Fangs For Your Wang

I know some of you out there have scratches on your peen from getting down with a pair of fake vampire teeth while thinking of Viking Eric from True Blood! You know who are you (Tommy Girl). Well, you can put those vampire teeth away, because here's something you can safely wrap around your wang. It's the Count Cockula, and the only thing it will hurt is your dignity!

For those of you who prefer your beejes without teeth, let the description really sell it to you:

Polish up your stake and drive it into this soft, vampire mouth for an orgasm that will wake the living dead. Packing the same punch as the original Fleshjacks but housed in a compact soda can and featuring the exclusive Vampire Fang inner canal texture not found on any other Fleshjack product.

And if you're really feeling kinky/lonely, you can use the Count Cockula with the Twidildo! It will be like having a threesome with RPattz and Vampire Beeehl. You won't need lube since your tears of self-pity will get the Count Cockula nice and wet!

With all that being said, I'd hit it. I'm joking (no, I'm not).

(Thanks Thomas)

Posted by: Michael K

•

Submitted by Alex222 on Tue, 10/27/2009 - 11:32pm.

haha eww can't see anyone actually buying that

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Submitted by Deusex on Tue, 10/27/2009 - 12:27pm.

Please Michael tell us what it's really like...

Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Tue, 10/27/2009 - 11:11am.

Anyone with respectable sizemeat (8" long and 6" around on the tape measure) would not need one of those as there would be more than enough eager mouths and no-no's available and waiting!

Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Tue, 10/27/2009 - 11:11am.

Anyone with respectable sizemeat (8" long and 6" around on the tape measure) would not need one of those as there would be more than enough eager mouths and no-no's available and waiting!

Submitted by iHeartHaters on Tue, 10/27/2009 - 10:57am.

That ain't your average tennis can.

OKAY WOW!

(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)

2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.

"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"

Submitted by bigorexia on Tue, 10/27/2009 - 10:20am.

Submitted by Centaurious on Tue, 10/27/2009 - 2:16am.

Kirsten Dunst resorts to this when she's too strung out to suck off her dealers.

-------------------------------------------

LOL. Comment of the day!

Submitted by Raul Duke on Tue, 10/27/2009 - 7:07am.

Further proof that Twitards thumbdicks!************************************************************************************* "Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!" Homer J. Simpson http://www.aquaescorts.com/

Submitted by Jill-The-Ripper on Tue, 10/27/2009 - 5:28am.

How would you clean it afterwards?
Or is it a single-use item?
(wondered this after going to the dildo party earlier this month, they did have something called a HOG, which is short for hand-operated girlfriend)

Submitted by starfishing on Tue, 10/27/2009 - 5:26am.

tommygirl is getting laughed at for the rest of his life. i love how, all week MK has made me laugh unexpectedly at his tommy girl remarks. YOU ARE GENUIS!

Submitted by TheBreakdown on Tue, 10/27/2009 - 2:48am.

No wonder vampıres are not known for fuckıng.

Count Cockula needs some length and gırth apparently!

***************************************

http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes:

xadesmultimedia@gmail.com

Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Tue, 10/27/2009 - 2:46am.

The device pictured seems to be 'tinymeat-size'.

Which makes sense, since only a tinymeat(without money) would need something like that in the first place!

Submitted by Centaurious on Tue, 10/27/2009 - 1:16am.

Kirsten Dunst resorts to this when she's too strung out to suck off her dealers.

"I never should have switched from scotch to martinis.."

Submitted by Centaurious on Tue, 10/27/2009 - 1:13am.

@teamvaltrex:They have one for Irish guys that's housed in a shotglass.

_____________________________________

LMAO! I am SO not worthy, darlin'!

"I never should have switched from scotch to martinis.."

Submitted by Centaurious on Tue, 10/27/2009 - 1:11am.

Head Pull

Submitted by mcnightmare on Tue, 10/27/2009 - 12:52am.

and the inner texture screams -
"all the fun of genital warts without the risk"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
satan in a sunday hat, girl.

Submitted by gnarlyone on Tue, 10/27/2009 - 12:43am.

the dreaded vampgyna dentata

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006718/

Submitted by mcnightmare on Tue, 10/27/2009 - 12:54am.

the marketing photo for this thing is all kinds of confused.

it's trying so hard not to be gay, or to seem submissive!

OHWAIT - that's a boy - nevermind

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
satan in a sunday hat, girl.

Submitted by shandiRW on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 10:24pm.

ahem, and hermmm, and uh, and i just dun know? am i the only whore who hasn't seen the light that is "twilight", vampires just dun do it for me?

***********************************
"And I went through this whole thing; am I gay?! Am I straight?! And I realized: I'm just slutty." ~Margaret Cho

"This is supposed to be about delicious booze!" ~MK

Submitted by your ex on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 10:23pm.

THS IS OK FOR MY BF since i shit in my panties and he doesnt wanna fuck me AND SUCK MY ASS fuck that sux

Submitted by LuxLuv on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 10:20pm.

I wonder if they do focus group-type shit on these products beforehand..?

www.peopleofwalmart.com

Submitted by Clarisse on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 10:16pm.

TV!
I found you xmas gift today!!!
http://www.lighterside.com/p2p/basicSearch.do?keyword=irishman#

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"(516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven." ~texts from last night classic

Submitted by Stan Hooper on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 10:15pm.

I have to say this is a lot safer than putting your cock in Paris Hilton!

No years on Valtrex!!!

=========
"Let's unleash the defense lawyers." Nancy Grace.

Submitted by peaches80 on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 9:44pm.

NALGAS CHICHIS NALGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS IMMA GONNA SAY WHATEVER SEE INUST DIDI IT I MMA GONNA DO IT AGAIN I AMM GONNA SAY WHATEVER SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT AOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I MMA GONNA DO IT LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL YOU CAN T STOP NMEEN UNUJNSKLCNSDJIVCNHIJFBNVJHBVJNH

___________________________________________________
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.
Mahatma Gandhi
http://bit.ly/frenchbulldog ( is like meditation but cuter! )

Submitted by ThatToyChick on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 9:42pm.

In case it's the label/promo pic that's putting you off (I'm sure it's THAT and not the concept), they do make a hetero-themed version of the same exact toy called...

...wait for it...

The Succ-u-dry.

*buh dum bump*

-TTC, Sex Toy Smartass
www.ThatToyChick.com

Submitted by Team Valtrex on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 9:17pm.

This is a lot better than cutting your dick on the normal soda can opening. I like how they camouflage it though, now they don't think you're a perv with a pocket pussy, just someone who really, really likes Dr. Pepper.

***********************************************
"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"

Submitted by NitWitty on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 9:14pm.

This blood's for you. Lemme' guess, do you play Foreigner's "Hot Blooded," while you're fang banging it?
_______________________________________________
Are You A Goddess? If so...

Submitted by Winnyfranfran on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 9:11pm.

It's like a pocket pussy in a soda can. An idea whose time has come, no doubt.

Submitted by xerquina on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 9:08pm.

Submitted by RedHeadsDoItBetter on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 9:50pm.
i'm so disappointed that Vampire Dairies succumbed to CW bullshitness. those were great books.

Submitted by RedHeadsDoItBetter on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 8:50pm.

Good Lord, I knew the Vampire Diaries sucked when my 'Twilight' friends (I am going to ex-communicate them for watching that movie) started raving about it but this is just too out of control.
Vampire movies/shows/series....over cooked and over rated.
And to think I was' a True Blood fan.'

Submitted by Clarisse on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 8:50pm.

Pffft. They should have stopped trying to make hot vampires after Gary Oldman. Can't touch that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much." ~ Oscar Wilde

Submitted by Plecostomus on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 8:45pm.

Bloody Good Time?

======================

Bottom-feeder.

Submitted by Tristram on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 8:45pm.

Submitted by Sweet Babu on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 7:43pm.
How are you supposed to clean the cum out of this contraption?

Dishwasher? Or, since it's for guys: Clean it?

Submitted by xerquina on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 8:41pm.

from the light bulb to this?

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Come in and stay a while. Complete your profile. Post a message, a picture of yourself and check out the photo galleries.

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Submitted by Team Valtrex on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 8:08pm.

They have one for Irish guys that's housed in a shotglass.

***********************************************
"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"

Submitted by CantStandBitches on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 8:02pm.

"Polish up your stake and drive it into this soft, vampire mouth for an orgasm that will wake the living dead."

According to my BF, my orgasms already wake the living dead and the undead, so yea been there, done that Count Cockula

People come up with the weirdest shit just for a buck

Submitted by Sweetas on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 7:48pm.

MK, the tags!! Bwahahaha!

Huh, and I've been doing the "watch the teeth" thing all this time. Why didn't somebody tell me?

Submitted by Manimal5 on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 7:46pm.

A cock stuffer?

Submitted by Manimal5 on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 7:44pm.

I swear I saw Tommygirl handing these out at the Scientologists Sperm Bank.

Submitted by little_rascal on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 7:44pm.

TITS is scaring kitteh with that spooky spider. Meow....
*trembles*

Submitted by SkyBitch on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 7:42pm.

***Submitted by Not_That_Steph_... on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 8:21pm.
What's next? A wolf fur trimmed dildo for the Team Jacob followers? Jeez!
***

LOL! I know what your avy is from!!!

http://www.getonmyhorse.com

☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠
BIGGEST COMPLIMENT EVER:
"skybitch, you are one of most disgusting posters here ever. period."

Submitted by little_rascal on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 7:39pm.

Perfect stocking stuffer!
I'm putting Count Cockula on my holiday shopping list right next to G-Thrust.

Submitted by Sock-Monkey on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 7:36pm.

...but can it make a dead man cum?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008

Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 7:34pm.

Oooh fang textured cocksucker in a can! What will they think of next?!

♥ Threadkilla!
"Dear old people who run the world:
My generation would like to break up with you" ~ Jason Chan.
"Watch your language, moron!" ~ Homer Simpson.

Submitted by TheStraightMan on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 7:32pm.

And the whole Vampire thing is now officially over....

Not_That_Steph_The_Other_Steph's picture

Submitted by Not_That_Steph_... on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 7:21pm.

What's next? A wolf fur trimmed dildo for the Team Jacob followers? Jeez!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Shut up women, get on my horse.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Submitted by mike on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 7:10pm.

Submitted by Paquita on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 8:07pm.

Submitted by mike on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 8:06pm.

Lame. One that simulated teeth with braces could be funny for those who wish they'd have gotten laid more in high school, though.
---------

Or pedophiles

Yeah, I thought of that too, but I was taking the high road (always a bad idea on dlisted).

Submitted by Paquita on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 7:07pm.

Submitted by mike on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 8:06pm.

Lame. One that simulated teeth with braces could be funny for those who wish they'd have gotten laid more in high school, though.
---------

Or pedophiles

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Is this real life?

Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 7:07pm.

this has got to be one of the dumbest things i've ever seen. i would say that it's dumber than "True Blood" itself, but... i've never seen "True Blood"..

... i'm gonna have to guess it's a tie

-----------------------------
"Young man crazy,
old man wise.
Some folks real,
some just jive."