as Cedric Diggory. Now, though, he looks like every other unwashed tweeker twink. Too bad.
That said, I bet the mofo knows how to lay the pipe. You know, like those guys you pick up at 3 AM in the grocery store, when you're depressed and your cart is filled with Ben & Jerry's and Fritos Scoops, and you're wondering if anyone will ever love you as you're standing in the check out line, getting the side-eye from the Goth girl cashier who just wants to go on break and have a cigarette and use the box cutter to dull her pain.
And then some guy who you would never look twice at in the light of day swings by, and you're thinking, "Hey, maybe it's the fluorescent lights or that half a Percocet I found under the bathroom counter, but I bet this guy knows how to fuck." So you take his dirty ass home and ride that dick until you get your fill before passing out. You wake up two hours later with cottonmouth and the dirty ass is gone, and so is $40 from your wallet, and you don't give a shit because you had an orgasm of fucking EPIC proportions. Then you race to the shower to wash away the evidence, all while humming "Oops! I Did It Again."
Not that this has ever happened to me, but I've heard stories.
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass." ~ Cordelia Chase
"Men should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable." ~ Mrs. White
is he gay and paid some teen cunt say this shit?
Submitted by CRAZY on Mon, 07/13/2009 - 9:54am.
Bahahahahha! I think she's recalling scenes from twillight and making them into her own fucked up fantasy! LOSER!
------------------- I'm touching myself as we speak!
so.. How old is this Kid?
How old is this chick?
I doubt the sex was amazing, she probably doesn't know any better.
He Dicho! caso cerrado!!
Bahahahahha! I think she's recalling scenes from twillight and making them into her own fucked up fantasy! LOSER!
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Kiefer 1 Christmas Tree 0
TEAM KIEFER!
Ewwwww. MK, it's still too early for "extra-chunky butterscotch panty pudding" comments. I almost threw up in my mouth. And while I can totally see RPtaz as a sex god, I still don't understand why chicks wanna bone a guy who looks like he hasn't showered in years. Twithards are a bunch of fucked up people.
The fact that the "ex" was a female makes me suspicious of this whole story.