CoCo's Tips For Keeping A Man
Jennifer Aniston needs to crack open a box of Snack Wells, get out her Cathy notepad and pay attention because the First Lady of Camel Toe is giving tips on how to keep a man. If for some strange crazy reason (MIND BOGGLING), these tips don't work and your man leaves you, at least you will be fully trained as a Grade A SERVANT! You'll see what I'm talking about. Here's some of what Ice-T's main bitch wrote on Global Grind:
How do I keep a man? Well, I can only speak from experience because I'm not a doctor, just a woman that knows what she wants. To lay out my history with Ice, we have been married for 8 years and still going strong. We met in California on a movie set and have been inseparable ever since. Now we live in NY and at the moment we don't have any kids together. Everybody says relationships get boring, but it doesn't have to be that way, its entirely up to the both of you.Ice and I work all day together on the set of his show "Law and Order", because I have an office there. But as soon as we get home, I'll change into a skimpy outfit like booty shorts and heels because it changes the mood from being business oriented. LADIES & GENTLEMEN...the most IMPORTANT advice I can give is to make sure you listen to one another!!!!! TALK A LOT!! I think the reason that Ice and I have made it in the celebrity world for so long is because we constantly communicate. Remember, relationships will always have those bad moments and it won't be rosy all the time. You have to be strong for one another and don't chicken out when you come to a bump in the road.
It may seem a little old fashioned but here are some pointers that you can do to cater to your man:
Make him a cold drink
Cook him his favorite food
Give him a body rub
Dress in his favorite outfit or item
Draw him a bath
Watch all his favorite shows for a night
Play video games with him
And finally, kiss or lick his feet. Hehe- LOL. - very optional
When the always sophisticated CoCo speaks, my ears pucker, but reading that list gave me the tireds! When will we have the time to max out his credit cards, bounce on the peen and watch hours of daytime TV while making out with See's chocolates (the chews only)?
I mean, CoCo expects hos to nibble on toe sauce while shooting worms on Gears of War 2 and shaking a gin martini?
AND what's with the "draw him a bath" fuckery? Who does that? If you're a character in a period piece, puts your hand down, because you don't count!
• 
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Submitted by NitWitty on Sun, 07/19/2009 - 12:18am.
Nite hon!!! Luvs ya!!
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sun, 07/19/2009 - 12:08am.
Submitted by NitWitty on Sun, 07/19/2009 - 12:03am.
I KNEW he wasn't getting the cold drink!
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LMAO Don't suppose you supply clean up service because I just choked and peed all at the same time? Hmm, perhaps we need to rethink your SN to Ice TV? You may have just converted me. Sleep well, Mister and to the rest of you funny hookers, Don't forget the cold drink!
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Just because no one understands you, doesn't mean you're an artist.
Submitted by NitWitty on Sun, 07/19/2009 - 12:03am.
I KNEW he wasn't getting the cold drink!
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sat, 07/18/2009 - 11:54pm.
Submitted by NitWitty on Sat, 07/18/2009 - 11:49pm.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sat, 07/18/2009 - 11:38pm.
I'm allergic to silicone, it causes noticeable swelling.
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Hmm, that coupled with the fact that you actually have more functioning brain cells then she gives any man credit for might even cause reasonable thinking! Careful there, TV. Before you know it you might actually expect a woman with a brain and purpose in life! Escandolo!
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Wouldn't your husband get upset though?
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Naw, I'll just take Coco's advice and play him World of Warcraft every once in a while via the internet, a few hot pockets in the freezer, a blow up doll in my place in bed and my dogs to lick his toes. He'll never even miss me!
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Just because no one understands you, doesn't mean you're an artist.
Submitted by NitWitty on Sat, 07/18/2009 - 11:49pm.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sat, 07/18/2009 - 11:38pm.
I'm allergic to silicone, it causes noticeable swelling.
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Hmm, that coupled with the fact that you actually have more functioning brain cells then she gives any man credit for might even cause reasonable thinking! Careful there, TV. Before you know it you might actually expect a woman with a brain and purpose in life! Escandolo!
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Wouldn't your husband get upset though?
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
So, in other words, treat him like a BIG BABY. One more step for women's rights *gag*.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sat, 07/18/2009 - 11:38pm.
I'm allergic to silicone, it causes noticeable swelling.
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Hmm, that coupled with the fact that you actually have more functioning brain cells then she gives any man credit for might even cause reasonable thinking! Careful there, TV. Before you know it you might actually expect a woman with a brain and purpose in life! Escandolo!
_______________________________________________________
Just because no one understands you, doesn't mean you're an artist.
Submitted by NitWitty on Sat, 07/18/2009 - 11:33pm.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sat, 07/18/2009 - 11:24pm.
Want to know 100 ways to keep your man happy?
Suck his dick 100 times.
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LMAO! Well, D'oh! Why take advice from a woman on how to make a man happy when we've got a bona fide mayun's word for it? Where were you when she just needed a mouthful, Mister?!
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I'm allergic to silicone, it causes noticeable swelling.
***********************************************
"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sat, 07/18/2009 - 11:24pm.
Want to know 100 ways to keep your man happy?
Suck his dick 100 times.
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LMAO! Well, D'oh! Why take advice from a woman on how to make a man happy when we've got a bona fide mayun's word for it? Where were you when she just needed a mouthful, Mister?!
_______________________________________________________
Just because no one understands you, doesn't mean you're an artist.
Want to know 100 ways to keep your man happy?
Suck his dick 100 times.
***********************************************
"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
"Make him a cold drink
Cook him his favorite food
Give him a body rub
Dress in his favorite outfit or item
Draw him a bath
Watch all his favorite shows for a night
Play video games with him
And finally, kiss or lick his feet. Hehe- LOL. - very optional."
So in women speak she is really saying, "Marry a horny 14 year old with money?"
_______________________________________________________
Just because no one understands you, doesn't mean you're an artist.
I agree with all of it except for the foot thing. Ick nast! If that's considered being a "servant" then I feel sorry for guys nowadays. What do most women do if not these simple things? Granted, a guy should reciprocate in his own way most definitely but she wasn't talking about what he does for her, she was talking about what she does for him. No wonder there are so many divorces and this is hardly 1950s mentality. Yeah, she's a regular June Cleaver, that CoCo, with her modest clothes and such.
+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
ugh this ho is a waste of space.
she should be embarrassed:
http://necolebitchie.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/ice-t-coco020701b.jp...
She is really sexy!!! I have ever seen her hot video on the wealthy dating club (sugarscupid. c o m) for hot guys and girls to hook up each other. She is really sexy with bikini in that video.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sat, 07/18/2009 - 4:36pm.
While we're on the subject of making a relationship work without having to resort to licking toe jam (blech) here's the best maxim I ever heard: Sometimes you give 90% and the other person gives 10% and then that will be reversed, and you'll be the one giving 10%. And that repeats itself throughout a marriage. The trick is not to keep score.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
That really is the key to making any relationship work, especially marriage. Who needs ginormous double GGs and butt implants when common sense prevails and is FREE! She's just a dime hooker who got some sap to put a ring on it while he was trippin.
While we're on the subject of making a relationship work without having to resort to licking toe jam (blech) here's the best maxim I ever heard: Sometimes you give 90% and the other person gives 10% and then that will be reversed, and you'll be the one giving 10%. And that repeats itself throughout a marriage. The trick is not to keep score.
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Policy of Truth
With the exception of sucking the grit and toe jam off some dude's feet (she did say it was optional)... I agree with most of what she said. I'm sure Ice-T reciprocates ... he takes care of her financially, has set her up with work, doesn't mind being in her presence all the time... and is probably tearing it up. Reciprocity goes without saying.
I'm not about catering to some undeserving dude hand and foot (esp. if he doesn't do something to show HIS appreciation), but less nagging, flying the damn freak flag as often as possible, and pampering one another can make shit work, and will probably keep one's man from trying to dip every single night, to get away from his woman. Just sayin'
"A-Million here, A Million there, A-Millionaire, Tougher Than Nigerian Hair!"
Damn, that's subserviant running bathwater? It takes all but five seconds.
Submitted by Norwaygirl on Sat, 07/18/2009 - 6:13am.
I was speaking in general terms, not about these two specifically. I've read so many articles where they say the woman should do all this to please her man, but very little is written to tell a man to do things to please his woman.
BTW, are you really from Norway? My ancestors are from there. :)
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“He who hesitates, doesn't get laid.”
--Brian Kinney
Does she have a camel toe implant? I find it hard to believe that someone's camel toe could be that prominent yet natural.
I don't see it as servile. I do what I can for him because he does what he does for me. But I don't cook for him. I BAKE. He cooks. My guy is so damn picky about food that he cooks our meals, and makes mine the way I like it. He busts his ass all week for us, he deserves the treatment he gets at home. Its not expected, its courtesy. I get treated well, and so does he.
"Small and broken..... but still good..... mostly...."
For a hot second there I truly thought Coco wasn't such a rotten piece of ho, then she goes and spoils my amusement with her servilism bullshit. I'm all for equality and fairness in a relationship, so old-school women-are-the-man's-maids is a huge drawback. If it's every once in a while, it's ok to give something special to your partner, but ONLY IF that person really deserves it and doesn't take it as it's your damn duty or obligation to pamper his ass because he's the man and in charge of everything.
I hate that typical advice you read on magazines that tells men and women to actually torture themselves just to PLEASE a partner. Why? never mind, it's just the idea of pleasing your damn partner. No sensible reason needed. The typical example starts with telling a man to endure the challenge of actually going shopping with a chick, keeping up with the stereotypical chick who tries on every single outfit she lays her hands on for hours and hours. The advice for the female is to endure the challenge of watching her partner's favorite favorite sports event on TV along with having to keep up with his friends. I call this bullshit, this advice doesn't serve a sensible and logical point. Nothing will change if you please your partner just to please, the end result will leave you nothing positive nor a lesson... but a bad headache, stress, strain and anger, depending on how tolerant you are around stuff you hate.
All relationships as with all partnerships, things should be equal, fair, respectful and must be worth of effort.
And what the fuck with rubbing or licking your partner's fucking feet?!. That's fucking nasty.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Sat, 07/18/2009 - 10:00am.
I ain't licking NOBODY'S feet. No matter how much I love them,, or they turn me on.
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Hahahaha...I knew I'd see you on this thread. You *really* don't like feet, do you?
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Policy of Truth
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Submitted by putsomestankonit: "What's wrong with being a little bit old fashioned and following these tips? Well except for the foot licking thing and playing video games.
You can still give to someone you love like that and retain who you are."
I agree. I do nice things for Mr. Hekki and he does nice things for me. It goes both ways.
I know a few men who like to be fucking SLAVES to their women, doing all the domestic shit, running their errands and shit. Frankly, I think they're suckers, but whatever works...
@Hideous Amadeous:
Mmmm...that's called "shrimping" n'est ce-pas?
I remember an episode of AeonFlux (the animated series on MTV's Liquid Television) where she died, and then the afterlife she went to was one where she was sitting on a chaise and Trevor Goodchild was just licking her feet for all eternity.
Sheer heaven.
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Bottom-feeder.
you know there is something to be said about having your toes licked.....my very first boyfriend used to do it when i was 17 and nobody has done it since....i always think of him as the one that got away...*sigh*
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What fresh hell is this?
I ain't licking NOBODY'S feet. No matter how much I love them,, or they turn me on.
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You've brought a lot of sunshine into my life
You've filled me with happiness I never knew
You gave me more joy than I ever dreamed of
And no one, no one can take the place of you
- Natalie Cole
Booty shorts, listening, and feet licking - yup, that's what my grandma always recommended, to keep a man - Coco is right!
I'm disappointed that she didn't mention anything about getting ginormous boob and ass implants.
Draw him a bath? Holy Victorian Gothic Horror, Batman (by gaslight)!
many nice and single girls have a account on __
C lassymingle.C om___. so dont miss them. dont miss your classy lover!!
Hahah you know I think the "draw him a bath" comment is something only meant for weird rich celebrities and British ppl to get. The rest of the "normal" population with 9-5 jobs are to effing TIRED to draw anything they really want a ice cold shower to wake their ass up for another day of drudgery. What the hell does she do on Law and Order? Seriously... at the office PULEEEZE what is this her imaginary I am not a hooker job
Ambrosia, you took the words out of my mouth! Sounds like a very co-dependent relationship. Good luck making it last.
Such sage advice from a woman who's been married eight whole years. Wow, we should all get marriage advice from a woman with ginormous ass implants, the most prominent camel toe in the history of mankind and fake tittays.
Submitted by Albatross on Fri, 07/17/2009 - 8:05pm.
It's always the woman who has to do all the work. Why can't the man cook HER favorite food, draw her a bath, give her a body rub?
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Well, since he is working long hours as an actor, I think we can say that he has a job? They don't have children either, so I think it's only fair she treats her mealticket with some respect.
Submitted by Ambrosia on Sat, 07/18/2009 - 4:45am.
Yep. It's a give and take game!
Congrats for the long marriage btw! :)
I find it mind blowing that she has an office on the set of Law and Order!!!! Ice had to have that clause written into his contract.
CoCo= the woman we all WISH we could be, minus the fake tits, fake ass, fake hair, fake face, fake marriage, fake man & fake life.
I did not know they had 'Bring Your Ho To Work' days on the set of 'Law & Order'.
Me thinks Coco is confusing 'office' for dark room.
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http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes
I've been with my husband for 25 freakin years, and CoCo aint got nothin' on me.
Here's my take on her advise (listen up younguns):
Make him a cold drink-AND YOURSELF ONE TOO
Cook him his favorite food-AS LONG AS YOU LIKE IT TOO
Give him a body rub-IN EXCHANGE FOR ONE
Dress in his favorite outfit or item-MAKE HIM PRANCE NAKED
Draw him a bath-AN GET IN FIRST
Watch all his favorite shows for a night-AS LONG AS THEY ARE YOUR FAVORITES TOO
Play video games with him-WTF?????????????
And finally, kiss or lick his feet. Hehe- LOL. - very optional-NO NORMAL MAN WANTS HIS FEET TOUCHED, MUCH LESS KISSED. THEY KNOW WHAT GROWS DOWN THERE AND THEY DONT WANT IT ON YOUR LIPS!
OMG, she looks so hot and I saw her naked photo on sugardaddy dating site sugarscupid. c o m. It seems that girl is dating online now. It is said she is dating young billionaire on that site.
Well done on the importance of communication. She's right about that.
Spoiling the other half....yep. But all must come from both sides, so I hope she gets her cold drink, too. ;)
Well, I have taken in her tips and I can clearly see what the near future will bring for my hubby and I: it will be downhill fast. Is this woman for real? My man's shoe size is a 14. Try kissing that, you bimbo. If modern slavery is what it takes to make a guy happy, then unhappy he will be.
So basically be a slave/sex toy to your man....? No thanks!
"Nuzzle your succulent nose in my no-no. It will be safe there. Well, not really, because I had Mexican for lunch. SUCIO! There I go again." - MK
CoCo tuck game is weak!
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Wanna come to a club where people wee on each other?
Submitted by Thunders on Sat, 07/18/2009 - 1:19am
I love your signature!
♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣
Wanna come to a club where people wee on each other?