Get Yourself A Baby That Looks Like Your Favorite Celebrity!
A sperm bank in Los Angeles has launched a new feature to help prospective baby batter buyers pick a load. California Cryobank has started posting pictures of celebrity dudes who kind of look like the donor. They said they spent 6-months researching and matching famous dudes with jizz droppers in their inventory.
Scott Brown of Cryobank told KTLA, "The number one client question we get is: `Who does this donor look like?' We decided this would be a great way to give thorough and consistent answers. Clients love it. Look-a-Likes has only been available for a week and our Web site traffic is up 50 percent."
I really want to see the look on the woman's face who thinks she's going to give birth to a miniature Neo from the Matrix and instead gets THAT (see above). I wonder if they have a 30-day money back guarantee?
Their official celebrity spoog list is a big bowl of randomness. If you want your babeh to look like one of the dudes below, then you probably shouldn't be procreating:
Brad Garrett
Clay Aiken
Danny Goeky
Jon Gosselin
Nick Jonas (his sperm is illegal!!!!)
Quentin Tarantino
There's no Rojo Caliente, Mah Boo Anderson Cooper or Prince Hot Ginge on this list! Try harder, Cryobank!
I also didn't notice Brad Pitt on the list. Jennifer Aniston must have bought their entire stock.
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I think this is all a ruse to sort out the crazies who shouldn't be reproducing. A chick goes in and asks for one of these sperms, and she gets an automatic sterilization.
Bill Gates
Crispin Glover
James Gandolfini
Lou Ferigno
Nick Hogan
Norm McDonald
This makes me wonder who octomom asked for.
I love how they listed "Leif Garret (young)".
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Caw! Caw! I'm a Macaw!
notice the asterisk* beside "looks like". That guy looks like Taylor if you're drunk, on x, and you got a side glance from far away. He doesn't look like Keanu at all.
How shallow can these people be??!! If they are going to a sperm bank, I am thinking beggars cant be choosers...WTF? Shouldnt people be more concerned with having a healthy child rather than it resembling some dumb ass celeb? Great, now that the media's 2 favorite things (pregnancy/babies & celebs) have joined forces yet again, this fucking annoying trend will probably just keep expanding & never end.
Reeter ~ LMFAO!! I agree.
lol Reeter....I don't know who Copon is, but that guy doesn't even remotely look like Reeves & Lautner
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Proud love child of Oprah Winfrey & Bill Gates
l.a. is a very strange place
Submitted by Tristram on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 1:02am.
Submitted by Grace Disful on Wed, 07/29/2009 - 7:32pm.
Whatever happened to the old-fashioned method of getting wasted and having unprotected sex with some random stranger who looks sort of like Keanu Reeves?
hahaha. For free, too.
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Exactly. In the future we will have all these fucking Zac Efron and Nick Jonas clones running around. And if it happens that the kid looks like YOU ladies, well, that's genetics for you.
Much better to try random chance and end up with a good-looking kid.
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Chicago area 5K race 2009: http://rallyforautism.com/
Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by rulers as useful -- Seneca
Dave Coulier and Bob Saget, but no Uncle Jesse?
Travesty!
A baby who looks like Quentin Tarantino??? I would be too ashamed to leave the house!
lmao u all are cracking me up in public
MK deserves a Pulitzer or something
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"I just begun too" Teresa Giudice
"Wudnt nuthin strage bout yo daddy!" Al Sharpton
Yuck
You got to bring Jim, James, Paul & Tyrone...
If they've got one that looks like Jude Law, I'll sign up.
"No matter how cynical you become, it's impossible to keep up." - Lily Tomlin
Submitted by madam s. on Wed, 07/29/2009 - 8:40pm.
And I hope they have some sort of baby return drop box, so you can return the Quentin Tarantinos.
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Ooh, that made me laugh.
Other noteworthies include:
William H Macy
Owen Wilson
Norm McDonald
John Krasinksi (I think he's fug)
DJ AM
and there are "no vials at this time" for the less-fat Seth Rogen look alike
Clay Aiken is bad enough but QUENTIN TARANTINO? Who the fuck would choose sperm sample X after reading that the guy looked like that? And if I were the guy, I'd go for a nice acid facial if someone told me I looked like him.
Is it wrong for a man to have sugar baby?? you know it is an absolutely extramarital relationship, but more and more services c ome out on Internet focusing on this kind of relationship..like !!!.----SugarsCupid. C O M----what will the world be??
Submitted by rovex on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 12:48am.
Why do they list the guys religion so prominently? Are Americans that dumb that they think which religion you are is genetic?
Yes. They don't want to be slapping some red headed catholic up the steps of Christ Lutheran.
Submitted by Grace Disful on Wed, 07/29/2009 - 7:32pm.
Whatever happened to the old-fashioned method of getting wasted and having unprotected sex with some random stranger who looks sort of like Keanu Reeves?
hahaha. For free, too.
π π π π π π π π π π π π π
Are 'Friends' Electric?
Why do they list the guys religion so prominently? Are Americans that dumb that they think which religion you are is genetic?
This is straight up fucked up. Quentin Tarantino? Brad fucking Garrett? Ew. Who wants a giant hairy kid with a bad hair line and a voice that sounds like the lion from the wizard of oz? I have no words.
These people dont seem to understand genetics. How someone LOOKS doesnt say anything about how their children will look, or that they will resemble them or that they got the genes for it. What if some phenotype isnt expressed, what if it is recessive? What if, combined with yours, the kid will just look different? People who get into this, thinking that if they pick a Zach Quinto look-alike, they will get a Zach mini-me, are ridiculous and probably not fit to be parents anyway. Plus, why would you want your baby to look like someone you have a crush on and/or wanna fuck? That's kind of sick.
What I also like is the education level and job they report. Like if you have a masters, your kid will have a masters degree? How many people do I know whose parents dont have college degrees, and they are in med school? And vice versa. What about serious mental illnesses that run in the family? You cant tell that from looks? And surely, no one would disclose their schizophrenic mother and aunt while donating some jizz...
This is all very shady to me. I can understand if someone wants a baby and has to go this route, but people actually thinking getting a ZQ cum-alike is BS.
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"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
It's so funny to click on a candidate and it says "There are no vials available at this time. Additional vials are expected to become available in the future." UH I SO wanted a baby John Cusack!
If they think that dude pictured actually resembles Keanu Reeves, then they are bat-shit craaazy. Ditto for any dumb broad that signs up for that kind of fuckery! Plus the list is full of many unattractive celebs. Jay Leno?!? For chrissakes, give me a fucking break!
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Bera →←
What the fuck? He looks more like that fucking chimp Pete Wentz.
That said, as disgusting as this sounds, I can kind of understand it. I remember thinking WTF when Melissa Etheridge chose that ugly mother fucker as the sperm donor. Okay, so the guy is good musically, but he's butt fucking ugly and a felon at that.
But I digress.
"Nick Jonas(his sperm is illegal!!!!)"
Hysterical and true.
Someone hose me down: you mean I have the choice of a child looking like Jaleel White or Michael Phelps? *swoon*
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Remember, the early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese...
This is so effing gross. These so-called "lookalikes" look nothing like the celebrities they claim to resemble. Who the hell is dumb enough to pick a sperm donor based on their resemblance to a celebrity? If you get your sperm from one of these donors, don't be surprised if your baby ends up with the d-bag gene.
but is there a way I can make my dad look like a Baldwin?
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Caw! Caw! I'm a Macaw!
Dammit...the Federico Castellucio donor has retired from service. Now what am I supposed to do when I want a baby that resembles a guy who played a violent immigrant on TV?
OMG team Viggo as my baby daddy. *furiously masturbates* _____________________________________________
"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Hey in this economy the jizz banks have to make money too. My question is why would any women purposefully purchase jon gosselin sperm? I mean, we've seen the results of that special needs gene. *licks window* _____________________________________________
"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Steve-O's on the list...
I wonder what makes a person be a sperm donor. Having sort of dozens of women walk around with your brood. At the same time, it makes sense evolutionary. I mean the whole point has always been for men to reproduce with the maximum number of women to spread their genes and create diversity.
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"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
Submitted by Poison Candy Apple on Wed, 07/29/2009 - 9:42pm.
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Adrian Zmed & Lou Diamond Phillips? Sweet spooge sangria! Do they have Young Guns Lou? I would skip on over there!
Whilst looking for a Lou Diamond Phillips babeh sperm donor I read this:
"While his math and economics studies are preparing him for Wall Street, this future executive possesses the true key to success in the business world – a single digit golf handicap! With a beautiful complexion and nice features combining the best of his Japanese, British, and German descent, Donor 11022 is 5’10” and 180 lbs with brown eyes and wavy hair and looks JUST LIKE LOU MOTHER FUCKEN DIAMOND PHILLIPS IN LA BAMBA! Yes, maam! You too can get spooged with Richie Valens love juice!
Besides golf, this math whiz enjoys baseball, volleyball, basketball, and even photography. Personable, considerate, friendly, and talented, his greatest asset may be how much he likes to make people laugh.
The fact that I saw Adrian Zmed and I got excited, scares me.
He posted a profile on a dating site sugarscupid. c o m . many of his fans were seeking for him and wanna date with him. now that club is very hot because of him.
Submitted by madam s. on Wed, 07/29/2009 - 9:01pm.
Do they have any Marty Feldman?
And just WHO the hell do you think is Stains' daddy???
Submitted by Snarf on Wed, 07/29/2009 - 6:27pm.
Baby Theory 101 (TM Lainey) Although there are exceptions...
Hot + Hot = Ugly
Hot + Average = Fairly Attractive
Average + Average = Hot
Horse Face + Gay husbands = Cute
Hot + Ugly = Ugly
Average + Ugly = Uglier
Ugly + Ugly = Donatella Versace
LOL
Do they have any Marty Feldman?
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ASUUU MADREEE!!!!!
I dunno, the hot male sperm donor thing worked for Halle...
What do they say to the women who aren't happy with the results? "Well, obviously your ugly genes took over. It's your fault the baby isn't hot looking"
BTW, anyone who's asking for the Quentin Tarantino jizz isn't fit to be a parent.
My top 5 celebrity sperm donors (in no particular order)
Gabriel Aubry
Colin Farrell
Prince Hot Ginge
Josh Hartnett
Anderson Cooper
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"Tell them that their efforts have failed, because the big unicorn will fly high above the corn fields one day soon." -MK
THEY HAVE BOB SAGET LOOKALIKES!!!!!! LOOOOLL!!!!
msvee,
Jon Gosselin is probably actually bona fide Jon Gosselin! Leftover vials from his wife Kate's project.
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ASUUU MADREEE!!!!!
Jon Gosselin, Seriously?
This is one of the most fucked up things ever. What is wrong with people? And that list above certainly suggests those are the donors they are trying to steer you away from. And I hope they have some sort of baby return drop box, so you can return the Quentin Tarantinos.
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ASUUU MADREEE!!!!!
No Diego Luna? I'll pass.
Us humans are running out of ideas
this is crap
Coma Caca!!
Baby Theory 101 (TM Lainey) Although there are exceptions...
Hot + Hot = Ugly
Hot + Average = Fairly Attractive
Average + Average = Hot
Horse Face + Gay husbands = Cute
Hot + Ugly = Ugly
Average + Ugly = Uglier
Ugly + Ugly = Donatella Versace
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I have a cousin who is ugly (mean but truthful) and his wife who is hideous (she looked like Shelly Duvall after a car accident). Yet they produced the most BEAUTIFUL daughter. It's like their ugly genes canceled each other out and produced breathtaking.