Jon Gosselin Takes His "I'm Sorry" Tour To NYC's Jewish Center
At NYC's Jewish Center last night, Jon Grosselin and his new spiritual adviser (and fellow fame fucker) Rabbi Shmuley Boteach sat on thrones (THRONES) to discuss how he's beginning the road to redemption. Unfortunately, redemption is not a far off place where rabid possums devour used tampons whole. Darn.
Gawker says that they charged $20 at the door for this douche extravaganza! Think of all the things you could spend two tens on: a) a handjob and taint massage from the day-shift hooker of your choice b) a back alley colonic from a junkie with a wet vac or c) a date with Gary Coleman. All of those things sound more pleasant than sitting in the same room with Jon.
Anyway, here's what Jon had to say. Open your crotch up to get a good scrubbing:
Jon on fame: "I think I'm just misunderstood. I'm not a fame seeker. Everyday I look in the mirror and I wonder [why I'm famous]. I don't sing. I don't dance. I'm not a Nobel Peace Prizewinner. I just had eight kids and I had a show on TLC."
Let me stop him right there. NOT A FAME SEEKER? How did a trap door not open up when Jon said this while sitting on a throne......on stage....in front of an audience who paid $20 to hear him queef. Okay, carry on...
Jon on forgiveness: "It's hard for me because I can't forgive myself for the things I've done. So to ask for forgiveness from someone who may never forgive me is tough for me. I do apologize to Kate. I'm sorry for doing the things I did. I do ask for her forgiveness. I want to apologize to Kate in private. I'll apologize to her for openly having relationships in the public eye. That was a huge mistake, because if she would've done that to me, I would have been extremely pissed off. Not because our relationship is over, it's almost like a stab in the back. And now that I think about it, it was a very wrong thing to do. I definitely regret it."
Jon on Hailey Glassman: "We decided not to take a break, just slow things down, until I get through my divorce and I know everything is settled and okay. I don't want another failure in my relationships. I don't want to make the same mistakes I made with Kate, with Hailey. I would just be repeating the pattern over again."
My only question for Jon is where was his Ed Hardy yarmulke to cover up his bald spot? If you're going to do it, Jon. DO IT. Speaking of, I'm not Jewish, but I think I speak for all Jews when I say, "WE DON'T WANT YOU." Actually, I think I speak for the human race when I say, "WE DON'T WANT YOU."
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I don't sing. I don't dance. I'm not a Nobel Peace Prizewinner.
And people paid money to see you...now get your chubby ass up there and start singin'. *shoots bullets at Jons feet*
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He can't even say that he "had" eight kids. He "has" them, but he didn't "have" them.
I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.
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I think he's selective Jewish when it benefits him.
not this turdy piece of shit again..I actually hate him more than Wonky...and that takes alot for me to hate a person more than I hate Wonky McValtrex...I even hate him more than Spencer and Heidi and I DESPISE those bastards. He is so freaking ugly...like a grown up Pillsbury Doughboy...except the Pillsbury Doughboy has looks AND personality...and way more brains than this fucktard...if he thinks he is so unworthy of his 15 minutes...can he just go now...instead of charging $20 to hear him puke more of his puny brain cells out into the world...what a waste of sperm...and waste of air...can he PLEASE just become irrelevant...like he always has been...GOD, I HATE THIS GUY!!!
Dr lillina Glass Body Language Expert says Kate is lying and need to be on a therapists couch not tv.
http://drlillianglassbodylanguageblog.wordpress.com/
Working Jon Gosselin for publicity ... wow. Guess he flunked Madonna's ego-buffing rabbi auditions.
Jon is a passive agressive little toddler. I'll bet he just pouted and gave Kate lots of dirty looks while they were married. I know all about it cuz my weinie-ass ex was the same way.
Is he even Jewish?
Hey Kandy, I believe MJ only because he never publicly said shit about Shmuley, yet as soon as he drops dead, Shmuley's out whoring his MJ tapes.
I'm not familiar with Jewish practices or whatever, but don't rabbis have a moral obligation or something to not be moneyhungry famewhores?
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I like living this way. I like loving this way.
This loser is so over-exposed, no one wants to see or hear from him anymore. Maybe he should go live with the Heenes and maybe they really could send his fat ass off in a balloon. We can hope!
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And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
Get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building.
Jon and Kate both need a reality check. Their parenting ability, or lack there of, is shocking. Their fame is only a positive reward for being bad parents. It is parents like Jon and Kate that make it seem that America as a whole needs some kind of guiding light to better parenting skills. CMT's hit show World's Strictest Parents, for example is a show about how parent the right way and earn your kids respect as well as them respecting you. CMT's World's Stricest Parents created an online Parenting Survival Guide too that has a weekly poll on the "what would you do's" of parenting or how your home is run. There are other interactive things like letters to your kids to help learn communication skills. It's a really good tool that keeps a very serious subject like parenting, light hearted. Check it out: www.cmtworldsstrictestparents.com
lame fish!
Coma Caca!!
Is it me, or does he look like an FAS child?
TITS i'm pretty sure he's peenally challenged too
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
Submitted by snowpiece on Mon, 11/02/2009 - 11:08am.
ahahahhaahah Look at his gut
*
no kidding eh? imagine what he looks like naked.
*hoick*
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Haven't the jews suffered enough?
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
I just want to take a tire iron to him and beat him until there is nothin left!
Fat. Ugly. Douche.
"You cross me again Rosie & I'll make a handbag out of you."
Speaking of, I'm not Jewish, but I think I speak for all Jews when I say, "WE DON'T WANT YOU."
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As a heb, myself, Im gonna accept and co-sign on behalf of my people, with MK's statement
He has done what a short time ago was considered impossible - made his ex look worthy of sympathy.
Sure, she was a shrieking, emasculating, vicious harpy, but she sure knew a douchebag when she saw one.
"What's he got that I don't got, other than a trust fund, a hot body and an enormous dick?"
There are a number of things this slow frat boy could do to become even more annoying than he already is. Teaming up with Rabbi Famewhore is one of them.
It's probably only the tip of the douche iceberg. :(
Right where those two big turds belong - on thrones. They are a match made in heaven. Two onoxius, hairy backed guys with massive moobs and bald spots.
I would not be shocked if TLC and the Gooselin's cooked this up as a way to boost ratings and gain notoriety.
1st time poster, long time DListed reader.
If we all send him a buck will he promise to go away forever? I hate him.
Two queens sitting on thrones! How positively divine!
For $20 I can find this asshat & toss him into a live volcano.
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"His faggy coffee shop poetry reading glasses will go over well in prison. I expect to see them on cumonglasses.com". ~ Dlister Provolone
@ Miss Thang on Mon, 11/02/2009 - 12:03pm.
Yo Shmuley, wtf happened to the charity you were doing with MJ, huh?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
MJ claimed that Boteach swiped money from the coffers to build a new house. Apparently, his accountant clued him in as to what was going on. For his part, Boteach claimed that MJ didn't want to listen to his advice, found him to be a nagging nuisance and refused to quit hanging out with shady characters. It all comes down to who you believe.
"I told the troot, and I have fate the troot will prevail."
Submitted by Tamzin on Mon, 11/02/2009 - 11:33am.
OMG, your avi is so cute! We be jammin. Yah mon!
So, did anybody get Kate trickortreaters? I didn't see any.
a. Boteach likes to accuse everyone else of having a messiah complex yet, with him thinking that he can save everyone, where does that leave HIM?
b. Doesn't Thumbelina have anything better to do, like lay down on a rug and wriggle?
c. ANYTIME you hear someone claim to be 'misunderstood', that's just another way for them to let you know how much they dislike themselves.
d. That concludes our psychology lesson for now.
"I told the troot, and I have fate the troot will prevail."
Submitted by Pers on Mon, 11/02/2009 - 11:06am.
Submitted by KittenKatinCanada on Mon, 11/02/2009 - 11:05am.
Please, God, make everything Gosselin just go away and never come back.
What's in the bottle beside Jon's chair?
----
It's 'smartwater'
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Ironic, and how awkward for smartwater
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"This is what we call the floating world . . .” (Ryoi, c.1661)
" . . . the world needs to be shut down. I mean it this time. SHUT IT DOWN". (MK, c.2009)
Oh yeah I just looked Rabbi Shmuley Boteach up and he's the bloke who used to appear on British daytime TV to talk about sex. He was basically sent back to the US by the British Jewish communities who thought he was a bit of a prick and too interested in being on TV.
Well who else can take some rabbi with a name Butt itch
<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>
I doubt anyone would want to motorboat in Kim Kardashians bush garden
but no doubt some would want to swim in Paris Hilton's crab buffet
Ugh, Jon is such a fat piece of shit. His whole persona screams aging fratboy.
The only way the Gosselins can earn forgiveness is by GOING THE FUCK AWAY.
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"All of us are lying in the gutter but some of us are looking up at the stars."-Oscar Wilde
Yo Shmuley, wtf happened to the charity you were doing with MJ, huh? I shouldve known you were nothing more than a famewhore when you first appeared on that Lisa Loeb reality show a few years back.
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I like living this way. I like loving this way.
"I am not very familiar with the Jewish religion but is this kind of fuckery by one of their Rabbis allowed? I would think someone higher up would be telling him to step away from the camera. Fuck you, you fucking fuck."
There isn't really anyone that can tell an individual rabbi what to do. If he is affiliated to one of the larger movements then perhaps the chief rabbi would tell him to stfu, but there are lots of independent rabbis without congregations who can do whatever the fuck they want.
They could probably make a crap load of money if they did one of those "$20 to take a whack at Jon with a hammer" things...like they do with those clunker cars. I'd probably pony up for that.
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And the National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, people do,” but I think the gun helps, you know?
Why the fuck did anyone pay $20 to see this bullshit??? I blame every idiot that attended this for society's decline & reality TV's star making powers.
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
Whatever happened to being struck by lightening by the All-mighty?
A friend of mine was actually helped by Rabbi Schmuley. I think he is a genuinely nice man who is trying to help Jon Gosselin even though Jon is a total douchebag.
That banner for "This world" is missing more words. "Going to hell"
Coma Caca!!
Those aren't thrones! Those are the chair on the "bimah" or "pulpit" that the Rabbi, Cantor (guy/girl who sings the prayers), and usually the president of the synagogue sit on during services.
And I don't think that just because he went to a synagogue that means he's Jewish now. That's pretty stupid logic. I guess everyone who showed up at my bat-mitzvah was trying to convert. Also, when I went to church with my friend to see her give a speech, I was trying to be a Christian, right?
Jon Gosselin sucks, but I think we're reading too into this.
It looks like he's taking his efforts to assimilate too far and needs to lay off the fresser sammies and cream cheese and bagels.
I never thought I would despise anyone more than Spencer and Heidi. I was wrong.
Then why don't you crawl back under the rock you were under before you got "famous"?
Shut up, Douche. Just Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
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“You're very eloquent when I'm drunk." -Brian Kinney
MY SONG!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-ANKxsSZRs
I am not very familiar with the Jewish religion but is this kind of fuckery by one of their Rabbis allowed? I would think someone higher up would be telling him to step away from the camera. Fuck you, you fucking fuck.