My kitchen smells like burnt bread and that "Thank You India" song by Alanis Morrissette is playing on repeat in my head, so that must mean it's Thanksgiving times! Or as my mom says after she's had a few glasses of Andre, Tanksgiven! For those of you who don't celebrate it, Happy Booze Until You Barf Out All Your Internal Organs Day (aka every single day of the week)!

And there really is a lot I'm thankful for this year. A zillion things like silver, foxes, mothers, frosting, the circus, animals, cookies, Sharpies, lucite, heels, ginges, abuelitas, keyboards, cats, moons, chicken, cutlets and of course, all of you hos who continue to read my mostly incoherent crazy rants and put up with my annoying obsessions with everything I just listed. So, tank you. Oh, and in case you didn't figure it out, that last picture is an artist's rendering of you.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Stove Top Stuffing! Because no high-class Thanksgiving is complete without canned cranberries and Stove Top! You will seriously impress absolutely everybody when you shovel a heaping serving on this processed deliciousness onto their plates.

And if you have a little leftover, you can do what I usually do with canned cranberries. Just throw it into a blender, add apple rum, blend and serve in the plastic cup of your choice (do they make plastic martini cups?). If you get a little sick, just mix it in with your Stove Top-tini and give it another go!

Beeeeelow is just one of the classic Stove Top commercials where the greedy ass kids love that shit so much that they arrange to eat it twice in one night. They act like it's laced with the good shit.

Peter Facinelli (36)
Lil' Fizz (24)
Natasha Bedingfield (28)
Tammy Lynn Michaels (35)
Kristin Bauer (36)
Garcelle Beauvais (43)
Lisa Moretti (48)
John McVie (64)
Tina Turner (70)
Rich Little (71)

Here's Jude Law and his hot-piece-in-waiting strolling down the streets of Manhattan looking like the fanciest couple in Gayville picking up their extra-fancy Thanksgiving outfits. You know, if you take a quick sniff of Wite-Out and wink, Jude and his assistant sort of look like twins. Like a before & after Rogaine ad.

I also threw in a few pictures of Jude giving the air a good salad tossing yesterday afternoon.

Earlier, I posted a blind item about a celebrity who loves to spike their Thanksgiving dishes with shit that makes you see hundreds of twinkly stars around you. Well, this right here should be one of their main attractions. And it's legal!

O'Casey's Tavern in NYC is bringing all the drunks to their bar by serving 100 proof turkey on Thanksgiving. The bar's owner Paul Hurley says it has taken him three days and several bottles of fruit flavored vodka to get the turkey ready for its final cooking. Isn't that nice of Paul to get that bird boozed up before throwing it in the oven?

Paul said a serving of his vodka turkey won't get you drunk, but it might leave you humming.

Since Thanksgiving is tomorrow, I don't have time to whip this drunk bird up. So I guess I'll just do the next best thing by serving a few dozen bottles of vodka and a pack of Oscar Mayer sliced turkey.

.....And we're back to this again! CBS needs more people, because on The Early Show this morning, they completely proved Glamberace's point that there is a double standard when it comes to doing gay stuff on TV.

During The Early Show's interview with Glamberace, they aired his dude-on-dude kiss at the AMAs but made sure to put a lube stain over it so the children out there wouldn't turn gay. A few beats later, they aired the infamous Cheeto-on-Vadge kiss without censoring it.

In that same interview, Glamberace said, "I think that if it had been a female pop performer doing the moves that were on the stage, I don't think there would be nearly as much of an outrage. At all. Like I said, there were other performers doing risque things. I think it's because I'm a gay male, and people haven't seen that before."

You know how much time we've all wasted on this "what's suitable for TV" bullshit? We should just drop the FCC off at the bus station and wave goodbye. Then we should throw all the black boxes, beeps and blur dots into the trash can. That way dudes can kiss dudes, chicks can kiss chicks and we all can around with our nipples out. Weeeeee!

And if that isn't going to work, then how about we just blur everything on TV so no one gets offended. Actually, most of you drunk ass bitches already stumble through life in a blur, so it wouldn't be that much of a difference. Clip of "the blur" below:

UPDATE: CBS issued this bullshit statement, "The Madonna image is very familiar and has appeared countless times including many times on morning TV. The Adam Lambert image is a subject of great current controversy, has not been nearly as widely disseminated, and for all we know, may still lead to legal consequences."

via TMZ

Hairy Potter is topless, wet and wearing a terry cloth poodle skirt - Towleroad

RiRi looking like a member of GLOW (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Tila Tequila as you've NEVER EVER seen her! I'm joking, this is how you've only seen her - Egotastic!

Posh is just like us! She returns shit after wearing it once - Popsugar

The massive amounts of Twitard jizz shooting through the theater must have caused Stepford Katie's hard drive to temporarily malfunction - Lainey Gossip

Details' guide to the gay douchebag (their words) - Just Jared

I don't have a La Toya Jackson clue who Emilia Attias is, but her brows are making me weak - Hollywood Tuna

Kelly Osbourne was robbed by the Mormons! - SOW

To be fair, incest-talk doesn't really go with yams and stuffing - Hollywood Rag

Thankful for nipples - Cityrag

Poor Roman Polanski will have to suffer in his fancy Swiss chalet - Celebitchy

What in the hell is this trick wearing? - Holy Moly!

Sorry, Alexis Arquette, The Misfits do not need another member - ICYDK

Shane West got drunk and fell down. It will happen to all of us this weekend. - I'm Not Obsessed

Queef Latifah's perfume probably smells like moth balls and panty crust - Socialite Life

(Thanks Joan)

We’ve been saving this one for Thanksgiving time and you should know this story happened last year at a certain Celebrity’s Thanksgiving table. It’s no secret to the guests that came, but we still thought it was pretty interesting/strange and wanted to share it. Last year, this actress who has bragged about her cooking skills in the past, made a great Thanksgiving dinner for her friends and family. The dinner had a theme: Each guest was asked to bring a side dish laced with their favorite recreational drug of choice. The dinner was a hit, and full of crazy antics afterwards. Not Eva Longoria. (BuzzFoto)

Sandra Lee? Obviously! I'm just mad that she doesn't go on her show and teach us how to make tangy crackberries, Vicodin mash with meth gravy and Ecstasy pie.

Which up and coming Twilight actress lied about her background and said she lost her birth certificate so she would qualify for her part? She has told everyone she is adopted and Native/First Nations, but in reality has biological parents who raised her and is most definitely not Native/First Nations. (CDAN)

Well, when you Google "native american Twilight actress," the name Tinsel Korey pops up. So I'll guess her.

This is the fourth time this actress has had her breasts done. The first time was supposed to be a simple enlargement. After kids she had them done a second time. While many women have breasts that don’t match perfectly, hers were so lopsided that she had to wear an insert to even them out. The third time, the breasts were evenly sized, but looked rather cross-eyed if they weren’t taped into position. Now they’re perfect. But don’t expect her to disclose any of this any time soon. She’s had plenty of other plastic surgeries, and still denies, denies, denies she’s ever had any work done. (Blind Gossip)

Demi Moore, Nicole Kidman or Tommy Girl

Let's all celebrate Thanksgiving early by biting into Ric Flair's overcooked ham. And you can wash it all down by drinking up the curdled leche running down his thighs.

Somewhere in the world, Paula Deen is soaking in a tub full of melted butter thanking Cheesus that this was not the ham she was hit with.

Here's more pictures from The Fat Old Turkey Showdown which happened in Australia yesterday.