The Headline Of My Dreams!
This headline wrapped me in a pink faux-fur throw, handed me a glass of pink champagne in a pink crystal flute and whispered the lyrics of Brit Brit's "I Was Born To Make You Happy" in between blowing pink bubbles in my face. This is exactly why I spend 99.9999% of my day skipping through the internet. I feel like I've just won Mega Millions.
But pink fluffiness aside, this is a serious and sad story! A dog friend is missing! Brian Dortort of Wilton Manors, FL said that he was at a gay bar called Georgie's Alibi (no-no explosion #1) with his pet chihuahua Hudson Hayward Hemingway (no-no explosion #2), when a man with Britney Spears' name tattooed on his arm or neck (no-no explosion #3) asked if he could hold the dog. When Brian turned around, HHH was gone along with his carrying case (no-no explosion #4)
Brian is asking for the public's help to find little Hudson Hayward Hemingway! Brian says HHH is a 4-month-old Chihuahua about the size of a softball, light-cream colored with a pink belly, pink ears and pink earrings (no-no explosion #5,6,7,8,9).
And now while you're searching for Hudson Hayward Hemingway (SPOILER ALERT: he ran the fuck away when he got the chance), I need to chase down the mobile clinic that just left the front of my building, because I think I might be having a seizure.
• 
i've been plenty drunk at georgie's but never robbed a queen of his stupid dog.
George's Alibi, how I miss thee.
It's pretty sad, but I don't think he's going to find this dog. The black market for popular breeds of tiny dogs is humongous in South Florida -- people try to steal from pet stores and breeders all the time.
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Too weird to live; too rare to die.
All kinds of hilarious
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Proud love child of Oprah Winfrey & Bill Gates
HHH can take care of himself, he'll return in time for WWE Summerslam tomorrow. It's on now, though. *riff* TIME TO PLAY THE GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!
All wrestling jokes aside, that's probably the best headline I've read since the free chicken riots. xD
-.-
The internet, where the men are real men,
the women are real men, and the children are the FBI.
I'm going to steal London back from Jamie Lynn and give to Britney. I remember she used to clutch on to that thing like it was her life support.
Okay, unhealthy, but whatever. That little thing looked like the dog version of Britney, and I do mean that literally the droopy eyes, tousled hair, the lost looked.
Aww I just loved it!
LMAO MK! This post is hilarious! My last dog (RIP) unofficial name was Wooferd Wadsworth Wiener. Sometimes when I'd call him that, he'd look at me like I'd lost my mind. :P
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Crazy/Forever
My friend recommended me a very interesting place____billionaireromance .com____ It's where wealthy singles looking for someone to enjoy their wealthy lifestyle with:)
Someone put earrings on the poor thing. Brit-Brit tattoo guy was probably trying to save the poor thing from further torture.
The only way this story would have been better is if the puppy's owner was a transvestite and the dude with the Britney tattoo, plucked it out of Brian's cleavage and took off.
Lmao. You crack me up MK. But aww, I hope the find the puppy.
Only MK could make me laugh my ass off while reading about a kidnapped puppy. All jokes aside I really hope the pups okay and finds his way back home. That's really low to steal a little puppy. I'd want to kill someone if they stole my doggie.
Submitted by soundsdiabolical on Fri, 08/21/2009 - 1:07pm.
I almost fell out of my chair laughing. MK - you are so funny. This is my second day to come to this site after stumbling upon it. I have read PH for years, but YOU are so FUNNY!!!!!
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Oh welcome to the horrifying goodness that is MK's mind. This blog has saved me from hours of utter boredom at work. I am all caught up since I started reading a few months ago, but I reccommend you go all the way back and please, pretty please do not miss the "Real People" tab because 7 out of 10 are crazy Floridian shit.
Lmao. Fucking A. This shit only happens in Florida. WHich is why I am moving away from all the crazies.
Damn. SMH. Why does it always have to be one of us Floridians that makes these crazy ass headlines?
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"DAAAAAAAAMN!!!! THIS IS SOME BENJAMIN BUTTON'S SHIT!"
soundsdiabolical, welcome!
MK is indeed the funniest blogger anywhere, and most of the posters are hilarious as well.
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Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by rulers as useful -- Seneca
THe doggie will be returned wearing what the Caption This fairy is wearing, and MK's no-no will explode in a shower of glitter.
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Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by rulers as useful -- Seneca
Submitted by soundsdiabolical on Fri, 08/21/2009 - 1:07pm.
I almost fell out of my chair laughing. MK - you are so funny.
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Same:) And I have been coming here for WAY too long already.
♥ Threadkilla!
BritPics
I almost fell out of my chair laughing. MK - you are so funny. This is my second day to come to this site after stumbling upon it. I have read PH for years, but YOU are so FUNNY!!!!!
I didn't notice the dog was 4 months old the first time around. No, the owner should not have had it out at a bar like that, passing him around like a party favor. But, that's still no justification for stealing the precious angel cheech.
(PS All the doggie earring accessories I have seen are like, clip-on things. You do not actually pierce the dog's ears - although I'm sure it's happened at some point in history, lol...)
I snickered cuz I thought that the tiny dog was named after the wrestler Triple H and that's just funny. I thought the name was a little different, so I pulled out my white trash card to help me remember (since I haven't actually watched wrestling in at least a decade) and because I'm too lazy to google it.... I gave up. Now I'm not sure if I should have my white trash card renewed or revoked.
*so confused*
"Small and broken..... but still good..... mostly...."
and you guys why you feel so bad for dog owner, obviously is bad dog owner, 4 months pups are not supposed to be in the streets and a motherfucking bar?!! why? its sick and repulsive, the dog should had stayed home in a safe environment and not used as an ACCESSORY, WTF is wrong with the owner?
Frankly my dear, I don't give a Damn!! "Rhett Butler"
mk, for all that unfortunate no no exploding, please be sure to drink plenty of fluids so you don't dehydrate...that is all...
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she was clumsy, stupid and mean, but I wouldn't wish that death on a opossum...
Who the fuck would pierced a baby dog's ears? Or any dog's ears for that matter! Those better be some vintage clip on earrings!
Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 08/21/2009 - 11:44am.
This entire post.
Can't. Stop. Laughing!
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ITA!!! It's perfect.
HHH had earings? poor dog whomever stole him probably was trying to rescue the dog
Frankly my dear, I don't give a Damn!! "Rhett Butler"
I never let anyone hold my little pootsie. That being said, this guy should be shot twice. Once for dognapping and again for having a Britney tatto.
Submitted by Stoney on Fri, 08/21/2009 - 12:04pm.
Yah but I like my spelling better!
Jack really! Cool! My son named our dog.
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"If I take a dog for a walk, apparently I`m f—king my dog!" - Gerard Butler
"Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!" -unknown
wrong post!
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"If I take a dog for a walk, apparently I`m f—king my dog!" - Gerard Butler
"Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!" -unknown
Submitted by Sluttsville on Fri, 08/21/2009 - 12:03pm.
When you say "dog" is that a euphemism or did you really mean dog?
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LOL, well, I actually meant a real dog of the canine variety, but I suppose the same thing could be applied to other areas of life too;)
I spell it Chloe. At least that's what her dog tag has on it.
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"I HAVE NO MORE GOTTDAMN CUPCAKES!" 08.18.09 The delicate flower that is Mrs. Bradiful Bitch
Submitted by ricki lake on Fri, 08/21/2009 - 12:05pm.
OMG, if somebody dog-napped my cutie-candy angelbean I would do a LOT more than skin some fatties to make a fleshcoat. Fuck that Buffalo Bill shit, ain't no one like a 'huahua-owner scorned.
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ricki, I understand, I had 3 shelties once; however I will admit chihuahuas scare the hell out of me. I would rather have a pitbull come at me than a chi with those lil razor teeth. A chihuahua was responsible for me learning about masturbation, my little plastic blow-up Easter bunny didn't stand a chance against his furious thrusts.
Some people just truly are fucking stupid. Hope that baby finds her way home.
Um shouldn't chloe start with a K???
BEST of LUCK M.E.!!!!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
Kara DioYOUKILLEDPAULA! SCRAGS BITCHES! MK
"Wudnt nuthin strage bout yo daddy!" Al Sharpton
Good luck, M.E.!
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
"Submitted by Sluttsville on Fri, 08/21/2009 - 11:52am.
Submitted by ricki lake on Fri, 08/21/2009 - 11:44am.
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It put the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again."
OMG, if somebody dog-napped my cutie-candy angelbean I would do a LOT more than skin some fatties to make a fleshcoat. Fuck that Buffalo Bill shit, ain't no one like a 'huahua-owner scorned.
Um, shouldn't Chloe have an H in it?
*tazes crazy*
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
I am off to my meeting! Wish me luck!
I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
hilarious post, thanks for the laff.
Submitted by CRAZY on Fri, 08/21/2009 - 12:02pm
cool... that's my dog's name also!
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"I HAVE NO MORE GOTTDAMN CUPCAKES!" 08.18.09 The delicate flower that is Mrs. Bradiful Bitch
Submitted by Ms. Caligula on Fri, 08/21/2009 - 11:58am.
This is why you should never let a stranger hold your dog. Pet them yes, hold them no. That's just asking for trouble.
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When you say "dog" is that a euphemism or did you really mean dog?
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 08/21/2009 - 12:01pm
Klo-E
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"If I take a dog for a walk, apparently I`m f—king my dog!" - Gerard Butler
"Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!" -unknown
Submitted by moomarse on Fri, 08/21/2009 - 11:47am.
hope you get a happy ending too
Crazy - pronounced klow-E or klow?
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"I HAVE NO MORE GOTTDAMN CUPCAKES!" 08.18.09 The delicate flower that is Mrs. Bradiful Bitch
please tell me you're joking that he had pink earrings, MK!
My dog's name is Cloe, yah she's a slut!
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"If I take a dog for a walk, apparently I`m f—king my dog!" - Gerard Butler
"Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!" -unknown
This is why you should never let a stranger hold your dog. Pet them yes, hold them no. That's just asking for trouble.
*waits outside MS's door with fur rug, champagne and camera*
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"I HAVE NO MORE GOTTDAMN CUPCAKES!" 08.18.09 The delicate flower that is Mrs. Bradiful Bitch
Submitted by loozer on Fri, 08/21/2009 - 11:53am.
LOL @ Momus!
They both have the same expressions! I believe Brad was stolen from a gay bar by someone with tattoos also.
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That's hilarious!!!!!!!! LOL
Three more minutes......want to go hoooome!!!! Mehhh...
LOL @ Momus!
They both have the same expressions! I believe Brad was stolen from a gay bar by someone with tattoos also.
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You ripple like a river when I touch you
When I pluck your body like a string
When I start dancin inside ya
Oh baby, you make me wanna sing...