Russell Crowe Will Have You Begging For Mercy
Four years ago, if you trashed Russell Crowe, he would respond by turning your face into a dartboard and using a telephone as his dart. Well, Russell has grown up (insert fat fat fatty joke here) and handles things a little differently nowadays. Today, Russell will just make you beg for his forgiveness in between coughing up your lung and shitting out your stomach.
Earlier this week, Sydney's The Daily Telegraph farted on Russell for smoking and devouring tacos during a 13-mile bike ride with his trainer. The next morning, Annette Sharp, the columnist who gave Russell caca, received a call from a spokeswhore who said, "Get on your bike. Russell wants you to go riding with him. Are you ready to eat pie die?" When someone asks you if you're ready to die, you grab a shank and call the authorities. That's some Scream shit. But Annette decided to take Russell's challenge instead.
The two met the next morning along with Russell's assistant and a camera dude from the Telegraph. Russell took Annette on a 12-mile bike ride through Sydney. Even though Annette fell off her bike once, she managed to complete the ride. Afterwards, Annette and Russell had some ciggies and tacos. Russell didn't take the opportunity to whoop Annette's ass, instead he congratulated her on finishing his challenge and added, "Baz holds the record for being the worst cycling tourist we've ever taken for a ride. You are twice the man Baz Luhrmann is…on a bicycle. I don't know how you'd be on a film set."
When did Russell get so nice? Let's do the math! A chilled out Russell Crowe + a BBRC (big beautiful Russell Crowe) = HOOKED ON THE GOOD SHIT. Russell found peace inside a bong. His temper got smaller, but his ass got bigger. Makes sense.
Just for the record, I'd rather Russell beat me down with a phone than make me go on an ugly ass bike ride.
VIA E! Online
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A fat cunt on a horse. I'm surprised he even gets hired.
@birdgherl:
Yeah, I would do him. But he's a real asshole. Stays in his trailer sulking until he gets his way, cheats on his wife etc. Sad.
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He cheats on his wife? I hadn't heard that, he's managed to stay out of the gossip rags. Spank his ass with a riding crop.
Thirteen mile ride? Only if I could ride Russell!
wow. it seems like a million years ago that he was a hot piece. meg ryan was smart to cheat with him before he turned into such a piggy.
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"F*CK OFF!" -- Harvey Yorke Price
A 13-mile bike ride on city streets is nothing. Sometimes you feel like a butt and a taco in the middle of working out.
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Stefie Shock: Je combats le spleen
Yeah, I would do him. But he's a real asshole. Stays in his trailer sulking until he gets his way, cheats on his wife etc. Sad.
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He will go down in history as the grossest Robin Hood ever. I'm surprised that horse doesn't have all four legs splayed out because Russell the fat ass has crushed him to the ground.
He's just nasty now. Why didn't they make him loose weight before filming. That movie will be the punchline for many a joke.
I admit it, I have a huge crush on Russell Crowe. Pudgy or buff, I'd do him.
Please he's only being nice because he got so much shit for being a jerk. The only way for him to keep getting film roles is to change his image. No one wants to hire a fat fuck with a bad temper who hasn't been in a good film role in years.
TITS!!! I love your avatar. I had hot sex dreams about AS all last night. I've always thought he was hot, but this was the first time he showed up in dreamland. Yay!
Eh, I think the RC story is pretty funny, particularly since he worked her ass off. Agreed with MK, though. I'd rather be beamed with the phone - at least it'd be over quick.
My preferred RC porn is "L.A. Confidential". He was such a sexy beast in that movie.
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I wish it was like the 70's and it was still ok to kick someone's ass. Damn
Russell appears to be a homosexual.
Are there nude photos?
I didn't even read this post. Poor horse. Take that horrible fatass off of him! :(
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Your local Finnish village idiot.
Yuck.
I don't like men that yell and are abusive: had enough of that growing up.
Submitted by Otolemur on Sat, 09/05/2009 - 12:33pm.
Making movies, making music... fightin' 'round the world!
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Hahaha, can't look at this guy without that song playing in my head... "come on Thuga!" hahaha
Making movies, making music... fightin' 'round the world!
Oi!
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"Por los ninos!"- Peggy Hill
I used to not like him and maybe I still don't but that was actually kind of cool. I'd rather he just ask me out for tacos and ciggies without the bike ride.
No the horse is begging for mercy! I doubt they can use the 'no animals were harmed in the making of this movie' crap in this one. Oooff! Poor neddy.
he's a my little pony princey....30 odd foot of grunt....
haggus belly
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006718/
I would still hit it, gladiator is like porn to me. yumm.
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Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P. J. O'Rourke
So, from now on i'm goona spend all my spare time ...fighting cancer. Right! Where is that pussy cancer anyway?!
Well, we couldn't fight cancer, but we found a man with cancer. Take that, cancer! And that!
he is a big fat arrogant load. HE was almost sexy for five minutes around the Gladiator time but those days are long gone.
Hm. I'd still hit that tub of lard.
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Bottom-feeder.
Mrs. K! HAI! Thanks for passing on shitmydadsays - I'm still laughing!
Is it 2 miles to the click? 26 clicks...how long does that take...I don't count in space, I count in time....
♥ Threadkilla!
As an Evil Overlord, I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one more thing I want to know."
Submitted by Green Is Good on Sat, 09/05/2009 - 11:12am.
Has anybody seen "A Beautiful Mind"? Russell deserved an award for that performance.
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That's one of my all-time faves. Russell was great.
♥ Threadkilla!
As an Evil Overlord, I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one more thing I want to know."
Submitted by little_rascal on Sat, 09/05/2009 - 11:11am.
And you'll fantasize about Russel seducing you and devouring you for weeks after seeing him in his gladiator loin-cloth.... ;-)
Trust me.
You are speaking the truth here, only in my case it wasn't weeks, it's still lasting.
OK, I bothered reading the article, big deal: first of all smoking is unhealthy but won't make you fat (otherwise Kate Moss would be a true cockney whale), and three tacos and a soft drink -that could have been diet coke- don't seem like such an enormous lunch for a big strong (I'm getting all tingly as I write this) guy.
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Good
As
You
13 miles?!?!?!?! FFS, I could do that in my sleep.
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Um, um, Look to the cookie Elaine. Look to the cookie.
Has anybody seen "A Beautiful Mind"? Russell deserved an award for that performance.
@ kokoskitten
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OMG, you haven't seen "Gladiator"???
It's a fantastic movie! Especially if you like intense historical dramas.
Joaquin Phoenix also was awesome. And Russel Crowe's performance was Oscar-worthy.
I always weep at the end, it's so intense. There's a lot of brutality. There's not a boring moment. And you'll fantasize about Russel seducing you and devouring you for weeks after seeing him in his gladiator loin-cloth.... ;-)
Trust me.
12 miles?!?
My grandmother can do that in her wheelchair. These people are pathetic.
that horse looks like it's suffering under crowe's weight
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006718/
Still confused as to why anyone makes a big deal over this pompous fat ass. Save that poor horse from the girth of his massive ego!!!
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"I'm a black robot, motherfucker."
Submitted by little_rascal on Sat, 09/05/2009 - 10:55am.
@ kokoskitten
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Did you see Russel Crowe in "Gladiator"? He was awesome as an actor,intense and charismatic, and his body was unbelievable.
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****taking back comment (except small penis part)*** yeah i never bothered to see gladiator but i heard that was the the one movie he was good in...i think it was playing on the dvd for a week straight when i was in college but i was probably too drunk/high/etc to bother focusing...
Submitted by putsomestankonit on Sat, 09/05/2009 - 10:58am.
Submitted by Mother Superior on Sat, 09/05/2009 - 10:53am.
He'll blame it on his grief I'm sure.
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And that he was cheating on Jade and partying soon after they released him from prison. He's such a waste!
Submitted by little_rascal on Sat, 09/05/2009 - 10:55am.
Did you see Russel Crowe in "Gladiator"? He was awesome as an actor,intense and charismatic, and his body was unbelievable.
He sure was hot in that film, I wouldn't mind him hitting me with his... uh... never mind...
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Good
As
You
Hamfisted is as hamfisted does. Chirio, I thought that was SJP. See the chin mole?
♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀
Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by rulers as useful -- Seneca
Submitted by Mother Superior on Sat, 09/05/2009 - 10:53am.
He'll blame it on his grief I'm sure.
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"I'm a black robot, motherfucker."
Why cant you jellus h8ers let Russel be gr8...
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
Do leave it out, knock it on the head, have a word and wind yer
neck in you minty bastard...
From the article:
<"Yesterday we decided to take notes on his signature fitness program.
It started simply - with a fag.">
Hey, MK, he's on same exercise program as you!
@ kokoskitten
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Did you see Russel Crowe in "Gladiator"? He was awesome as an actor,intense and charismatic, and his body was unbelievable.
He sure looks great on top of Heidi.
Coma Caca!!
Submitted by putsomestankonit on Sat, 09/05/2009 - 10:48am.
Damn it MK who cares about this? Get to the good stuff like Jack Tweed being charged for rape.
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Awful, innit?
He fumbled on a teen....erghh...I knew this dude was no good.
I'd rather Russell beat me down with a phone than make me go on an ugly ass bike ride.
Ditto.
Never mind this... does that horse have EYEBROWS?
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
We uphold the gaudy, crass and greed,
Waiting to make fun of those who breed.
Brad can fuck Angie in his grotto,
But Dlisters snark, That's our motto. ~~N.Witty
Talk about eating crow.
what a self indulgent prick...i NEVER thought he was the genius actor that apparently hollywood did...hated a beautiful mind etc...i bet he has the smallest penis...
Damn it MK who cares about this? Get to the good stuff like Jack Tweed being charged for rape.
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"I'm a black robot, motherfucker."