A Problem Down Under
Remember that story from last year about that woman who refused to get off the toilet for months and her ass cheeks became one with the seat? Yeah, my nalgas still tremble when I think of that shit. Well, this story out of Australia is sort of like that, except this woman didn't want to be stuck with her toilet like that.
A 67-year-old woman in Brisbane was doing her poopy business when she fell and got her ass wedged between the toilet and a door. Homegirl didn't have one of those Life Alert things and she lives alone, so she was there for one full week. The woman was finally rescued when a neighbor heard her screeches for help and called the police.
The woman was taken to a nearby hospital, treated for dehydration and released. Now, I know you're thinking that she could've just flushed and lapped from bowl, but police say that wasn't possible. They said she "somehow became trapped with her feet stuck on either side of the toilet bowl and her body wedged against the inward-opening door." That sounds like some Cirque de Toilet shit!
You know ole' girl is never going into that bathroom again. Her soul demands that it's off-limits. She's going to be pissin' in the kitchen sink and going doody in a bucket in the backyard! If she's forced to go into that bathroom again, she's going to bring a tub of Crisco, a fully charged cell phone and some Crystal Light with her. Because if you have to drink toilet water, you should at least flavor it.
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"You know ole' girl is never going into that bathroom again...She's going to be pissin' in the kitchen sink and going doody in a bucket in the backyard!"
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Submitted by Master Blaster on Tue, 07/28/2009 - 3:26pm.
I know what happened.
She cut loose with one of those sticky, wet post-shit farts. And as she finished reading the article in Glamour that she was enjoying, her bodyheat combined with the pressure at which the fart was released created a Crazy Glue-like bond between her ass and the toilet seat thereby locking her onto the device.
C'mon, it's science people!
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That about sums it up perfectly. AHAHAHA!!!!!
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Bera →←
That's actually the best I've ever seen Kim Kardashian look.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
IT FIGURES I'D FIND YOU TALKING BAD ABOUT HER IN THESE LOWER CHATS...BAD TOILET TIMES CAUSED BY TOILET HANDLE MASK FLASH DURING CHOCOLATE TIMES ON THE TOILET!... BURN BUTT PANTY FLASH...SO WHAT? BIG BUTT MOMS WITH RETARDED EYES...SO MAD MAKING WITCH EYES AT THE CEILING! TAX BLUE CARS!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Pictures, MK! Pictures!!!
Actually, this is pretty sad..... you'd think someone would check in on Memaw more than once a week!! poor thing...
dude, this k.i.l.l.e.d. me: "Cirque de Toilet" OMG - laffing til there's tears.
Submitted by Snarf on Tue, 07/28/2009 - 4:42pm.
Three to one odds she invests in a giant sandbox.
Millions of kitties can't be wrong.
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Word. I'll cosign that.
*laying Tiger turd in giant sandbox w/o incident*...See?
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
I feel like a bad person cuz I laughed at this story and I still don't get why yall say it's "sad"... :/
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Stop the love you save may be your own.
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She's going to be pissin' in the kitchen sink and going doody in a bucket in the backyard!
*
isn't that the way aussies usually void their bowels?
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
"What drawer?". "The KNIFE drawer"
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/futurepigeon/video/x9wcqu_psycho-one-oh-...
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x9wd0k_psycho-one-oh-four-knife
It is sad, who has no one to check them in a week?
My bestie always says "If you don't answer your phone in three days I am hunting your ass down".
On reflection, very sorrowful. :(
As Stoney said...this is too too awful
I'll burn that bridge when I come to it....
Three to one odds she invests in a giant sandbox.
Millions of kitties can't be wrong.
This story is actually pretty sad. I think I'll go back to the open post.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
fatty fatty two by for
was so fat she couldn't get thru the bathroom door
So she did it on the floor
fatty fatty boomaly two by four
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"I just begun too" Teresa Giudice
"Wudnt nuthin strage bout yo daddy!" Al Sharpton
Um, lose some weight!
This story reminds me of this chick I used to work with; early 30s, about 5' tall and 300 pounds. She was always taking her cell phone to the lav to use while she did her business. I can't tell you how many times I'd be in the next stall wishing I could cut a really loud fart so the person on the other end could hear it in the background.
Anyhow, it was lucky for her she did that, because one day the door to the stall she was using jammed and she couldn't get out.
She was so big she couldn't even crawl under the door. She ended up having to call the office manager (a good friend of mine) for help.
The office manager in turn called me to cover the phones because she had to "go help" her. She told me what happened and I couldn't stop giggling.
I later told my brother this story and he said, "Man, if you can't crawl under the shitter door to get out, that's a sign to put down the fuckin' food already."
~Life's a jest, and all things show it/I thought so once, but now I know it.
.
Submitted by Master Blaster on Tue, 07/28/2009 - 3:40pm.
Hotels don't count - shitter included in bathroom.
Everyone loves the slutty party girl until she vomits on your shoes. Then she's just annoying. - House.
ahhhhhhhhh now I get it. thanks Stinky
Coma Caca!!
From the article:
He said it was "not inconceivable you could survive drinking toilet water" but he recommended drinking the cistern water first.
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If Evian is not readily available, my recommendation would've been to bring your cell phone with you at all times. It can save your life in tight spots such as Australian loos.
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Bottom-feeder.
Submitted by rotten_egg on Tue, 07/28/2009 - 3:41pm.
-"Submitted by stinky on Tue, 07/28/2009 - 3:30pm."
So you guys get to actually poop in private?. I love that. I'm so shy to fart or make loud poopy noises. My bathroom should be like that, with my hubby's poopy times reading taking him forever, it would be nice to being able to use the washbasin to wash my hands or to brush my teeth.
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I'm telling you -- move to Texas. The master bath shit box is all the rage in new construction down there. You would be delighted.
Maybe it's just that toilets are trying to kill people. Stop the evil toilets!
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"Two whores don't make a right"-- M.K.
"Any guy who values stick thin and young over smarts and personality isn't worth it and has NOTHING interesting to say anyway."-- Mrs. Kravitz
That looks to be about the same size as my first apartment in Manhattan. My floors were more slanted though.
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ASUUU MADREEE!!!!!
-"Submitted by stinky on Tue, 07/28/2009 - 3:30pm."
So you guys get to actually poop in private?. I love that. I'm so shy to fart or make loud poopy noises. My bathroom should be like that, with my hubby's poopy times reading taking him forever, it would be nice to being able to use the washbasin to wash my hands or to brush my teeth.
-"Submitted by sparkle586 on Tue, 07/28/2009 - 3:31pm."
My nana is one of those overly emotional old ladies who love to make emotional drama, but still my uncles and aunts manage to make sure she's ok. At least I give those vultures that. I hope with all my heart that my mom doesn't become one too. I keep on telling her that all I ask is for her to let me do my job, not to make it difficult. I hope she does it when the time comes.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
Submitted by dreadpiratecuervo
It makes sense now, but why have a tiny poop room instead of a full service bathroom?
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I'm claustrophobic. The shit box will not work for me. When visiting Brisbane, I will either hang my ass out the window and warn passersby or poo in a Chinese takeout box and have room service deal with it.
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If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh. Otherwise, they'll kill you. - Oscar Wilde
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.....where's my nail file again?.....
Submitted by dreadpiratecuervo on Tue, 07/28/2009 - 3:35pm.
Thx for the clarification, stinky. It makes sense now, but why have a tiny poop room instead of a full service bathroom?
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Newer houses here often have tiny poop rooms inside the master bathroom. The house I'm currently having built is like this -- a tiny shitter box enclosing the toilet inside the master bath. I hate that shit. I will never close that door.
Submitted by stinky on Tue, 07/28/2009 - 3:30pm.
Clearer? Or did I just wast 10 minutes of my life?
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AAAAAHHHHH, now I get it!
Thanks!
(and how crazy it it to have a room just for the toilet? Even if it's tiny, it just seems like such a waste of space.)
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"Don't be afraid. I'm right behind you. Using you as a shield."
Thx for the clarification, stinky. It makes sense now, but why have a tiny poop room instead of a full service bathroom?
you're about as useful as a cock-flavored lollipop - Patches O'Houlihan
If this is in her house, how small is her bathroom? Is she a giant? I can visualize Stinky's explanation but only in a public toilet-type stall.
you're about as useful as a cock-flavored lollipop - Patches O'Houlihan
Submitted by rotten_egg on Tue, 07/28/2009 - 3:23pm.
-"Submitted by Salem13 on Tue, 07/28/2009 - 3:09pm."
But at least you did your best with your dad. I would do the same for my parents if they had to be put in a nursing home. I would make sure their time there was as enjoyable as possible. Sometimes we might not be able to take care of our elderly parents and we have to do what's best for them. But letting them die alone is and should not be an option. :(
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Agreed. I cant stand my fucking mama and she may well be the most manipulative, crooked, vindictive, self-absorbed and conniving bitch on this planet but I would still do anything and everything necessary to look after her in her old age. I always told her that if she ever needed a place to live, I would give her my house, but fuck if I would live there with her. I would buy myself some nice real estate in a box on the fucking corner and give her my shit.
Oookay - I think I understand why everyone can't visualize.
I'm expat Aussie who lives in Canada now.
In North America I've notice all homes/apts(though can't speak for all)have a toilet in the actual bathroom - so the one room generally has toilet, sink, tub shower.
In Brisbane (and mostly Australia) the toilet is in its own little room right next to the bathroom. The cubicle is not much bigger than a stall at a public washroom, except the walls are drywalled with a proper internal door and usually have a small window.
If this actual toilet room is small - she could be trapped.
Clearer? Or did I just wast 10 minutes of my life?
Everyone loves the slutty party girl until she vomits on your shoes. Then she's just annoying. - House.
H-how could she get wedged like that? And how could she survive a week like that? Don't we only live for 3 days without water?
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Don't know how she got wedged in there,
unless she was some massive hambeast.
but
Obviously, she had plenty of
toilet water on hand.
If you're thirsty enough, you'll drink anything.
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ok, just re-read the part where she couldn't reach the bowl. maybe she licked the condensation off the sides.
I know what happened.
She cut loose with one of those sticky, wet post-shit farts. And as she finished reading the article in Glamour that she was enjoying, her bodyheat combined with the pressure at which the fart was released created a Crazy Glue-like bond between her ass and the toilet seat thereby locking her onto the device.
C'mon, it's science people!
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If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh. Otherwise, they'll kill you. - Oscar Wilde
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Here's the article from the Brisbane newspaper...
http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,27574,25845976-3102,00.html
Everyone loves the slutty party girl until she vomits on your shoes. Then she's just annoying. - House.
Jeebus, I know it's funny, but can you IMAGINE how it must've been like to stay stuck in a fucking toilet for a whole fucking WEEK?
Not to mention the embarassment... a bunch of police officers breaking into your house to find you stuck in your damn toilet... I'd be all "Hey, y'all, how y'all doin'? Good? Now GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"
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"Don't be afraid. I'm right behind you. Using you as a shield."
There was a chick at my local community college who, while trying to flush the toilet with her foot, managed to fall and break her leg - compound fracture, no less.
-"Submitted by Salem13 on Tue, 07/28/2009 - 3:09pm."
I have mixed feelings with nursing homes. I have read so many awful things that nurses do to old people, it's scary. But I have friends who take care of their grandparents or parents and think they are such a burden, so they are not always nice and understanding towards their elder relatives and they also forget that it might be their OWN future.
Old people sometimes don't behave properly either and I know that it comes with old age. A few good classes on how to deal with unwilling old people would come handy, for real.
But at least you did your best with your dad. I would do the same for my parents if they had to be put in a nursing home. I would make sure their time there was as enjoyable as possible. Sometimes we might not be able to take care of our elderly parents and we have to do what's best for them. But letting them die alone is and should not be an option. :(
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
Still cant visualize even w/Stinkys help. I need to see it to understand it. Unless she is very fat, then it can make sense.
Submitted by stinky on Tue, 07/28/2009 - 3:15pm.
Here;s how I imagine it went down...
She got up and perhaps was in mid turn to flush, lost balance/tripped on thin air/drunkky voms and pitched forward. (brissy homes are mainly tiled floors because of the heat)
Face first against door, slides down with stomach on floor, and either leg slides back behind toilet and gets tangled in s bend.
If she's frail enough - and the dunny small enough, she might not be able to get up.
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I must have teh dumbz, because I've read your post twice and I still don't get that shit.
I can haz picture?
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"Don't be afraid. I'm right behind you. Using you as a shield."
Be careful with that reading on the toilet shit people. Longer you stay on the bowl, greater chance you have of getting the roids on your asshole.
Here;s how I imagine it went down...
She got up and perhaps was in mid turn to flush, lost balance/tripped on thin air/drunkky voms and pitched forward. (brissy homes are mainly tiled floors because of the heat)
Face first against door, slides down with stomach on floor, and either leg slides back behind toilet and gets tangled in s bend.
If she's frail enough - and the dunny small enough, she might not be able to get up.
Everyone loves the slutty party girl until she vomits on your shoes. Then she's just annoying. - House.
@rotten_egg : I am with ya...no clue what so ever.
Do I need crack to visualize this? I dont get it..the feet, the door?...what... I need a video or something for this..someone demonstrate this issue. I feel sorry for her, but good that she is not stuck anymore. I am still huh about it ...
Coma Caca!!
H-how could she get wedged like that? And how could she survive a week like that? Don't we only live for 3 days without water?
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Bottom-feeder.
Submitted by Tyroan on Tue, 07/28/2009 - 2:55pm.
Isn't that how Elvis died, except he had a deep-fried Twinkie in each hand?
I think that was Judy Garland who dies on the toilet.
Why do all the classy stories come from my home town?
Everyone loves the slutty party girl until she vomits on your shoes. Then she's just annoying. - House.
Ok, who am I kidding. It's sad AND funny. I'm still trying to understand how this old lady got stuck. Maybe she was too frail? or fat? or both?. She slipped and got stuck?. But I don't get the part where they said she was stuck with her legs (or was her feet) stuck on either side of the toilet bowl. My visuals are broken today.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
Submitted by rotten_egg on Tue, 07/28/2009 - 3:02pm.
I agree with you 100%. I rememeber visting my dad in a nursing home (every single day no matter ran, shine, snow) and feeling so horrible for them. I can't imagine what that lonely awful feeling must be like.
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I don't want no part of your tight-ass country club you freak bitch!