Tony Dumped Jessica
Papa Joe won't be spending his afternoon in a bubble bath with his Crazy Daisy Love Doll like usual, because he'll be too busy begging Nick Lachey to get back together with Jessica Simpson so they can shoot another reality show together called Newlyweds: Once More With Feeling. Papa Joe knows that Jessica will have to find another way of staying relevant now that Tony Romo has dumped her ass after almost two years together.
A source said that Tony pink-slipped Jessica the night before her birfday. I guess that's one way of getting out of buying her ass a present.
Jessica was planning a Barbie and Ken-themed party for her birthday (and there's the reason why Tony quit her ass), but canceled it. The source went on to say, "She is heartbroken. She loves Tony. But it's been difficult lately. He's busy with his career and she's getting ready to shoot her show (The Price of Beauty). They decided to part ways."
Jessica took a break from drowning her sorrows in sheet cake (Jennifer Aniston already ate the country's supply of packaged cookie dough), to Twitter a little bit. Last night, she wrote: "Everyone needs to know that hope floats...grab the strings and pull it back to you." A few hours later, she added: "Falling asleep with my mom and the dogs. Please lord give all of my beautiful fans, friends, enemies, and family rest. Bring all of us peace."
What she really meant is: PLEASE LORD GET ME THE COVER OF PEOPLE THIS WEEK!
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please, she'd give her left nut to have JA figure, bank account, and A list status. Simpson looks like a tranny muppet without an iota of discernable talent.
Stupid skank thought she was a real star and could upgrade.
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"Look, hon, I love you and everything, but listen to me...You are a foul cunt...Everyone knows it...Why the HELL do you think these seagulls have been following us around squawking like demons? -Tigerlilly
good for Jessica! that dude is totally fug and can't play for shit...just like her.
NaNaNa... hey, hey, goodbye!
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"The Count on Sesame Street is scarier and more captivating than those preening whack vamps from Twilight." DListed user Master Blaster 6/09/09 (So true!)
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Pfffffffft. Their relationship has been nothing more than a papa Joe PR stunt since their last split.
Even being mildly retarded due to the number of concussions he's received, Homo couldn't even stand her stupid ass.
I saw it on People's webpage and laughed like a cunt of epic proportions when I saw the headline.
*shrugs*
It may be bitchy to find glee in other people's misery but Jessica just rubs me the wrong way. She used to be endearingly ruh-TARDed but now I realize the only thing she had going for her was Nick.
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Fuck these bitches. I got my own problems. - The Fly
Uvula
Quick! I need some lottery numbers!!
As wrong as it is to find a giggle in other's misery.. this made me laugh! I thought it before I even read it, daddy joe is going to want Nick back.
Jessica is just another one that sucks at life.
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I'm not sure I want all my neuroses cleared up.
She is so unlucky in love
OMG ISMU!
You - you're not LaToya, by any chance, are you?
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Bottom-feeder.
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Mon, 07/13/2009 - 1:36pm.
I totally thought the title of this post was going to be a euphamism for Tony Romo breaking up with Jessica Simpson
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can u read mah future?
*cue Twilight Zone music*
WEIRD Uvula!
she's jennifer aniston, part II
www.thatshideous.com
OMG, ISMU - you called it! *cue creepy music*
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City and Colour: The Girl