The New Bachelor Is Just Like The Others

31-year-old Jake Pavelka, who was dumped on The Bachelorette last season, will be the next "Bachelor." ABC made the announced last night during Dancing with the Fallen Stars. Jake will be the ten millionth piece of broccoli who will pretend to date a group of ladies, then pretend to propose to one, then pretend to have a relationship with her, then pretend to dump her a few months later after their contract ends.

Jake told People that he can't wait to find "the one," “I’ve dated some really amazing girls, but I’ve never been successful at finding that one girl. and I saw how the whole thing comes together, the process with Jillian. I saw how the process works and I believe in it. That’s a unique way to meet somebody.”

You know what's also a unique way to meet somebody, Jake? Stick your peen in a hole and see who licks it. Try it sometime.

And I'm okay with ABC continuing to cast bowls of lukewarm oatmeal as The Bachelor, as long as they also continue to cast crazy bitches who have an endless supply of dresses from the prom section at JcPenney.

Posted by: Michael K

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Reality TV

Submitted by angel_i on Thu, 10/15/2009 - 6:07pm.

Tigerlil! Of course:)

♥ Threadkilla!
Chaka Khan wrote me a theme song!!!

Submitted by jppuertorico85 on Thu, 10/15/2009 - 6:05pm.

This person deserves an award for the best post ever!!! And yes, my gaydar went ping ping ping when I saw this pic. But you're right, he's not a diva, he's a closet. But that's ok, because as long as I can drink out of his peen straw he don't have to snap 3 times in a z formation or dance to Lady Gaga @ the clubs!!!

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"I can smell the gay comin' off this dude and it ain't the good kind of gay neither where you can gossip with it and get it to bitch out your hair dresser that done you wrong...Nuh-uh...It's that macho fag "I don't do queenie things" kinda gay...I can't deal...
If my gays can't tell me what lip gloss to wear, if slouchy boots are in or out, remind me my highlights need to be "butterscotchery" NOT "champagney", remind me it's my mother's birfday, show me how to grow rare orchids, go through my closet and discretely dispose of everything that makes me look fat, help me 'cook' a gourmet meal for a man Ima tryna trap...then I got no use for 'em cuz they ain't gonna fuck me...(I know this for a fact because chloroform cancels out the effects of viagra, little known fact...I KEED, I KEED...)"

Submitted by Bunnyman on Thu, 10/15/2009 - 10:08am.

Is anyone still watching this unbearable tripe?

He looks like an underwear model from a JC Penney catalog. Meet America's next cure for insomnia.

“I’d come down and give you a hug, but I lost my pants!”

Submitted by KD on Thu, 10/15/2009 - 8:22am.

They keep recycling their contestants. It's really lame. Why don't they just say that the show is a really long audition for the next seasons star.

Submitted by loozer on Thu, 10/15/2009 - 7:37am.

I hate these shows, but as for the picture.....
ME LIKEY!
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Torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool
Lovin' both of you is breakin' all the rules...

Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Thu, 10/15/2009 - 3:32am.

Jake is truly gorgeous and you can put money on the fact that Jake's fudge-hole is getting packed regularly by some premium sizemeat!

Submitted by Rozzay on Thu, 10/15/2009 - 2:48am.

Whats the difference between this show and the dating shows on vh1?

Submitted by govt_cheese on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 10:57pm.

Whoa, is he anonymous or what. You can probably buy an 8-pack of him at wal-mart.

I'm thinking the only audience for this show is tween and teen girls and trapped evening workers like security guards and computer room monitors, etc.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

O_o. Paris Hilton. Beware of my fucked up eye. It's bigger than the other.

Submitted by mattiavelli on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 10:37pm.

Honestly, when I saw this guy's picture, before I read the headline or the story, my first impression is this is the new Billy Mays.
Is he doing infomercials yet?

Submitted by Miss Thang on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 10:06pm.

He's so boring I find him annoying. Do women actually get turned on by guys like him? Ugh.

************
I like living this way. I like loving this way.

Submitted by Centaurious on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 10:00pm.

GAY

Submitted by gnarlyone on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 9:56pm.

so tired of fake reality

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006718/

Submitted by Mittmah on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 9:49pm.

Who is still watching this fake ass shit???

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Never go with a Hippy to a Second Location

Submitted by Reeter on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 9:40pm.

Boring

Submitted by Clarisse on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 7:43pm.

vanillzzzzzzzz

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"My life is a shattered bowl of arse." ~stephenfry

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 7:00pm.

I can smell the gay comin' off this dude and it ain't the good kind of gay neither where you can gossip with it and get it to bitch out your hair dresser that done you wrong...Nuh-uh...It's that macho fag "I don't do queenie things" kinda gay...I can't deal...
If my gays can't tell me what lip gloss to wear, if slouchy boots are in or out, remind me my highlights need to be "butterscotchery" NOT "champagney", remind me it's my mother's birfday, show me how to grow rare orchids, go through my closet and discretely dispose of everything that makes me look fat, help me 'cook' a gourmet meal for a man Ima tryna trap...then I got no use for 'em cuz they ain't gonna fuck me...(I know this for a fact because chloroform cancels out the effects of viagra, little known fact...I KEED, I KEED...)

**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 6:51pm.

He's about as arousing as mayonnaise and white bread sandwich.

No zip. No pizzazz. No brio.

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I never said that it was your fault. I said that I'm going to blame you.
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Submitted by poo on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 6:23pm.

Actually, he reminds me of the fiance of a friend of a friend... My friend always referred to the guy as "Yellow Lab", because she said he was big, blond, easy-going, okay-looking, got excited over snacks, and loved any sports involving a ball.

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"I guess time seems to stretch out when you don't really give a fuck." -- MK, 07/07/08

Submitted by lilmoomoo on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 6:22pm.

When they have to Photoshop hair on a man...you know something's not right.

Submitted by poo on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 6:19pm.

Bland, non-threatening, has the haircut that nearly every other late 20s dude working for medium-sized midwestern property management or steel supply company has. Drives a silver Impala, buys his clothes at Kohl's, has a yellow lab named Marley or Maggie, eats at zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

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"I guess time seems to stretch out when you don't really give a fuck." -- MK, 07/07/08

Submitted by Few Words on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 5:53pm.

Tapioca pudding for the brain

Submitted by mona lissa on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 5:49pm.

Michael K!
Stick your peen in a hole and see who licks it.

you are a true comic genius. or something.
been making me laugh daily for several years now.

i heart you michael k.

Submitted by Husbands_and_Wives on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 5:46pm.

Eh, he's attractive in a "that's a nice sweater" kind of way. Zzzz....

Looking into the abyss...

Submitted by mike on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 5:35pm.

Who the hell buys into these shows. I can sorta understand the appeal of the VH1 "true love" shows (Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, etc.) because the contestants are train wrecks, but who wants to watch a bunch of dullards you can't even laugh at?

Submitted by Darienne on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 5:29pm.

is he related to Jesse Pavelka from "Diet Tribe" on Lifetime? maybe they can do a crossover show, oh, wait, it was called "More to Love"

Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 5:20pm.

Just like all the others? What- gay? He's got some Lance Bass in the face.

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Uvula/vulva.....hell, it's all pink on the inside anyway. - Sweet Babu

Submitted by B-J-B-J-B on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 5:18pm.

I'd shit it. (typo, and it stays)

Submitted by Provolone on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 5:13pm.

He should model for those:

"THIS could be a rapist"

ads

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Submitted by GODNEY on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 5:10pm.

he is just perfect.

nothing i wouldnt let him do to me. happily drink his jizz like coca cola hahaha

Lets talk about biology,
Make believe youre next to me,
Phonography, phonography,
Talk that sexy talk to me,
Better make sure that the line is clean,
Keep it confidential, you and me.
Phonography, phonography,
Dirty talking, call it phonography.