Sparkly Vampires Are Funny
When the keeper of the unicorn forest Robert Pattinson farts, crazed Twihards within a 3-mile radius immediately drop their Twidildos and rush to his ass to suck up the essence of his butt air. Truth. So, RPattz is causing my eyeballs to do the wave by saying he can't get a date. Maybe he can't get a date with a sane person, but he can definitely get a date. We know.
Here's what RPattz told the Sydney Morning Herald (via People), "Girls scream out for Edward, not Robert. I still can't get a date. Like yesterday, I was having lunch down the road. We were in this place for a couple of hours and suddenly there was like 400 people outside on the street. It was just so nuts and it's like that all the time now."
It's obvious that RPattz is busting glitter bombs all over that Kristen Stewart girl, so this "Iz kant gitz a datez" wolfshit is just for show. The truth is, there are millions of insane bitches who would go on a date with a piece of RPattz's caca! Seriously, they would take it to Olive Garden, stroke its back when it got scared during a horror movie, and gently peck it on the lips on the porch of its house at the end of the night.
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Yes dear rob, being the tall, dark, brooding and handsome thing that you are, i can't understand how all the fugly, middle age man in america are dating and you are dateless..yeah, right..just said out loud: IM DATING KSTEW!!!
Dear Rob,
Shut the Fuck Up with the false modesty. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Chris Brown needs to like, wow, take that stupid ass bow tie and shove it down his throat. It's like, wow. WOW. --MK 8/31/09
He's always got the leering vampire look happening. Aside from that I find him interesting to look at. Who's a pretty boy.
Faux humility for the win?
I'm not sure if I'd call it that, since under the very next breath, Robert Pattinson is boasting that sooo many girls are chasing him down the block. He might as well embrace it, because that's his only claim to relevance. He got extremely lucky that his generic looks landed him a movie role.
I hate whenever celebrities complain about not being able to find a true relationship. Boohoo. You're famous, so I'm sure that more than enough people are pursuing you, whether famous or not. Robert Pattinson means to convince himself that he can't find a single woman for whom he feels romantically? I think I know what the problem is.
Robert Pattinson is one of THOSE "beautiful" people who have a line of admirers as vast as the distance between Pittsburgh to Los Angeles, and wants NOTHING to do with ANY of them. He gives the impression of being shallow, arrogant, or both. I'm sorry, but I really can't stand a guy or a girl who claims they can't find a relationship while so many people are willing to court them and they don't give any of them a snowball's chance in hell. Teases piss me off.
Pattinson seems to enjoy the idea of being unobtainable and likes the attention of being an object of lust. If he didn't, then why mention the fact that SO many Twitards are always chasing him down the street? Get the fuck over yourself, sir. He must really revel in the idea that so many girls want him and can't have him. Almost as priceless, are the fucking dullards who pretend that their beauty is a curse.
It's not your physical attractiveness that keeps you from breaking communicational barriers with potential mates; it's because you have an exaggerated sense of self-worth, and puh-LEAZE, you're as mysterious and fascinating as a wet board. Shut the fuck up.
♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣
Now we are the crow which contemplated the silence...
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yeah, it is obviously a self-effacing remark and he knows that we know it. Better than going around with the attitude he knows he is "god's gift to women."
This too shall pass
Looking at Robert is like looking at those pictures like the duck/rabbit where there are two objects, but you can only see one of them at a time.
One second he's the best looking guy I've seen in ages, then the next second he looks rather unappealing.
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"You gonna give me my car, or do I gotta go to your house and shove your dog's head down the toilet?" Repo Man
He looks like his nut sack perpetually smells. In fact thinking of this makes me choke a little as i type this. I'll never get the ott insanity over any human being.. and these the twihards who camp out and swarm sets.. what the fuck do they get done in life? And the mothers! It makes me feel sad seeing these women act like that. Pull your shit together women. Go out and get yourself a good dicking, clearly that's in order.
I think this kind of fame has to be the worst. Bring up the ego very fast.. and when it's over it's over just as suddenly. Maybe he'll end up some pervy old guy who brings chicks back to his studio apt. and plays them Twilight movies and eagerly shows them shellacked press clippings.. let's hope not though..
mmmmm....purty!!
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"My life is a shattered bowl of arse." ~stephenfry
I am sorry, but this skinny bitch is fugly! And, he looks like he will stank for days!
I'll admit, I think he is totally hot. Like, really, really hot. (Twilight sucks, and he looks awful in the films though.) Who mentioned the eyebrows? A man shouldn't have manicured eyebrows!
http://cake-etc.blogspot.com/
http://utterbemusement.blogspot.com/
I am sure Mr. Sparkle bottom is just yapping up a bunch of jibber-jabber to promote the new movie.
That guy should get into an accident involving a razor, a comb, and soap.
Groom the hell outta that sparklicious lovechild of a drunk unicorn and a werewolf!
Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 12:04pm.
Ha! That happened to me in China a long time ago. But I think it's just cuz I was a brown girl having lunch with a redhead.
*
you promised you'd never mention that again.
i'm still picking rice out of my hair!
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Yeah that's like hypnotizing chickens.
Love your avitar
This too shall pass
Submitted by dementa on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 12:33pm.
I wonder if he says he can't get a date because his fan options are:
1. Little girls of 12 who think a bipolar stalker (his words) is sooooo dreamy, and
2. Their moms, who are even more pathetic because they're old enuff to know better.
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Pretty much what I was going to say. Look at who throws themselves at him. I wouldn't trust a ho further than I could throw her if I were him.
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Uvula/vulva.....hell, it's all pink on the inside anyway. - Sweet Babu
I'm looking forward to the scene where Mutant Vampire Fetus breaks Bella's back, makes her projectile-vomit blood, and Edwards rips out her guts with his teeth.
I say this because I detest the selfish entitled bitch of the books, and Kristen Stewart's plain-Jane stoner visage bothers me almost as much.
I don't mind Pattinson, merely because he was awesome in Little Ashes. I wonder if he says he can't get a date because his fan options are:
1. Little girls of 12 who think a bipolar stalker (his words) is sooooo dreamy, and
2. Their moms, who are even more pathetic because they're old enuff to know better.
I dond care wot you horz say, HE'S HAWT!!!!
Ha! That happened to me in China a long time ago. But I think it's just cuz I was a brown girl having lunch with a redhead.
♥ Threadkilla!
Chaka Khan wrote me a theme song!!!
bwaaahhhhhhhh!!! so funny!!! yes, that's exactly it!!! ;0
Submitted by luje on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 8:55am.
I don't want to date Mr. sparkle pants, and it has nothing to do with the fact that he is not Edward. I am really just pissed that he can't run really fast and carry me on his back everywhere he goes. If he was eternally 17 and thought I smelled so good he was going to eat me, that would probably get me off too. So Knobby Robby thats the problem, not cause your not Edward!!
Submitted by sugar free on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 9:58am.
SPOILER ALERT: that bloody labor scene, the mutant baby...HTF are they going to put that on screen???
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Probably so. The last book sucked!
I don't get why girls are crazy about him.
He's stupid and not cute.
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Douchechill!
MK, on RPatz, 10/05/09:
"that constant I HAZ FART look on his face"
Brilliance, per usual.
That's the only comment I'll ever need on this subject.
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"I guess time seems to stretch out when you don't really give a fuck." -- MK, 07/07/08
I saw him on Ellen a long time ago. He was cute. It was a fun interview. And Ellen gave him a pair of boxer shorts that said 'Bite Me.' Also, his parents were in the audience, and he seemed to be very respectful and appreciative of his parents. That was nice.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
This SANE bitch would go out with him, no questions asked. Except maybe, "Are you gonna cry after sex?" Cause doesn't he just look the type to weep after coitus?!
Don't worry, Rob. I've got two nice, big chesticles for you to dry your tears on.
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"Drink your juice, Shelby" M'Lynn Steel Magnolias
I will date you RPattinson. You are a gifted young man. You know it is sad when people hate so much instead of rejoicing. This is your time and period in your life. You audition, you got the part and now this has made you famous. As my Bishop in my church would say enjoy the ride and ride that wave until the end. Peace and blessings.
I hate this douche. His eyes are beady, he can't fucking comb his hair, looks like he hasn't taken a bath in weeks, and his eyebrows should be donated to Locks of Love so some poor innocent child-cancer victim can have a full head of hair.
Plus, when he opens his mouth to speak (and I use that term advisedly), douche-queefs come out. He has NOTHING TO SAY, people! And fuck every star who says "oh, poor me! I can't get a date!!!" FUCK YOU.
And yes, I *am* in a shitty mood today. How did you guess?
love him
I love him.
I read all four twilight books *hides face in shame* and I thought it's not the worst thing i've ever read...until that last one.
SPOILER ALERT: that bloody labor scene, the mutant baby...HTF are they going to put that on screen???
Submitted by shandi on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 9:42am.
Submitted by urmomma on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 9:37am.
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(Shandi, look away doll.)
*AHEM!!!!! Gives the room the finger. Takes homemade life-size Rob Pattisnson cut-out and stack of worn out Twilightbooks and kids' soccer equipment and leaves*
HATERS!
xoxoxoxo
hugs y'all.
This ain't my first rodeo, cowboy.
Ahh, the eyes - that's another thing about him. He has nice eyes but huge bushy eyebrows. But when he is Edward Cullen, the eyebrows are manicured. I like him better as Edward.
I liked the books. They were alright. But each one got a little more ridiculous. I read the fourth one just to finish out the story, but I kept telling my daughter "This is just so ridiculous!"
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Agreed. I like a good scruffy boy as much as anyone but smelly? No. He's got the smoldering eye thing down pat. I'll give him that.
This is the first time I have ever commented on RPatz...
Don't get it. Never did, never will. And those Twilight books are dumb.
Sugar, to me he is only good looking when he is made up as Edward Cullen. His face is much smoother and angular. They must work magic with the makeup. When he is just RPatz, he looks kind of dirty/scraggly, don't you think?
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
maybe it's me, but he's looking like Eddie Munster. I don't get the appeal at all.
Submitted by urmomma on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 9:37am.
Sorry, momma, but when a man like that, with thousands of women following him and obsessing over him, says he can't get a date, you just have to wonder, you know????
If it makes you feel better, I'm sure Edward Cullen is not gay!
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
y Roxygirl87 on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 9:30am.
Poor Sparky. Every delusional twiloser knows that he is dating that Stewart girl. And it doesn't help that most of his fans are underage social outcasts either.
the really sad thing is that most of his fans are 30's something professional women sad but real I know at least 6 grown women who love the twilight saga and am not a genius but I felt like I was reading a 10 year old book, I read the first book and almost shoot myself
Frankly my dear, I don't give a Damn!! "Rhett Butler"
Submitted by shandi on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 9:36am.
Of course he could get a date if he wanted one. Who is to say he is REALLY dating Kristen Stewart? Maybe she is his cover and he is secretly gay?????
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Why do you wanna hurt me like this?
xoxoxoxo
hugs y'all.
This ain't my first rodeo, cowboy.
Of course he could get a date if he wanted one. Who is to say he is REALLY dating Kristen Stewart? Maybe she is his cover and he is secretly gay?????
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Poor Sparky. Every delusional twiloser knows that he is dating that Stewart girl. And it doesn't help that most of his fans are underage social outcasts either.
Submitted by Centaurious on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 8:58am.
Date, no.
Quick bang in the broom closet, yes!!
The difference? :)
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 9:15am.
freeeee can hold it like a twelve pack!
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I'm training for the vagina Olympics. Of course my dream is HSOTY. Pfffft on that wimpy chicken cutlets vadge.
freeeee can hold it like a twelve pack!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
Tupac is about to get into a grave, so he can roll over.. MK
"Wudnt nuthin strage bout yo daddy!" Al Sharpton
You know Summit read that comment and screamed "motherfucker NO! We're really pushing this Robsten thing and YOU. ARE. RUININGIT!" Then they cried into their butter pecan.
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http://www.hobotrashcan.com/features/outside-of-the-in-crowd
Well of course he can't get a fucking date! 99% of his fans are jailbait! Of course he ain't gonna hit it!
The other 1%? Fat old soccer moms. Let's hope he WOULDN'T want to hit it.
THERE'S GLITTERY BUTT AIR ABOUT?!!??? *runs with Twidildo still in*
Submitted by ClooneyisMahBoo on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 8:40am.
@ KG
No, he doesn't do it for me, either. His sultry look comes off more constipated IMHO.
...
totally agree...he looks constipated in that pic
he's an attractive guy though...
I can't decide if he's hot or not. He looks good in some pix, terrible in others. And if he's really filthy dirty stinky like the gossip sez, that would be a deal breaker for me.
"They've lost their equilibrium because they've lost their faith in love."