Archie, Stop Playing!
This past May, Archie made the right choice by proposing marriage to that rich hot bitch Veronica. It was an important moment in history for money grubbin' whores everywhere. Well, in the latest Archie comic book, he proposes to that boring ass prude Betty! No, this isn't going to turn into some Big Love shit. Apparently, Archie is just imagining what his life would be like if he married either Veronica (HOT and GLITTERY) or Betty (LIMP and MISSIONARY). In real comic book life, Archie hasn't decided who he is going to stick his cartoon peen in for the rest of his days. Archie will make a decision one day, and we know how this is going to play out.
Obviously, Archie will realize that his heart really belongs to Jughead:
They don't call him Jughead for nothing! Okay, that made no sense, but it sounded kind of sexy. For real, this is the way it was meant to be. Archie should put a shiny cock ring on Jughead while Veronica in a hot dress looks on.
VIA Buzzfeed
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I used to love reading my Archie digests on cold winter mornings in bed... aahh memories
Even had theories about their political persuasions Veronica conservative Betty liberal.
I think they should have a threesome.
Personally Midge is much hotter, but Big Moose would tear Archie a new one if he ever got near her...
"Is lame fish related to Gay Fish at all, because that would answer many of life's greatest douche mysteries." - MK
Archie will never choose either of them because he actually holds the flame for Jughead. He really is hung like that...LOL!
"Is lame fish related to Gay Fish at all, because that would answer many of life's greatest douche mysteries." - MK
Aww loozer...the memories! Also Hagar the horrible & the two guys in the military (can't remember the name)
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Proud love child of Oprah Winfrey & Bill Gates
I've dated them both. IN short -
Veronica you are not as good in bed as you want to be and you don't have the mindset to learn. Also you have major stalker tendencies which is why you're still chasing me at this age.
Betty you like it from behind even though you will never let me do it. But it's great that you keep my apartment tidy.
Of the two I want to fuck Betty more and would marry neither.
reggie's real name is regina and he was female to male....
jughead is hung like a haggis
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006718/
actually I'm pretty sure jughead and reggie have been
don't ask don't telling for years
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006718/
Submitted by Manimal5 on Tue, 10/06/2009 - 10:00pm.
So it's Betty or Veronica...I guess Big Ethel is completely out of the running.
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I was secretly rooting for Big Moose. But maybe that's just the Canuckian in me. :)
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"Whah din't sum one tell me whall ah wuz at thuh Wal-Mart layst naght thayt Bustah ate mah ah lahner?"
So it's Betty or Veronica...I guess Big Ethel is completely out of the running.
Ugh. Team Veronica. Betty was always such a vanilla, no self-esteem having doormat in the comics. But I feel that they are going to have that dork Archie marry Betty because it's more apple pie. Then maybe Veronica and Jughead can have their scandalous love affair. Cheryl Blossom. Now that bitch had style.
Team Sabrina the Teenage Witch!
ΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦ
Horchata
speakit on Tue, 10/06/2009 - 6:44pm.
Girl Power! *Rips open shirt to show giant V on superhero costume*
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:)
team V! don't forget about lassie!
Submitted by zomay on Tue, 10/06/2009 - 3:38pm.
Fuck this bullshit! Like these 2 women have nothing better to do then fight over this goooon geek.
They should both move on and find men with a little somthin somthin.
Women unite!
:D
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HAHAHAHAHA
Girl Power! *Rips open shirt to show giant V on superhero costume*
Hekki on Tue, 10/06/2009 - 3:52pm.
It always bugged me how sexist the cartoons and TV shows were. Like "The Honeymooners" and "I Love Lucy" and "I Dream of Jeannie" and "Bewitched" were all about men stifling their wives. I never understood why Jeannie and Samantha didn't just zap their asshole husbands away! Seriously. Even as a little girl, I knew that shit was wrong.
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Hekki, you know who was a hot bitch, samantha's mother. Heeeeheeeeheee she was always having fun.
heh, this makes me think of the scene in
Chasing Amy in which the Jason Lee character (cool, pre-Scientology Jason Lee) and the Hooper X character argue over the gay subtext of the Archie comics.
Why does he have to get married? Aren't we over that yet?! *sigh* I've always hated family-oriented bullshit, even when I was a baby cheese. I was a viscious, sexy little thing. Can't help it. More of a fan of vampirella than veronica.
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O_o. Paris Hilton. Beware of my fucked up eye. It's bigger than the other.
Betty and Veronica are so going to hook up and leave Archie behind. That's when he becomes an alcoholic bum, living with Jughead in his basement and trying to get Reggie to score Coke for him...
@ ES & Auntie: Oh yeah, Olive Oyl was clearly creted as a ho. My SIL named her old poodle-mix mutt Olive Oyl. And yes, she's a slut.
Submitted by EvilShoe on Tue, 10/06/2009 - 5:16pm.
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Sweet! Thanks for the site. I'm glad I'm not the only one who remembers the old more sexist, more violent Popeye cartoons. And you know whoever dreamed up Eugene the Jeep was on some serious bad shit!
Submitted by Sweet Babu on Tue, 10/06/2009 - 4:11pm.
Oh yeah, some are on the DVD set I have that has about 600 old cartoons. I saw one last night where Bluto was choking Olive Oyl and I was like "Uh, lets skip ahead to the next one" Doh! That DVD got put away, the other DVDs with Popeye were okay.
Here's the old Popeye 1982 game:
http://classicgaming.gamespy.com/View.php?view=GameMuseum.Detail&id=241
I love that site!
Submitted by loozer on Tue, 10/06/2009 - 3:17pm.
Jughead is straight. Reggie is Archie's bitch.
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Ha! I came on to say just that. But I was gonna say: Archie is Reggie's bitch.
♥ Threadkilla!
Chaka Khan wrote me a theme song!!!
Archie is going to marry Betty, PERIOD! Yeah, I still buy the digests. I read them and pass them to my kids. They are one of the few things from my childhood that I can enjoy.
Oh, Olive Oyl is a total PROSTITUTION WHORE.
"Jesus and God really need to file a joint lawsuit against bitches for dragging their good names into unadulterated fuckery!" MK 2/15/09
I think they still make porn versions of these comic books where Archie fucks everyone in sight...I remember seeing a few of those and also for the Flintstones. More than sexy they were just hilarious...I recall Jughead being the one with the biggest dick. Surprise! LOL
It burrrrrrrns!!!! - Miss Coco Peru
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKNZICoKSdA
I dread the moment someone in Hollywood decides to turn this into a live action movie a la Scooby Doo instead of cartoons. You know it's coming.
We're collecting lingerie for needy sexy people - Blanche Devereaux
Such sweet nostalgia.
I think Veronica would be the cold fish. I think she like the chase more than the action. Betty is the real freak, looking all innocent and sweet.
Submitted by EvilShoe on Tue, 10/06/2009 - 4:02pm.
A while we're on the subject of whores, I bought my son Popeye cartoons, that Olive Oyl is a slut! She's back and forth between Popeye and Bluto every episode.
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Did you ever watch the really old Popeye cartoons, back before they softened him up and he was meaner? Omg, all that real cursing under his breath! I never noticed it until I was older, but can't believe my parents didn't pick up on that shit at the time.
I got the "Sugar" 45 single at a Girl Scout christmas party, which helped make up for the fact that mom wouldn't let me have an Archies lunch box.
And yes! Taking my silly putty to the Sunday cartoon section was hours of fun until pop yelled at me. Happened every weekend -- good times!
Yup, I'm and oldie too.
Evil Shoe,
Olive Oyl is the biggest Hussie ever!
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Nights in white satin
Never reaching the end
E-Mails I've written
Never meaning to send
A while we're on the subject of whores, I bought my son Popeye cartoons, that Olive Oyl is a slut! She's back and forth between Popeye and Bluto every episode.
Team Veronica! That bitch is fucking everyone in town I bet, including the soda fountain guy!
I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks, I still buy this shit! They target the younger generation still, the ads in them are geared towards tweens with Xbox and Disney etc ads.
MK just raised my love for him posting this!
This is hilarious.
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Tracy: I'm gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?
Jack: I've got two ears and a heart, don't I?
http://cutebandalert.tumblr.com
Submitted by putsomestankonit: "Hey I remember all of them, I even remember the Blondie & Dagwood movies. Are you trying to say that I'm old or just ancient?"
Just old. Like me.
Submitted by zomay: "...Like these 2 women have nothing better to do then fight over this goooon geek.
They should both move on and find men with a little somthin somthin.
Women unite!"
It always bugged me how sexist the cartoons and TV shows were. Like "The Honeymooners" and "I Love Lucy" and "I Dream of Jeannie" and "Bewitched" were all about men stifling their wives. I never understood why Jeannie and Samantha didn't just zap their asshole husbands away! Seriously. Even as a little girl, I knew that shit was wrong.
Submitted by zomay on Tue, 10/06/2009 - 3:38pm.
word up zomay!
I remember my mom would go to the supermarket and always bring home at least one of those Archie comics that they would have by the registers. It was disappointing when she stopped.
http://www.archiecomics.com/index.html
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Nights in white satin
Never reaching the end
E-Mails I've written
Never meaning to send
MizRo on Tue, 10/06/2009 - 3:39pm.
zomay rocks!!
LOL... I'm out for the day.
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;)
zomay rocks!!
LOL... I'm out for the day.
Peace and love and oatmeal raisin cookies!!
LOL I HARDLY BELIEVE THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO COULD GIVE A FART ABOUT ARCHIE UNLESS YOU'RE LIKE A 60 YEAR OLD WOMAN LOL!
Fuck this bullshit! Like these 2 women have nothing better to do then fight over this goooon geek.
They should both move on and find men with a little somthin somthin.
Women unite!
:D
I read Blondie and Dagwood every Sunday!
I remember taking Silly Putty to the Sunday comics section - oh those were such innocent times.
God, I love reminiscing.
*howling* I never bought "Jingle Jangle" but to this day I can sing "Sugar".
Loozer -you always bring me back in time with the most lovely memories. You have an amazing memory, love, simply amazing.
I stand corrected. It appears they dialed down her fug through the years (WRONG)
Big Ethel is like the Rojo Caliente of Riverdale
"let's get rid of those shoulder pads!"
"WHAT shoulder pads?"
Team Veronica. She brought out the WHORE!
Blondie and Dagwood are still in the daily paper.
Hi and Lois is still around too.
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Nights in white satin
Never reaching the end
E-Mails I've written
Never meaning to send
Loozer! Me too... They were the shit!
My first lunchbox was totally Archie; I could not wait to get the comic books as they came out!
*sigh* wistful memories
Submitted by MizRo on Tue, 10/06/2009 - 3:26pm.
My first 45 was "Sugar"!
I had the follow-up 45 "Jingle Jangle". It made the Top Ten also, but you NEVER hear it on the oldie stations or anything. My 2nd 8-Track was The Archies' Greatest Hits (Jackson 5 Greatest Hits was my first)!
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Nights in white satin
Never reaching the end
E-Mails I've written
Never meaning to send
Hey Miz! Team Betty all the way. I loved the Archies. I had puzzles, comics, records, etc.
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Nights in white satin
Never reaching the end
E-Mails I've written
Never meaning to send