Sunday, October 4th 2009

Heather From The Block

Fart away, JLo, because there's a new Queen of the Boogie Down and her name is Heather Mills (Dear The Bronx, I'm queefing out jokes, so please don't murder me with your eyes).

The Wicked Cunt of the UK dropped into the Bronx yesterday to open the first American branch of her vegan fast-food restaurant V-Bites (aka The Cunt Cafe). Heather is really trying to turn everybody in the Bronx into cardboard-eating vegans, because she's already donated $1 million in vegan food to underprivileged children there.

While I was doing research for this important story (because I'm a serious journalist), I found this hot quote from the New York Daily News. Last year, they asked some residents of the Bronx about Heather Mills. Lashawnda Floyd said this: "Yeah, that's the one with one leg or something."

And seeing Heather standing next to her vegan restaurant really makes me want to eat a hot dog wrapped in bacon and stuffed between two hamburger patties with steak gravy on top.

Posted by: Michael K


"But limiting your self in such a way can only make you a cranky ass hole..."

Nah, I've always been that way, veg or not. ;)

I think it's funny that some people are being self-righteous and making assumptions about people supposedly being self-righteous. I don't care what you eat. Personally, I don't want to look at, touch, smell, or cook meat, but that's just my thing. Do what you want. I've been veggie for 15 years and I don't drive a gd Prius or own an iphone or any of that hipster shizz. Most veggies are not doing it for show or b/c they think they're better than you, but b/c they feel it's not right FOR THEM to eat an animal. Why can't you just respect that and move on? Sure there are some preachy folks out there, & I, too, find it annoying, however I try to look at it like I look at anyone who's preachy (about religion, for example): they mean well. Their intentions are good. They don't want any creatures to suffer. *shrug* They just haven't figured out yet that you need to respect other people's choices.

Yeah I wonder about the temprament of vegetarians. All the one's that I've met or known have been highly strung,cunty,or both.

There's a site called vegetarians are evil and they reckon that a lack of meat causes aggression. No offence though vegos know its not black/white.

kokoskitten's picture

@ TITS

yeah i was kicked in the head by a special ed. student (given an mri AFTER i got out of the hospital when i had a seizure)...eehhh the doctors just saw me as a dumb , anemic, vegetarian bitch...but several concussions/seizure/broken rib (from working in schools) later i know to mention this along with my history of tachycardia and mitral valve prolapse....

Khensu Hetep's picture

Submitted by joe shmoe on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 5:31pm.

Thanks!
Yeah, I came up with that myself...I think. I hope no-one thought of it before I did!

♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣

Sugar is sweet,
Lemons are sour,
Get on your back,
And give me an hour.

NitWitty's picture

Where's Jeffery Fucking Dahmer when we need him?
BTW, Heather's got a pic up on twitter..
I think we all should leave her a loverly message like Sluttsville...LMAOOOO!! *side eye*

http://twitpic.com/jp16o
_______________________________________________
Are You A Goddess? If so...

TITS's picture

I wonder how much money she has left?

.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking 13.

TITS's picture

koko - if it comes back get the mri. oft time b12 deficiency masks another problem.

.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking 13.

Possum's picture

She looks like a little rat wearing that stupid hat and toothy grin. I expect her to start scuttling around and make little ratty noises.

Her nose is all long and weird... made worse by her too-close eyes. All that money should get her some plastic surgery.

Antiheroe's picture

Heather is living proof that if a woman can suck cock well, she can get anywhere in life. She puts a lot of two-legged gold-diggers to shame.

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Why should I be humble, if I know that I am THE BEST IN THE WORLD?

whole lotto luv's picture

I would love to see the price list for this joint, because if some tiny half-plate of Spaghetti and Soya Bolognese runs $20, and if the Bronx is anything like the working-class part of the city I live in, the line's gonna be growing for the value menu over at Wendy's.

ETA: Hope that's not birdshit smeared on the wall under the window.

***********************
"Well, Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch. All the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?" "Uh, no. Mr. Johnson."

kokoskitten's picture

Submitted by Myntee on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 9:10pm.

i don't care if people eat meat or not...like i said a million times even though i don't eat it, i can look at it/touch it/cook it...i am offended by your comments because nowhere on this thread have i insulted meat eaters...you seem to think all vegetarians are self righteous...i DO NOT lecture people as that gets me nowhere and it's pointless...eat whatever the fuck you want...i also don't have an iphone(just a shitty cellphone that can't even take pictures) nor do i drive a prius OR drive at all (i own a honda civic)--but again the driving thing is MY choice, not for everyone...and i took offense to what a vegetarian on here posted earlier...so i am not a fucking loser hippie as you imply all vegetarians are

freebird's picture

Spock said, 'Even vegetarians feed on death.' Live long and prosper bitchez.

Manimal5's picture

Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 9:03pm.
OMG Some people eat meat and some don't.
It ain't complicated.

I sometimes eat ice cubes...a little crunchy...and very wet.

I eat everything but eventually don't people eat what's best for them?

angel_i's picture

Submitted by speakit on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 9:07pm.

Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 9:03pm.
OMG Some people eat meat and some don't.
It ain't complicated.

________________________________

I only eat carrots boiled in beef bullion. what does that make me?
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Hungry?

♥ Threadkilla!
Chaka Khan wrote me a theme song!!!

Myntee's picture

I also want to point out the HUGE folly in the whole animal rights theory of vegetarianism.
Ok so you mainly live on grains and fruits and vegetables which need to be farmed.
How many animals have lost their homes to grain fields? How many are shredded by harvesting equipment as they flee for their lives? How much forrest etc is cleared for your vegetable patches. How many innocent insects loose their lives to pesticides?
If you're gonna ride on that i <3 environment and animals bandwagon, do it right. Go live in the jungle, and forrage for berries. No Iphone, no Prius OMG and no one to be self righteous to.
(yes i realise cattle and sheep etc eat grains and veges too but they mostly eat what isnt deemed fit for ppl and would be disposed of any way)

- <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 -
I think mastication means to chew your own penis...

Wanted's picture

Did she have a stroke or something? That "sexy half-smile" is NOT working for her.

speakit's picture

Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 9:03pm.
OMG Some people eat meat and some don't.
It ain't complicated.

________________________________

I only eat carrots boiled in beef bullion. what does that make me?

z-listed's picture

What Myntee said! Vegan food is simply food without any animal products. Would you pass up a home grown tomato? Or a delicious cucumber/red onion salad? Potatoes?

I', not a vegan, I eat meat when I want but my daughter is a veggie and has introduced me to all sorts of good cooking.

Now, on the subject of Heather, I'd loke to have seen the restaurant names "Heather Bites".

Of course I hate her!!!!!!!!!!!

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I'm not really that smart, it's just that everyone else is so damn stupid!

angel_i's picture

OMG Some people eat meat and some don't.
It ain't complicated.

♥ Threadkilla!
Chaka Khan wrote me a theme song!!!

Myntee's picture

Unfortunately veganism/vegetarianism tends to go hand in hand with self righteous preechy ass hole. Which is the trait most ppl find irritating. Not what you eat. I don't think any one here is going to get the shits with some one for eating a salad and minding their own business. On the other hand we all know one of those ass holes who make a fuss and song and dance about disgusting meat and how we're murderers etc when you go out to eat with them. Order the steamed veges and STFU! I'm sure there are good vegans out there. I know some. i in fact eat very little meat simply cos i don't like it very much.
But limiting your self in such a way can only make you a cranky ass hole as a certain dlister has quite clearly proven.

- <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 -
I think mastication means to chew your own penis...

kokoskitten's picture

@ TITS

no mri...i did have an ultrasound (wasn't pregnant i guess they were just checking the guts out)...in the end i got some vague diagnosis and a 33,000 dollar hospital bill for 2 fucking days...i hate blue cross!!!! i fought it for a couple years and shockingly the insurance company paid (crosses fingers)

Toonkinstein's picture

And seeing Heather standing next to her vegan restaurant really makes me want to eat a hot dog wrapped in bacon and stuffed between two hamburger patties with steak gravy on top.

.....well you DID eat this M.K. This was your date last night....you did eat a "hotdog" wrapped in something that tasted like bacon....and it was stuffed in your "hamburger patties"....and the "gravy"....that's jizz code in gay-ese.

...you are so transparent!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

"Escandalo! Okay, I'm totally making shit up." ~ M.K. 08/31/09

TITS's picture

Submitted by kokoskitten on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 8:23pm.

oh and i ended up in the hospital and they were doing all kinds of tests and among other things i was completely b12 deficient (not the reason for hospital visit)...the doctor prescribed me a vitamin b liquid that i had to inject in my stomach area with a syringe.....
*

yeah, I went through the same thing.

question for you - did you have a mri?

.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking 13.

Mawy's picture

I hate this bitch as much as the next person, but the Bronx is in desperate need of some health food options. When I lived there, I was baffled by how shitty the supermarkets and restaurants were (I mean I wasn't expecting anything great but damn!). There was one good Italian place in my entire neighborhood. As hard as it may be for you to believe, there are some people in the Bronx who are health conscious. Although it is generally a shithole, some people there are trying to eat right. At least give them the option, cuz everything else is fried chicken/McDonalds/crappy Chinese food/Spanish food.
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Use goodsearch instead of google. Each time you search, you can donate money to your favorite charity without having to spend any money yourself! Spread the word.

Tigerlily> I say this without a hint of sanctimony cause frankly I don't care what other people choose to eat, but yes, I would die before I'd eat an animal. The thought just makes me want to gag.
And actually, quinoa is a complete protein and very high in iron. I have to eat it b/c I'm allergic to grains...that's the only reason I know that. But it's basically the perfect food and completely vegan. That's why the Incas called it the Mother Grain (even though it's technically not a grain. ha).

kokoskitten's picture

Submitted by Khakikey on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 7:51pm.
Joe, if your family eat some fish or dairy once in a while, there is no need to worry about B12, trust me
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oh and i ended up in the hospital and they were doing all kinds of tests and among other things i was completely b12 deficient (not the reason for hospital visit)...the doctor prescribed me a vitamin b liquid that i had to inject in my stomach area with a syringe.....

kokoskitten's picture

Submitted by Khakikey on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 7:19pm.
So, it turns out that meat eaters can spread all the hate they want but when vegetarians raise their "tone", that's becomes proselytizing. I've heard that before, many times, and I'm sick of it. Who is proselytizing who? I'm sick of being quiet, sick of being Mr. nice veg. I'm glad my insults are turning people off
________________________

what a great attitude to have (SARCASM)! seriously i don't know if you are not responding to me because i am a vegetarian and think your insulting way is the wrong way...you do NOTHING for the vegetarian/vegan cause with that attitude!!!!!

Thru the fog's picture

If I hadn't read the whole "article" because MK is a fo-realz journalist on par with Barbara Walters. I would have thought this was some "Check into Cash payday loans joint," with an interest rates that would bite you in the ass.

Joe, if your family eat some fish or dairy once in a while, there is no need to worry about B12, trust me. For some people it could take up to 3 years to deplete their bodies of b12, and that's under extreme conditions. If you're worried, next time you go for your annual check up, ask your doctor to test you for b12. That what I do.
I guess the easiest way is to get a B12 supplement. But just taking probiotics would also do it. Anything fermented has some B12. Brewers yeast has some, but I don't recommend it. Just don't be afraid, it's not common at all. Vegetarians have nothing to worry about. Extremely strict vegans can monitor their levels and get a B complex pill once in a while. You must know that meat eaters that eat no veggies at all have tons of deficiencies, it's just that it's not news. It's always all about the b12. I really appreciate your question!!! Peace!!!!!

joe shmoe's picture

Submitted by Khakikey on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 7:30pm.
shove the B12 argument up your behind, it's old.
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Actually I have a question for you; My family are partial vegetarians, no meat or poultry but fish & dairy products. I've heard like most people I guess that B12 is only available in animal-based products. Is there another way to get it, that you know of? And just so you know, I'm not being argumentative, I really want to know.

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I shall call her Mama Je'e. Or Jo'e ~I.G.

Elle Habite Ici

speakit's picture

Submitted by Khakikey on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 7:30pm.

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Tigerlily can't be vegan. She's a tiger. And she's a slut. Sluts need meat.

islandgirl's picture

Bugs? They's narstay.

What the hell is wrong with you, Tigerlilly? the majority of this world is vegetarian and has been vegetarian for centuries. The poorest countries on this world follow a mostly vegetarian diet. What's so fucking privileged about eating rice and beans in US? Are you nuts? The way I see, the ones that are privileged and the ones who can pick chicken or stake, you simpleton!!! Don't you get it? How about the argument that vegan costs money? Are you kidding me? I can buy a bag of rice and a bag of beans for 20 bugs and live off of it for a month. You probably need 20 bugs a day to get your bloody mash of e-coli, and your daily dose of salmonella. What the hell do you think I eat, Himalayan moss and Mongolian berries? And on the way out, please, do me a favor, shove the B12 argument up your behind, it's old...

Tigerlilly's picture

Submitted by Provolone on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 7:21pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 7:19pm.
I REPEAT being able to pick and choose what you eat is a PRIVILEDGE....

how very anthony bourdain of you ; D

...and true!
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I LURB me some Anthony Bourdain....I'd do sesssay times wif him...if he'd get his teef fixed...but I'd do drunken sessay times wif him regardless of da teef...
ANTHONY BOURDAIN IS A HWAT SLUT!

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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

Well Im happy that Peg Leg has put at least some McCartneys cash to use...
I personally have nothing against vegans-I have just have something against scheming, sanctimonious, one legged gold diggers who its very clear is a nasty piece of goods and I wish would just piss off so I never have to hear her screeching voice again....

"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"

islandgirl's picture

Submitted by Khakikey on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 7:19pm.
-----------------------------------------

Clearly, you need to calm down and eat more fiber.

Provolone's picture

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 7:19pm.
I REPEAT being able to pick and choose what you eat is a PRIVILEDGE....

how very anthony bourdain of you ; D

...and true!

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

So, it turns out that meat eaters can spread all the hate they want but when vegetarians raise their "tone", that's becomes proselytizing. I've heard that before, many times, and I'm sick of it. Who is proselytizing who? I'm sick of being quiet, sick of being Mr. nice veg. I'm glad my insults are turning people off. Enough with the complex of being accepted. You hate vegetarians and their "speeches"? Then deal with it! I hate meat lovers too, with their own kind of proselytizing, their own kind of patronizing, their own kind of righteous deprecating humor. I wish they could see their bully ways on a mirror. It's veggie-phobia at it's best! So you go bully your bacon-eating friends and leave people who care about animals enough so they don't fucking eat them alone. What's so hard to understand and respect? Seriously! I'll show respect when I see it. Have you seen all the hate filled comments about vegetarians in this post. It's ridiculous! Meat eaters are so hypocritical. They get offended soooo easily! Go get your meat and potatoes and shut your mouth.

Tigerlilly's picture

I REPEAT being able to pick and choose what you eat is a PRIVILEDGE....Let me ask Vegans....Would you rather die than eat a chicken, a lizard a fish??? Would you???? Your lifestyle is a priviledged and rich one compared to 3rd World countries....Not only that, can your Vegan lifestyle feed a FAMILY (including young children) on a low income budget and have their protein and B12 needs 100% in check for optimal health? If so, GREAT! I'm all for that program...Come up with that...The only complete vegetarian protein is soy and I said COMPLETE protein, and too much soy is not necessarily a good thing...may even be a bad thing...Of course, if you are rich and privileged, you can overcome this problem...*eyeroll*

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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

MAD's picture

Just because its vegan doesn't mean it is healthy either -

I certainly don't hate vegans (except for the stupid girl who stood there in leather boots and told me she didn't eat anything with a face LMAO) but Heather Mills is a zealot and I do not like anyone who pushes their views onto others.

I also believe in the rights of people over the rights of animals, and that includes (here in Canada) Inuit people who have been living off of the seal hunt for the last 10,000 years.

MAD's picture

LMAO - I actually had bacon-wrapped hotdogs over Labour Day weekend for the first time. Pretty tasty. Bacon makes everything better.

kokoskitten's picture

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Submitted by joe shmoe on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 6:21pm.
Well now, we're not all making fun of vegans. Or at least I'm not. I think carnivores and vegetarians alike, get turned off by zealots who proselytize.
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completely agree...i mean i wish i could be vegan but i don't have the willpower/money...i just don't get the mentality of trying to recruit people to a cause by INSULTING them...

joe shmoe's picture

Submitted by Khakikey on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 5:51pm.
OK, I love your site. I think you are the funniest writer EVER. But your post was total BULLSHIT and I want to call you up on it. Bash whoever you want, but leave vegan people alone. People can eat whatever the hell they want. I am vegan and I am pissed that you had to ridicule people for what they eat. I hate MILLS with all my guts, but you know what? I'll support her cafe. Yes fast food can be vegan, you morons. All you haters can go to fucking HELL and eat each other's assholes.

I read peoples comments and I feel the urge to get an enema. Message to veggie haters: YOU ARE FULL OF SHIT, LITERALLY!!!!
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Well now, we're not all making fun of vegans. Or at least I'm not. I think carnivores and vegetarians alike, get turned off by zealots who proselytize.

************
I shall call her Mama Je'e. Or Jo'e ~I.G.

Elle Habite Ici

Hekki's picture

Heather Mills bugs me but I have to give her a little credit for at least trying to provide a healthy option in a place bulging with shitty fast food options.

I'm not sure how many people she will turn on to the healthy lifestyle, but if she does, it'll be good.

And traditional Puerto Rican and black food isn't at all unhealthy.

kokoskitten's picture

and i am a vegetarian for animal rights purposes

kokoskitten's picture

Submitted by Khakikey on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 5:51pm.
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sorry...as i have mentioned a billion times before I AM a vegetarian...but telling people to go to hell and eat each other's asshole makes them hate people like us (vegetarians/vegans) even more...FAIL !!! insulting people does not make them want to join our side...you are the perfect example of vegans/vegetarians i do not get along with !!!!

OK, I love your site. I think you are the funniest writer EVER. But your post was total BULLSHIT and I want to call you up on it. Bash whoever you want, but leave vegan people alone. People can eat whatever the hell they want. I am vegan and I am pissed that you had to ridicule people for what they eat. I hate MILLS with all my guts, but you know what? I'll support her cafe. Yes fast food can be vegan, you morons. All you haters can go to fucking HELL and eat each other's assholes.

I read peoples comments and I feel the urge to get an enema. Message to veggie haters: YOU ARE FULL OF SHIT, LITERALLY!!!!

Double post. Doh!

Yeah, I am so not down w. the santimonious veggies/vegans. They give the rest of us a bad name. I am fine w. intellectual discourse on various subjects...the pros and cons of certain viewpoints, but I would never try to PUSH my views on someone else.
I blocked some girl's comments on my Facebook b/c she was going on about animal cruelty in factory farms. Girl, I already KNOW that stuff...but guess what? I'm STILL not going to stop eating eggs (cage free, free-range, for the record). You're just pissing me off!

joe shmoe's picture

Submitted by Khensu Hetep on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 4:25pm.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 4:17pm

As an omnivore, I'm personally embarassed by the kind of people who eat meat and make fun of vegetarians. I don't get why they're so insulted by it
*****
Yeah! Me neither. Hey I like your siggy - did you compose it?

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I shall call her Mama Je'e. Or Jo'e ~I.G.

Elle Habite Ici