The House Of GOOP Is Getting Bigger
Fishsticks Paltrow and Chris Martin snatched up the house next to theirs in London and are expanding the House of GOOP into a mega 33-room mansion.
Fishy's new pad will now have 8 rooms on the ground floor, six on the upper ground, five on the first floor and eight on the second. They are all adding a two-story extension which will house 3 bedrooms, a gym, a changing room and a bathroom.
The Daily Mail seems to think Fishy is biting off Vadge's idea, because she did the same thing a while ago, but the POOPY one really had no choice.
First of all, there were not enough rooms in her house to store all her jars of cuntiness and bullshit. Second of all, nobody in the house could sleep through the night, because Fishy's ego snores like a drunk walrus with allergies. Third of all, Fishy couldn't risk non-Goopers moving next door. If she sniffs even the slightest scent of anything that us peons feed on, she'll get the angries and takes out her frustrations by writing another GOOP post. Nobody wants that.
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damn 4 people will live in that giant house while others must live in squallor or tiny ass apartments. must be nice to be a trust fund kid & marry a rich dude. she makes me sick.
Submitted by Sock-Monkey on Mon, 08/24/2009 - 9:42pm.
Great! Now she has more rooms where she can practice her pretentious British accent. I'm expecting her to hire Britney, Madonna or the "Clean it up...with Orbit" bitch to be her dialect coach.
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She needs all that space just for degreasers.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Great! Now she has more rooms where she can practice her pretentious British accent. I'm expecting her to hire Britney, Madonna or the "Clean it up...with Orbit" bitch to be her dialect coach.
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
Who knew Napoleon would come back as a tall blond woman? Guess England was conquered by a little turd after all.
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Are You A Goddess? If so...
Gwen, I know you're reading this because you really, really care what people think about you (it's the most important thing in your life, right?). Fuck you, bitch. You are hated. You are despised. You are globally ridiculed. Your few friends make jokes at your expense behind your back. Fuck you. Did you notice I called you "gwen?" Certainly you did, and that really pissed you off. You're such a pretentious, self-important slob, you insist on being called gweneth. Too bad everyone calls you Cunt! Or should we call you Yoko, for the way your meddling has ruined a once sort-of decent band, coldplay. Your husband used to just roll his eyes and chuckle when you'd embarrass him at parties, but now he just flat-out hates your guts and wants to kill you. Everyone does. The one and only good thing about your giant house that is so much better than everyone else's house is that it must have an enormous stairway. Perfect for pushing you down and killing you, ha ha. "Chris, why are you looking at me like that? AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!{" *crack* *snap* *thud* Broken neck, fractured skull, internal injuries. Bye, Gwen.
Which bedroom does Chris's road manager get? You know the Other Woman whom he's apparently been seeing for years?
Bows down and praises MK for such an absolutely brillant post. LMAO
Cannot stand this pretentious, self-absorbed cunt. Someone put her and her goop shit on the short bus to hell now.
We should rename this bitch Gorgo due to her rampage through London. She's wrecking the city more than Vadge did.
Quuesion for D-Listers: Who's a bigger threat to the UK outside of terrorists-- Wino, Dreamboat, Jodie Marsh, Jordan Price or Fishsticks? Let's hope they don't combine forces to become an evil "Legion of GOOP".
Submitted by Manbearpig on Mon, 08/24/2009 - 12:33pm.
33 rooms to fucking heat/air condition, clean, supply electricity for, indoor plumbing, water, etc etc, yet these "green" douchebags want YOU to drive a fucking Prius and reuse your toilet paper. Fuuuuck Yoooouuuuu!
Flip the table Theresa style!!
Well they've killed off the charm of this house with their pompus addition. I hate the GOOP.
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"I'm a black robot, motherfucker."
Submitted by Manbearpig on Mon, 08/24/2009 - 12:33pm.
33 rooms to fucking heat/air condition, clean, supply electricity for, indoor plumbing, water, etc etc, yet these "green" douchebags want YOU to drive a fucking Prius and reuse your toilet paper. Fuuuuck Yoooouuuuu!
AMEN!
Snores like a drunk walrus. LMAO!
so...the reasoning for all these rooms is so fishy and chris don't run into each other in the house? i think they need more rooms...
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she was clumsy, stupid and mean, but I wouldn't wish that death on a opossum...
She calls herself "green" and has a 33 room house for 4 people. Okay. . . Can we say hypocrite?
It's a little much, but there are bigger excesses taking place in Hollywood. Plus it gives work to London contractors.
My family of 4 lives in an unheated wigwam and we bicycle everywhere. The kids wear shoes made out of corn husks and our toilet paper is compressed hay (thank you, Jason Mraz!) I cook over an open fire in one of those big black kettles usually reserved for hobgoblins. Our internetz is powered by gerbils on a treadmil connected to an AC Delco battery. Sometimes at night in the winter we go to bed at 4:30 because we don't want to waste good candle wax!
Gwyneth, teach me how to live in your simple, rudimentary, yet understated and fashionable way. Teach me about aluminum foil and sandwiches.
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Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by rulers as useful -- Seneca
This shit makes me sick. Honestly. If I ever become loaded, I am making sure I buy a house that my family NEEDS not some big ass mansion to show off and shit. Fucking lametards.
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"The Count on Sesame Street is scarier and more captivating than those preening whack vamps from Twilight." DListed user Master Blaster 6/09/09 (So true!)
Follow me on Twitter @t_rex_arms
I would love for someone to ask her on camera how she reconciles her green lifestyle with a 33-room house for 4. I bet the look on her goopy face would be priceless.
33 rooms to fucking heat/air condition, clean, supply electricity for, indoor plumbing, water, etc etc, yet these "green" douchebags want YOU to drive a fucking Prius and reuse your toilet paper. Fuuuuck Yoooouuuuu!
"WHO ORDERED THE HAMBURGER WITH AIDS?"
Octomom and her litters could move in with the Brangelina clan and still not need 33 rooms.
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Where You Gonna Find a Good Man Like Me?
So ummm does that mean there will be 66 toilets?
Coma Caca!!
That house is beautiful.
33 rooms makes sense......If they're trying to AVOID each other! LMAO
Submitted by cuntygolightly on Mon, 08/24/2009 - 11:53am.
by 2010, they will be divorced...
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I don't know if I can believe that unless you can confirm that you're wearing a white afro wig. Are you?
♥ Threadkilla!
As an Evil Overlord, I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that using such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117. #15
Um...WTF does ANYONE need 33 rooms for? I wouldn't want 33 rooms even if I could afford them. It would be a full time job just making sure I saw them all on the regular.
♥ Threadkilla!
As an Evil Overlord, I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that using such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117. #15
by 2010, they will be divorced...
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 08/24/2009 - 11:43am.
Why in the FUCK do 4 people need a 33 bedroom house?!?!?!
God I hate celebrities.
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it was either that or Chris would divorce her (ihopeihopeihopeihopeihope)
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pussies going spastic usually make me feel queasy - MK
Twice the number of windows to implode as she walks past.
Is it to much to hope for a poltergeist?
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@ZiggyStardust:
I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!- angel_i
Double the area of roofing to fall on top of her as well.
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@ZiggyStardust:
I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!- angel_i
I believe Madonna did do the exact same thing... right before she dumped Guy Ritchie.
Expect a GOOP divorce in 3, 2, 1.....
I was reading somewhere (I hope not here) that Fishy was extremely cool to ScarJo (and all other living human beings) on the set of their latest movie and just basically *never* spoke to her off-camera. The director carefully described Fishy as "very professional on the set." Chris Martin on the other hand came on the set and hung around with the crew, drank beer and was generally pretty cool. She really does think that the sun shines out her arse. Earth to Goop: it don't.
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Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not.
Galiléo
Why in the FUCK do 4 people need a 33 bedroom house?!?!?!
God I hate celebrities.
Just more stairs for her to fall down I guess.
I can't wait to read her Gooping about how to roll with the impact of a three story fall.
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@ZiggyStardust:
I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!- angel_i
Maybe Chris will do something really helpful to the world and seal her in a room with no internet access.
"First of all, there were not enough rooms in her house to store all her jars of cuntiness and bullshit."
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MK you rule, plain and simple!
Actually, it was Chris' idea... now he can have half a house and get the fuck away from her!
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pussies going spastic usually make me feel queasy - MK
Because 4 fuckwads need 33 rooms to roam around in? She and her ilk make me sick - go save the rainforest or something good with the money.
Is she another one who lectures us little people about our SUVs and energy use while she expands her already enormous carbon footprint? I can't blame her husband. He probably needs all the space he can get from that bitch.
Next she'll release a book detailing her decorating choices based on the colors of her glorious Goop.
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"You were always where the sun could never go~
I never wanted you to be alone~but I couldn't find a way to help you grow"
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In other news, reports suggest that suicide rates among London contractors and trademen may hit an all time high this year. You know she WAS going to make it 34 rooms, and add a giftwrapping room like Candy Spelling has, but she decided there was no need since GOOP is all the gift she needs to give.
This is what rich people do when their high profile marraige falls apart and they want to 'keep it together' for the media and family. Build on extensions to their homes or a second 'guest house' where daddy sleeps.
LOl MK- great post!
I will never understand why celebs have such big fucking houses. I mean hell, we know you're rich assholes, so stop waisting money and rubbing it in. Like Oprah, dayum...why do 2 people and a coulpe of dogs need like 20 thousand square feet? Oh yeah, for all the "help" I guess.
i cannot wait to hear her blabber about how she used tapioca and environment-friendly materials for la casa del poop
Michael K - you are the best! Aren't Goopie and her limp noodle of a husband terribly concerned about the environment? Nice carbon footprint. Celebrities all suck.
Thank you MK for my morning mug of giggles. You have made my day.
I dont understand how someone as cool and laidback as Blythe Danner can give birth to such a frigid stuckup bitch like Gwenyth Paltrow.
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Resistance is Futile!
haha the house of caca.
Coma Caca!!
She could build the fucking Winchester House,
and it wouldn't be big enough to contain
her massive ego.
She needs to disappear into obscurity.
Bwahahaha MK! Your vitriol toward GOOPY amuses me so. ♥
Bahahahaha! MK you funnay!
Good for fucking her!
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"If I take a dog for a walk, apparently I`m f—king my dog!" - Gerard Butler
"Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!" -unknown